Cell phone question [updated]

[yepsurething]

As I listen to the recording it sounds like maybe he's saying he has had sex with her.

 

the wording is

 

"she's pretty, doesnt carry much fat, looks athletic and she can f#ck like a racehorse."

 

at first I thought he was saying she looked like she could 'f like a racehorse' now as I listen he's saying she does 'f like a racehorse.

 

=(

[Lobe]

As I listen to the recording it sounds like maybe he's saying he has had sex with her.

 

the wording is

 

"she's pretty, doesnt carry much fat, looks athletic and she can f#ck like a racehorse."

 

at first I thought he was saying she looked like she could 'f like a racehorse' now as I listen he's saying she does 'f like a racehorse.

 

=(

 

Unless he is talking about you, I think maybe the VAR being discovered at this point is moot, YST. Do you know who he is talking about?

[dichotomy]

VAR's are tricky. Sound quality is not usually the best.

 

...and women talk about crude things as well when their husband is not present - and sometimes when he is. This includes comments on attractiveness of coworkers or ex's- body parts, sex.... and complaints about their spouses.

 

I mentioned you may (or may not) find cheating when spying ... but spying comprehensively can be like getting into your spouses head or their random thoughts - not always pleasant to hear - nor always meaningful. People vent, and bullS!$T to others about sex and marriage and relationship - even politics and other things in ways they don't in front of their spouses.

 

You have to take what you record or read from your spouse with a grain of salt and decide where you cut them slack - where the boundary is for you.

Edited June 16, 2016 by dichotomy

[yepsurething]

yes, his coworker said he wanted to get dirty with a woman they work with,

 

my husband said, go ahead, I give you permission to have at it, but that one is crazy. your'e free to proceed.

 

then said, she is pretty, she doesn't look like she carries a lot of fat, she looks like she's athletic and she can f#ck like a racehorse.

 

what a pig.

[dichotomy]

and no the car place is not going to move, or take out any person items in the car. I leave all sorts of junk in our cars - and they would have no idea they were looking at a VAR anyway (if you got the right type).

[66Charger]

Smoking gun

[dichotomy]

Keep recording - keep being nice at home for now. I still dont see the specific words so far.

 

My two cents.

[elaine567]

yes, his coworker said he wanted to get dirty with a woman they work with,

 

my husband said, go ahead, I give you permission to have at it, but that one is crazy. your'e free to proceed.

 

then said, she is pretty, she doesn't look like she carries a lot of fat, she looks like she's athletic and she can f#ck like a racehorse.

 

what a pig.

Maybe so, but still no proof he is cheating.

[yepsurething]

Maybe so, but still no proof he is cheating.

 

well, if he's saying she can f like a race horse, how would he know that if he wasn't with her?

[GunslingerRoland]

IMO, if you record any person without their knowledge for any length of time, you will hear stuff that will make you think less of that person. It's pretty much inevitable. It's unfortunate you heard your husband say that, but you have to keep it in perspective. You would never record him 24/7 if you didn't think he was cheating. If you hear evidence of him having cheated, then that is that.

 

 

But if you're going to hold every other thing you hear him say over the time period against him, even if it's ****ty to say, then you'd might as well just divorce him now and not even bother to find out if he cheated.

[Sabella]

well, if he's saying she can f like a race horse, how would he know that if he wasn't with her?

 

I think for what you posted, he said "she doesn't LOOK like she carries a lot of fat and she LOOKS like she's athletic and Fs like a racehorse"

 

If he had been with her, he would know these things and not be pontificating.

 

Now if he said "she doesn't carry a lot of fat and is athletic and F's like a racehorse." That's a different scenario to me.

 

Not saying he isn't cheating, but this isn't the proof you need.

Edited June 16, 2016 by Sabella
Typos make me crazy

[Lobe]

"A lot of attention has been focused on the pain of

discovering an affair, but very little on the pain of suspecting

it. Only about twenty percent of the women whose husbands

are having affairs ever find out for sure. That leaves eighty

percent of us who supposedly don't know and therefore

"can't be hurt." But we do hurt. It becomes a silent, creeping

cancer that affects everything we do. It's always there—the

fear, the anxiety, the uncertainty, and the enormous drain on

our pride."

 

From "Beyond Affairs" by James and Peggy Vaughn. Free PDF here dearpeggy.com/book-pdfs/beyond-affairs.pdf

[yepsurething]

I think for what you posted, he said "she doesn't LOOK like she carries a lot of fat and she LOOKS like she's athletic and Fs like a racehorse"

 

If he had been with her, he would know these things and not be pontificating.

 

Now if he said "she doesn't carry a lot of fat and is athletic and F's like a racehorse." That's a different scenario to me.

 

Not saying he isn't cheating, but this isn't the proof you need.

 

He said the latter

[Sabella]

He said the latter

Well then that is a problem. I am sorry to hear that. What will you do next? Try and get more detail?

 

Quite honestly, you don't even need to prove much of anything, if you aren't happy and you don't trust him, you need to decide if you want to work it out or kick it to the curb.

 

Not sure how long I would want to be in sleuth mode, that would be emotionally exhausting at some point.

[yepsurething]

Well then that is a problem. I am sorry to hear that. What will you do next? Try and get more detail?

 

Quite honestly, you don't even need to prove much of anything, if you aren't happy and you don't trust him, you need to decide if you want to work it out or kick it to the curb.

 

Not sure how long I would want to be in sleuth mode, that would be emotionally exhausting at some point.

 

I do want to get detail in case I am misunderstanding. and i know you'll hear what you hear when you record someone, but I can't imagine saying things like that about a male coworker personally. but men and women are different so maybe its just the way guys talk. and the insults about me are pretty hard to hear for sure. especially because we are spending close time together talking and sharing and he's telling me how he loves me then laughs about what I say to his friend.

 

at the same time I want to punch him for the crap he's saying, Im glad to get insight into who he really is and see if this is the person I really want to be with.

 

and it is exhausting worrying and wondering.

[yepsurething]

so, at one point in the conversation my husband gives permission to his friend to 'have at it' with a female coworker.

 

he says - "I give you permission to have at it, you are free to proceed, I want to know about it, I want details"

 

then proceeds to say ' Uh she is pretty, she doesn't look like she carries a lot of fat, she looks like she's athletic and she can f*ck like a racehorse.

 

 

is he giving permission because he had her first? or do guys give each other the go ahead on women they both want or find attractive?

[elaine567]

so, at one point in the conversation my husband gives permission to his friend to 'have at it' with a female coworker.

 

he says - "I give you permission to have at it, you are free to proceed, I want to know about it, I want details"

 

then proceeds to say ' Uh she is pretty, she doesn't look like she carries a lot of fat, she looks like she's athletic and she can f*ck like a racehorse.

 

 

is he giving permission because he had her first? or do guys give each other the go ahead on women they both want or find attractive?

 

I don't know it may be just banter, I can see me saying to a friend jokingly, I give you permission to go after that hot guy, when he has nothing to do with me whatsoever, OR I give you permission to go after that hot guy as I have already had him OR carry on if you really like him and I''ll find someone else.

I don't think without context you can really say what he means.

YOU just need to keep listening here.

[dichotomy]

I can't imagine saying things like that about a male coworker personally. but men and women are different so maybe its just the way guys talk. and the insults about me are pretty hard to hear for sure. .

 

Women do talk about guys, my wife did a few times, not often but she did. Difficult and upsetting to hear sexist talk - but it happens among all sexes.

 

Yes its difficult to hear. Keep checking to make sure what he has (or is) up to.

[yepsurething]

yeah, Audacity can be complicated.

 

After a couple of searches varying the keywords, I got mostly do it yourself sites, but there were 2-3 that will do it for you —

- audio-cleaning-online.com (submit a request; they send a quote);

- airgig,com;

- freelancers.com.

 

Don't know how long it would take. Good luck.

 

airgig and freelancers dont show up for me?

[Lobe]

is he giving permission because he had her first? or do guys give each other the go ahead on women they both want or find attractive?

 

I think the problem is that you don't know with any certainty which female coworker they are talking about. Beyond that, it's as likely all you have heard is a conversation between two guys being crude as him giving permission because he already has intimate knowledge of her stamina. It's all speculation still at this point.

 

You might want to read dearpeggy.com/book-pdfs/beyond-affairs.pdf - I personally hated the format and style of the book but there was some fascinating insight to male bonding over affairs in there...

[merrmeade]

airgig and freelancers dont show up for me?

Most of these are online marketplace sites that connect clients with professionals. There are all kinds of sites for freelance professionals - in architecture, editing, music mixing, audio editing (what you want), etc. - to list their services.

• Here's one for audio editing freelancers.
  
• Got this one searching "noise removal" on airgigs, which is mostly by/for musicians.

Be sure and read the rates carefully and see where they're from; rates are usually better in certain countries. $10 per 10 minutes of audio is pretty good, for example.

[Poutrew]

It's my belief that if girls could listen to the way boys really talk when they know their women aren't around, most women would be lesbian I think you are getting a taste of that right now. I can remember when I was in high school, I would make up relationships with women, which I would go into great detail over with my guy friends, so they wouldn't know the truth of how inexperienced I really was. If it were the truth, my d*ck ought to have fallen off due to overuse... but I was lying my arse off. I suspect the stories my pals regaled me with were all lies as well... In order to suss out the truth from the fibs, you need to keep on listening. You need hard evidence... facts. You need for him to say something like, " Last Thursday, I told wifey I was going to go to the store to get some beer, but I went over to Ingrid' s instead, and she put a bite mark on my ass that I was sure wifey would divorce me over, but I have so far kept it hidden and in another week it ought to be gone. I told Ingrid No More Teeth, Ha Ha Ha." Then, look at his Bum. Now you have your proof.... btw, that was how I busted a former girlfriend. She didn't know about the bite mark the other guy put on her butt...

[merrmeade]

Regarding what you heard: My first inclination is to think it's because he 'had' her first, but the question to answer is - On what basis is he granting this 'permission'? If it's because he had her first and that's an understood hands-off situation? Or is it because of their work relationship, i.e., your husband's 'over' the other person and on that basis jokingly gives the other person permission to do this (too). Or is it just making a joke in general that he gives permission? The question is what is their understanding (the two talking). I'd think it's the kind of thing you can only discern by hearing it.

[66Charger]

If after a week, the only conversation you have captured, is with his friends, then perhaps you need to acknowledge that and search in another direction. The conversations so far are confusing. She can f like a race horse is not the same as it Looks like she can f like a racehorse. You have gone back and forth on this.

 

Fact: If he actively had a OW, he would have talked to her by now. After a week, have you heard him talk to another woman? After 2 weeks, if he hasnt, there is no active PA/EA. Doesnt mean there wasnt.

 

Give it a little more time, but if the present is not providing any info, (no woman) get rid of the VAR, look into the past (emails/text history) or accept what you have so far. Nothing.

[Cinnamonstix]

If after a week, the only conversation you have captured, is with his friends, then perhaps you need to acknowledge that and search in another direction. The conversations so far are confusing. She can f like a race horse is not the same as it Looks like she can f like a racehorse. You have gone back and forth on this.

 

Fact: If he actively had a OW, he would have talked to her by now. After a week, have you heard him talk to another woman? After 2 weeks, if he hasnt, there is no active PA/EA. Doesnt mean there wasnt.

 

Give it a little more time, but if the present is not providing any info, (no woman) get rid of the VAR, look into the past (emails/text history) or accept what you have so far. Nothing.

 

Just because he doesn't call her up while driving doesn't mean they don't talk on the phone.

 

Or, just because they don't talk on the phone, doesn't mean they don't talk. They could be more into texting than phone calls. Let's not forget that hubby is very possessive of his phone and won't let OP see it, so there is likely something there.