Author aeroguy Posted August 9, 2016 Author Share Posted August 9, 2016 That is exactly how I feel. Besides losing the best friend I ever had (Well I thought she was), I am losing my wife and don't know why she did what she did and have to deal with it. Some days I want her to feel the pain I am feeling now. Other days I think about all the great times we had and want her back. Of course then I think of all of the sudden mental pain I am in and want her to feel it as well. I know the wife I married would be totally ashamed of her current actions. Love this roller coaster ride I know what you mean. I've lost the best friend that I ever had as well. If something interesting happens to me during the day, I sometimes catch myself thinking about when I could talk to her about it, and share that experience with her...only to be reminded that it doesn't work that way any longer. I think about her situation now...she is living with her sister's family (sister, husband, and daughter), so she never has to be alone. I'm sure that my STBX is probably enjoying the extra time that she gets to spend with her niece. I'm sure that my STBX also talks with her sister and husband about things whenever she wants to. On the flip side, I'm stuck in the house that we used to share with a ton of things that remind me of her by myself....unless you count the three dogs we have. I have a couple of sisters that I'm talking to as well, but that is mostly by phone, and it's only when I reach out to them. They both have stuff going on in their lives, so it makes me feel guilty sometimes when I do call them. One day at a time....that's about all I can handle right now....can't wait for the rollercoaster to end....definitely NOT an "E" ticket ride. Link to post Share on other sites
The_Onceler Posted August 9, 2016 Share Posted August 9, 2016 If something interesting happens to me during the day, I sometimes catch myself thinking about when I could talk to her about it, and share that experience with her...only to be reminded that it doesn't work that way any longer. ^^^ Oh my Lord, this! ^^^ I really struggle with this at the moment, because my ex is still living with me. I constantly find myself on the verge of sharing something with her, and then have to remind myself to stop. Then I feel guilty: am I being a douche by intentionally boxing her out? And then I am reminded: she will likely be online with her boyfriend as soon as I head out of the room. It goes round and round and round. I totally feel for you. And with regard to the 5k alimony business: it is true, I have no idea of your financials. And it is true, CA is expensive (I lived in Mountain View for about 7 years, though my current area is almost as expensive). Even so, the number shocks me for at least two reasons: (1) it amounts to essentially a 60k/yr salary for her, simply because she was once married to a person, and (2) in our day and age, why is the basic assumption that money must flow from a man to a woman after a marriage has ended? I mean, if there are no children to consider, then why should a man expect to pay alimony to his ex wife, and not vice-versa? I wonder what happens when a same-sex couple gets a divorce? Sorry - that was a bit of a rant. I hope you are doing well today - and as you say, as you go along one day at at time, I hope you have more good days than bad. Link to post Share on other sites
Tonofbricks Posted August 9, 2016 Share Posted August 9, 2016 I know what you mean. I've lost the best friend that I ever had as well. If something interesting happens to me during the day, I sometimes catch myself thinking about when I could talk to her about it, and share that experience with her...only to be reminded that it doesn't work that way any longer. I think about her situation now...she is living with her sister's family (sister, husband, and daughter), so she never has to be alone. I'm sure that my STBX is probably enjoying the extra time that she gets to spend with her niece. I'm sure that my STBX also talks with her sister and husband about things whenever she wants to. On the flip side, I'm stuck in the house that we used to share with a ton of things that remind me of her by myself....unless you count the three dogs we have. I have a couple of sisters that I'm talking to as well, but that is mostly by phone, and it's only when I reach out to them. They both have stuff going on in their lives, so it makes me feel guilty sometimes when I do call them. One day at a time....that's about all I can handle right now....can't wait for the rollercoaster to end....definitely NOT an "E" ticket ride. In the same boat as you guys and it getting crowded...BD on Mother's Day weekend .. So from wife to no wife , split kids and stuff in 4 months.. 18 yrs together dismantled in mere days..I too go through days of longing for karma or whatnot to strike and give me justice for what she did. then other days I really don't give a $hit...the less contact the better... We ma never know the true answered to why because the person doing the leaving isn't sure themselves! Link to post Share on other sites
Author aeroguy Posted August 9, 2016 Author Share Posted August 9, 2016 ^^^ Oh my Lord, this! ^^^ I really struggle with this at the moment, because my ex is still living with me. I constantly find myself on the verge of sharing something with her, and then have to remind myself to stop. Then I feel guilty: am I being a douche by intentionally boxing her out? And then I am reminded: she will likely be online with her boyfriend as soon as I head out of the room. It goes round and round and round. I totally feel for you. Yup...it sucks....It's gotta be tougher for you, though....there are probably things that your daughters do that you want to share with your STBX. I don't think that you're being a douche....quite the contrary. It's actually none of her business now, and that choice was made by her and her alone. In the end, you will probably have experiences that you will share with your two daughters that, unfortunately, your STBX won't be a part of. It's probably hard, but don't feel bad about that....enjoy the time with your kids and make the most of it. And with regard to the 5k alimony business: it is true, I have no idea of your financials. And it is true, CA is expensive (I lived in Mountain View for about 7 years, though my current area is almost as expensive). Even so, the number shocks me for at least two reasons: (1) it amounts to essentially a 60k/yr salary for her, simply because she was once married to a person It is shocking....and what's worse is that since we were married for more than ten years, it could be FOR LIFE. I don't want to go into details, as the case is still active, but my attorney is telling me not to worry on this point too much. He's thinking that it will wind up being a tiered alimony schedule lasting a few years at a lower amount. Sorry - that was a bit of a rant. Not at all....what kills me is that I know (or at least thought I knew) the kind of person that my STBX was. She always talked about if she lost her job, that she would work on finding one quickly as she didn't want to just have me support her 100%....kind of ironic that she's now asking for ~$60k/yr to basically sit on her arse....more power to her....life's a bitch, and her stripper name is Karma! I hope you are doing well today - and as you say, as you go along one day at at time, I hope you have more good days than bad. Thanks...doing okay today. Work seems to make things a little easier, although I do have my moments. After work and the weekends are tough, but I'm working on trying to keep myself busy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author aeroguy Posted August 9, 2016 Author Share Posted August 9, 2016 In the same boat as you guys and it getting crowded...BD on Mother's Day weekend .. So from wife to no wife , split kids and stuff in 4 months.. 18 yrs together dismantled in mere days..I too go through days of longing for karma or whatnot to strike and give me justice for what she did. then other days I really don't give a $hit...the less contact the better... We ma never know the true answered to why because the person doing the leaving isn't sure themselves! Tonofbricks- Welcome aboard....looks like we'll need a bigger boat! I don't know what BD stands for, but it sounds like you went through a rough patch as well. 18 years is a long time....seems a shame that it takes so far fewer days to tear it all down. Less contact is the road that I'm looking to travel down when the time comes. I read all the time about how other couples are still really good friends....I just don't see that in the cards in my situation, but who knows what the future has in store. Hang in there. Link to post Share on other sites
Jeff1690 Posted August 10, 2016 Share Posted August 10, 2016 In the same boat as you guys and it getting crowded...BD on Mother's Day weekend .. So from wife to no wife , split kids and stuff in 4 months.. 18 yrs together dismantled in mere days..I too go through days of longing for karma or whatnot to strike and give me justice for what she did. then other days I really don't give a $hit...the less contact the better... We ma never know the true answered to why because the person doing the leaving isn't sure themselves! I guess one of the few things that has us on hold is waiting for the refi money so she can buy me out. It has been only about a month and a half (I think, hell I lose track of time and days since this has happened) since she told me. They say it will only take 6-12 weeks to go through the courts uncontested. Then BAM! we are done. It truly is amazing how fast this has happened. Of course she has been out of the marriage mentally for over a year I am sure with her other man. **** is brand new to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author aeroguy Posted August 12, 2016 Author Share Posted August 12, 2016 ...just an update from my situation. I have two house payments....one for the primary house, and one for a rental townhouse. When I factor in the rent I am collecting, and subtract out the mortgage and HOA fees that I pay out of pocket, I'm in the black around $400. I just got an e-mail from the tenants that are in the rental. Turns out they are in escrow, and should be closing by the end of the month. They plan on moving out at the end of August. So now I won't have them covering the mortgage on the rental, and I'll have to add that to the list of financial responsibilities that I'm on the hook for....NICE ! Link to post Share on other sites
The_Onceler Posted August 12, 2016 Share Posted August 12, 2016 When it rains, it pours, eh? Sorry to hear about this latest surprise. Hopefully you are able to work it out quickly. Hang in there! Link to post Share on other sites
LancasterAmos1966 Posted August 12, 2016 Share Posted August 12, 2016 ...just an update from my situation. I have two house payments....one for the primary house, and one for a rental townhouse. When I factor in the rent I am collecting, and subtract out the mortgage and HOA fees that I pay out of pocket, I'm in the black around $400. I just got an e-mail from the tenants that are in the rental. Turns out they are in escrow, and should be closing by the end of the month. They plan on moving out at the end of August. So now I won't have them covering the mortgage on the rental, and I'll have to add that to the list of financial responsibilities that I'm on the hook for....NICE ! Pressing the reset button at age 50ish is not a fun thing to do. But I made it through the dark months, and I'm sure you are strong enough to make it too. Just seeing you reach out for help is a big part in your recovery. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Jersey born raised Posted August 18, 2016 Share Posted August 18, 2016 Hi, Saw your post on Jeff's thread. To clarify is there another person in the picture? Link to post Share on other sites
Author aeroguy Posted August 18, 2016 Author Share Posted August 18, 2016 Hi, Saw your post on Jeff's thread. To clarify is there another person in the picture? Hi Jersey born raised- In my situation, AFAIK, there is no OM....but I could be mistaken. Link to post Share on other sites
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