Wife Leaving Me- Feel Lost

[Chills22]

It is funny how something that looks so bad when written down can actually be your life.

 

I know that the argument when she was talking to the other man and our son was upset was more about me than our son. I am just very angry that she is having a relationship like this with someone else and also denying it. She is also telling him a lot of lies that makes me more upset. For example, she told him that when she was pregnant with our son she had to go on bed rest and went into premature labor because of stress my family was causing and I wouldn't step in and do anything about it. She said her father wanted her to move in with them because he was scared of losing his grandson. Other than the bed rest and early labor part none of that is true. It is completely made up and it bothers me that she lies to people about our life and in a way it disrespects our son. It bothers me that after I spoke with her she didn't tell this other man I need to keep peace in my life so out of respect for my former marriage and family I can't talk to you for 4 months and after that if you are still interested we can start talking again.

 

Let's be honest she has no idea what he is doing. Yes, he could be head over heels for her and only talking to her for hours and texting. Or he could be talking to multiple women or other women or who really knows. For her to be telling him he is her priority and apologizing to him when we are in this situation is just very frustrating. When we were arguing she said she has been having migraines and chest pains and bad health because of everything and I just don't care. I do care but I feel like she is bringing this on herself by adding extra stress to our situation due to this relationship. She won't see that or even admit there is a relationship, everything gets turned back around on me. I am trying to work through all of these feelings so I can move on.

[S2B]

You can work through all your "feelings" later.

 

Right now you need to be taking action!

 

Stop talking on and on about it and start doing the necessary action.

[soy]

Gosh I'm sorry for what your going through.

 

To be honest going through a divorce is difficult. On my end its more difficult because I don't trust the father is my kids and the thought of them being alone with him scares me. Going through child custody, child support... And all the nasty emotions that come with it is very hard. I wouldn't wish this on anyone.

 

It sounds like your wife has already moved on. I know it's scary to think "how will I survive with out her" but the truth is you will. During my 6 year marriage I cried everyday to sleep. The thought of leaving him mortified me. Here's the secre thiugh... Humans fear the unknown. What we don't know scares us, that's why we don't like to face it. But let me as you this; how will you know if life isn't better on the other side of you don't try it? Most people don't know that life can be so much better because they've never experienced it. It's like a blind person who sees for the first time. That person wasn't aware of the beauty this world has to offer because he never saw it. When he saw it be was able to see the beauty. Had he kept his eyes shut he would've never experienced such beauty.

 

I will pray for you, that God may place your answer with in your heart .

[Chills22]

The argument I had with her the other night may have helped because last night she actually stayed downstairs and spent some time with our son. I am pretty sure she was still texting with him during that time but at least she wasn't locked in the room talking on the phone.

 

When I was about to go to sleep she came over and said she wanted to talk to me. She pretty much proceeded to tell me how horrible I was and how unhappy she had been. It was like jabbing the knife in and twisting it. She told me that I didn't communicate and I was emotionally detached. She said that I made her unhappy and she couldn't take it anymore. She said that she cheated on me because there was a void I was not filling and she went out to fill it with someone else. She said she did not like that I turned her into that. She said even in our happy times she felt empty. That she did love me, but she loved herself more. Then she said she hoped we could end things peacefully and work something out for our son. I really didn't say anything. Yes, a lot of what she said was true, and I accept it, but I also think you can't just look at things in a vacuum. For example I told her she never tried to build back trust after cheating and she continued to lie to me. She said I had lied to her too. I said I know I have lied to you too but all lies are not always equal. That set her off and she said all lies are the same. She said I don't ever think I do anything wrong and I think I am better than everyone else. I really just stopped talking after that and listened to all of the hard and hurtful things she had to say about me. Then she went to bed.

 

This morning when she got up she was crying and I asked what was wrong. Her cousin had passed away overnight. She hadn't seen him for over 10 years but they were close when they were kids. She came to me and I held her and listened to her for a brief time. She said life was too short. I told her she could be sad but I know that he wouldn't want her blaming herself for anything. I also told her I am sorry he passed away. She thanked me.

 

It is funny for all the times she says I have never been there for her I can name so many times situations like the above happened and I was there and we had these moments. But I am sure she just got in the car and called him and he made it a point to talk to her and make it seem like he was there for her to take care of her. So when she looks back all that she will see is how he supported her and got her through this tough time.

[Bufo]

Your recents posts are proof of the utility of the 180 applied 100%.

 

if every time you engage with her bad things happen, just quit engaging with her. Except about your son and the logistics of daily child care and paying bills.

 

You cannot control her behavior. If she wants to talk to OM she will. She does not care about how you feel,,so why should you care about how she feels? When she went on her rant about how horrible you are and forced her to have an affair, you should have turned and walked away.

 

The magic words are: "I sorry you feel that way". The correct answer to every accusation and every challenge she throws your way. She'll eventually get the message that screaming and yelling and accusing and blaming aren't getting you upset.

 

If you don't like this advice, I'm sorry you feel that way.