is this relationship worth trying to save?

[sophia_burg]

my6th sense was right on the money , kind of.

 

hello , sorry that this might be lengthy but i would really appreciate some honest feedback

 

i have been with my boyfriend for 6 years , we are not married only lived together. and have a 3 year old child. we took a break for one year and decided to give things one more shot..

 

to be honest, i started getting to comfortable for my own good.. as if my boyfriend would always be there.. long story short i pushed him away, i may have even said some comments that made him feel less of a man… he always wanted to go out and have us time and i would always say im tired, or just be angry for my own insecurites..so these past few weeks have been horrible in our house hold…

 

about a few weeks ago he changed his pw on his phone.

i am never the mom who goes out i never drink , i am pretty boring to be honest, so i deided to take a night off and go have drinks with his girl cousin claudia.. claudi and i had to much drink and we ended up kissing and i told him about it, obviously he was furious but we talked it over and got over it..not that i wa. little did i know..

 

. i noticed this unsaved number would text him and he would say it was his friend mike that would work at his job part time..

 

anywho after a few days i decided to call that number private in the restroom from my phone and a girl answered…

 

i asked him if he was still gonna stick with the mike story and he said yes, that that must of been mikes wife or something …

 

for some reason i didnt buy it, on my way to work i called the number again , and the same girl answered, i asked for mike and she said i had the wrong number.. so then i came clean.. i asked her , who she was and why was her number coming up all the time on my boyfiends phone.. she said he didnt tell her that he had a gf, that they met at the laundrymat ( sometimes my bf goes do a small load while im in school ).. and that he approached her.. she said she was sorry but that it didnt go anywhere, that they have only texted.. they never met up, kissed . had sex etc. she even said if you guys can work it out you should because it didnt go anywhere near that…

 

i confronted my bf when i got home and it matched… i asked why he lied why he didnt tell me , he said obviously if i said hey i made a friend at the laundry shes a girl , i was not gonna like it.. and it was a mistake.

 

part of me realizes i might have even pushed him to seek that conversatioon or attention that he wasnt getting at home from be , but i dont want my family to fall apart.

 

he gave me his phone pw we went threough ever single one of his contacts with me to show me he didnt save the number under any other name and told me it was nothing.. that he had alreadsy stoped talking to this person and he didnt cheat.. that hes sorry for lying. but that he didnt cheat.. he says he forgave and looked past what i did with his cousin on a drunk night so why cant i take his word..

 

we talked about it yesterday and he said he was tired, tired of fighting , tired of all of it and that he didnt want to be with me anymore , that he was just overwheledm and that if i wanted to leave i could…

 

and to be honest… i love him , we have been throug it all. and i dont want to lose my family and take my son to live back with my parents.. i know that actions speak louder than words and that we both did something wrong but how do i as a mom , woman , and gf to someone i know is a great guy at guy , has been a great dad , and aside from this a great husband… how do i show him i want to fight for us, how do i show him and prove to him we can fix it,,//what if he doesnt care at the end of that day….

 

please ui just need to hear some great advice , great tips from men, women who have been in my shoes , or on the other side of the spectrum.. please and thank you..i dont want to lose my family.

[NTV]

I read your whole thread and my gut response was a 'Do what?' double-take. I don't know why you have put your life on hold for a guy who's reason for cheating involves blaming you or allowing you to blame yourself. I also think that your child is young enough that the kid would easily get used to a 50/50 time sharing thing.

 

 

It sounds like you have confused comfort with love. You sound comfortable with having a life with him and scared others will think leaving a failure, but what the h*** does that have to do with living life?

 

 

You aren't married. You've had at least a year break in your relationship that you ENJOYED. You call yourself boring, but isn't that because you took a break in your forward personal growth (career/social life/etc) to try and build a family? (and don't get me wrong, that can definitely be a great thing if done the right way) But what use is trying to build a family with someone who doesn't want it?

 

 

Unless he's onboard with building a family and living an honest way, then you're just pissing away your emotional investment. Don't hug a dead cat.

 

 

At least that's my take---keep in mind others may have a different one, and I'm ONLY going by what little you've posted here. You've got reality, filtered by your perceptions, filtered again by language/culture, filtered again by what you've posted, and filtered by how I read it....etc. etc.

 

 

Only you can make the decision you're looking at, and only you can decide whether the reasons for making those decisions are good enough.

 

 

But, who am I? Just a stranger on the internet.

Edited May 11, 2016 by NTV
spelling/grammar

[GunslingerRoland]

The relationship has a lot of issues and it sounds like you need to really give some serious thought to if it's worth saving and if it is, you probably need therapy, and a lot of effort to do it.

 

 

I read your whole thread and my gut response was a 'Do what?' double-take. I don't know why you have put your life on hold for a guy who's reason for cheating involves blaming you or allowing you to blame yourself. I also think that your child is young enough that the kid would easily get used to a 50/50 time sharing thing.

 

You aren't married. You've had at least a year break in your relationship that you ENJOYED. You call yourself boring, but isn't that because you took a break in your forward personal growth (career/social life/etc) to try and build a family? (and don't get me wrong, that can definitely be a great thing if done the right way) But what use is trying to build a family with someone who doesn't want it?

 

Is this one of those the man is always to blame responses? Because at no point did she ever say, that they aren't married because he doesn't want to commit. And while not condoning his cheating, did you miss the part where she was the only one of the two of them that actually physically cheated?

[Mr. Lucky]

please ui just need to hear some great advice , great tips from men, women who have been in my shoes , or on the other side of the spectrum.. please and thank you..i dont want to lose my family.

 

There are no "tips" for salvaging a relationship when both parties act like they don't want to be in it.

 

Why would your BF believe you're committed to him when everything you've posted - pushed him away, took him for granted, broke up for a year, kissed his cousin, etc. - indicates just the opposite?

 

Not wanting to be alone isn't the same as wanting to be with someone else. Before you ask your BF any more questions, you'll need to clarify your own thoughts and goals. To this point, you've been your own worst enemy...

 

Mr. Lucky

[NTV]

Is this one of those the man is always to blame responses? Because at no point did she ever say, that they aren't married because he doesn't want to commit. And while not condoning his cheating, did you miss the part where she was the only one of the two of them that actually physically cheated?

 

 

 

Yeah, man, not sure how you got genderblame from my post. I'd likely give him similar advice should he post his side of the story.