Gabi Posted May 10, 2016 Posted May 10, 2016 My girlfriend seems to be getting mad a lot lately and its making me sad too. The reasons are nothing big as such like sometimes I dont pick calls while i am busy and so my phone is on silent while other times, she says i have a bad habit of talking before she finishes her sentence(But this only happens on audio calls). Another issue is with her job where she is getting too tired Good thing about her is that she comes back and says sorry again as she knows she has a bad thing with her where she cant control her mood I am not sure how do i fix it as when i try too hard to talk to her on this she gets headache(she suffers from Vertigo problem so she hates to think too much) and doesnt want to talk about it. What should i do? I also get pissed at her for getting mad at me like this for small reasons and also not discussing it with me So as her boyfriend, what should I be doing to make her feel better? I dont get much answers from her as she says its upto me but seriously its not easy to know what exactly girls want the guy to do 1
Grumpybutfun Posted May 10, 2016 Posted May 10, 2016 Getting mad early on in a relationship over small issues is a red flag. Women, like men, want someone who has boundaries and doesn't allow others to treat them poorly. Anger is an emotion that is overused by many because they are unbalanced and depressed with life. I would sit down with her and tell her the anger has to stop and discuss how she can speak to you with respect and directness about what her needs are in the future or you can walk away. I have a saying in my house that no one yells unless the house is on fire. My wife and I and our children only use anger in the most dire circumstances where great injustice or hurt is felt. It isn't to be used for manipulation to get our way. She is using anger to get you to jump through hoops, to bend you to her will which is manipulation and unacceptable behavior. it may be immaturity and she may need to have you explain this isn't comfortable or acceptable to you. Don't settle for someone with anger issues. She can fix this with help from a counselor or a spiritual guide/ mentor. Too many young people use anger to try to get their SO to conform to their control tactics. Don't let her do this to you. Good luck, G 3
Author Gabi Posted May 10, 2016 Author Posted May 10, 2016 Getting mad early on in a relationship over small issues is a red flag. Women, like men, want someone who has boundaries and doesn't allow others to treat them poorly. Anger is an emotion that is overused by many because they are unbalanced and depressed with life. I would sit down with her and tell her the anger has to stop and discuss how she can speak to you with respect and directness about what her needs are in the future or you can walk away. I have a saying in my house that no one yells unless the house is on fire. My wife and I and our children only use anger in the most dire circumstances where great injustice or hurt is felt. It isn't to be used for manipulation to get our way. She is using anger to get you to jump through hoops, to bend you to her will which is manipulation and unacceptable behavior. it may be immaturity and she may need to have you explain this isn't comfortable or acceptable to you. Don't settle for someone with anger issues. She can fix this with help from a counselor or a spiritual guide/ mentor. Too many young people use anger to try to get their SO to conform to their control tactics. Don't let her do this to you. Good luck, G Hi thanks for your reply Its not really anger. Its just that she gets sad. She doesnt shout like your post says. Also she has her pre-periods thing and I have always seen her not able to control her moods during this time. 1
d0nnivain Posted May 10, 2016 Posted May 10, 2016 The hormonal flux with one's cycle is a myth. Women can control themselves. It just takes self control. Your GF doesn't have much & seeks to cast blame. To say once in a while "I'm tired" or "I don't feel well because I have cramps" is one thing. Rudeness is another & unacceptable. When you say she gets mad when you don't pick up, what does that look like? In this day & age people are all about instant gratification. If she pouts or gives you the silent treatment because you are not at her immediate beck & call that is simply immature. You have a life. DH & I have a system b/c both of us can't always get to the phone during the work day. One call or text -- if we connect great. Otherwise we both know it will keep. Unless it truly is an emergency; then we blow up the other's phone. The day I did it to him I was taking my father to the ER. Dad died 6 days later. The day DH did it to me, he was having all the symptoms of a heart attack & was being rushed to the hospital from work. See those were genuinely life & death. Sit your GF down & teach her about the mature way to handle disappointment. If she doesn't make a real effort to change, seriously consider whether you genuinely want to date a child. Meanwhile you work on not cutting her off when she speaks. Yes that happens in every day conversation but if you consciously wait for the pause, it should decrease the number of times you do it. 1
Author Gabi Posted May 10, 2016 Author Posted May 10, 2016 The hormonal flux with one's cycle is a myth. Women can control themselves. It just takes self control. Your GF doesn't have much & seeks to cast blame. To say once in a while "I'm tired" or "I don't feel well because I have cramps" is one thing. Rudeness is another & unacceptable. When you say she gets mad when you don't pick up, what does that look like? In this day & age people are all about instant gratification. If she pouts or gives you the silent treatment because you are not at her immediate beck & call that is simply immature. You have a life. DH & I have a system b/c both of us can't always get to the phone during the work day. One call or text -- if we connect great. Otherwise we both know it will keep. Unless it truly is an emergency; then we blow up the other's phone. The day I did it to him I was taking my father to the ER. Dad died 6 days later. The day DH did it to me, he was having all the symptoms of a heart attack & was being rushed to the hospital from work. See those were genuinely life & death. Sit your GF down & teach her about the mature way to handle disappointment. If she doesn't make a real effort to change, seriously consider whether you genuinely want to date a child. Meanwhile you work on not cutting her off when she speaks. Yes that happens in every day conversation but if you consciously wait for the pause, it should decrease the number of times you do it. Thanks, yes you are right about it. She does have bad self control on her mood. I dont think just talking about it will work. You did not mention how do I have to behave infront of her when she gets upset like this? Normally she isnt in a mood to talk when she is upset. Yes she does sound immature but I do like 100's of things she got and I am ready to compromise on this thing about her. But i just want some advice on how do I behave with her during those moments 1
Mind-Chants Posted May 10, 2016 Posted May 10, 2016 My girlfriend seems to be getting mad a lot lately and its making me sad too. The reasons are nothing big as such like sometimes I dont pick calls while i am busy and so my phone is on silent while other times, she says i have a bad habit of talking before she finishes her sentence(But this only happens on audio calls). Another issue is with her job where she is getting too tired Good thing about her is that she comes back and says sorry again as she knows she has a bad thing with her where she cant control her mood I am not sure how do i fix it as when i try too hard to talk to her on this she gets headache(she suffers from Vertigo problem so she hates to think too much) and doesnt want to talk about it. What should i do? I also get pissed at her for getting mad at me like this for small reasons and also not discussing it with me So as her boyfriend, what should I be doing to make her feel better? I dont get much answers from her as she says its upto me but seriously its not easy to know what exactly girls want the guy to do She shows moody behavior only in matters of relationship or everything else ??? Another question is : Is it a recent issue or long time problem ??? My ex-gf had the same issue. One moment she would get mad over nothing. Then the next moment she would be all affectionate and guilt ridden. The problem was she never acknowledged she had a problem. I put a lot of effort from my side to accommodate her emotions but I was gradually losing my patience. We broke up the day I went ballistic over her behavior. 2
Author Gabi Posted May 10, 2016 Author Posted May 10, 2016 She shows moody behavior only in matters of relationship or everything else ??? Another question is : Is it a recent issue or long time problem ??? My ex-gf had the same issue. One moment she would get mad over nothing. Then the next moment she would be all affectionate and guilt ridden. The problem was she never acknowledged she had a problem. I put a lot of effort from my side to accommodate her emotions but I was gradually losing my patience. We broke up the day I went ballistic over her behavior. She is moody with other things too like her job which gives her too much trouble so she does get upset about that. Well its a recent issue because lately she has been getting drilled in her office and then its time of the month too Normally she gets upset like 1 or 2 days in a month only. Otherwise she is totally great and quite affectionate. She did tell me during the first phases of relationship that she is easy to get mad. I thought maybe its a normal girl thing lol I dont want to jump the gun and just breakup for small thing as i believe any girl out there would also react the same as I know my sister and my friends too are somewhat similar All I was asking is how do I deal with her when she has that mood swing. Should I just let her be like how she is and behave like nothing happened. I however don't want her to feel that i dont care for her but i surely dont want to spoil her and make her think i will always try to cuddle her when she is mad 1
smackie9 Posted May 10, 2016 Posted May 10, 2016 This could be the start of bi-polar/depression. Coddling her every time she erupts only enables the behavior. She should go to her doctor and seek out a proper diagnosis, so she can get the proper help she needs. If it's nothing medical, it could be as simple as changing her diet and getting regular exercise, possibly get more rest/good night sleep. 2
Satu Posted May 10, 2016 Posted May 10, 2016 When she's in one of her moods, take a step back. Don't try to 'fix' her. It's her mood, and she owns it. Do something else for a day or two. Clever men know when to go fishing You can't fix it, so stop trying. Take care. 2
Mind-Chants Posted May 10, 2016 Posted May 10, 2016 All I was asking is how do I deal with her when she has that mood swing. Should I just let her be like how she is and behave like nothing happened. I however don't want her to feel that i dont care for her but i surely dont want to spoil her and make her think i will always try to cuddle her when she is mad You don't have to change/deal, she has got things to do. The more you try to adjust with her out bursts, her emotional behavior would get reinforced. Her not discussing things with you only escalates the problems. Communication barriers and unaddressed issues are not good for relationships. She first need to accept that there is some problem and she got to address it. She needs professional evaluation. ## The nearest thing I could think is Impulse control disorder. Individuals suffering from an impulse control disorder frequently experience five stages of symptoms: compelling urge, failure to resist the urge, a heightened sense of arousal, succumbing to the urge (reduces tension), and potential remorse or feelings of guilt after the behavior is completed. Yes Job stress could be a reason. Job stress is definitely associated with emotional exhaustion and depersonalization. 2
d0nnivain Posted May 10, 2016 Posted May 10, 2016 how do I have to behave infront of her when she gets upset like this? You talk to her about the unacceptable behavior in a calm manner before it happens. When it happens you just walk away. Don't even engage her. When you are not indulging her silliness it should stop. 1
OnlyHonesty Posted May 11, 2016 Posted May 11, 2016 This is not something you deal with (not more than once anyway). You call out her bad behavior and let her know that she crossed the line. You make it clear that you will not allow it to happen again. This is where I believe you went wrong. Firstly you are fooled by her apologies. What good is an apology if the same behavior is always repeated? You also put up with repeat bad behavior. She knows she can act badly with no repercussions and you must ask yourself why you put up with it. To summarize, if that was me, she would have been given one warning. If she repeated that behavior she would have been ditched immediately. Guys put up with too much crap.
OnlyHonesty Posted May 11, 2016 Posted May 11, 2016 I dont want to jump the gun and just breakup for small thing as i believe any girl out there would also react the same as I know my sister and my friends too are somewhat similar Of course they would react the same, guys are too afraid to put their foot down. If it was a small thing, this forum post would not exist.
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