Girlfriend problem, me.

[osiris9]

First of all, I'm very sorry for my bad english, hope You understand me and help me with your opinion because I'm in a very bad spiritual situation now.

I strongly thank You for Your time to read this message .

 

I'm with my girlfriend for 3 years now, this year in the summer we planned to have our engagement.

I know She loves me very much, She's very interested for everything about me, She always cares about me, makes me beautiful surprises, she also has a very good relationship with my family, They like Her very much.

 

My girlfriend is a jewelry & cosmetics shop manager, 99% of the orders are from womens. Maybe I'm very jealous but I told her that if She has orders from mens She must tell me before shipping to them ( She does the shipping by herself too ).

 

One day I logged in on Her Instagram and I saw that She has searched a guy, I opened the guy's profile, He was very rich (having nice cars), and doing a rich life, he was looking good also.

Then I asked my gf about this, She said that He was just a customer that contacted her by Whatsapp ( she has a public number of course ), and She said that She was just curious because of His very expensive car and (lifestyle) when She saw Him, and she just searched for Him on instagram just to know who is the man She's dealing with because She never heard about Him before.

 

I asked Her for the whatsapp conversation between Her and Him, and She told me that She has deleted it, She told me that if You want the conversation back She can ask the customer (rich guy) to send Her a screenshot of the conversation without a problem.

 

When I asked Her why You deleted the conversation, She told me that She wanted to complete the order as soon as possible and She had no time to explain me about this because She was very busy, so She choosed to delete the conversation ( to hide it from me ) because ( as she said ) it was not a big deal and nothing serious.

 

Then I called the guy (fake call) , and I appeared to Him as the " Shop Manager ", and asked Him if He recieved this week the orders from us ( the cosmetics shop ) because we need to confirm that, He said Yes I received 3 orders from You this week.

 

OK, let's say that I believe Her for a moment, but why She needed to delete the whatsapp messages when She had nothing to Hide from me, plus the instagram search makes me very very doubtful about this case.

 

What do You think, is my girlfriend cheating on me ? I don't want this to be true.

[VeveCakes]

You have no right to tell her she can't take orders from men without your approval.

 

YOU DEFINITELY have NO right to jeopardize her job by calling him pretending to be the shop, pretty sure it is border line illegal.

 

Step back and learn your role here. You either trust her or you don't, enough with the controlling stuff.

[osiris9]

You have no right to tell her she can't take orders from men without your approval.

 

YOU DEFINITELY have NO right to jeopardize her job by calling him pretending to be the shop, pretty sure it is border line illegal.

 

Step back and learn your role here. You either trust her or you don't, enough with the controlling stuff.

 

Okay, but if You were in this situation would You trust Her or not ?

Am I the one who's doing things wrong here ?

 

Please tell me honestly .

[VeveCakes]

I can't possibly comment because I'm not in the relationship but my guess is she deleted it because you are a bit psycho over who she talks to.

 

Did you even register how wrong what you did was???

 

Has she cheated before?

How's your sex life?

Close with each other's friends and families?

How is the relationship otherwise?

 

This is a woman who is running a business, she will meet many men over the years. You need to deal with your insecurities pronto.

[Satu]

You're being insecure and controlling.

 

Stop it.

[osiris9]

I can't possibly comment because I'm not in the relationship but my guess is she deleted it because you are a bit psycho over who she talks to.

 

Did you even register how wrong what you did was???

 

Has she cheated before?

How's your sex life?

Close with each other's friends and families?

How is the relationship otherwise?

 

This is a woman who is running a business, she will meet many men over the years. You need to deal with your insecurities pronto.

 

1 Year ago She wanted to end our relationship just because of this, I was making Her too much pressure about Her conversations with their University colleagues. But since then I think I changed a lot and I tried to understand Her, and She knows this.

 

1. She never cheated before.

2. Our sex life is great, she always says this, and She enjoys it very much.

3. We are close with each other families, but not at all with friends.

4. Our relationship is good, but I must say that She's very jealous too.

[osiris9]

You're being insecure and controlling.

 

Stop it.

 

What are you meaning with "stop it", are You meaning to end this relationship or to stop my self overthinking about this ?

[d0nnivain]

Of course I would trust my SO. If you have no trust you have no business getting married.

 

If my husband tried to tell me I could not have male clients, he'd no longer be by husband. The world is 50% the opposite sex.

 

If you don't stop trying to tell her how to behave at work you are going to be very lonely.

[Satu]

What are you meaning with "stop it", are You meaning to end this relationship or to stop my self overthinking about this ?

 

Stop obsessing about something totally innocuous.

 

Use self-discipline to change your behaviour.

 

Learn to trust.

[smackie9]

Wow you are so bad. She should be the one to not to trust YOU.......you just took a risk out of your own selfish needs when it could have caused her to possibly lose her job. She deserves so much better than this, shame on you.

[lolablue17]

The fact that she felt the need to delete a conversation because she didn't have time to explain to you what happened, proves that she is sure you read her whatsapp constantly. She felt that if she waits a few hours, you will surely read that, and get mad.

 

Is this the kind of relationship you have with her? Do you snoop her stuff regulary? It's very bad. Way way way bad.

 

BUT!!!

 

If you don't constantly read her stuff, her explanation seems weird. It means that the conversation couldn't be explained in any way, so it is better off deleting it.

 

Mutual jealousy can be good sometimes, but if she feels she has to lie and delete evidence all the time, it's not a healthy relationship.

[TaraMaiden2]

You have no right to tell her she can't take orders from men without your approval.

 

YOU DEFINITELY have NO right to jeopardize her job by calling him pretending to be the shop, pretty sure it is border line illegal.

 

Step back and learn your role here. You either trust her or you don't, enough with the controlling stuff.

 

I can only echo what's said here. In brief, you are completely wrong and out of order believing you have the right to instruct your GF on her business activities, and it's because of your suspicious, mistrusting nature (bordering on paranoia and jealousy) that she probably withheld information from you.

She knew what your reaction would be, so she hid it.

 

Now you know she deleted a discussion, you are unsettled and angry.

 

The poor woman can't win, can she?

 

You do not deserve to be in a relationship, because you have serious problems no partner should ever have to deal with.

I suggest you break off this relationship and seek professional psychological help.

 

Establish why you have developed such a mistrusting jealous and suspicious, controlling nature, and work to eliminate it.

[mikeylo]

Ask her to close down her business and then you provide her with each and everything that she provides , without any questions asked and without any obligation to you. If you can't do that , let her run her business. People !!!

[osiris9]

Hi there again, 7 months later now and I discovered all what happened with our relationship within Years, and I'm in a such bad position now, I'm totally depressed and only some sincere advises can help me . I never thought this would happen to me ...

I'm very interested to share with You all the story, but first I want to know if here are people that will help me. I really screwed up everything ...

[umirano]

My girlfriend is a jewelry & cosmetics shop manager, 99% of the orders are from womens. Maybe I'm very jealous but I told her that if She has orders from mens She must tell me before shipping to them ( She does the shipping by herself too ).

 

One day I logged in on Her Instagram and I saw that She has searched a guy, I opened the guy's profile, He was very rich (having nice cars), and doing a rich life, he was looking good also.

 

Before the slightest thing happened you enforced something you thought would protect you from infidelity. Why were you so negative about this woman in the first place? This tells me that you have a deeply seated mistrust towards her. I do not know how you specifically can overcome this. But you have to realize the solution is inside your mind. No one outside can take this unfounded mistrust from you. You yourself have to address this. If you can't it's time to let her go. And it's definitely time to cancel all engagement/wedding activities until you have become a secure, trusting (and thus loving) partner.

 

I assume you're from a patriarchal society, probably religious too, so I don't know how susceptible to the western idea of equality, two-way loyalty, individual rights etc you are, but I'm convinced these ideas are universal and if you truly want the respect and on going love of this or any future partner you will have become a much more loving and trusting boyfriend/fiance.

 

You don't have to ask for people to help here. This board is made of help. There's no other reason for any of us to be here than to help or be helped.

[smackie9]

Hi there again, 7 months later now and I discovered all what happened with our relationship within Years, and I'm in a such bad position now, I'm totally depressed and only some sincere advises can help me . I never thought this would happen to me ...

I'm very interested to share with You all the story, but first I want to know if here are people that will help me. I really screwed up everything ...

Let me guess.....your jealousy/overreacting/paranoia/distrust of women/insecurities made your GF tired of it and she broke up with you.... and you wonder why she did?

[Superchicken]

Wow, so many mean people.

Everyone is different. We all see things differently, and make, sometimes stupid decisions based on snap assumptions.

Yeah, this guys obviously stuffed up. Now he realizes that, and needs to vent his depressional (Is that a real word ?) moods.

 

 

I'm leaning towards that was his first real relationship, which would explain his insanity.

 

 

I can tell you, I'm not going to be the first to cast a stone.

 

 

Odds are they are around 19 or 20 years old.

 

 

So, Osiris9, vent away.

 

 

Ted.

Edited December 20, 2016 by Superchicken

[Superchicken]

Just clearing some cob webs..

Any news ?...

Jeez people, you scared him off. Now it feels like its a "End of Season" episode, and then show was cancelled ..

AHHH, never know what happened now. Jeeeez.

 

 

Ted.