Cell phone question [updated]

[yepsurething]

If I read my posts from the beginning it makes me cry and my life feels really different, and I'm hoping that my husband really has changed and isn't acting like he was not because he thinks I'm spying but because he wants to be a good husband and dad.

 

when I first posted my husband was No on me seeing his phone and computer emails. Now that is all available to me, and not begrudgingly.

 

anyone else experience their partner really changing and things turning around for the better. I want to think that can happen for us. We seem closer than we've ever been in some ways, but I still worry,

 

and in the VAR recordings I hear conversations he has where I feel he's more friendly with women then I would prefer and talks about our kids, family, mentions me (which is good I guess, not saying bad stuff, just 'my wife said' type thing regarding out kids. etc. and I wish he wasn't sharing personal info with female coworkers but maybe that's standard?? talking about your kids?

 

and some of the females definitely seem to flirt with him and I'm not happy with it, but Icould be sensitive after all that's happened. not sure if he used to flirt back doesn't seem like he does?

 

one women in particular sits in his office for long stretches talking to him and he's never mentioned her. she's flirts and chats about her whole life to him and he talks back about our kids and me bit. I notice when he mentions me she gets quiet...maybe my imagination.

 

having good days and bad days, listening on.

[S2B]

He knows you're spying... He allows you to see what he knows you will see. He wasn't allowing that before because he was hiding things. He's removed what he was hiding and now you see what he allows.

 

I don't know any man that would "allow" any woman to sit in their office blabbing personal info unless that man were interested on some level. It's normal for even a cheating man to mention his wife/kids to anyone being groomed as an OW.. It's called exchanging personal info to become closer.

 

When I don't intend to become close to a person - I give them zero personal info. Zero means I'm not offering closeness to that person.

 

You can see it however you wish... But on some level he IS participating with her just by listening to all her info.

[yepsurething]

He knows you're spying... He allows you to see what he knows you will see. He wasn't allowing that before because he was hiding things. He's removed what he was hiding and now you see what he allows.

 

I don't know any man that would "allow" any woman to sit in their office blabbing personal info unless that man were interested on some level. It's normal for even a cheating man to mention his wife/kids to anyone being groomed as an OW.. It's called exchanging personal info to become closer.

 

When I don't intend to become close to a person - I give them zero personal info. Zero means I'm not offering closeness to that person.

 

You can see it however you wish... But on some level he IS participating with her just by listening to all her info.

 

 

I agree I dont like it, but how is he supposed to ask this worker to leave when he is basically one of her bosses and she's half talking about work and half talking about personal things?

 

is talking about your kids and family pretty normal though? should all office work be just office?

 

anyone else chime in here?

[CarrieT]

is talking about your kids and family pretty normal though?

It has been in every office I have ever worked in - regardless of relationship status or sexual orientation.

 

should all office work be just office?

No. Because when it comes down to it, many people in office settings end up spending more awake, cognizant time with their co-workers than they do their partners so having their "other life" bleed into their job is commonplace.

 

Look, my husband is a doctor. He works 10- and 12-hour days. At best, we have 3 to 4 waking hours together a day while he has at least 8 hours of time with his office staff. Of course, when I go into his office, every single person in there knows who I am and frequently knows more about what is happening in our personal lives (travel, his kids, etc.) just because that sort of stuff is what gets bantered about in between seeing patients.

[Lobe]

I agree I dont like it, but how is he supposed to ask this worker to leave when he is basically one of her bosses and she's half talking about work and half talking about personal things?

 

is talking about your kids and family pretty normal though? should all office work be just office?

 

anyone else chime in here?

 

In passing yes, I chat about the hubs, the kids, our vacation. I ask clients about things they've shared with me as a part of cultivating/establishing a close client relationship, but it's to develop a sense of loyalty and commitment so that I can take their money, not so I can get into bed with them.

 

YST, have you read "NOT just friends" yet? It's the casual banter that becomes too casual and friendly that slips past boundaries and develops into an emotional attachment.

 

As far as WH doing a 180 after being caught, yes, my husband did a 180 but that's because we had a concrete d-day and while there was trickle truth, he did not try and outright lie whereas your WH (and yes, I think he was a WH) is still keeping his cards close to his chest because he has repeatedly lied thorugh his teeth to you (which you know). It may well be that he knows you are spying and managed to find other ways of carrying on without you being able to track him - burner phone, using his desktop computer at work to carry on, staging conversations for you to overhear - or that he honestly just had a change of heart. Something doesn't sit right with the whole situation you're in, but I can't quite put my finger on it. What times of day do you truly have no "view" of him?

[yepsurething]

It has been in every office I have ever worked in - regardless of relationship status or sexual orientation.

 

 

No. Because when it comes down to it, many people in office settings end up spending more awake, cognizant time with their co-workers than they do their partners so having their "other life" bleed into their job is commonplace.

 

Look, my husband is a doctor. He works 10- and 12-hour days. At best, we have 3 to 4 waking hours together a day while he has at least 8 hours of time with his office staff. Of course, when I go into his office, every single person in there knows who I am and frequently knows more about what is happening in our personal lives (travel, his kids, etc.) just because that sort of stuff is what gets bantered about in between seeing patients.

 

do you know the workers by name? does you husband tell you that he talks to female coworkers and what they talk about? My husband NEVER mentions these women he talks to and has told me outright he never talks to women about personal things.

 

for me I feel unhappy that firstly my husband tells me he has no female friends which is a huge lie and the things he was talking to this coworker about are definitely friendly, not just work...talking about kids on a very personal level, me (and not a super favorable comment after I listen again) their voices sound flirtatious...and as I've listened to dozens of recording of my husband talking to men and women I can easily tell the difference. At one point he tells her how bad he feels she can't be a stay at home mom to her kids and tells her to have another baby!!!?? and in the next comment talks about me getting upset by being a stay at home mom etc. but telling her how great she would be at it.

 

he talks to her about how they've had this conversation before and she should listen to him, and then he confided in how much he misses our kids cause they are growing up and she tells him to have more kids!! is this more than friendly talk? I feel like saying F off lady. dont be telling my husband to have kids!!! thats a talk for us alone.

 

I have only been to my husbands office once and met one of his boss years ago (the position he now holds), and after that he told me that his boss was jealous and acted like a bitch after meeting me?? when I met her my hubby was picking up stuff at the office for a vacation and she tells me to 'take good care of him' while he was gone. ??

 

ok, this was years ago and I suspected his boss had a crush of sorts on him, which he denied like mad, but it always stuck in my head that a boss shouldn't be jealous of her employees wife and the take care of him thing..never seemed appropriate. who is she to tell ME to take care of MY husband?

 

I've never been keen on my husband having close female friends so I guess he just denies having female friends instead of just keeping it casual, which I know he can do because I hear him blow off men that he doesn't want to talk to. and the women he has no interest in he keeps it casual.

 

He seems to clearly get a big boost from these women crushing on him and flirting with him

 

about to blow my top really.

[yepsurething]

He knows you're spying... He allows you to see what he knows you will see. He wasn't allowing that before because he was hiding things. He's removed what he was hiding and now you see what he allows.

 

I don't know any man that would "allow" any woman to sit in their office blabbing personal info unless that man were interested on some level. It's normal for even a cheating man to mention his wife/kids to anyone being groomed as an OW.. It's called exchanging personal info to become closer.

 

When I don't intend to become close to a person - I give them zero personal info. Zero means I'm not offering closeness to that person.

 

You can see it however you wish... But on some level he IS participating with her just by listening to all her info.

 

well, he didn't know until last night when he found my recorder. we had quite a fight. or rather he got pretty out of control, broke a couple things, slammed a glass down and now has glass lodged in his hand. he took the day off of work because he has made himself sick from fighting and crying.

 

he tried to deny most of it, acted like a complete jerk.

 

today he is apologetic but I'm not sure how to take it all.

 

he actually blamed me for why he talks to women in such a friendly way.

 

saying that when he tries to talk to men about our kids and life that he loves to talk about soooo much that the men don't like talking about personal stuff like that and since he claims I don't like talking about our life and family???????

that's why he talks to them about our great life so they will give him the talk he needs so much.

 

WTF. I have NEVER not wanted to talk about our kids or life, and it's full BS to say that a stay at home mom/wife of 20 years shouldn't ever have a complaint about my day or kids etc. my husband will outright tell me I'm ungrateful for ever having a bad day.

 

yet he comes home full of complaints. I tell him that this is my career and I will have bad days and don't get vacations etc and he is my only friend to talk to and vent and he doesn't want to hear what i have to say. so I have learned to hold in my anxiety or frustrations and have little help with any of it.

 

Im so mad and unhappy right now.

[Ahurtgirl]

I would guess he will get a hidden phone to use to contact his other woman if there is one if he wishes to continue on with her and try to keep you as content as possible with you wanting to see his phone, computer, etc. There are always ways around it, but it just really depends on how much he wants to go through to keep contact within someone else, if he is involved outside your marriage.

[S2B]

So now he's defensive and blaming you for HIS bad behavior.

 

 

This only ends when you end it. When is it more than enough for you?

 

You are ALLOWING this guy to steal YOUR peace of mind.

[Lobe]

well, he didn't know until last night when he found my recorder. we had quite a fight. or rather he got pretty out of control, broke a couple things, slammed a glass down and now has glass lodged in his hand. he took the day off of work because he has made himself sick from fighting and crying.

 

he tried to deny most of it, acted like a complete jerk.

 

today he is apologetic but I'm not sure how to take it all.

 

he actually blamed me for why he talks to women in such a friendly way.

 

saying that when he tries to talk to men about our kids and life that he loves to talk about soooo much that the men don't like talking about personal stuff like that and since he claims I don't like talking about our life and family???????

that's why he talks to them about our great life so they will give him the talk he needs so much.

 

WTF. I have NEVER not wanted to talk about our kids or life, and it's full BS to say that a stay at home mom/wife of 20 years shouldn't ever have a complaint about my day or kids etc. my husband will outright tell me I'm ungrateful for ever having a bad day.

 

yet he comes home full of complaints. I tell him that this is my career and I will have bad days and don't get vacations etc and he is my only friend to talk to and vent and he doesn't want to hear what i have to say. so I have learned to hold in my anxiety or frustrations and have little help with any of it.

 

Im so mad and unhappy right now.

 

So, he gaslighted you, blamed you for his actions and behaviours, accused you of being the source of his unhappiness, accused you of not being happy enough with what he gives you, and he's embarrassed he got caught. What happens next?

 

YST, go get copies of NOT just friends. Read it together, with your husband. He probably needs a couple of days to cool down - he's been busted and will need some space to gather his wits - but I don't think he is done with the marriage. You're entitled to be mad and unhappy, and he needs help to take ownership of his behavior before you guys can get anywhere.

 

What did he say his next move is? Did he apologize?

[yepsurething]

So, he gaslighted you, blamed you for his actions and behaviours, accused you of being the source of his unhappiness, accused you of not being happy enough with what he gives you, and he's embarrassed he got caught. What happens next?

 

YST, go get copies of NOT just friends. Read it together, with your husband. He probably needs a couple of days to cool down - he's been busted and will need some space to gather his wits - but I don't think he is done with the marriage. You're entitled to be mad and unhappy, and he needs help to take ownership of his behavior before you guys can get anywhere.

 

What did he say his next move is? Did he apologize?

 

I just got a copy of NOT just friends and I'm reading it now. thanks for that. I'll let my husband know about it.

 

he has apologized today, and said he won't make me worry anymore?? don't know what that means.

 

he's home today mostly sleeping it off. very emotional for him, and I'm just feeling rather numb from lie after lie.

 

the conversation that got it going last night was me asking him if he still had female friends and was confiding in them and he of course said oh no, no female friends, not women sitting in my office, etc,

 

then he proceeded to tell me he found my recorder. he must have thought it was the first day it was there. so he tried denying the women in his office chatting about personal things, until I told him I've been listening for weeks and have heard all kinds of things including this women sitting in his tiny office right next to him talking endlessly.

 

that's when he freaked, broke some things, blamed me and I left the fight and he went to bed.

 

I don't think he's capable of not lying.

[Lobe]

Do you have an idea of what you'd like to happen now? You both have a lot of work ahead of you to rebuild your trust - as much as your spying was justified, he probably feels very embarrassed right now and wonders how much you know - are you prepared for some trickle truth?

[Mrin]

OP,

 

Dude here. I work in a professional setting with lots of women.

 

Disclaimer: I've only read the first couple and last couple of pages of this thread.

 

I'm not going to chime in on whether your husband is having and affair or not. I'm only going to address the stuff you described on the last couple of pages and whether or not his office conduct was normal or appropriate.

 

In short, I think you're off base here in your reaction to the conversations your husband has with female coworkers. I think you're way too sensitive about it, have an unrealistic sense of workplace camaraderie and come across as an unreasonably jealous wife. I know that was hard to hear - give me a second to explain.

 

The conversations you described hearing your husband have with his female coworkers is pretty normal and typical in an office environment. I routinely talk about my kids, my (when I was married) spouse, and other quasi-personal details with coworkers. It is just sort of expected and honestly, it makes the office function as a tighter unit when your coworkers are actual humans and not mindless automatons. I use the term "quasi-personal" because they aren't the types of things you would share with a spouse or say a great friend, but they are stuff that gives your coworkers a glimpse into your personal life.

 

You also have different types of office teammates. You have the gossip. The oversharer. The "work spouse". I think you're having a difficult time reconciling all of these different personas in your husband's work life.

 

I know one of the things that bothers you is that your husband has routinely said he doesn't have any female friends at work. Honestly, based on your reactions, I'm pretty sure he said that because he didn't want to have a big to-do about it with you and he knew it would result in that. Was that right? No, probably not. But you also own some culpability here because the one thing you can control is your reaction to things.

 

I can remember being in a relationship with an intensely jealous woman and I distinctly recall moderating what I told her because I knew she'd just fly off the handle. It was like, "oh sh*t, here we go again..." and honestly, that just gets exhausting and after a while you just avoid it.

 

So ya, I don't see anything wrong with the conversations you heard him having with female coworkers. I didn't hear any lines being crossed. Some of the sexist stuff he said with his guy friends is sort of locker room douchebaggery but not surprising.

 

I think you two have massive trust issues that will lead to the further destruction of your marriage until you get it taken care of - if it can be taken care of. You two might not be compatible when it comes to extra-marital friendship boundaries.

 

Best of luck!

 

Mrin

[Lobe]

OP,

 

Dude here. I work in a professional setting with lots of women.

 

Disclaimer: I've only read the first couple and last couple of pages of this thread.

 

Which means you're missing a few important pieces of information about her "jealousy" which didn't start until he started acting strangely and conscientiously lying to her about his whereabouts and with whom he was carpooling, etc. What appears to be the case with her husband isn't just petty jealousy or being upset about "locker room douchebaggery" but what sounds like a sexual fling that was covered up or narrowly averted. I think he is probably freaking out now wondering what she knows and it's likely going to be a hellish couple of days dealing with what appears to be a compulsive liar.

[yepsurething]

OP,

 

Dude here. I work in a professional setting with lots of women.

 

Disclaimer: I've only read the first couple and last couple of pages of this thread.

 

I'm not going to chime in on whether your husband is having and affair or not. I'm only going to address the stuff you described on the last couple of pages and whether or not his office conduct was normal or appropriate.

 

In short, I think you're off base here in your reaction to the conversations your husband has with female coworkers. I think you're way too sensitive about it, have an unrealistic sense of workplace camaraderie and come across as an unreasonably jealous wife. I know that was hard to hear - give me a second to explain.

 

The conversations you described hearing your husband have with his female coworkers is pretty normal and typical in an office environment. I routinely talk about my kids, my (when I was married) spouse, and other quasi-personal details with coworkers. It is just sort of expected and honestly, it makes the office function as a tighter unit when your coworkers are actual humans and not mindless automatons. I use the term "quasi-personal" because they aren't the types of things you would share with a spouse or say a great friend, but they are stuff that gives your coworkers a glimpse into your personal life.

 

You also have different types of office teammates. You have the gossip. The oversharer. The "work spouse". I think you're having a difficult time reconciling all of these different personas in your husband's work life.

 

I know one of the things that bothers you is that your husband has routinely said he doesn't have any female friends at work. Honestly, based on your reactions, I'm pretty sure he said that because he didn't want to have a big to-do about it with you and he knew it would result in that. Was that right? No, probably not. But you also own some culpability here because the one thing you can control is your reaction to things.

 

I can remember being in a relationship with an intensely jealous woman and I distinctly recall moderating what I told her because I knew she'd just fly off the handle. It was like, "oh sh*t, here we go again..." and honestly, that just gets exhausting and after a while you just avoid it.

 

So ya, I don't see anything wrong with the conversations you heard him having with female coworkers. I didn't hear any lines being crossed. Some of the sexist stuff he said with his guy friends is sort of locker room douchebaggery but not surprising.

 

I think you two have massive trust issues that will lead to the further destruction of your marriage until you get it taken care of - if it can be taken care of. You two might not be compatible when it comes to extra-marital friendship boundaries.

 

Best of luck!

 

Mrin

 

thanks for the reply. and yes, I may be jealous, but that's no excuse to lie, and I have the right to not have myself or my kids personal lives talked about at work. I don't agree with you that it ok to tell some female I get upset as a stay at home mom, or giving some female the advice to have more kids or her telling my husband to have more kids. and a couple things that were very personal he hasn't even discussed with me, and as you say you aren't in a marriage currently , no offense but maybe it's because you weren't honest in your relationship. I deserve to get what i give.

 

my husband doesnt want me out working with men and having personal conversions with men, he's told me this, so why the one way street.

 

we don't seem compatible at all, you are right. and personally Im feeling Id rather be alone then with men if this is the 'new man' of the world today.

[Mrin]

thanks for the reply. and yes, I may be jealous, but that's no excuse to lie, and I have the right to not have myself or my kids personal lives talked about at work. I don't agree with you that it ok to tell some female I get upset as a stay at home mom, or giving some female the advice to have more kids or her telling my husband to have more kids. and a couple things that were very personal he hasn't even discussed with me, and as you say you aren't in a marriage currently , no offense but maybe it's because you weren't honest in your relationship. I deserve to get what i give.

 

my husband doesnt want me out working with men and having personal conversions with men, he's told me this, so why the one way street.

 

we don't seem compatible at all, you are right. and personally Im feeling Id rather be alone then with men if this is the 'new man' of the world today.

 

No worries. I'm sort of coming late to the discussions and hazarding my opinion. Office friendships can be pretty close and I am positive that most spouses wouldn't 100% cool with some of the topics discussed. That being said, I know I wouldn't be 100% cool with some of the things that my girlfriend discusses with her friends and coworkers (including male friends) but that's just way it is.

 

I actually was exceedingly honest and open in my marriage. As was she. For us, we just realized were more friends than spouses or lovers after 10 years. We're still great friends today.

 

That being said, the stuff at the bottom of your response is concerning. It definitely sounds like he has a double standard and that is not at all okay in my book. How does he reconcile that? Or does he even bother.

 

Best of luck!

 

Mrin

[S2B]

You've said you're not compatible at all.

 

You've outlined for him specifically what he does that is disrespectful to you...then he has gotten sneakier about still participating in behavior that HE KNOWS will hurt your feelings!

 

IF you aren't willing to start taking action that seriously changes the entire situation - the you are volunteering as a sitting duck - because he intends to keep doing it to YOU. Mainly because he can...and because you haven't left him yet.

 

It's you volunteering now - because YOU KNOW what he's doing and you have done nothing to end it.

 

He's a scum bag! Throwing things when you noticed his bad behavior! Why didn't YOU call the police on him? He's setting a piss poor example to any kids in the house! You've allowed this! Stop allowing it!

 

He's abusive and mean! That's what you want in a husband? If not then divorce him.

[Lobe]

He's abusive and mean! That's what you want in a husband? If not then divorce him.

 

This part worries me, too - if his anger is that explosive how can you feel safe?

[Whoknew30]

So she gets advice to spy on him...which is completely wrong. Then she finds out yeah his talking to women but nothing bad, she still recording him. He tells her he's ready to leave her bc she's too much & jealous, she continues to keep up what he asked her not to. She doesn't find him doing anything wrong & catches her recording him...he gets mad & throws something out of anger bc he's upset about it & now that's called gaskighting & abuse but it's ok for a wife to be down a husband's throat bc he talks to woman at work about some of their personal life?

 

Unreal! OP, you're being way too much. I think you're a stay at home mom that is bored out of her mind & not happy with herself, so you're projecting your insecurity on to your H...read one of the newer post about that guy that ruined his marriage bc he thought his wife was cheating & she wasn't...bc if you don't stop, your marriage is going to end. Honestly for your own sanity, I hope you can get over this...behaving like this bc some woman talked to your H about her family or vice-versa is no way for anyone to live. I don't blame him for not telling you he talks to women, you didn't really find anything & that's not good enough...why are you looking to be so unhappy.

 

BTW...most people's reactions would be about the same to find out their spouse is recording them. That's in itself is not normal & stalkerish behavior.

[S2B]

So she gets advice to spy on him...which is completely wrong. Then she finds out yeah his talking to women but nothing bad, she still recording him. He tells her he's ready to leave her bc she's too much & jealous, she continues to keep up what he asked her not to. She doesn't find him doing anything wrong & catches her recording him...he gets mad & throws something out of anger bc he's upset about it & now that's called gaskighting & abuse but it's ok for a wife to be down a husband's throat bc he talks to woman at work about some of their personal life?

 

Unreal! OP, you're being way too much. I think you're a stay at home mom that is bored out of her mind & not happy with herself, so you're projecting your insecurity on to your H...read one of the newer post about that guy that ruined his marriage bc he thought his wife was cheating & she wasn't...bc if you don't stop, your marriage is going to end. Honestly for your own sanity, I hope you can get over this...behaving like this bc some woman talked to your H about her family or vice-versa is no way for anyone to live. I don't blame him for not telling you he talks to women, you didn't really find anything & that's not good enough...why are you looking to be so unhappy.

 

BTW...most people's reactions would be about the same to find out their spouse is recording them. That's in itself is not normal & stalkerish behavior.

 

No it's not considering the circumstances of him being a complete jerk and acting like he's single when he's not with her.

 

Justify his bad behavior all you wish - no one would be able to convince me he's a decent guy - he has too much evidence he's not decent - his latest round of throwing things is just more that he's offered to prove it.

 

Why would you support such a jerk with consistent bad behavior?

[merrmeade]

I agree I dont like it, but how is he supposed to ask this worker to leave when he is basically one of her bosses and she's half talking about work and half talking about personal things?

 

is talking about your kids and family pretty normal though? should all office work be just office?

 

anyone else chime in here?

The question is not how but WHAT is he supposed to do? He's supposed to be the boss AND a married man committed to his wife and family. There are 1001 ways and things you can say to convey that a certain style, topic or setting are not appropriate for work. Don't buy that it's too difficult. He should be the "married man committed to hiw wife and family" FIRST, boss second. If the priorities are straight the behavior will follow - including the answer to "how."

[merrmeade]

It has been in every office I have ever worked in - regardless of relationship status or sexual orientation.

 

No. Because when it comes down to it, many people in office settings end up spending more awake, cognizant time with their co-workers than they do their partners so having their "other life" bleed into their job is commonplace.

 

Look, my husband is a doctor. He works 10- and 12-hour days. At best, we have 3 to 4 waking hours together a day while he has at least 8 hours of time with his office staff. Of course, when I go into his office, every single person in there knows who I am and frequently knows more about what is happening in our personal lives (travel, his kids, etc.) just because that sort of stuff is what gets bantered about in between seeing patients.

Right. And he's prime fodder for developing an intimate relationship with one of them - except for one huge thing: "Of course, when I go into his office, every single person in there knows who I am and frequently knows more about what is happening in our personal lives (travel, his kids, etc.)..." He lets them know. Your going there lets them know: First and foremost he's yours. Everybody there is used to you as part of the scenery and probably loves you both to death.

 

So how 'bout it, YST? Ready to start visiting hubby's office? Maybe let him know how much you'd LOVE to have lunch with him some time? And what would he think if you popped in at lunchtime (or some other time)?

[elaine567]

So how 'bout it, YST? Ready to start visiting hubby's office? Maybe let him know how much you'd LOVE to have lunch with him some time? And what would he think if you popped in at lunchtime (or some other time)?

 

The OP does not have a car.

[yepsurething]

Right. And he's prime fodder for developing an intimate relationship with one of them - except for one huge thing: "Of course, when I go into his office, every single person in there knows who I am and frequently knows more about what is happening in our personal lives (travel, his kids, etc.)..." He lets them know. Your going there lets them know: First and foremost he's yours. Everybody there is used to you as part of the scenery and probably loves you both to death.

 

So how 'bout it, YST? Ready to start visiting hubby's office? Maybe let him know how much you'd LOVE to have lunch with him some time? And what would he think if you popped in at lunchtime (or some other time)?

 

I wish I could go pop in at work, I do think that everyone there has only heard either nothing about me at all, or just negative things.

 

no car though so not much I can do about it. feels hopeless and lonely.

[merrmeade]

I wish I could go pop in at work, I do think that everyone there has only heard either nothing about me at all, or just negative things.

 

no car though so not much I can do about it. feels hopeless and lonely.

How about you and hubby focus on giving you more independence? Do you not drive? Then he can help you learn. Do you not have a car? He must get you one. I paid $500 for an extra clunker. Your independence is worth it. He owes it to you and should want to help you expand your limits.