ForeverAlone2016 Posted May 13, 2016 Share Posted May 13, 2016 Hi everyone, I have recently come out of an long term abusive relationship and am trying to learn more about myself. I am done with men for the foreseeable future. I like the idea of 'dating yourself' as it is very empowering. I have a few ideas in mind such as cooking yourself a nice meal, going to a coffee shop and pampering yourself. If any of you have other ideas, please share them with me. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ChocolateRain Posted May 13, 2016 Share Posted May 13, 2016 Sorry for what you have gone through and it sounds like you are on the way of recovery and healing ...thats really great ! i went through same thing in my marriage and after my divorce it took me loooooong time to heal you are doing the right things ... during my healing process i made sure at one point to be around people and trying to have fun again . i did things i never thought i would ever do but it helped me a great deal to overcome my fears ... all i can say is ...if ever you had dreams try to fulfill them it really boosts the ego doing so ... heal well soon dear .... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Patrice Posted May 13, 2016 Share Posted May 13, 2016 Massages, pedicures, take yourself to the movies. Get to the gym, take yourself out for dinner. Take a trip, and learn how competent you are and how much you still have of yourself. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ForeverAlone2016 Posted May 13, 2016 Author Share Posted May 13, 2016 Sorry for what you have gone through and it sounds like you are on the way of recovery and healing ...thats really great ! i went through same thing in my marriage and after my divorce it took me loooooong time to heal you are doing the right things ... during my healing process i made sure at one point to be around people and trying to have fun again . i did things i never thought i would ever do but it helped me a great deal to overcome my fears ... all i can say is ...if ever you had dreams try to fulfill them it really boosts the ego doing so ... heal well soon dear .... Thank you. I am trying. Mornings are the most difficult part of the day. I miss him the most during this time and it feels like I am in a black hole. I will try harder and I know it will be over soon. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 14, 2016 Share Posted May 14, 2016 Hi everyone, I have recently come out of an long term abusive relationship and am trying to learn more about myself. I am done with men for the foreseeable future. I like the idea of 'dating yourself' as it is very empowering. I have a few ideas in mind such as cooking yourself a nice meal, going to a coffee shop and pampering yourself. If any of you have other ideas, please share them with me. Spa day to yourself. Get a mani pedi and massage. Even though in a facial too! Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Clavel Posted May 16, 2016 Share Posted May 16, 2016 Hi everyone, I have recently come out of an long term abusive relationship and am trying to learn more about myself. I am done with men for the foreseeable future. I like the idea of 'dating yourself' as it is very empowering. I have a few ideas in mind such as cooking yourself a nice meal, going to a coffee shop and pampering yourself. If any of you have other ideas, please share them with me. hallelujah! good on you. i always say, when you're alone, it's your duty to be in good company. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
dichotomy Posted May 16, 2016 Share Posted May 16, 2016 Try new things,explore new ideas on your own. Maybe take some classes (or free trails), try listening to new music types, or movies, grow and learn ...dont wait for someone to show you something new - DYI, Link to post Share on other sites
NewLeaf512 Posted May 16, 2016 Share Posted May 16, 2016 Make your coffee and ring a friend or relative whilst you have your brekkie. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted May 16, 2016 Share Posted May 16, 2016 Take an art class or a cooking class or photography if that's what interests you. Good for you for getting out of that scene. Remember that he didn't treat you that way because you're you; he treated you that way because he's him! Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted May 16, 2016 Share Posted May 16, 2016 Congratulations OP!!!! How wonderful for you. Having worked with women of domestic violence I commend you for (1) having the courage to escape your abusive relationship and (2) for recognizing the need for some solitude and self reflection if only to find and enjoy who you are on your own. You should be very proud of yourself. There have been many great suggestions already listed but I would recommend a couple more things. First. I want to check with your local domestic shelter/service and see if they have any survivor group meetings. Very often they are free, led by a counselor and happen once a month. It might be a great support system for you in your journey. The second thing I recommend is reading some books that we've recommended to our ladies. I've read all of these myself and have applied them to my own life with great success; Living Alone and Loving It by Barbara Feldon - it a cheeky book but it has some great humor and suggestions on how to enjoy being single with all sorts of ideas of how to make life interesting and fun. A Year by the Sea by Joan Anderson - Actually anything by Joan Anderson I think would be great. I've read most of her books and she also offers retreats in Main a couple of times a year. The Art of Extreme Care and Take Time for your Life both by Cheryl Richardson - she's the guru of self care with very doable steps and plans that might be enlightening. Again, congratulations and best of luck in your journey towards healing. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
No_Go Posted May 16, 2016 Share Posted May 16, 2016 Dating yourself is awesome! I had ~8 months doing that between two relationships and I LOVED this time. I'll not have breakfast at home - I'll go to a different nice coffee shop every day. I'll go window shopping after work. I'll take long walks / bike trips. And day trips in the weekend! I'll visit beaches, cities, what not that I'd never go to if I was trans-dating. I'll go by myself to a different country for a weekend trip! I'll go take drawing classes, Spanish course with a bunch of funny people... Man, I miss this time so so much! Good luck dating yourself, make it as enjoyable as you can, while you can:) Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 17, 2016 Share Posted May 17, 2016 Congratulations on getting out. All I can tell you, as someone who has dated myself the majority of my life, is that it can be very exciting and fun. It's the best feeling in the world to be living on your own for the first time, doing anything you want to do, making your own decisions, and feeling your self-esteem build as you realize you can take care of yourself. And once you know that, you may opt to just keep living your own life, but even if you fall in love, you will at least have that foundation of self-assurance so that you never stay with someone out of fear again. If you are set up for it, you might enjoy a pet. But I would say for at least the next year, to give yourself complete freedom, because a pet does tie you down a lot. Best wishes to you! You are very brave. You will be fine. Link to post Share on other sites
stillminds Posted May 21, 2016 Share Posted May 21, 2016 It's said that being able to enjoy your own company is the foundation for any successful relationship. My favorite thing to do when I'm single is develop my philosophies about the world/nature of reality/etc. You can do this by reading books, writing your own thoughts, meditating, creating things, etc. I feel these exercises are vital for maintaining a healthy state of mind. When you focus on yourself, and nothing but yourself, you will see that you are actually not alone. Link to post Share on other sites
BlueIris Posted May 22, 2016 Share Posted May 22, 2016 If you like to travel, there's a company called "Women Traveling Solo Together" that has neat trips for solos. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ForeverAlone2016 Posted May 26, 2016 Author Share Posted May 26, 2016 Any tips for when you are lying in bed at night and can't help but dwell on the past? Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted May 26, 2016 Share Posted May 26, 2016 Any tips for when you are lying in bed at night and can't help but dwell on the past? Yep. Don't visit old threads. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Taramere Posted May 26, 2016 Share Posted May 26, 2016 Any tips for when you are lying in bed at night and can't help but dwell on the past? I probably suggest this way too often, but hypnotherapy. There's lots of free stuff on youtube - just google it. People have far more potential for controlling their thoughts and feelings than they credit themselves with....so long as they open themselves to the possibility of various relaxing and meditative techniques actually working. Also, make your going to bed time a pleasant experience that you look forward to. Eat lots of lettuce with your final meal of the day (lettuce is a natural sedative), drink chamomile tea, have a lavender candle burning in your room an hour or so before you go to bed, soft music playing and some light "feel good" reading. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Barbary_Horse Posted June 12, 2016 Share Posted June 12, 2016 Takes a lot of courage to leave and instead of being bitter, to assert your self-worth in healthy ways. There's no reason you can't date yourself with supportive friends though (who may or may not know of your inner intentions) rather than strictly alone. Some places would be fine to go alone but there's a fine line between feeling aloof and powerful to moments of self-consciousness in a busy place. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
fands Posted June 13, 2016 Share Posted June 13, 2016 I like the idea of 'dating yourself' as it is very empowering. Things were going great until this one time I slept in and stood myself up. I never heard the last of it when I woke up. We're going to try once more when we can get ourselves together again. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted June 13, 2016 Share Posted June 13, 2016 Things were going great until this one time I slept in and stood myself up. I never heard the last of it when I woke up. We're going to try once more when we can get ourselves together again. Did you at least give yourself a heartfelt apology for this? If it happens again you will simply have to break up with yourself otherwise you will just be sending yourself the message that you can walk all over yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
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