lovehurts05 Posted June 21, 2005 Share Posted June 21, 2005 I recently broke off my friendship with my boyfriend/bestfriend of 8 yrs. He gave me the news that he recently met someone when he met out of state a few weeks ago, and asked her to marry him after only knowing her a few weeks. This broke my heart, because I thought we would get married and grow old together, but that is not going to happen. I feel so miserable and sad about this whole situation that I decided that I could not be just friends with him. This made me feel even more miserable, but he hurt me as well. Has anyone been in this situation? If so, did I do the right thing by not being friends anymore? Do you think he will go through with getting married, or will I get a second chance? I need some advice please. Link to post Share on other sites
ReluctantRomeo Posted June 21, 2005 Share Posted June 21, 2005 Originally posted by lovehurts05 If so, did I do the right thing by not being friends anymore? Do you think he will go through with getting married, or will I get a second chance? I need some advice please. Did her meet her before or after you split? I'm assuming after. I would guess that it's a rebound. A couple of weeks is way too early. But you can't rely on this. The real question is: would you want him back? Why did you break up? Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovehurts05 Posted June 21, 2005 Author Share Posted June 21, 2005 Well, this happened while we were together, he met her when he went out of town a few weeks ago. He asked me in the past if I wanted to get married to him, but I did not want to jump right into it until I really thought about because this relationship has been up and down. But now he is marrying someone else he just met! Link to post Share on other sites
ReluctantRomeo Posted June 21, 2005 Share Posted June 21, 2005 Originally posted by lovehurts05 Well, this happened while we were together, he met her when he went out of town a few weeks ago. He asked me in the past if I wanted to get married to him, but I did not want to jump right into it until I really thought about because this relationship has been up and down. But now he is marrying someone else he just met! Then either he's a bastard or he's trying to make a point to you. If he's a bastard, you don't want him (what if he pulled this behaviour after 10 years of marriage, leaving you with the kids?). If he's making a point to you, then it won't last. Either way, the answer is to ignore him for the time being. Link to post Share on other sites
Marshbear Posted June 21, 2005 Share Posted June 21, 2005 Yuo cannot be friends with him. You did the right thing in breaking off the friendship. Do you really think you would want to listen about his life now that you are not in it? I would say he is upset that you didn't want to get married and he went out and found someone to marry. Stupid but people do it. It probably won't last. Do you want him back? By the time he is available to you again I doubt that you would and you will see him in a whole new light. I would move on and find a someone who doesn't act like a baby just to upset you. Peace... Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovehurts05 Posted June 21, 2005 Author Share Posted June 21, 2005 That is the whole reason I ended my friendship with him, because he really did hurt my feelings, and also there would be no way I could stand seeing him married to someone else. He said he respects what I decided, but he does not seem too happy about it either. I told him a week ago that I no longer could speak to him anymore, NC from him for about a week, then he called this past weekend which I did not answer the phone, but he ended up calling me at work, he wanted to come over to see me, but for what? I told him I thought that was not a good idea, guess he thought I was not serious about this, but I sure am! It hurts to do it, but this is what happens when you get hurt my someone you are in love with and deeply care for, and I get walked all over like this! Link to post Share on other sites
Da_1_n_OnlyN3na Posted June 25, 2005 Share Posted June 25, 2005 its ok girl..your doing the right thing dont worry about it.. when me and my ex broke up.. well i wanted to stay friends with him and so we did but it didnt work very good a couple of days after the break up.. and well i didnt think he really wanted to be my friend at all.. but later we kept incresing our talks and well we got to a point where we would flirt and stuff but later i was thnking why keep torturing myself.. i decided not to go online anymore since thats where i was talking to him after the break up cuz i wasnt going to call him anymore that was my only contact and well i thought about many things and i dont want to love him anymore or know anything about him ever again or see him.. if i cant be with him why be even i dont even want to be his friend...ugh...because it hurst you know it hurts because you have their friendship but you dont have them... especially with you and like hes getting maried your going to be more depressed and your going to be missing him so why even bother be hs friend your going to hurt yourself...its hard i know.. i know where youre at ...your doing great dont answer phone calls dont have any contact with him... good luck aii take care Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovehurts05 Posted June 27, 2005 Author Share Posted June 27, 2005 Thanks, I did find out that he is getting married already this coming weekend, again after knowing her for only a month!! I am even more depressed, because it seems to him that moving on in his life is not all difficult, and it is very difficult for ME to move on with mine. He called me this past weekend, I tried really hard not to answer, but he still wanted to pick something up from my place. I don't know if that was an excuse for him to see me, because what he wanted to pick up he could of just bought another one. So since I did not want to see him, I told him that I would leave outside my door so he can just pick it up. My heart kept telling me to see him one more time before he leaves overseas later this summer, but my head was telling me not to, it would just make it harder for me. I am going through a really hard time getting by it sure sucks! Link to post Share on other sites
Illusion24 Posted June 27, 2005 Share Posted June 27, 2005 Originally posted by lovehurts05 Thanks, I did find out that he is getting married already this coming weekend, again after knowing her for only a month!! I am even more depressed, because it seems to him that moving on in his life is not all difficult, and it is very difficult for ME to move on with mine. He called me this past weekend, I tried really hard not to answer, but he still wanted to pick something up from my place. I don't know if that was an excuse for him to see me, because what he wanted to pick up he could of just bought another one. So since I did not want to see him, I told him that I would leave outside my door so he can just pick it up. My heart kept telling me to see him one more time before he leaves overseas later this summer, but my head was telling me not to, it would just make it harder for me. I am going through a really hard time getting by it sure sucks! This should tell you something about the relationship, from what I see all he wants is a wife, not matter how long he's known her. How old is he, and u? I don't think you can fall in love with a person in a matter of a month, but you never know, they just might have clicked. He's either desperate for a wife or never really loved you in a romatic way because he probably still sees you as a best friend not a lover. Becoming bf/gf after being friends is hard, you lose and gain different aspects of the friendship. Saying it's not going to last is beyond my control but I would tell you to move on. Realize that you obviously didn't mean enough to him. You can find someone who will treat you with respect and love, in which this guy had none for you. Continue the NC no matter how hard it is, you'll see in the end it will get better. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovehurts05 Posted June 27, 2005 Author Share Posted June 27, 2005 He did ask me to marry him, but I did not take it seriously because the way he asked, (you had to be there). I also did not want to rush into this, because he is also a VERY unpredictable person. I would so much want to stay friends with him, and that is what he wanted, but it would be very very difficult for me to handle his marriage. So I decided to let him go. HE broke my heart, WE were still together when he told me he proposed to someone else, how can someone be so inconsiderate?! Obviously he is just thinking of himself through all this. I am beginning to think he does not care how hurt I am. Link to post Share on other sites
Da_1_n_OnlyN3na Posted June 28, 2005 Share Posted June 28, 2005 Thanks, I did find out that he is getting married already this coming weekend, again after knowing her for only a month!! thats stupid after a month?????? OMG.. He did ask me to marry him, but I did not take it seriously because the way he asked, (you had to be there). I also did not want to rush into this, because he is also a VERY unpredictable person. I would so much want to stay friends with him, and that is what he wanted, but it would be very very difficult for me to handle his marriage. So I decided to let him go. HE broke my heart, WE were still together when he told me he proposed to someone else, how can someone be so inconsiderate?! Obviously he is just thinking of himself through all this. I am beginning to think he does not care how hurt I am. hwat do you mean the way he said it.. in what way did he ask you?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovehurts05 Posted June 28, 2005 Author Share Posted June 28, 2005 It was more "do you want to get married"? but it was the way he asked it. And it was not at all romantic, it was more spare of the moment type of thing, kind of hard to explain. But yeah, he is getting married way to soon, and I think he is making a huge mistake, but it is his mistake not mine! Link to post Share on other sites
ReluctantRomeo Posted June 29, 2005 Share Posted June 29, 2005 Originally posted by lovehurts05 I think he is making a huge mistake, but it is his mistake not mine! Yup. Hold on to this, girl Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovehurts05 Posted June 29, 2005 Author Share Posted June 29, 2005 Thanks Reluctantromero, I am still sad over this, but I beginning to be angry at the same time. I am just glad that I did not make this mistake with him after all, this whole marriage thing right before he leaves to war just sounds to fishy to me! Link to post Share on other sites
miss-gonewest Posted June 29, 2005 Share Posted June 29, 2005 Originally posted by lovehurts05 Thanks Reluctantromero, I am still sad over this, but I beginning to be angry at the same time. I am just glad that I did not make this mistake with him after all, this whole marriage thing right before he leaves to war just sounds to fishy to me! Love, its really hard when you find out an ex is getting married... whether or not you still have feelings it means that its over, final, and that he is really someone else's. It happened to me with an ex I turned down, and while I didn't want to marry him I wasn't really ready for anyone else to either (and that happened <6 months after we broke up). It came as a shock to me and our friends and I secretly hoped it wouldn't work out (cruel I know) but looking back now, he's really happy and she's given him something I couldn't - a family... (I wasn't ready - I'm still not). It just showed that while I loved him, we really were two different people and I didn't know him as well as I thought. I agree that its hasty - and who knows whether it will work. If it doesn't, just be glad that you won't have to be the one picking up the pieces. YOu have your whole life ahead of you now - full of adventures and challenges and new experiences with different people. YOU are the lucky one! Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovehurts05 Posted June 29, 2005 Author Share Posted June 29, 2005 Yeah I agree, it still bothers me that he is getting married to soon, and to someone he barely knows. But yeah, I do see myself af the lucky one because I am not the one making a mistake, and more than likely he will cheat on her or vice versa while he is away at war! Link to post Share on other sites
miss-gonewest Posted June 30, 2005 Share Posted June 30, 2005 LH05, just make sure you keep yourself busy this weekend so you aren't thinking about him getting hitched... Even if you go see a couple of movies, go shopping, whatever... keep yourself distracted and before you know it, it will all be over (like a visit to the dentist). Good luck girl. Link to post Share on other sites
IfiKnewThen Posted June 30, 2005 Share Posted June 30, 2005 omg this thread bothers me so bad. almost crying here at the pc. i am in a similar situation. hes engaged and got engaged to this woman 7 months after our break up but was talking marriage 2 monsths after our breakup. she is from asia and i think he found her on a site posting for people who want to get married. i to didnt jump on marrying him (because of my own reasons that i couldnt ) BUT promised he i would and i guess he didnt believe me and sought her out and now they are engaged. this broke my heart and spirit in such a deep sense. i am so confused and messed up emtionally and mentally as a result of it. it all seems like a bad dream i wish and pray would end. at this moment i feel sad i dont even have any real advise. but you did what you could do. call you could do. its like he took away everything...but even if you wanted to see him, at this point you might feel all you have left is to save face and sanity and some amount of dignity, by not seeing him. you are probably so fearful of more pain or even getting emotionally more invested for 1 more minute even that , seeing him would add salt to the wounds that already exisit. trust me i get that point. my ex is long distance. but the shortest distance from my heart. he started contacting me again while still actively engaged and i am now wondering all the time..what if.....what if... do i respond real friendly (that makes me seems docile and dumb or happy which i am not) do i act cold and angry? (then that makes me seem uninterested and in the same rut with my emotions) do i ask questions (that makes me seem interested in him and noisy and prying) do i ignore him NC after he makes contact (then i cut off all hope) to. what do i say what do i do. so i write LS here and some answer and io am still confused. there is nothing to compare this feeling to. how its wrecked havic in my world...or yours i am sure. so i pray to God to see me thru it all. and still cling to this message board and sometimes find people i can relate to. and its sad that they are out there. all i can say is, if you feel you have done all you could...everything without compromising the last thread of your sanity and spirit..then you did all you could do. try to do as much as you wont look back and regret. then embrace who you are by what you did...and take one day at a time from here. thats what i hope to do. so sorry for your pain and loss . i understand. but i do applaud you that you can at least seem to "feel" more than this guy does. you are a better spirit for it. God bless Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovehurts05 Posted June 30, 2005 Author Share Posted June 30, 2005 IfIKnewThen, that is heartbreaking, yeah, I guess we are in a similar situation. I am trying to get by each day, which is tough, because when you are so used talking to your boyfriend everyday, or being aroung him everyday, and all of a sudden he is not around is hard to cope with. There are some days when I just cry cry and cry because I can't stop thinking about him, and also because the way he hurt me. I have been getting a lot of support from friends and family, but I am still healing to this day (all this just happened 2 1/2 weeks ago). I mean, imagine still being with your boyfriend, and all of a sudden he does not contact you in 2 days, finally does contact you afterward, and gives you the news that he has been talking to someone he met when he went for training out of state for 2 weeks, and he decided to propose to her, and she accepted. This is basically how our relationship ended, sure he wanted to stay good friends, but how could you handle something like this and still be friends? That's is heart wrenching! I decided not to be friends anymore, and told him that I had to let him go because I would not be able to see another woman in his life. I also told him because he broke my heart, and basically I lost my trust in him. I try to keep my head up and stay strong by day day. By the way he gets married already tomorrow after knowing her for only a month! Well, I guess the way I am seeing it now is I am glad I am NOT the one making the mistake by getting married to someone in such a short time, and right before being deployed. (they have not even lived together) it's an LDR! Anyone else been in this similar situation? Link to post Share on other sites
IfiKnewThen Posted July 6, 2005 Share Posted July 6, 2005 what ever happened to you? did he get married. how are you coping? i feel like i am losing my mind. i dread they day they get together for good. i am on edge all the time. i feel my whole life has been so torn upside down. mine is a long story and i am in a bad situation. so to know hes all happy engaed to this other person is killing me. i cant help but want vindication, as bad as that sounds. i wish he'd feel even a fraction of the pain i feel. sorry i am venting today. just a bad day and sick of seeing the love messages he has to her online. plus he contacted me out of the blue to apologize for somethings and i know it was to relieve some guilt he might have been feeling over "HOW" he jilted me. not that he jilted me but "HOW" he went about it. and i am still so willing to put up with his chit in the hopes that he will change his mind and want me that i just casually let him talk to me in Instant Messenger, when he IM'd he. but i wanted to tell him off for all the hurt and pain he caused and wanted to ask him questions like why are you contacted me now? are you still going to marry her? but i was too proud. and too scared to get the answer to that question. i wish God would take this horrible aftermath from me. this horrible feeling of still wanting him and loving him and cant have him and hes engaged to someone else. i just dont know how to cope anymore and i DREAD the day i hear they finally tied the knot. how aRE YOU DEALING? please let me know and please help lol. sad in the north. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovehurts05 Posted July 6, 2005 Author Share Posted July 6, 2005 IFIknewThen, as far as I know he was to get married this past weekend from information I got through a mutual friend. The funny thing though is he (my ex) called me that morning of the day he was to get married, and left me a message on my voicemail about some petty stuff that I needed to be aware of (which I think he could have had his parents call me instead, they have my number) but I guess he had other important things on his mind besides getting married on this day. He gets deployed this month, so as far as I know he wanted to get married before he left, and after only knowing her for a MONTH!!! So I don't know if he got married for sure, and I'd rather leave it at that. Yeah, I am still coping through all this, I still cry here and there because I miss him, and the fact that I had to make the decision to let him go and be out of my life, but I'd rather have that than having to see him be married to someone else. I feel you pain, I know it hurts, because I still hurt, it is not easy to go through this kind of experience, especially if it is something you did not EXPECT at all, but that's all part of life. I spent this past weekend with family, and just stayed busy trying to get my mind off of things, and it helped a little. I am trying to see what hobbies I can start doing to keep me busy, and working at my full time job helps me as well. I am trying really hard not to dwell on this, but it happens. I am not sure if he will call me again, if he is married now, I seriously doubt it. I have not contacted him, and choose not to see him, and it has been almost a month since I did. It will take me a long time to get over him, but I sure can't wait til that day comes when I am completely over him. You just have to be strong, and start taking care of yourself, and concentrate on YOU. Link to post Share on other sites
miss-gonewest Posted July 7, 2005 Share Posted July 7, 2005 LH05, I don't doubt that you will hear from him, married or not. I can't say when he'll call or email, but I think he will. There is no way a relationship of one month can compare to what you both had, and if he is being deployed, give him some time to miss home, and I am pretty sure that you will be in his thoughts... somewhere! No matter what though, keep strong and keep moving forward.... don't dwell on the past or on him. You have so many fabulous experiences ahead of you - go get them! And good luck with the hobbies - let me know how you go as I am always looking out for ideas to keep me out of trouble!!! Link to post Share on other sites
BETRAYED0722 Posted July 7, 2005 Share Posted July 7, 2005 I KNOW HOW IT FEELS WHEN A MAN BREAKS UP WITH YOU OUT OF THE BLUE.ONE MIN HE LOVES YOU THE NEXT HE TREATS YOU LIKE YOU NEVER MEANT ANYTHING TO HIM Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovehurts05 Posted July 7, 2005 Author Share Posted July 7, 2005 Well I am beginning to realize that it is his loss, not mine. And I sure hope he will realize this one day! Link to post Share on other sites
KaliHoku77 Posted July 7, 2005 Share Posted July 7, 2005 You definitely did the right thing in deciding not to have contact with him. If you do, it will be like re-opening wounds over and over again. Give it time. If you still feel like you want to be his friend when you are truly over him that's one thing, but at this point it's only going to hurt you. I'm sorry this happened to you. I know it's got to be incredibly painful to be betrayed in this way after being so close for 8 years. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
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