Haunani Posted June 21, 2005 Share Posted June 21, 2005 I've read somewhere, for the life of me can't remember where, that if one spouse moves out of their home (they own together) with the children there could legalities involved? What kind of legalities? Does anyone know? I don't want the possibilties I may lose my home if I move out? They should have a Divorce for Dummies book........ Has anyone heard of this? Just wondering. Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted June 21, 2005 Share Posted June 21, 2005 When I was married I asked my then Husband to move out.. we have 2 Wee People together. Once he moved out and I filed for divorce, I was granted the right to dwell in our home with our children and all possesions in the house were to remain there.. meaning he couldn't take anything out of the house, nor could I sell or do anything with the things in the home. We were ordered by the court to put our house up for sale and split the proceeds... Laws differ from state to state... Link to post Share on other sites
fleafly Posted June 25, 2005 Share Posted June 25, 2005 Merin, if you dont mind me asking, what state do you live in? Link to post Share on other sites
Maria46 Posted June 25, 2005 Share Posted June 25, 2005 Haunani When I was divorced in Oregon many years ago, I was given custody of the children and was able to keep the house for 5 years. I had to have the house sold by that time and he received half of what the property was appraised at when the divorce was final. Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted June 25, 2005 Share Posted June 25, 2005 Originally posted by fleafly Merin, if you dont mind me asking, what state do you live in? Colorado Link to post Share on other sites
soccorsilly Posted June 25, 2005 Share Posted June 25, 2005 I think that aspect is relatively standard in most states. If a spouse remains in the house with the children, most jusges will award the home and contents (and maybe even some temporary alimony and child support) to the remaining spouse. When it is all said and done--either by court order and negotiation, one either buys out the other or they are compensated other ways. If you leave, be sure you cannot be charged with abandonment. I think that ferom a bargaining point, remaining in the house is much better Link to post Share on other sites
Author Haunani Posted June 26, 2005 Author Share Posted June 26, 2005 Yeah I read somewhere about the abandonment issue if I left the house. Unless of course, it was due to physical violence. So what they are saying is if he doesnt move out on his own (and he doesnt' have to cause its his house) that I cannot find another place to live for me and the children as it would be considered abandoning the house? or abandoning the releationship? I cannot find anything that tells me exactly. That unless we come to a decision on how the house will be sold/dealt with then it will be up to the courts to decide? Am I getting that right? anyone know? or does it matter with the State you live in? Ugh *(&@!@ Link to post Share on other sites
Author Haunani Posted June 26, 2005 Author Share Posted June 26, 2005 I think I'm confused because when people say maybe a separation is good.....isn't that moving out of the house? could you then still be considered abandoning the "house" or "marriage"? I know I think I really need to see someone Link to post Share on other sites
shygurl Posted June 26, 2005 Share Posted June 26, 2005 Your best and safest bet would be to talk to an attorney in your area - one who deals with divorce and those kinds of civil matters........as they'll surely be able to advise you on your rights and options and what's in your best interest, explain to you what the whole issue of "abandoning" really refers to/how it's defined, and of course you'll feel more free I would think to tell them the details of why you feel you and your children need to leave (abuse of some sort? husband's an addict? infidelity? etc). If you do this and you don't want your husband to find out you've seen a lawyer (like if you write a check or pay with credit card, so he can see statements), find out in advance what the cost of a consultation is and pay with cash. Is your decision to leave with your children a permanent one? Does your husband know that you're contemplating this? How do you think he'll react to you taking the children? Would you be moving locally or out of state? All the more reason, I'd think, to consult with an attorney because you don't want things to get ugly with you taking the children. Are you able to say why you're wanting to leave? Are you in any danger, you or your children (from you husband) Link to post Share on other sites
Author Haunani Posted June 26, 2005 Author Share Posted June 26, 2005 Shygurl thanks for responding - no I'm not in any danger - short story is that we've been married over 20 years, my h makes me feel like I'm walking on eggshells half the time, Its like I'm on an emotional roller coaster. In short, he's never been one for discussion, it's his way or "get over it", he's not supportive in things I say or do, he will manipulate me, and control the situation until I either give in, or get silent and stop communicating all together, which is where we're at. We also work together, which is fine, for some reason, we get along well there, perhaps because I know the next step and am ahead of him, at home, we suck being together and don't communicate at all. If the topic isn't about work, then we rarely talk. We don't go out as a couple, if we do, we end up in a fight, I spend most of my time with the kids or friends, instead of the one I should be with. He enjoys coming home and sitting in front the tv. On weekends, he's right there on the couch and won't move. Usually by 5pm, he's already opened his 1st can of beer....and that's the rest of the night pattern. In the end, I can't see myself doing this same routine for another 20-30 years, he doesn't mind, he's got everything done for him, because he refuses to help out or do anything himself. I've already asked him for a separation, and am in the process of ......everything. A new home, a new job, a car.....ugh, it's so exhausting. But I know I must begin with the attorney, it's just hard to take that step as I've never dealt with the Law in any sense, it's like really admitting, this is over. I kind of wanted to it "amicably" which he agrees on, without needing a lawyer, but I guess it's inevitable. But it's been long coming......the changes have never been made, nor heard, so we had continued on the path of destruction. I plan on staying in the state, and taking 2 of the 3 kids with me to a new home - if that's possible. The oldest is over 18 and he can stay here with my h, I don't want to uproot him, he's the one that will have the hardest time. And he's been known to get violent, the only person that can handle him in that case is my h. I think if I'm the one wanting out, I should be the one to get a new place and move out. Yet, on the other hand, I don't want to leave my home, but he won't leave so that leaves me no other option. Link to post Share on other sites
Harmacy Posted June 27, 2005 Share Posted June 27, 2005 I'd be interested to know if being married *and* working together has ever worked in any kind of long-term relationship. I got involved with a co-worker once, and ended up living with her for a few months, and after just a couple months it got really old seeing this person 24 hours a day. Link to post Share on other sites
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