am I getting the right vibes??

[Alexia247]

I have a friends with benefits. I didn't want a relationship because I didn't feel like I had time. I always get distracted whenever I have a BF and At the time we agreed to just hookup, I was traveling ALOT. I didn't want anything serious. Like by a lot I mean like every week. I don't travel so much anymore. We've been sleeping together for awhile now like 7 months. We are very comfortable with eachother sexually. Over the past few months we've started to connect as friends as well. I can't really describe it. We laugh a lot about things. We just seem to bond more. We've started to argue a lot lately. It's weird. We will have an argument and then see eachother and literally just smile as soon as we see eachother because we know the argument was stupid. He kisses me a lot now when we hookup. Before he would say that he doesn't like to kiss. We kiss all the time now. I went to the store to buy condoms for us the last time we hooked up which was Sunday night. I told him afterwards in a playful way that if it was less condoms then we had used the next time I see him, then we would have a problem. He asked if I wanted to take them home with me and I said "it's not like I'm going to use them" and he said "uhhhh ur going to use them with me".... We hookup every week.... The only week we don't hookup is the week my monthly BFF comes. The last few times we've hooked up he has kissed me to say goodbye. The last time he basically went in for a good bye kiss twice but I was texting. I couldn't kiss him at the moment and he continued to try until I actually could. I have asthma and I was feeling hot the while I was at his place. He asked if he could do anything and tried to cool me down. After I felt better we joked about how if I was in serious danger what he'd do. And I said "you'd dump my body and make a run for it right" I WAS ONLY KIDDING and he said "no I'd take you to the hospital duh" and I said "oh I thought you didn't care about what happens to me" and he said "when did I ever say that?" He repeatedly asked me when he said that and I had no answered so I only said "oh". I seen him at a club last night and he said to me "gosh I just want to take you out of here" as soon as my friends and I approached him and his friends. I asked him what he said and he said "nothing" but I heard him in the first place. After I left he texted me "u do look really good tho" I texted back "Thank u". I want more like I want us to try for a real relationship but I don't know how to ask or if I should ask vs just letting it happen. I'm scared because idk of the vibes I'm getting are off. I want to ask him about how he feels. I know everyone says you can't hook up with someone and not catch feelings and I'm feeling like that's true. Before I could tell the difference. We just would hook up and go home. Never talk to eachother, we'd never kiss and we definitely didn't make conversation. It's diff now.... Or maybe I'm reading too much into it idk.

[smackie9]

Have that conversation.......

[stillafool]

I thought you said you didn't want anything serious.

[Alexia247]

I thought you said you didn't want anything serious.

 

I didn't. I do now.

[Space Ritual]

Alexia,

 

He wants that relationship too.

 

Guys do funny things but we don't generally telegraph our intentions unless we have reason to.

 

He has reason. I agree with Smackie. Have the conversation.

[Alexia247]

Alexia,

 

He wants that relationship too.

 

Guys do funny things but we don't generally telegraph our intentions unless we have reason to.

 

He has reason. I agree with Smackie. Have the conversation.

 

That's what I was worried about because he hasn't SAID that's what he wants and He's never said "I care about you" that's why I said " I figured you didn't care" and he said "when did I say that??" Idk I feel like I have to dig sometimes. But I'm guessing that's what u mean when u say guys don't telegraph their intentions

[Alexia247]

Well I tried you guys. I had the conversation and he said he only likes having sex with me. So I tearfully ended things. I guess I did read the vibes completely wrong. *tears*. I told him to have a nice life and that I hope everything works out for him.

Edited May 11, 2016 by Alexia247

[Lois_Griffin]

PREDICTION: Romeo will come sniffing around when he's horny, you'll be foolish enough to let him come over for sex because he'll say all the right things that you want to hear. Once he's had his fill, he'll tell you the truth - that he still only wants to be FWB with you and nothing else, and you'll be crying again because you were foolish enough to 'cave' to him.

 

Until it happens the next time. And the next time.

 

Wash. Rinse. Repeat.

[sunking101]

I've never understood the concept of FWB, it seems to me that at least one party is going to want more at some point so why even bother?

[Alexia247]

PREDICTION: Romeo will come sniffing around when he's horny, you'll be foolish enough to let him come over for sex because he'll say all the right things that you want to hear. Once he's had his fill, he'll tell you the truth - that he still only wants to be FWB with you and nothing else, and you'll be crying again because you were foolish enough to 'cave' to him.

 

Until it happens the next time. And the next time.

 

Wash. Rinse. Repeat.

 

This insults me because I'm not stupid

[Space Ritual]

I'm sorry I was way off on my advice.

 

From what you stated I would have been willing to bet he liked you more than an FWB.

 

But please do not be discouraged by all guys. Not all of them are into the FWB scene. Some do want relationships.

 

Again, my apologies that I was dead wrong.

[kidm]

Too bad I didn't see this earlier . Based on what you described, the only vibes I got was that he was very content that he had a true FWB. He was probably "cold" when you first started because he wanted to be clear that it was only a FWB situation but once it went on for longer and he realized you weren't going to nag him about a relationship and were truly looking for a **** buddy, he eased up. Plus the comments he made when you saw him in the club were actually confirmatory of where his mind is- you look good and i want to take you out of here = I'd have liked to take you some place more private so I could get in your panties again. I guess it's a lesson learned- FWB hardly ever work; more often that not, one person (especially the female) ends up developing feelings and wants more. You didn't settle for less than you want and ended it- kudos to you! Don't be surprised if you hear from him again.

[Alexia247]

I HAVE heard from him again. He called me because he "needed help" with something from my brother. I told him to directly call my brother not me . He took that as me being rude. He texted me recently here's our convo:

 

****: hey shorty

 

Me: could you leave me alone?

 

****: wow that's mature

 

Me: I don't want to talk to you anymore. You aren't respectful. I feel like if I do talk to you then I value myself very little if at all.

 

****: lmao ok

 

Me: no response necessary

 

****: that's why you didn't get one except me laughing my FUCCCCKINGGGGG ass off

 

Me:*doesnt text back*

 

****:???

 

Me: Sure pal

 

****: ????

Me: could you please leave me alone

 

And he didn't respond after that. We haven't talked since. I don't know why he was being such a jerk about it.

[Alexia247]

I don't feel like what I said to him was rude or that it deserved such an ignorant response. But that's not even half of what he said. Also I said how would he expect me to sleep with someone who doesn't care about me and he said " I care but I don't care care" and he laughed and I said I'm sure if I got hit by a bus you wouldn't care and he said "I'd be like awwwww"

And when he saw that his comments upset me he said " it's funny to make you mad because you pout like a baby" so this is why I sent him the text stating he isn't respectful to women.

[Space Ritual]

Just cut contact.

 

Kidm was right. He'll come sniffin around when he wants a piece of ass.

 

I'd just move on if I were you.

[Alexia247]

Just cut contact.

 

Kidm was right. He'll come sniffin around when he wants a piece of ass.

 

I'd just move on if I were you.

 

Of course I will.

[smackie9]

Alexia what was the conversation you had with him? What exactly was said? I have a hard time believing there wasn't at least "something" there. So sorry it didn't go as you hoped.

[Alexia247]

Alexia what was the conversation you had with him? What exactly was said? I have a hard time believing there wasn't at least "something" there. So sorry it didn't go as you hoped.

 

Hey! I texted him and said that I wanted to talk. He said about? And then I told him that I wanted to do more and be more serious. I basically said that I wanted to feel cared about at least. And he wasn't responding and then he responded later by saying "sorry I was busy at work" and I said "no worries". So hours passed and I told him that I just wanted to be done because I'm tired of asking him if he cares. He got really upset and we met up to talk. When we met up he seemed to be in a bad mood and he continued to call me "crazy". I'm guessing he was mad. So then he started to be really rude and he said "I like to have sex with u that's it" and I said really how could u just not care about me at all? And he said "I do care but not to date. I like having sex with you" he seemed to be very amused by me getting upset. So then I said "I'm sure you don't care if I got hit by a bus and he said "I'd be like awwww" in a sarcastic way and I think my faced looked hurt and he started to chuckle and said "it's funny you pout like a baby when you don't get your way" and I said you think it's funny to upset me and he said "yup". And He said "I just like your butt" and I said that he likes my butt but not me at all he said to me "I don't hate you, you just get on my damn nerves" So I told him I was done and i went home and cried my eyes out that night. I hadn't been disrespected like that in my life ever and never seen that side of him. A few days later is when he called me for my brother and I told him to speak to my brother. Then the text convo happened the next day.

[smackie9]

I hate to say it but you didn't broach the subject properly. It was too dramatic and emotional, it's no wonder he got apprehensive and turned off. I'm not saying his reaction was acceptable or justified, hell no, but I can see why he reacted the way he did. You did get "crazy" and lost control of the situation and him.

 

What you should have done was, while you two were lounging around in bed after sex, say something like "What do you think about us, well you know, starting taking this to the next level and go out on dates....just putting it out there, no pressure...then just smile, give him a friendly poke. If he said no, then you just gracefully tell him that you are disappointed, but ok with it. Tell him now that you don't travel anymore, you are ready to have something more serious, and since he isn't interested you are going to have to part ways. Get up, say have a good one, and please don't bother contacting me, I want this to be a clean break. Walk out.

[Alexia247]

I hate to say it but you didn't broach the subject properly. It was too dramatic and emotional, it's no wonder he got apprehensive and turned off. I'm not saying his reaction was acceptable or justified, hell no, but I can see why he reacted the way he did. You did get "crazy" and lost control of the situation and him.

 

What you should have done was, while you two were lounging around in bed after sex, say something like "What do you think about us, well you know, starting taking this to the next level and go out on dates....just putting it out there, no pressure...then just smile, give him a friendly poke. If he said no, then you just gracefully tell him that you are disappointed, but ok with it. Tell him now that you don't travel anymore, you are ready to have something more serious, and since he isn't interested you are going to have to part ways. Get up, say have a good one, and please don't bother contacting me, I want this to be a clean break. Walk out.

 

I agree. I do feel that his reaction was partly due to my approach. But he handled it very immature. And I felt that even if he really does care, I felt he was purposely trying to make me feel that he doesn't.

[smackie9]

well my take on it is that he was thinking that there could be something BUT you started testing him with your "would you care if..." and it's possible he saw that as a red flag. Then you got owly on him which may have freaked him out he turned d*&^$^y to get himself out of the situation as quickly as possible. YOU BOTH handled it immaturely....it didn't have to go down the way it did.

 

OH well what's done is done. Now that you are ready for a relationship, it will be with the right guy and not him. No need to talk about this anymore, and move forward with your life. Him...block/delete his number.

[kidm]

Just move on. Smackie9 is right that your approach may not have been the best but his reaction was completely inconsiderate and disrespectful. Please don't engage him in conversation ever again. He can tell he has gotten under your skin and seems like he is enjoying it now or at least pretending to so he can get under your skin even more. It's all a bit immature. You don't want to be with a guy like that. Block him, problem solved.