Can stress cause a break up?

[arrow44]

I am wondering it being overly stressed/possible depression can cause a break up. I was with a man for 1.5 years, we lived together, in our early 20's. I honestly thought I was going to marry him, we've talked about it. But he recently bought a house, this house added way more responsibility to his life. On top of that he is a workaholic. Work takes up a lot of his time. He would wake up in the morning, go to work, come home at night, say hi, give a quick kiss, and back outside to work. He needed to make sure that he could pay his bills and such, totally understandable. But he would take on so much work that it would make him extremely stressed. He would be cranky all the time and even told me he thought he might be depressed. (I, of course, suggested he get help, he said he wold like to he just needed to find the time). Of course the constant work and overall stressed boyfriend, started to have a poor affect on our relationship. I will admit I did act like a brat at times, all I wanted to do was spend time with him. But he ALWAYS has something he had to get some. And it wasn't just me. He didn't have time to hang out with friends, me or family. He stopped doing things he would normally enjoy. Anyways I feel like we went through rough time and just kind of stopped appreciating each other. Neither of us were really ourselves in the end. But I think that the stress on top of everything he thought that the easiest thing was just to push me away. We broke up a few months ago and haven't talked since. Except one short conversation where he said he never wanted this to happen, said he was equally to blame for everything and that he had done some self reflection and learned from it. Can an extreme amount of stress/depression cause someone to end a relationship? Maybe they don't even realize what the stress is doing to them? I more than anything want to try again because I feel like we would be much better this time. I have had time to think and realize what I was doing wrong in the relationship. It took losing him to realize what I really had, and I realize that I just need to communicate what I am feeling a little better. I am in a much better place now and think we could make it with another chance.

 

PS: Being stressed was not a reason he gave me, he didn't use that or depression as an excuse. I don't really know what the reasoning was, he just kind of said random things. He seemed kind of torn and he didn't know if that's really what he wanted. But he said he just couldn't do it right now.

Edited May 11, 2016 by arrow44
Adding detail.

[Michelle ma Belle]

I am wondering it being overly stressed/possible depression can cause a break up. I was with a man for 1.5 years, we lived together, in our early 20's. I honestly thought I was going to marry him, we've talked about it. But he recently bought a house, this house added way more responsibility to his life. On top of that he is a workaholic. Work takes up a lot of his time. He would wake up in the morning, go to work, come home at night, say hi, give a quick kiss, and back outside to work. He needed to make sure that he could pay his bills and such, totally understandable. But he would take on so much work that it would make him extremely stressed. He would be cranky all the time and even told me he thought he might be depressed. (I, of course, suggested he get help, he said he wold like to he just needed to find the time). Of course the constant work and overall stressed boyfriend, started to have a poor affect on our relationship. I will admit I did act like a brat at times, all I wanted to do was spend time with him. But he ALWAYS has something he had to get some. And it wasn't just me. He didn't have time to hang out with friends, me or family. He stopped doing things he would normally enjoy. Anyways I feel like we went through rough time and just kind of stopped appreciating each other. Neither of us were really ourselves in the end. But I think that the stress on top of everything he thought that the easiest thing was just to push me away. We broke up a few months ago and haven't talked since. Except one short conversation where he said he never wanted this to happen, said he was equally to blame for everything and that he had done some self reflection and learned from it. Can an extreme amount of stress/depression cause someone to end a relationship? Maybe they don't even realize what the stress is doing to them? I more than anything want to try again because I feel like we would be much better this time. I have had time to think and realize what I was doing wrong in the relationship. It took losing him to realize what I really had, and I realize that I just need to communicate what I am feeling a little better. I am in a much better place now and think we could make it with another chance.

 

PS: Being stressed was not a reason he gave me, he didn't use that or depression as an excuse. I don't really know what the reasoning was, he just kind of said random things. He seemed kind of torn and he didn't know if that's really what he wanted. But he said he just couldn't do it right now.

 

I think you need to read this over and over again and let it sink in.

 

To answer your opening question, sure, stress and/or depression can and do contribute to break-ups but usually it's the person having to deal with the one with the issues that breaks up because they've reached their limit.

 

It sounds like you're desperately looking for a reason for why he broke up with you but it doesn't sound like this is really his issue. You admitted yourself that he's a workaholic which means his priorities are work focused instead of relationship focused right now.

 

You need to give him his space and let him have his time. He said himself that he just can't do this right now and you need to respect that.

[ExpatInItaly]

Yes, stress and depression can be major factors in a break-up. Those suffering sometimes simply reach their limits in terms of what they can handle, emotionally and physically. Many in that position lose their desire to be in an intimate relationship and might isolate themselves as a coping mechanism. And it's true that sometimes they don't even consciously realize the effect stress is taking.

 

However, if the person wants to end the relationship, all you can do is respect their boundary. I'm sure he knows you love him and would like to try again. But believe him when he says he just can't do this right now. Give him his space. Get started on healing and focusing on you and moving forward. Don't try to think of ways to get him back; he's not ready for it at this time. That's not to say he never will be, but it's wiser for you to start emotionally closing that chapter. That way, regardless of whether or not he returns someday, you win.

[DanlT]

I agree. My wife left me after she had an altercation with my Son, then a week later her Dad died, and 7 days later her Cat died. I was suffering from insecurity at the time and caused an argument, that ended everything.

YES, STRESS CAN FINALIZE a breakup.