Nomoretears Posted May 10, 2016 Share Posted May 10, 2016 I am new to this forum... In all my grief I came across the site. I hope that the honesty i see here will somehow give me some insight and courage in my life to move forward. I am a mw, we have been together 16years, no kids, married 2yrs. Its been a rough several years with many issues from the inception. First off when we were planning the wedding my fiance told me whatever his mother wanted for the wedding her wishes would be done despite what i wanted. I struggled with that but somehow i convinced myself that it was just one day and we would have forever to live our lives how we wanted. but it didn't stop there she controlled everything about our lives. he took her words over mine every time and one day he told me he is family & I am not. That was when it all went down hill. That was an emotional struggle i could not move pass. we became distant after that. and I begged him to go to counselling he told me that we didnt need counselling I was the only one with a problem because I didn't know my place. I couldn't believe this was the man i had spent my youthful life with. he was the only man I knew at that point. I stopped eating i stopped sleeping i went into a depression where i even stopped speaking 2weeks. after my family & his family became concerned for my safety he agreed to go to counselling. We did 5 months of counselling and i started to come to terms with my role in allowing things to get to the state that they were in It was after one of the counselling sessions i met the guy who would become the om. He was still in love with his ex and going through a hard time after things ended 5years in. after 2-3months of just sharing stories and trying to encourage each other things developed into an EA. And that wasn't enough. We decided to meet up & a PA ensued. after the first time he felt guilty we both did i'd never cheated on my h, and he never been with a mw. SO we cut ties for about 1month. but then we started back again. this time we decided to have a real relationship i practically moved in with him. My husband didnt even notice i was gone. But after 6months the other guy told me he loves me and things needed to end as I was a mw and there was no future. I immediately confessed to my husband & told him i wanted a divorce for which he has refused & wants to go to counselling. I am in love with the om who also says he is in love with me but the thought that I am not completely his makes him unwilling to continue. he started ignoring my calls and reads but never respond to my messages. Then he left me a voice message saying that he has love for me and he never intended for things to happen or to go the way they did that he can't feel right being with a married woman. he also said if i was single he would always be wondering if i was truly only his. I have since moved into a condo and trying to figure out where do I go from here. am brokenhearted that the om has left. And i have been crying every time i think about it. i dont know how to pick up the pieces. its been 3months since that message. My husband since learning the truth has been trying to do things differently but emotionally I am not there with him. I don't know if I want to even work things out with him cause I want to be with the om who is not answering me. But apart of me is wondering if this is a second chance & he really is tryng to be be a better man. Link to post Share on other sites
Jersey born raised Posted May 13, 2016 Share Posted May 13, 2016 Take your time to sort out your feelings. While you husband might take a grim satisfaction "yea she got dumped and deserved it". It does not change the fact you belove the marriage was dead. At this point focus on why the marriage was dead. Then examine your relationship with OM. Use it to build better judgment for future relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
privategal Posted May 13, 2016 Share Posted May 13, 2016 This op will not address her marriage first then the om. She can only think of om only. Op...Im sad for you, sorry you are hurting. I have to say gently, you took too long to divorce, the om got tired of waiting and he is saying even if you divorce he cant trust you. Youve got to understand that and stop contacting him, he mentally shut it off. Im very sorry but its truly done and I want you to preserve your dignity. Ignoring you is hurting badly and making your mental state worse. Tell your husband its a seperation and you need NC until you figure out your heart. You need time alone and NC with either man. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NTV Posted May 13, 2016 Share Posted May 13, 2016 You are looking at your loss of a short term affair, but your husband just found out his 16 year relationship was set on fire and sunk. I think in focusing on your loss right now that you're closing your eyes to the rest of your life. If you drive a car blindfolded you're gonna... just my 2 cents. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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