Looking for [Advice] On How To Get A Girlfriend

[ChocolateRain]

This is such an emotional Post and i feel to give you a great big hug ....

 

But ....you have to jump over yourself and do something about your desires ...

 

Get out there , join different groups there are endless options .

 

A Girl is not gonna come to knock on your Door so you have to get active ...

 

i wish you the best of Luck and dont give up : D

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

Good thing you're asking this question at age 21

[normal person]

I apologize if any of this is harsh, but if I were you, I'd want to hear it this way.

 

I'm a 21 year old guy who's never had any experience with women. Never had a girlfriend, never been on a date, still a virgin, never kissed etc...

 

Ok, certainly nothing wrong with that. But what are you doing to rectify the situation?

 

Whats stressful about dating is

 

First of all, life is stressful for everyone. Everyone has obligations and challenges. Being stressed won't hold up as an excuse. The world won't cater to you. Sorry. You have to adapt to the world.

 

that as a guy, you have to walk up to a girl and talk to her which is incredibly hard and stressful for me because i'm incredibly shy. And you have to face rejection, getting ignored, getting labelled as a creeper every step of the way. And I can't take rejection very well, it hurts and stings and makes you feel like sht.

 

1). Who is saying you "have" to do that? I hate to use the adage, but you really are putting women on a pedestal. You don't "have" to do anything. You could develop a set of qualities that makes women want to walk up to you and talk to you and be impressed with things about you. Think about this, you want to talk to certain women because you find them attractive, interesting, fun, etc. Why would a women want to talk to you specifically? What do you bring to their table? Are you funny, interesting, exciting, mysterious, etc? How are you going to enrich their life? If you don't have an answer to that, you need to find one. You need to find a selling point beyond just a Y chromosome. If you do a good enough job, women will come to you, not the other way around.

 

2). You're already looking at the situation through a lens where you think women are unapproachable goddesses who will crush you like a pathetic bug for breathing the same air as them. Such an attitude is hugely self defeating as women love confidence, and it's hard to be less confident than a grown man who is actually scared of women. Think of that, a 5'3", 110 lb girl in a bar thinking to herself "that grown man, who could kill me with his bare hands if he was crazy enough, is actually afraid of me."

 

About a year ago I was out drinking with my friends. We walked into a bar and there was a group of cute women in there, and I as I walked in I took my jacket off and told them to put it in a pile with theirs and keep an eye on it. One of them playfully refused but I tossed it on top anyways. I kept up the defiant "I'm just going to do whatever I want and I'm not at all scared of you" routine (not to imply that I was scared of her, but I was laying it on thick and dismissively) and she was ready to leave with me within the hour. She told me the next morning she liked my attitude and thought we had a great "emotional connection." Fine with me.

 

Now imagine how that all would've transpired if I had just walked sheepishly past her, found a coat hanger, and kept to myself. The lesson is that confidence and dominance are attractive to women (rooted in biology), while shyness and fear are kryptonite to women (also rooted in biology). You have to remove those from your emotional repertoire immediately. At some point you'll have to step out of your comfort zone and desensitize yourself to the fact that not every person on Earth will like you, no matter what you do. And then you need to find and craft the things that will appeal to others that you can win over.

 

It's incredibly stressful to talk to women hoping they like you back but it's also stressful to be lonely. It's a no-win situation, either i'm lonely or I feel like sht.

 

It's no different than talking to anyone else. Desensitize yourself, work to make yourself appealing somehow, and adjust your mindset. If you're any good at this process, women will be afraid of you and then you can just sit back, pick and choose.

 

I know some women won't agree with me on this but I honestly wish I was born a woman because I feel like it's easier for them in the dating game. Because women can afford to be passive and do you know how hard it is for some guys to talk to girls? And if they don't they stay single.

 

Everyone's problems and pain are relative. Guys like you have trouble finding a girl. Many women struggle finding the right guy. One gender's problems don't trump the others. And men can afford to be passive too if they're not run-of-the-mill, mediocre, Average Joes. The difference is work put into life and how time's invested.

 

Don't laugh at the bitter guys, feel sorry for them. Because they want love, we all want love.

 

I won't laugh at or feel sorry for anyone who does nothing to rectify a situation they don't like. Everyone wants something -- not everyone is willing to do what it takes to acquire that thing.

 

The only difference is that there's nobody that can save them from their loneliness.

 

Tell that to any man who struggled with women, decided "enough is enough," and went out and actively tried to make his situation better, rather than just complain and try to fish for sympathy.

 

Being a man means you have to work hard and face rejection every step of the way! And some of us can't mentally handle the stress that comes along with trying to impress women.

 

I'd say that the figure of speech "being a man" also suggests you be able to show the courage to do what needs to be done rather than cower in fear. Again, you need to drop this attitude. By saying "I can't handle someone not liking me," "I'm afraid of someone half my size," "I'm stressed over relatively insignificant things which I've aggrandized in my head," you are emasculating yourself to the point where your trouble with women will become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

 

Have a selling point. Step out of your comfort zone. Try something you haven't tried before. Learn from your mistakes rather than cry over them. Realize how insignificant it is if you don't succeed immediately. Repeat.

 

Best of luck.

[MGX]

If you have no luck with getting dates irl, you will not have any luck with OLD.

 

I met people only through OLD, so that isn't true at all.

[elaine567]

You have previously said you have Asperger's, so that is no doubt colouring your perceptions and affecting your dating success.

If I were you I would seek professional help as regards your particular issues and work to address them specifically.

 

https://www.aspergerexperts.com/social/the-3-keys-to-dating/

[Revolver]

Pay a couple of attractive women to hang around you in public like bars, clubs, and parties. The floodgates will open especially if you're not good looking because the curiousity would be like "damn ahy are all those pretty girls around that guy? There must be something about him"

[Dark Horse]

Pay a couple of attractive women to hang around you in public like bars, clubs, and parties. The floodgates will open especially if you're not good looking because the curiousity would be like "damn ahy are all those pretty girls around that guy? There must be something about him"

 

It's so crazy stupid it might actually work

 

lol

[ZA Dater]

I'm a 21 year old guy who's never had any experience with women. Never had a girlfriend, never been on a date, still a virgin, never kissed etc...

 

I want a girlfriend so bad, iv'e been incredibly lonely, I cry myself to sleep a lot of nights. All I want is to know what it's like.

 

Whats stressful about dating is that as a guy, you have to walk up to a girl and talk to her which is incredibly hard and stressful for me because i'm incredibly shy. And you have to face rejection, getting ignored, getting labelled as a creeper every step of the way. And I can't take rejection very well, it hurts and stings and makes you feel like sht.

 

It's incredibly stressful to talk to women hoping they like you back but it's also stressful to be lonely. It's a no-win situation, either i'm lonely or I feel like sht.

 

 

I wish I didn't care about women, but I feel like if I don't try then I will be a 25 or 30 year old who's still never had any experience with women. And iv'e wanted a girlfriend ever since iv'e been in pre-school.

 

 

 

I know some women won't agree with me on this but I honestly wish I was born a woman because I feel like it's easier for them in the dating game. Because women can afford to be passive and do you know how hard it is for some guys to talk to girls? And if they don't they stay single.

 

 

 

Don't laugh at the bitter guys, feel sorry for them. Because they want love, we all want love. The only difference is that there's nobody that can save them from their lonliness. Being a man means you have to work hard and face rejection every step of the way! And some of us can't mentally handle the stress that comes along with trying to impress women.

 

I am 32 and a your posts resonate strongly with me. I can really identify which what you are projecting here. Like you I have had absolutely not success at dating at all. None of the people I have been attracted to have ever liked me.

 

 

Like you I wonder what it is like, it becomes all consuming at times and like you I have faced constant rejection. The problem with being lonely is you always want what you cant have, for me this is a near constant feeling for me, each and every day.

 

 

I have tried numerous things, I paid someone to date me for a while, she was a student and gorgeous and had a great personality, for a time I really felt special and I hoped I could take that confidence forward.

 

 

People will tell you to be confident, the unfortunate thing is I'd bet those self same people have never battled with confidence, they had dates and generally while not being hugely successful enjoyed some success. That is an altogether different scenario from you and I who have had no success at all.

 

 

People say "dating coaches" why? Is it normal to need one, no it isn't, if you want to try one go ahead it may help you or turn out to be a waste of time.

 

 

Confidence is found through success, anyone is welcome to debate that one with me but I am absolutely certain of that, I have never met a successful person who has lacked confidence and I have met a lot of hugely successful people.

 

 

I am going to share this with the forum, its an extract of a letter I wrote a friend after he grilled me about dating without understanding I had no success. Maybe something like this is an option for you, its all I have at the moment and while I still feel the pain you do, at least a few days a month when I communicate with this person I feel great and normal. Maybe try and find someone like I have found below, its not ideal and it wont be everything you want.

 

 

"[FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Calibri]Truthfully Idon’t think I will ever find anyone wow who likes me the way I would like themto. The reality at the moment is in theory I have probably 50% of what I want,someone who challenges me to be better, takes some sort of interest in me, hasthe ability to take anything I write and just make it better, has the abilityto really make me think and up my game considerably and there is some commonground. Added to which this person is genuinely nice. I’d rather have thatpositive 50% than spend hours on dating sites, hours trying to befriend peoplein the hope they know someone, hours going to clubs and bars hoping someonewill notice me. For me it’s probably best I don’t put myself out there againand back into that same endless cycle of disappointment. Make no mistake as Iwrite this that feeling is very much present and profoundly so. At 32, it’s expected I know how to charmpeople, to be frank I don’t. All I know is how to be me. "[/FONT]

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[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

You have previously said you have Asperger's, so that is no doubt colouring your perceptions and affecting your dating success.

If I were you I would seek professional help as regards your particular issues and work to address them specifically.

 

https://www.aspergerexperts.com/social/the-3-keys-to-dating/

Read some of the comments, sad to hear of a guy being 30 and never had a girlfriend before

[Cherryz]

Things like this is good for you to ask your father.

Or maybe uncle, or your best older brother.

 

And also read some books about it.

 

Greeting girls when you pass by, and be friendly.

And just go to activity's of people of your age.

Not exactly party's where there is loud music and drunken people.

But more places where you can be able to have a talk with others too.

 

Once you see someone you like say hi and introduce yourself.

And have small talk about the activity and ask her little questions(find a dating book).

And after a little talk you tell her you saw her and she looks nice and you would like to know her better, and if she would like to swap phone-number with you and get to know each-other.

 

After that keep in touch, and then ask her on a date if you see she may be a nice girl that you attractive to.

 

How to go from there i will advice you to get some dating books.

And also ask your dad about how to.

You will learn along the way also more about what not to do or say.

 

And if you get rejected. Stay cool and end the convo and wish her a nice day and walk away. Knowing that there is someone more special out there for you.

[Cherryz]

I am 32 and a your posts resonate strongly with me. I can really identify which what you are projecting here. Like you I have had absolutely not success at dating at all. None of the people I have been attracted to have ever liked me.

 

 

Like you I wonder what it is like, it becomes all consuming at times and like you I have faced constant rejection. The problem with being lonely is you always want what you cant have, for me this is a near constant feeling for me, each and every day.

 

 

I have tried numerous things, I paid someone to date me for a while, she was a student and gorgeous and had a great personality, for a time I really felt special and I hoped I could take that confidence forward.

 

 

People will tell you to be confident, the unfortunate thing is I'd bet those self same people have never battled with confidence, they had dates and generally while not being hugely successful enjoyed some success. That is an altogether different scenario from you and I who have had no success at all.

 

 

People say "dating coaches" why? Is it normal to need one, no it isn't, if you want to try one go ahead it may help you or turn out to be a waste of time.

 

 

Confidence is found through success, anyone is welcome to debate that one with me but I am absolutely certain of that, I have never met a successful person who has lacked confidence and I have met a lot of hugely successful people.

 

 

I am going to share this with the forum, its an extract of a letter I wrote a friend after he grilled me about dating without understanding I had no success. Maybe something like this is an option for you, its all I have at the moment and while I still feel the pain you do, at least a few days a month when I communicate with this person I feel great and normal. Maybe try and find someone like I have found below, its not ideal and it wont be everything you want.

 

 

"[FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Calibri]Truthfully Idon’t think I will ever find anyone wow who likes me the way I would like themto. The reality at the moment is in theory I have probably 50% of what I want,someone who challenges me to be better, takes some sort of interest in me, hasthe ability to take anything I write and just make it better, has the abilityto really make me think and up my game considerably and there is some commonground. Added to which this person is genuinely nice. I’d rather have thatpositive 50% than spend hours on dating sites, hours trying to befriend peoplein the hope they know someone, hours going to clubs and bars hoping someonewill notice me. For me it’s probably best I don’t put myself out there againand back into that same endless cycle of disappointment. Make no mistake as Iwrite this that feeling is very much present and profoundly so. At 32, it’s expected I know how to charmpeople, to be frank I don’t. All I know is how to be me. "[/FONT]

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I do think that everyone have a group of people that you are their type.

Everyone have things they have to work on.

Some get many gfs, but cant keep none.

 

Looking at your age i think maybe its time for you to take a different step to work on this.

Like ask your family and close friends(which knows you well) for the truthful feedback. How do you come across, what can you work on, what do they think may be your problem with finding a gf. and so on.

 

And take notes and take your time to reflect on it and share your fear and feelings about this with them.

 

I dont know you. But if its your looks, women like men that looks well taking care of, that also attract people to you.

If its the way you handle with females, you need to read books about dating, female psychology, and hang out with females in your family and friends and see and understand how women are generally.

In this time (2016) you have even classes that you can follow about how to date and so on.

Get busy do the work.

Take good steps out of your comfort zone.

And do more socializing around and with females, till your eyes fall on that one person you like.

Dont go premeditated to score all the time. But socialize. Get to know people and let them know you. That way you build also friendship before jumping into things. If there is something more there you will know and you can go for it if its a single person and a match.

[ZA Dater]

I do think that everyone have a group of people that you are their type.

Everyone have things they have to work on.

Some get many gfs, but cant keep none.

 

Looking at your age i think maybe its time for you to take a different step to work on this.

Like ask your family and close friends(which knows you well) for the truthful feedback. How do you come across, what can you work on, what do they think may be your problem with finding a gf. and so on.

 

And take notes and take your time to reflect on it and share your fear and feelings about this with them.

 

I dont know you. But if its your looks, women like men that looks well taking care of, that also attract people to you.

If its the way you handle with females, you need to read books about dating, female psychology, and hang out with females in your family and friends and see and understand how women are generally.

In this time (2016) you have even classes that you can follow about how to date and so on.

Get busy do the work.

Take good steps out of your comfort zone.

And do more socializing around and with females, till your eyes fall on that one person you like.

Dont go premeditated to score all the time. But socialize. Get to know people and let them know you. That way you build also friendship before jumping into things. If there is something more there you will know and you can go for it if its a single person and a match.

 

 

I think the OP and I have certain common issues, his posts really sound like some of mine but unlike me he is much younger so can definitely do more than I can.

 

 

What I am basically saying is his predicament is not unusual at 21 years of age, the best thing he can do is go out and mix people, build up friendships be it with guys or girls and network like that. I wish I had done that at 21.

 

 

As for me I have given up, cant really take anymore rejection and I hate the process of trying to find someone to date, all I end up with a choice of people I don't really like and those very few I do like aren't into me, so I have decided to just take friendship with one I do like, if that's the best I can get then its fine, its a heck of a lot better than going through this endless process of looking and finding nobody I really like.

 

 

She is similarly talented to me and we get on well which is something quite rare for me, equally rare is that face she challenges me. At the end of the day she has no romantic interest in me and is unlikely to ever be interested in that way.

 

 

I agree the OP should ask for feedback as to where he is going wrong, that however can be a tough thing because he may, like me, get no constructive feedback or the issues may be impossible to fix, which as I have discovered can actually feel a lot worse than the worst rejection.

 

 

Another lesson for the OP, at least do try and conform to some things, I made a decision to never conform and lets just say I am paying the ultimate price for that. Looks, you cant really do much about that, I am 5.9, athletic, blond, blue eyes, slim and I cant say my looks have given me any advantage at all.

 

 

Like the OP I am shy and I WILL NOT approach random ladies, he needs to decide if this is worth it but again if he develops friends he may not have to do this because he will get introduced to people.

 

 

In short I will just have to be happy with that 50% because 50% of something exceptional is better than 100% of something you don't want.

[Dark Horse]

I'm a very sensitive person, I hate being rejected and ignored. There was this one girl I really liked online and messaged her but she ignored my message. She visited my profile but didn't message back. And that was enough for me to break down and cry.

 

I just feel like i'm being judged, I hate it when women don't give me a chance. My profile description is probably sht, i'm not good at this kind of stuff. Iv'e messaged plenty of women but none of them ever reply.

 

Please, all I want is a chance. I'm tired of being ignored. Just one chance please.

 

 

Anybody else pretend you're cuddling with somebody in your bed? I wish it was real so bad. I want that to be me.

 

The loneliness is incredibly painful! I wish women would talk to me :'((

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

I'm a very sensitive person, I hate being rejected and ignored. There was this one girl I really liked online and messaged her but she ignored my message. She visited my profile but didn't message back. And that was enough for me to break down and cry.

 

I just feel like i'm being judged, I hate it when women don't give me a chance. My profile description is probably sht, i'm not good at this kind of stuff. Iv'e messaged plenty of women but none of them ever reply.

 

Please, all I want is a chance. I'm tired of being ignored. Just one chance please.

 

 

Anybody else pretend you're cuddling with somebody in your bed? I wish it was real so bad. I want that to be me.

 

The loneliness is incredibly painful! I wish women would talk to me :'((

Yeah well the world is not all sunshine and rainbows

[normal person]

I'm a very sensitive person, I hate being rejected and ignored. There was this one girl I really liked online and messaged her but she ignored my message. She visited my profile but didn't message back. And that was enough for me to break down and cry.

 

 

You need thicker skin. Expecting everyone to like you is incredibly unrealistic and is only going to make you feel worse. I read somewhere that women have such varying tastes that a man could be considered appealing if only 40% of women thought so. For a woman, 90% of men could agree on what women were appealing. Women are picky as it is, but there are billions of them. Your sample size of 1 is statistically insignificant. It holds no weight. Having a tearful breakdown because one person didn't reply to your message is an incredible overreaction, don't you think? Did you ever take a test in school and get a question wrong? How did you react? Or did you ever lose in a sporting contest or at a game? A lack of success isn't always a personal failure. It's oftentimes circumstantial and unavoidable.

 

I just feel like i'm being judged, I hate it when women don't give me a chance.

 

You can't expect people not to judge you when you put yourself out there. That's the whole nature of the process. It's a judgment of your potential as a partner. When you looked through the page of profiles on the online dating site, did you message the very first girl you saw on there or did you skip over any until you saw one you wanted to message? If the latter, you judged all the women you saw until you got to the one you wanted to message. You thought they lacked something you wanted so you decided they weren't worth your time or energy, or just plain weren't your cup of tea. Which is fine. You're not going to like everyone out there, maybe only 3% of people at the most. But at the same time, you've got to realize that by going on the website you're inviting others to judge you too. You can't complain about it, you're just as guilty of it as they are. You're not above judgment.

 

 

My profile description is probably sht, i'm not good at this kind of stuff. Iv'e messaged plenty of women but none of them ever reply.

 

Like many things in life, dating is very Darwinian and meritocratic. If you want the best results, you have to be the best. You can't expect people to give you the benefit of the doubt because you're just "not good." That'd be like writing an admission essay to Harvard that simply said "Look, I'm not good at this school stuff. Can you just please let me in?" What a slap in the face that'd be to everyone who busted their butt in high school studying and achieving things. If you really want something, you need to do what's necessary to obtain it, not expect it to be handed to you out of pity.

 

If your profile is bad and you're not good at that sort of thing, learn to be better. Look at elements of good profiles you see and incorporate them into your own. Have friends critique it and give you unbiased opinions. Use better pictures. If you can't figure that out, then sorry, you probably won't have much success. It doesn't become anyone's responsibility go out with you because you can't crack the nut like everyone else. As I said, it's very Darwinian.

 

Please, all I want is a chance. I'm tired of being ignored. Just one chance please.

 

Serious question: why are you so deserving of a chance?

 

Who is more attractive, someone who begs for a dollar and does nothing in exchange for it, or someone who provides the world with something and fairly earns a dollar for his work and/or talent?

 

The point being, begging for someone's time and affection is about as unattractive as it gets. What are you doing to earn someone's attention and affection besides begging for it? What things about you are you expecting to attract someone?

Put yourself and your prospective partner's shoes and ask yourself "why would I go out with this guy? What's in it for me? Does he make me feel X? Does he make $Y? Is he Z? ...Or does he have nothing to offer and thinks his submissive begging is going to drop my panties?"

 

Think about what you offer another human being other than total dependence. Think about what's in it for them rather than the nauseating feeling they might get when they pity someone who's unwilling to take necessary action to do better.

 

Stop begging for peoples' time and attention. Start earning it.

[Dark Horse]

Y

Think about what you offer another human being other than total dependence. Think about what's in it for them rather than the nauseating feeling they might get when they pity someone who's unwilling to take necessary action to do better.

 

Stop begging for peoples' time and attention. Start earning it.

 

 

You're right, being lonely and crying will do me nothing!

 

 

The thing is that it's incredibly hard for me to talk to women because iv'e built up in my mind that women are these beautiful creatures that I have to impress and if they reject me or put me down, then i'm a loser. And since rejection is inevitable, I am bound to lose.

 

If I don't talk to girls, I am lonely. But if I do talk to them and fail, I am upset. It's a no-win situation. Iv'e become trapped in a cycle that is hard to escape. I can bury the feelings of loneliness deep inside like I used to but it wont change the fact that I will still want female companionship.

 

My greatest desire is also my greatest enemy. My want for female validation but many years of failure to fulfill these needs have made me numb. I watch porn and Pornography is like animal blood to a vampire, it satisfies the needs at the core but it isn't the same as real human blood (real female interaction) I am like a vampire who only has access to animal blood.

 

 

It's no wonder iv'e become a bitter piece of sht. Because I am my own worst enemy because of my failures with women ever since iv'e been in Kindergarden.

[Dark Horse]

Getting rejected, ignored, or ghosted by women is like getting kicked in the balls twice. It hurts like hell. Talking to girls is like preparing yourself to get hit. It's like walking up to someone and saying can you please kick me in my british teabags twice? Because you're always in the fear you're going to fail, and failure is 9 times out of 10. And not only that but rejection and failure is every single step of the way! You could get a girls number only for her to ghost you, you could get a first date only for her to say it's not going to work out.

 

Yet you continue to subject yourself to constant torture and rejection because loneliness is an even greater pain.

 

You're subjecting yourself to constant pain and emotional breakdowns all because of the right to earn a female who loves you (or wants to have secs with you) Lots of lonely nights, crying spells, breakdowns, even suicide attempts, all just for female validation.

 

 

See how stressful dating can be for some people? I feel for all of the lonely virgins out there, it's not fcn easy at all. If you have it easy and no problem finding love, consider yourself blessed. Don't ever take it for granted!

 

 

And the beauty of it is that when you FINALLY do have some success, you appreciate it more and not take it for granted. When I finally get my first girlfriend, you better believe I will work my asss off to make it work and won't take it for granted. Even if it goes to sht, I will still be happy. Even if she leaves me for buff alpha fu boy god among man, I will just be happy I got to be loved in return for once in my life.

 

Because I could have easily been forever alone.

 

So in a way even though i'm not seen as valuable as the fu boys or "alpha males". At least when I do get a girlfriend, I will hope to be a better quality boyfriend because I know that she could be my only shot so I will work harder to make it work.

Edited June 19, 2016 by Dark Horse

[normal person]

The thing is that it's incredibly hard for me to talk to women because iv'e built up in my mind that women are these beautiful creatures that I have to impress and if they reject me or put me down, then i'm a loser. And since rejection is inevitable, I am bound to lose.

 

Women are just people like anyone else; like your sister or your mom. They don't have magical powers and a lot of them can be just as insecure or unsure of themselves as you are. A lot of them are probably worried about impressing you. The sooner you realize this, the easier it will be.

 

If I don't talk to girls, I am lonely. But if I do talk to them and fail, I am upset. It's a no-win situation. Iv'e become trapped in a cycle that is hard to escape. I can bury the feelings of loneliness deep inside like I used to but it wont change the fact that I will still want female companionship.

 

So don't fail. Or at least turn the odds in your favor. Develop traits and a lifestyle that's attractive and appealing that makes them want to be with you. As I said earlier, you absolutely cannot beg for attention. You have to earn it. Earn enough of it and then they'll be begging for yours.

 

My greatest desire is also my greatest enemy. My want for female validation but many years of failure to fulfill these needs have made me numb.

 

What do you think has prevented you from being successful and what are you doing to rectify it?

 

Talking to girls is like preparing yourself to get hit. It's like walking up to someone and saying can you please kick me in my british teabags twice? Because you're always in the fear you're going to fail, and failure is 9 times out of 10.

 

You have to desensitize yourself to women in general. They aren't unicorns. They're just people who have interests and challenges just like you. If you go into a situation expecting to fail, you undoubtedly will fail. Your attitude and mannerisms will sabotage it for you. Once you desensitize yourself to the interaction you can project a much more confident, masculine presence that will be received much more favorably. Take that feeling and run with it. See how far it can take you. The next time you interact with a woman, make a conscious effort to think your time and attention is just as valuable as hers, if not more so. Make her impress you. The instant you start fawning over a woman and succumbing to her every whim, she'll lose whatever interest in you she had.

 

And the beauty of it is that when you FINALLY do have some success, you appreciate it more and not take it for granted. When I finally get my first girlfriend, you better believe I will work my asss off to make it work and won't take it for granted. Even if it goes to sht, I will still be happy. Even if she leaves me for buff alpha fu boy god among man, I will just be happy I got to be loved in return for once in my life.

 

Let's not put the cart before the horse. Why not work your ass off to be appealing in general so that women will appreciate you by default rather than scramble to salvage some black swan relationship with the first woman who gives you the time of day?

[MGX]

Getting rejected, ignored, or ghosted by women is like getting kicked in the balls twice. It hurts like hell. Talking to girls is like preparing yourself to get hit. It's like walking up to someone and saying can you please kick me in my british teabags twice? Because you're always in the fear you're going to fail, and failure is 9 times out of 10. And not only that but rejection and failure is every single step of the way! You could get a girls number only for her to ghost you, you could get a first date only for her to say it's not going to work out.

 

Yet you continue to subject yourself to constant torture and rejection because loneliness is an even greater pain.

 

You're subjecting yourself to constant pain and emotional breakdowns all because of the right to earn a female who loves you (or wants to have secs with you) Lots of lonely nights, crying spells, breakdowns, even suicide attempts, all just for female validation.

 

 

See how stressful dating can be for some people? I feel for all of the lonely virgins out there, it's not fcn easy at all. If you have it easy and no problem finding love, consider yourself blessed. Don't ever take it for granted!

 

 

And the beauty of it is that when you FINALLY do have some success, you appreciate it more and not take it for granted. When I finally get my first girlfriend, you better believe I will work my asss off to make it work and won't take it for granted. Even if it goes to sht, I will still be happy. Even if she leaves me for buff alpha fu boy god among man, I will just be happy I got to be loved in return for once in my life.

 

Because I could have easily been forever alone.

 

So in a way even though i'm not seen as valuable as the fu boys or "alpha males". At least when I do get a girlfriend, I will hope to be a better quality boyfriend because I know that she could be my only shot so I will work harder to make it work.

 

If you're constantly losing with women, you ever think of simply not playing the game? Maybe romance is not for you. Alot of people waste time and money fighting against something that can never be.

 

Have you ever thought about giving up jumping through these BS dating hoops and enjoying your freedom?

[elaine567]

If you're constantly losing with women, you ever think of simply not playing the game? Maybe romance is not for you. Alot of people waste time and money fighting against something that can never be.

 

Have you ever thought about giving up jumping through these BS dating hoops and enjoying your freedom?

 

Emotional Detachment Is Trying To Win By Not Playing The Game

In other words, by deciding you don’t care you can’t be hurt. The unconscious conclusion is “Why keep butting my head against the wall, why keep putting my hand in the fire? Every time I open up, every time I show my soft underbelly, I end up getting damaged in some way. Better to recoil into myself, to stop caring deeply about anyone or anything. That’s the best form of protection.”

Of course as we have written elsewhere this strategy will be rationalized in adulthood, explained away, viewed not as a defense mechanism but as the only logical way to live.

[preraph]

To get social, you have to be social, so work on your social skills and take control through self-discipline and override your shy tendencies. It's your body and personality. You can do what you want with it. You don't have to stay the way you feel you have always been. You control it.

[ZA Dater]

I'm a very sensitive person, I hate being rejected and ignored. There was this one girl I really liked online and messaged her but she ignored my message. She visited my profile but didn't message back. And that was enough for me to break down and cry.

 

I just feel like i'm being judged, I hate it when women don't give me a chance. My profile description is probably sht, i'm not good at this kind of stuff. Iv'e messaged plenty of women but none of them ever reply.

 

Please, all I want is a chance. I'm tired of being ignored. Just one chance please.

 

 

Anybody else pretend you're cuddling with somebody in your bed? I wish it was real so bad. I want that to be me.

 

The loneliness is incredibly painful! I wish women would talk to me :'((

 

In my opinion something which may work for you is to find a platonic female friend, you can most of what you want from just being friends with someone. The interaction you crave will be there and you will at least not be as lonely.

[Dark Horse]

I'm done with trying to find love. Since the start of the year it has caused me lots of stress, lots of lonely nights, lots of emotional breakdowns, and lots of crying spells.

 

I'm playing a game I wasn't wired to succeed unless I work my asss off and face rejection 90% of the time when I can't even handle it once without feeling like a worthless piece of sht. I was born different, some of you will consider it impaired, others will see my differences as unique. Nevertheless the truth is, some people weren't meant to succeed at dating because how the game of dating works doesn't work in our favor.

 

Don't get me wrong, I will always want to experience love, sex, and intimacy but I am forced to bury these feelings to protect me from being hurt again because I can't emotionally handle the pain of constant rejection. I need to focus on the things that matter such as improving myself, continuing my education, and working on being happy because I'm not happy when I'm searching for women. I'm still young so I have time; I will start worrying about trying to impress women once I'm in my mid twenties. I will still try to be friendly to women though and who knows what could happen?

[MGX]

I'm done with trying to find love. Since the start of the year it has caused me lots of stress, lots of lonely nights, lots of emotional breakdowns, and lots of crying spells.

 

I'm playing a game I wasn't wired to succeed unless I work my asss off and face rejection 90% of the time when I can't even handle it once without feeling like a worthless piece of sht. I was born different, some of you will consider it impaired, others will see my differences as unique. Nevertheless the truth is, some people weren't meant to succeed at dating because how the game of dating works doesn't work in our favor.

 

Don't get me wrong, I will always want to experience love, sex, and intimacy but I am forced to bury these feelings to protect me from being hurt again because I can't emotionally handle the pain of constant rejection. I need to focus on the things that matter such as improving myself, continuing my education, and working on being happy because I'm not happy when I'm searching for women. I'm still young so I have time; I will start worrying about trying to impress women once I'm in my mid twenties. I will still try to be friendly to women though and who knows what could happen?

 

Amen. Be happy without chicks.

 

Now you're free from worrying about the opposite sex and the BS that goes with such. You are your own man now; YOU make the rules now and you can be yourself. Let others go through anxiety and drama while you focus on yourself.

 

And yes, you don't have to be mean to women. Just give up dating them and all the stupid games that go with it.

[Dark Horse]

Screw you male hormones and human desire to want to find love.

 

I hate you! Go Dina Holl

 

I give you three middle fingers. My dck is the third.

Edited June 20, 2016 by Dark Horse