Am I right to feel very upset by this?

[Buddhist]

So I've been seeing this woman for 3 months now.

 

Things have been going great, except that sometimes there will be something I say/do that makes her very upset; she may barely talk to me for some hours. I usually feel pretty clueless about what just happened, or that her reaction is way out of proportion. This has happened 4 times now. It particularly bothers me when I feel like she tries to get even and hurt me in some way.

 

I stopped reading here because it tells me everything you need to know. That's classic, passive aggressive manipulation right there. Sadly, this is the character of your GF since it's happened 4 times in 3 months. Once or twice a year and I wouldn't be too concerned but this is happening like clockwork, or on the phase of the moon or something....

 

That's a pattern forming this early on and it tells you it's how she gets what she wants in relationships. If I were you, I'd see the light and stop seeing her over this. You can expect the jekyll and hyde routine to continue and only get worse. Her expectation for you to be 100% committed at the 3 month stage is very needy.

 

Run, forrest run!

[TaraMaiden2]

Yes, I think you are.

As I said, your (both) communication skills need rectifying.

[elaine567]

Your "friend" was instrumental in this little spat, he pushed your buttons over the umbrella by suggesting she was using you - "jokingly".

You didn't like that so you retaliated and threw the "I'm used to it" comment into the ring which riled your gf up. Whilst she is throwing daggers in your direction, you then start sulking and good old Mike steps in and reaps the benefits of having your gf all to himself for hours.

As he is a "mutual friend" I guess he knows exactly which buttons to press to get you two fighting.

I guess Mike is still interested in your gf.

[Arieswoman]

I guess Mike is still interested in your gf.

 

and I would let him have her, she sounds like a fruit-loop.

[Got it]

Can someone please comment on the part where I feel like she humiliated me by starting to give more attention to our "friend" and ignoring me? I can't stop thinking about that and I feel horrible. Am I overreacting?

 

humiliated? Yes I think that is an over reaction. Seriously, it was such immature and obvious behavior on her part that you would allow it to warrant more than an eyeroll on your part is surprising.

 

She is passive aggressive and emotionally controlling. The way she handles conflict is not healthy one and I would suspect she does this in her other relationships as well. I would address with her that she needs to own her feelings, not "punish" which is VERY insulting, and address them like an adult. The way she is handling things are definitely due to how she has handle things growing up. These are ingrained patterns that she has to be committed to changing. Whether or not it is worth your time is up to you.

 

She is being juvenile.

[Loman]

humiliated? Yes I think that is an over reaction. Seriously, it was such immature and obvious behavior on her part that you would allow it to warrant more than an eyeroll on your part is surprising.

 

She is passive aggressive and emotionally controlling. The way she handles conflict is not healthy one and I would suspect she does this in her other relationships as well. I would address with her that she needs to own her feelings, not "punish" which is VERY insulting, and address them like an adult. The way she is handling things are definitely due to how she has handle things growing up. These are ingrained patterns that she has to be committed to changing. Whether or not it is worth your time is up to you.

 

She is being juvenile.

 

The logical part of my brain knows that it was an immature and obvious behavior; there was one other time when she tried to make me jealous and my reaction was exactly that, an eyeroll at the most. But this time she actually got to me. When I think that she gave that guy exactly what he wanted, gave him priority over me, treated me like I didn't matter, and made me endure that for almost two hours, that hurt. Even more so over something so silly, she could have just waited for us to talk about it later. But I think you're completely right, she is being juvenile.

 

However, when she's not angry, she is a really sweet, awesome girlfriend. I also feel like she is willing to make an effort to change. So I guess that I want to wait some more time to see if that's the case.

 

But I admit that I'm almost afraid of talking to her about this now, because if I talk like she's the one doing something wrong, she may get angry again. Any tips on how to address this with her?

[Els]

Both sides making mountains out of molehills IMO...

[TaraMaiden2]

....I'm almost afraid of talking to her about this now, because if I talk like she's the one doing something wrong, she may get angry again. Any tips on how to address this with her?

 

In front of a Relationships Counsellor.

[katiegrl]

When it gets to a point where you are actually *afraid* to talk to your own girlfriend, time to either get out of that RL, take a *backbone* pill, or seek therapy, or all three.

 

Best of luck.

[Got it]

The logical part of my brain knows that it was an immature and obvious behavior; there was one other time when she tried to make me jealous and my reaction was exactly that, an eyeroll at the most. But this time she actually got to me. When I think that she gave that guy exactly what he wanted, gave him priority over me, treated me like I didn't matter, and made me endure that for almost two hours, that hurt. Even more so over something so silly, she could have just waited for us to talk about it later. But I think you're completely right, she is being juvenile.

 

However, when she's not angry, she is a really sweet, awesome girlfriend. I also feel like she is willing to make an effort to change. So I guess that I want to wait some more time to see if that's the case.

 

But I admit that I'm almost afraid of talking to her about this now, because if I talk like she's the one doing something wrong, she may get angry again. Any tips on how to address this with her?

 

Come on, it was two hours of talking. Why it is having this level of impact on you is something you need to really deep dive. You are grossly over reacting. She was playing games and was only doing so in a pretty platonic way. If it is THAT easy to get you jealous you have your own host of self esteem issues you need to work on. I am not sure of your age but this is something I would expect for someone in college or younger, if you are mid 20s and up a major issue.

 

Why are you allowing her anger to control you? You have every right to discuss your feelings without retribution. Keep it in "I" statements. How would you address with this with a friend/family member? Stay calm, do not raise to the bait or get distracted and state how you feel.