Looking for [Advice] On How To Get A Girlfriend

[Dark Horse]

Hey guys, i'm 21 years old male and never been in a relationship before, never kissed, never had sex, never been on a date, not a lot of interaction with women before. All of my life, I have been very shy around girls. Iv'e always wanted a girlfriend but I honestly don't know how to get started or what to do to get a girlfriend.

 

I also don't know any good places to meet women since i'm not in college so it's hard for me to meet girls my age.

 

Any advice on how to get a girlfriend and where to meet women?

[MsJayne]

Try online date sites, but be warned, there's a lot of flaky people on them. Don't lie about anything when you make a profile and that will increase your chances of meeting someone genuine. Other than that, go to places where young people hang out, clubs, anywhere there's live music, the beach. Also, if you're in a position to do so, travel overseas on your own because that forces you to open up and talk to other people and the experience of being self-reliant in a foreign country is a huge confidence builder.

[itstoni]

Hey guys, i'm 21 years old male and never been in a relationship before, never kissed, never had sex, never been on a date, not a lot of interaction with women before. All of my life, I have been very shy around girls. Iv'e always wanted a girlfriend but I honestly don't know how to get started or what to do to get a girlfriend.

 

I also don't know any good places to meet women since i'm not in college so it's hard for me to meet girls my age.

 

Any advice on how to get a girlfriend and where to meet women?

 

Google sosuave, it's a self improving community for men that has guides,tips, and even members who can help.

[d0nnivain]

Be friendly. Say hello to people.

 

 

To meet new people get involved in your community. Volunteer somewhere. Go to a work related event. Join a sports team. Reconnect with HS friends, especially those in college where there are tons of your peers. Attend MeetUp groups that do things you enjoy; start one if you have to.

 

 

Talk to a wide variety of people. Give them a chance to get to know you. When you meet a woman who strikes your fancy as her to get a coffee, a drink or even an ice cream with you

[Dark Horse]

I just need a place to express my feeling

 

I am a 21 year old man who all of his life has wanted a girlfriend, as young as kindergarden I have been obsessed with girls. And to this day, I have received very little attention from females. I am still a virgin, never kissed a girl, never had a girlfriend, never been friends with a girl, and never been on a date.

 

I watch as my most of my peers and male friends have no problem with women. When I deeply struggle just to be able to hold a conversation. The guys I know have a lot of connections with females and girls seem like to like them but I have never been friends with a girl. At work, girls never pay attention to me.

 

And when I do talk to girls, it makes me super happy and I remember every single detail of it. I remember this girl I really liked from one of my classes, I wore all black on the last day i'd ever see her.

 

 

It sucks to be a man with social anxiety around women, it really does. Because all I want is to know what it's like to experience love and connection with women. That's something that's been missing my entire life, and I want it.

 

So please excuse my bitterness, but when you are deprived of the very thing that makes us human and to be rejected by women to where it damages your self-worth and self-esteem, of course you will be a little bitter.

 

 

Why do we all seek love and intimacy? It will be the death of me, the thing I want but have never had. But I cannot help it for I am human, and I want to experience intimacy.

 

 

So please, relieve me from this loneliness, i'll be the happiest man in the world and will never take it for granted once I finally achieve what I have wanted the most all along.

[TaraMaiden2]

This is an honest opinion and not meant unkindly.

 

I think you need professional help.

To wear black (I take it, for mourning) on the last day you saw a girl, is an excessive demonstration of a depressive emotion.

 

Let me tell you something:

Relationships do NOT bring happiness.

They merely bring other associated problems punctuated with moments of joy.

 

Your most fruitful and worthy relationship is with yourself.

 

If you cannot be confident, happy, contented and serene with the person you are - virgin or no virgin - then you can never be complete and love unconditionally.

You will always have the agenda of entitlement, believing that a relationship should - and shall - make you happy.

 

Both views are entirely wrong.

 

A relationship cannot make your life better.

YOU - have to make your life better.

And a relationship can only add to that.

But the best bit is, that when it ends - as all things must - it will not take anything away from you.

 

It may l;eave you alone - but if you have achieved the kind of self-approval you should - it will not leave you lonely.

 

Seek some kind of support, maybe through your school/college.

 

The way you view relationships is too dependent, needy and skewed.

[Buddhist]

It sucks to be a man with social anxiety around women, it really does. Because all I want is to know what it's like to experience love and connection with women. That's something that's been missing my entire life, and I want it.

 

So please excuse my bitterness, but when you are deprived of the very thing that makes us human and to be rejected by women to where it damages your self-worth and self-esteem, of course you will be a little bitter.

 

Why do we all seek love and intimacy? It will be the death of me, the thing I want but have never had. But I cannot help it for I am human, and I want to experience intimacy.

 

First of all you're not wrong to seek this, desire it or even make it the biggest thing in your life.

 

I am female, I am 44 and to date I still haven't experienced real love. Sure I've been in relationships and suffered heartbreak after heartbreak. I still hunger, the way that you do. I still don't have any answers. I've now resolved to find it within myself because seeking it outside of me sure hasn't worked.

 

I guess I just wanted to put a hand on your shoulder and say....I do actually understand. I've lived it. I'm not going to tell you, you'll meet the love of your life soon or to have faith it will turn up when you least expect it. I actually know better than to do that now. The truth is, it might not.

 

I'm pretty sure though that you will have relationships, you will lose your virginity and experience the company of women. Love though, that neither I nor anyone else can guarantee or even feed you hope on. Love, is actually pretty scarce on the planet.

Edited May 25, 2016 by Buddhist

[acrosstheuniverse]

Get some help with your social anxiety. Therapy. CBT can work wonders. There's a lot you can do with understanding your anxiety, relaxation techniques, thought challenging and behavioural experiments/exposure that can help you get from the miserable place you're in now to a place where you feel comfortable striking up a conversation with a female, making female friends and eventually meeting a girl. You sound like you've accepted the anxiety as something that's a foregone conclusion you can't change, but you can. If you can't access therapy there's some great stuff online, Google 'shy no more' by the centre for clinical interventions, it's a self help programme based on CBT principles you can work through alone.

 

That wearing black thing was creepy as hell. To desire a partner is normal, the vast majority of us do too. But you gotta do something to work on yourself first. Is the ultimate goal worth a little hard work in the meantime?

[gracelight935]

Don't give up! There are millions of people in the world- you're still so young, you have more than enough time to find the one that's just right for you. You would be worse off to force something with someone and it ultimately fails. So have some patience... have you tried looking into a meetup group? Meetup groups are local people with similar interests. Like hiking or playing cards or movie buffs or... whatever you can think of. That would be a good way to find others in your area that already like things you do, making it less threatening, less anxiety. Even if you don't find a love interest, you may make some good friends!

[Jiggs]

I know how you feel because I was in the same situation not too long ago. However, you need to work on your self confidence BEFORE you seek a relationship. Happiness comes from within and you need to give yourself permission to accept who you are. Don't seek validation from anyone else but yourself. It is crucial that you do this first otherwise you'll never be happy.

[BaileyB]

I say this not to be unkind, but you sound extremely desperate in a very unhealthy way. Nothing will make girls walk away from you more than if you present as desperate and needy... Please get some professional help before you try to date - it will be the best thing you can do to achieve the goal that you seek.

[Satu]

You can't fill the void from outside.

 

 

Booze doesn't fill it.

 

Drugs don't fill it.

 

Money doesn't fill it.

 

Girlfriends or boyfriends definitely don't fill it.

 

 

You've formed the belief that having a girlfriend will cure your ills, but you are totally wrong about that.

 

You have to learn how to be a happy person all by yourself, though some counselling might help.

 

Start by filling your void with feelings of loving kindness for yourself and others.

 

Nobody can love you more than you love yourself.

 

 

To be loved, be loving.

To find peace, be peaceful.

To find forgiveness, be forgiving.

To be cared about, be caring.

To be treated kindly, be kind.

To be understood, be understanding.

To have friends, be friendly.

 

Etc.

 

 

Fill your void with loving kindness.

 

 

Take care.

[Dark Horse]

I'm a 21 year old male and iv'e been using it on and off for 10 months now and I haven't been on a single date. I message several girls but none of them ever respond back. It doesn't help that i'm a guy with social anxiety around women.

 

I just hate it when my friends can get dates and women but I can't even get 1. I feel like a loser.

[NIGHT1985]

How descriptive is your profile? Do you have a good variety of pictures, showing you with your friends and enjoying your hobbies?

[BaileyB]

You are not a loser - please don't think that. Online dating is hard... I've dated more than my fair share of people and online dating has never worked for me either! There are other things you can try...

 

You are so young. Just work on gaining confidence and talking with people. Counselling could be helpful if you have anxiety. It's all about opportunity and practice... You'll figure it out. Don't be discouraged!

[smackie9]

If you have no luck with getting dates irl, you will not have any luck with OLD. OLD is not a magic bullet. I suggest you seek out a therapist to deal with your anxiety, then find a good dating coach to help you prepare yourself for dating. They will teach you how to dress appropriately, how to start and carry good conversation, to flirt, etc.

[sid3]

What if you're right and you are a loser? Way I see it is your better off than most people by knowing what they're problem is. There's nothing that can't be fixed or change.

[TheBathWater]

Dude, check out David M's Insider Internet Dating program or the How to Meet Women Online program by David DeAngelo. You will definitely get a perspective with either of those on why you're coming up against a wall and lots of tips for increasing success with online dating. I used them 10 years ago and it was a massive help to me.

 

Having said that, I think OLD has gotten A LOT rougher in the last couple of years. There are so many people now. Women are absolutely bombarded with messages and most dates are really a bad experience or boring one. People don't give each other a fair chance. It's a mess.

 

Even if you're a good looking, successful, confident, funny guy...it's just not like it used to be. I used to get booked with at least one date a week from OLD for years, and now it's more like one date a month. I even tried messaging women less attractive than the ones I used to meet up with, and still, little to no success. The amount of effort it takes to actually get a date (typically hours between searching, email, texting, making plans to meet) is simply not worth for the vast majority of men. Approaching in person is becoming a lost art and one I believe men fair a better chance at if done correctly.

[Tressugar]

It's not you, OLD is a waste of time.

[morrowrd]

Somehow you have to polish up your profile, usually people with social anxiety tend to be good writers, thinkers, you just need to not go overboard with a three page essay on yourself. Talk about what foods you like, what other activities you like to do, like hiking for instance. Also online dating is a game of patience, girls get 100 messages to your one, but having talked to alot of women online, alot of the messages are sexual in nature, annoying, and they have to filter out what's worth investing time and energy in. That's why it's important to create an honest one so you stand out.

 

I've had pretty reasonable luck with online dating so I do recommend it to others who don't have alot of opportunity to meet women. YOU will have to filter out the crazies as well, so be prepared for that. Online dating is a real good opportunity however, to meet people (women) outside the social circle you are involved in, if you happen to have one.

[Satu]

I never have, and never will do OLD, but the impression I've gathered here is that for many people, its like endlessly going around in a circle.

 

Always travelling, never arriving.

 

Thats obviously not an accurate depiction, but it seems to be like that for some.

 

I'd rather bang my head in the wall

Edited June 11, 2016 by Satu

[Buddhist]

Most people (men and women) have no luck on online dating. Even women who get dates end up getting 'no luck' they just keep meeting time wasters. Be thankful your wallet isn't being routinely emptied by dates that go nowhere. Maybe this is the universe's way of looking out for you and telling you to go find a real lady IRL, social anxiety and all.

[TheBathWater]

I never have, and never will do OLD, but the impression I've gathered here is that for many people, its like endlessly going around in a circle.

Always travelling, never arriving.

 

Thats obviously not an accurate depiction, but it seems to be like that for some.

 

I'd rather bang my head in the wall

 

I would say that's as accurate as a depiction as I've ever heard one. A lot of the profiles I've seen on OLD are the same people that I saw three years ago!

[Satu]

These are the rules which guarantee success in OLD:

 

 

1. Never ever answer a text or message.

 

2. If you're disinterested, act interested.

 

3. If you're interested, act disinterested.

 

4. Only kiss on the 11th, 2nd, or 19th dates.

 

5. Always take your ex along on dates.

 

6. Always be honest about how many people you are exclusively dating.

 

 

Never been known to fail.

[Dark Horse]

I'm a 21 year old guy who's never had any experience with women. Never had a girlfriend, never been on a date, still a virgin, never kissed etc...

 

I want a girlfriend so bad, iv'e been incredibly lonely, I cry myself to sleep a lot of nights. All I want is to know what it's like.

 

Whats stressful about dating is that as a guy, you have to walk up to a girl and talk to her which is incredibly hard and stressful for me because i'm incredibly shy. And you have to face rejection, getting ignored, getting labelled as a creeper every step of the way. And I can't take rejection very well, it hurts and stings and makes you feel like sht.

 

It's incredibly stressful to talk to women hoping they like you back but it's also stressful to be lonely. It's a no-win situation, either i'm lonely or I feel like sht.

 

 

I wish I didn't care about women, but I feel like if I don't try then I will be a 25 or 30 year old who's still never had any experience with women. And iv'e wanted a girlfriend ever since iv'e been in pre-school.

 

 

 

I know some women won't agree with me on this but I honestly wish I was born a woman because I feel like it's easier for them in the dating game. Because women can afford to be passive and do you know how hard it is for some guys to talk to girls? And if they don't they stay single.

 

 

 

Don't laugh at the bitter guys, feel sorry for them. Because they want love, we all want love. The only difference is that there's nobody that can save them from their lonliness. Being a man means you have to work hard and face rejection every step of the way! And some of us can't mentally handle the stress that comes along with trying to impress women.