Cell phone question [updated]

[S2B]

any suggestions on where to hide the recorder?

 

I taped in to the underside of the back seat drink cup holder in the center console. I"m worried he'll close it for some reason and the recorder will dislodge and he'll find it.

 

 

and to the person who wonders why I would put up with this and not just leave, like the other poster said, we have many happy years together and I'm hoping he hasn't cheated, but if he has I love him and want to make it work. He's going through a hard time in life and this could be the biggest mistake he's ever made.

 

Cheating isn't a "mistake". Please don't refer to it that way.

 

It's a calculated action designed to give the selfish person pleasure and harm many people. There's no mistake involved.

[BetrayedH]

any suggestions on where to hide the recorder?

 

I taped in to the underside of the back seat drink cup holder in the center console. I"m worried he'll close it for some reason and the recorder will dislodge and he'll find it.

 

 

and to the person who wonders why I would put up with this and not just leave, like the other poster said, we have many happy years together and I'm hoping he hasn't cheated, but if he has I love him and want to make it work. He's going through a hard time in life and this could be the biggest mistake he's ever made.

 

Most suggest to put it under the driver's seat. But the best idea I've heard is to tape or velcro it under the steering column. No one looks there and you'll get better audio than under the seat. If it has an lights on it, cover them with tape so they don't shine at night.

[Lobe]

I love him and want to make it work. He's going through a hard time in life and this could be the biggest mistake he's ever made.

 

No, this is the most selfish stupid thing he's ever done. Not a "mistake" because that implies it was accidental. So far, his actions seem pretty intentional.

 

I concur with under the steering column.

 

Side note:

 

I would delete my LS history from my phone/computer just in case he decides to spy back... don't want to tip your hand...

[yepsurething]

I moved the recorder and taped it under his seat. He's doing another training today but said it's not with the women in question.

 

I know he does train with her regularly so Im not so happy about that.

 

guess I'll get the recorder tonight after he goes to bed and hear what I hear.

 

thanks for the words of encouragement.

 

and to the poster who said cheating isn't a mistake but a calculated move...I agree it doesn't just happen, and he is responsible for boosting his own ego and working on our life, not just flirting or cheating to feel better, but he's a human and for what ever f'ed up reason we make mistakes and I actually love him and have enjoyed our lives together.

 

we've raised 6 kids together, started a farm together, and before this...we weren't perfect, but we had a closeness, a good friendship and loved to spend time together. and since I found out about these emails it seems to have jarred that reality back into him.

 

He may be acting guilty and wanting to make it up to me...seems like thats what he should be doing, whether he cheated in mind or body...feel bad and try to make it up to me.

 

I don't like any continued lies, and if he is still lying then I want to talk about it. He'll either choose lies or me. I won't just sit back and live a life of lies, I want to see A. am I crazy and there are no lies. B. he's lying still either way I want to know for sure.

 

If Im paranoid I need to work on that, if my husband is a liar we need to work on that

 

oh, something my husband said after I talk to him about the emails, he knows I'm not a confronter even with him, so maybe it's why he said it, but he told me I can email or call the women in question and tell her to stop contacting him for lunch or in a personal way. He said just keep it professional cause its work.

[S2B]

If you want him to stop contacting HER and stop the lunches - then why isn't he just stopping that?

 

Why would he put it on you to contact this other woman? That's gross! He either respects you or he doesn't.

 

If she is married then expose if there is anything going on! Tell her husband. Do not contact that woman directly. She will just lie to cover up for him.

 

If he is cheating it is on your husband to find out why he cheated and to fix what is broken inside him. Do not try and overlook his bad behavior until he proves he is fixing the damage HE caused.

 

You seem too quick to forgive - don't do that. That's detrimental for the repair process. He needs to be willing to EARN your trust back by exhibiting new behavior. That takes time.

[Lobe]

GASLIGHT ALERT! GASLIGHT ALERT!

 

"Go ahead and contact her?" YOU tell her to stop contacting him? I just threw up.

 

The conversation leading up to him inviting you to call her probably went like this:

 

"My sexless fat ugly stupid wife is a paranoid cow. I wouldn't be surprised if she calls you to tell you to stay away from me - just listen and promise you will. Sorry in advance."

 

Whether they are EA or PA, this is designed to make YOU look bad. And feel stupid. And throw you off.

 

I know you love him but don't let your guard down. I smell bullsh*t an I'm not even on your farm.

[Mr. Lucky]

oh, something my husband said after I talk to him about the emails, he knows I'm not a confronter even with him, so maybe it's why he said it, but he told me I can email or call the women in question and tell her to stop contacting him for lunch or in a personal way. He said just keep it professional cause its work.

 

You've been promoted from BS to Mommy ...

 

Mr. Lucky

[TrustedthenBusted]

I tell you....some of these threads get me thinking that affairs must be REALLY fun, if people go to such incredibly stupid lengths to hide and maintain them.

 

Maybe I'm missing out.

[cc_zero]

oh, something my husband said after I talk to him about the emails, he knows I'm not a confronter even with him, so maybe it's why he said it, but he told me I can email or call the women in question and tell her to stop contacting him for lunch or in a personal way. He said just keep it professional cause its work.

 

ha.

 

I'm not trying to convince you he's 100% guilty, but the first time I confronted my wife without 100% proof.. only proof I had was that the OW had addmitted feelings for my wife and they had discussed it. They both colluded and came up with a conjoined/planned lie to tell me and both wrote me apology letters that nothing had happened and it was just the OW going through a hard time and my wife helping her out.

 

All that really tells you, if they are indeed having an affair, is that she knows he's married and he warned her you might call.

[cc_zero]

I tell you....some of these threads get me thinking that affairs must be REALLY fun, if people go to such incredibly stupid lengths to hide and maintain them.

 

Maybe I'm missing out.

 

It's like heroine for people who have been bored or felt their needs weren't being met for a long time within their relationship. Someone comes along and makes them feel like a king/queen and the excitement is a rush they can't drop.

[merrmeade]

You know, another thing we don't seem to consider per se much is sexual tension. To me that is SUPER important as an addictive element in AP/WS interactions. I mean the "rush" is the flattery, the attraction, the feelings of buoyancy at being desired. But at the same time, before the EA becomes PA, sexual tension is building. They get closer, they flirt, they tease, they get suggestive/provocative, hotter, steamier with each close encounter and no idea when/how/if it could be consummated. Just fantasizing. It's the dating/mating ritual. Build sexual tension; release sexual tension. Intoxicating and addictive.

[Lobe]

Intoxicating and addictive.

 

Something that happily married, sexually active couples have in the beginning as well, that matures into a deep mutual love and respect that usually pales in comparison to the butterflies and giddy passion of perpetual courtship. The reason it's so addictive is because an affair is stuck doing the time warp, which I assume it what causes a lot of stress and tension when one AP wants to take it to the next level but the other doesn't. For one AP, the time warp is perfect and for the other it's a curse.

 

APs and heroin addicts going NC with their respective drug of choice will go through physical and emotional withdrawal. Affairs are messy. If you're thinking about starting an affair, don't.

[merrmeade]

Something that happily married, sexually active couples have in the beginning as well, that matures into a deep mutual love and respect that usually pales in comparison to the butterflies and giddy passion of perpetual courtship. The reason it's so addictive is because an affair is stuck doing the time warp, which I assume it what causes a lot of stress and tension when one AP wants to take it to the next level but the other doesn't. For one AP, the time warp is perfect and for the other it's a curse.

 

APs and heroin addicts going NC with their respective drug of choice will go through physical and emotional withdrawal. Affairs are messy. If you're thinking about starting an affair, don't.

Exactly. Oh, I wasn't trying to make it appealing. I just think you have to do that - put yourself in the situation - imagine (I mean, really go there) what could happen, what it would be like - to accept/understand what happened to your mate. It's enlightening because you realize what you would do, why you wouldn't have gotten to that point.

[yepsurething]

well I listened to the first recordings. It only recording his ride to work and a phone call he took in the car but didn't record the ride home for some reason. hope that doesn't happen each time.

 

no bad info. he talked about me a couple times to his co-worker/friend about something I said.

 

and he talked to a female coworker and it was all business and after they hung up he called her a few names.

 

the sound was horrible. hard to make out when he was driving. I put the recorder back under the seat but in a different location.

 

the steering column isn't long enough to hide the recorder and I'm afraid he'll see it anywhere else.

[merrmeade]

no bad info. he talked about me a couple times to his co-worker/friend about something I said.

Isn't it "bad info" that he's talking about something you said to ANYONE else? And worse, that he's doing so to this person you're worried he shares too much with anyway? Whatever you said, why would his coworker/friend be interested? Did he discuss this thing you said with you?

[yepsurething]

Isn't it "bad info" that he's talking about something you said to ANYONE else? And worse, that he's doing so to this person you're worried he shares too much with anyway? Whatever you said, why would his coworker/friend be interested? Did he discuss this thing you said with you?

 

the info he was passing from me was referring to a business that he and his coworker are trying to start outside of their current job. I gave him some info and he was passing that on. this was a male coworker.

[merrmeade]

the info he was passing from me was referring to a business that he and his coworker are trying to start outside of their current job. I gave him some info and he was passing that on. this was a male coworker.

Thanks for clearing that up.

[Lobe]

I am thinking of you. That is all.

[yepsurething]

well, I figured how to spy on his phone. so far not suspicious call logs, but one text that has no number attached.

 

it was in his deleted texts from about 10 days ago.

 

does it sound like its from a girlfriend? or maybe his mom?

 

here it is...does this sound loving??(changed my husbands name to XXXX

 

 

Love you too, XXXX. And I am proud of you for many reasons. Your kindness and gentleness, your intelligence, and sense of humor. Lots more that I can't put into words.

[Lobe]

Love you too, XXXX. And I am proud of you for many reasons. Your kindness and gentleness, your intelligence, and sense of humor. Lots more that I can't put into words.

 

I have an adult son.

 

I text things like:

 

 

"Why didn't you call? I need you to babysit the cat...

 

I love you. Bring toilet paper when you drop by.

 

You remember you are supposed to go to Great Auntie Ida's 75th birthday this weekend, yeah?

 

 

Adult son texts me things like:

 

"I won't be back in town until Monday - there's Kleenex - and condoms - in my nightstand. You kids behave. :winkyface:

 

"I'm busy - can you see if XXXX can change the litter box while you're camping?

 

heart you too Mom - see you in a few days.

 

I'm only complying with your request for Auntie Ida because I don't own suitcase big enough for the guilt trip you'd send me on if I said no."

 

The text you are viewing is (in my decidedly never humble opinion) NOT from his mom. I know because, I can put it into words just fine and it requires no flowery compliments. It is from someone in an EA, who has already or is about to go PA.

 

You don't have enough evidence yet to convince yourself or to legally skewer him. I cannot even imagine your frustration. Is there any way you can follow him?

Edited June 13, 2016 by Lobe
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[merrmeade]

Love you too, XXXX. And I am proud of you for many reasons. Your kindness and gentleness, your intelligence, and sense of humor. Lots more that I can't put into words.

Sounds pretty intense to me and lots more at stake than just a platonic relationship.

[yepsurething]

I have an adult son.

 

I text things like:

 

 

"Why didn't you call? I need you to babysit the cat...

 

I love you. Bring toilet paper when you drop by.

 

You remember you are supposed to go to Great Auntie Ida's 75th birthday this weekend, yeah?

 

 

Adult son texts me things like:

 

"I won't be back in town until Monday - there's Kleenex - and condoms - in my nightstand. You kids behave. :winkyface:

 

"I'm busy - can you see if XXXX can change the litter box while you're camping?

 

heart you too Mom - see you in a few days.

 

I'm only complying with your request for Auntie Ida because I don't own suitcase big enough for the guilt trip you'd send me on if I said no."

 

The text you are viewing is (in my decidedly never humble opinion) NOT from his mom. I know because, I can put it into words just fine and it requires no flowery compliments. It is from someone in an EA, who has already or is about to go PA.

 

You don't have enough evidence yet to convince yourself or to legally skewer him. I cannot even imagine your frustration. Is there any way you can follow him?

 

 

thanks for your comment. I can't follow him, we only have one car. I have a VAR in the car now. would a 'lover' tell someone they were proud of them?

 

feeling very terrified =(

[yepsurething]

Sounds pretty intense to me and lots more at stake than just a platonic relationship.

 

so it doesn't sound like it could be his mother?

 

there is no number attached to it?

[Lobe]

so it doesn't sound like it could be his mother?

 

there is no number attached to it?

 

Would you delete your mom's texts saying you're a great guy?

[S2B]

well, I figured how to spy on his phone. so far not suspicious call logs, but one text that has no number attached.

 

it was in his deleted texts from about 10 days ago.

 

does it sound like its from a girlfriend? or maybe his mom?

 

here it is...does this sound loving??(changed my husbands name to XXXX

 

 

Love you too, XXXX. And I am proud of you for many reasons. Your kindness and gentleness, your intelligence, and sense of humor. Lots more that I can't put into words.

 

Does his Mom generally talk to him like that or is that out of character for her?

 

 

Sounds like someone stroking his ego with lots of compliments.