HorseFry Posted May 13, 2016 Share Posted May 13, 2016 I was in bed with my boyfriend. He had his hand on my thigh and I said "oh your hand is hot, it feels nice" He asked me "you know why that is right?" After I answered his question, he asked me "do you know what else the heat is touching?" I'm thinking "well there's skin, muscle, and fat." So, I said fat. That's it. He got angry. He goes "yes fat. Because you're so damn fat!" He continued on for a second. I was shocked...I had no idea why he reacted this way. I wasn't trying to put myself down, which he thought I was. I simply said fat because that's what popped in my head along with some other things. He then said something along the lines of "you want to put yourself and hope I coddle you and tell you everything's okay" I'm laying there so effing confused. I tried telling him I wasn't at all putting myself down. Then he said something that really really hurt. He said "god if we ever have a kid, and they have low self esteem, I hope they kill themselves" I have a horrible low self esteem, and he knows this but I've been hiding it, and trying to work on it. I've lost 20lbs due to eating better and working out. When he said "I hope they kill themselves" that was like a punch to the gut. It felt like he was saying "I hope people with low self esteem skill themselves" I have a low self esteem. It felt like an indirect way to me that I should just kill myself. He rolled over and went to sleep. I went out on the couch and slept. Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted May 13, 2016 Share Posted May 13, 2016 Horsefry, So, I said fat. That's it. He got angry. He goes "yes fat. Because you're so damn fat!" Your bf is mean, spiteful and nasty. I hope by now that he is your ex-boyfriend. You can do better than this, much, much better. The only fat you need to lose is about 150lbs of it in the form of this @r$ehole. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
fands Posted May 13, 2016 Share Posted May 13, 2016 I was in bed with my boyfriend. He had his hand on my thigh and I said "oh your hand is hot, it feels nice" He asked me "you know why that is right?" Because he had to prep his missile? Link to post Share on other sites
Author HorseFry Posted May 13, 2016 Author Share Posted May 13, 2016 Horsefry, Your bf is mean, spiteful and nasty. I hope by now that he is your ex-boyfriend. You can do better than this, much, much better. The only fat you need to lose is about 150lbs of it in the form of this @r$ehole. I just didn't get it. We had been having a good day. No fights or arguments. Then out of nowhere he says this. Link to post Share on other sites
SammySammy Posted May 13, 2016 Share Posted May 13, 2016 I feel emotional abuse is just as bad as physical abuse. I've learned to tolerate neither. I would nip this in the bud - the behavior or the relationship. Either way, it stops today. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted May 13, 2016 Share Posted May 13, 2016 Horsefry #4 I just didn't get it. We had been having a good day. No fights or arguments. Then out of nowhere he says this. He's showing you who he is - believe him and loose him. Just be glad you aren't married to him or have kids with him He said "god if we ever have a kid, and they have low self esteem, I hope they kill themselves" ^^^^ That's just plain nasty. Please, please just dump this abusive person, and do it now - it won't get better, believe me. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted May 13, 2016 Share Posted May 13, 2016 Oh, eff no. If a man ever said that to me, I'd be out of there. It makes me angry that people can be so callous. God, what a douchecanoe. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author HorseFry Posted May 13, 2016 Author Share Posted May 13, 2016 I just want him to say he's sorry, that's it. Just tell me he's sorry for reacting the way he did. That there was no need for that sort of behavior. Yes, I used to have this nasty habit of belittling myself; called myself fat, ugly, stupid. But that was in the past. I haven't done it in a long time, because I know he hated it. But I really was not at all putting myself down when I said "fat" I didn't think "hmm well I'm fat so I'll say fat" which I know is what he probably thinks I was thinking. He said "you want to put yourself down. Call yourself stupid, fat, ugly, and you expect me to just hold you and tell you everything's okay and make everything rainbows and sunshine" those weren't his exact words but it was something along those lines. I tried to explain to him that wasn't my intentions at all. I said "people have fat and muscle and that's why I said it. I didn't say it because I think I'm fat nor was I bashing myself" he didn't believe me, and that's when he rolled over. The whole fat thing didn't bother me as much as the "I hope if we have a kid and they have low self esteem, they just kill themselves" that hurt so bad. Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted May 13, 2016 Share Posted May 13, 2016 Uh, I think I get where your bf is coming from... Imagine someone every day telling you something negative about themselves - after a while you'd probably snap too and cuss them out. Like guys who sit around moping telling me that they think they're out of my league. Well, guess what? I'm gonna be like "Yep, you're out of my league, I'm tired of trying to convince you otherwise, so get lost already"... Link to post Share on other sites
ChocolateRain Posted May 13, 2016 Share Posted May 13, 2016 Words can really burn a hole in ones soul ... first i think you should figure out why you used to belittle yourself it often has deeper roots . Second , if someone really really loves you they should or would be patient with you and assure you that you are perfect for them . My XBF belittled himself too A LOT ... he had acne scars and he was chubby but that is exactly why i loved him the whole of him the whole package . He used to say that he feels ugly next to me but together we tried to overcome his insecurities and still till this day he tells me ...YOU ALWAYS MADE ME BEAUTiFUL What your Boyfriend said was hurtful ... love your Avatar by the way ...i just love Patric Star : )))))) Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted May 14, 2016 Share Posted May 14, 2016 Okay, took me a bit to figure out what was going on because your title said he called you fat, which I guess is true, but apparently it was said in frustration because he is sick of you being so negative about yourself. I can understand someone getting fed up with listening to someone else put themselves down but I don't understand why he couldn't discuss it with you like a mature rational adult instead of going off on some tirade where he wouldn't even listen to your explanation. That comment about how he if he ever has kids with low self esteem he hopes they just kill themselves was very nasty and telling. First of all it was like he was telling you to kill yourself. Secondly it says a lot about what kind of person he is and what kind of parent he would be. If his future kids have low self esteem it will likely be because of him. I hope you never have children with him. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mrldii Posted May 14, 2016 Share Posted May 14, 2016 I just want him to say he's sorry, that's it... I don't doubt that this is true...that this is all you want to make this incident all better. And, therein lies the problem. Best of luck to you, OP... 6 Link to post Share on other sites
PrettyEmily77 Posted May 14, 2016 Share Posted May 14, 2016 The whole fat thing didn't bother me as much as the "I hope if we have a kid and they have low self esteem, they just kill themselves" that hurt so bad. The whole thing should bother you, OP - they're one and the same, that is your BF's undermining behaviour. You know that song that goes 'sorry seems to be the hardest word' - well for azzholes, this is absolutely the easiest word to say. They say sorry, then act like nothing's happened (they were forgiven, after all) and continue with their azzholish behaviour. Either he's going through a bad time and is taking it out on you, or he's revealed himself for who he is - i wouldn't personally accept any of it at all. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted May 14, 2016 Share Posted May 14, 2016 I have never in my life had someone say such hurtful things to be OP, let alone someone I was sharing my bed with. For me, an appology wouldn't cut it - because I would never allow someone in my life who said such hurtful things to me. Do you think his attitude is going to help your self esteem problems? Or perhaps it's your self esteem problems that led you to allowing such a dooche bag into your life? Kill themselves!? Really!? I think a better reaction would have been something along the lines of "it breaks my heart that you tear yourself down, and so not see everything in your that I see" Not that they hate people with low self esteem and that they should kill themselves ffs. Certainly doesn't sound like a healthy influence in your life..... 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Taramere Posted May 14, 2016 Share Posted May 14, 2016 "you want to put yourself down and hope I coddle you and tell you everything's okay" I'm laying there so effing confused. I tried telling him I wasn't at all putting myself down. Then he said something that really really hurt. He said "god if we ever have a kid, and they have low self esteem, I hope they kill themselves" I don't know the background to this, or whether you've indicated to him more than you realise just how much you lack confidence in yourself - but with those words this guy showed his serious lack of potential as a good partner and as a good father. He hopes that any child of his who had low self esteem would kill themselves? Well, that's a self fulfilling prophecy if ever I heard one. With a father who had that sort of mindset, how could anybody expect a child to grow up with anything other than very low self esteem? You say all you want is an apology. I think as others are saying, an apology here really wouldn't cut it. This guy sounds wrong in the head, frankly. He probably knows it himself - and it could be that part of his frustration with you is that you're prepared to tolerate the kind of hateful outbursts that betray his poor character. Blaming you for his bad behaviour because you won't stand up to him for it. In the same way that a toddler screams in rage at its uncomprehending mother who can't or won't impose boundaries. I'd absolutely ditch this guy unless with the apology there was going to come some genuine accountability and recognition that he was projecting. That his horrible outburst came from some problem within him and not you. But I suspect you won't get that from him. Possibly you won't even get the apology you think would be enough. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted May 15, 2016 Share Posted May 15, 2016 I am so sorry Horsefry. What is this guy thinking of? He is being so cruel and insensitive. Please do not put up with such disrespect. I know it is hard when you feel you have low self-worth, but self-worth is about not putting up with crap from others. He has behaved appallingly to you, so he deserves to be kicked out. If you put up with this insult, you are telling him you are not worth treating better. You did right by leaving the bed, that is the first sign to him that you are worth more. I am sorry you have been hurt by this idiot. This behaviour is all his, he is responsible for being a stupid, crass, idiot. He may be being like this because he has no self-worth himself (quite possibly), but do not let him get away with it. I am sorry you are hurting. Stopping this guy in his tracks and teaching him you won't put up with his crap will be the best way to deal with this. He needs to learn and you deserve better. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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