ISO Unattractive, uneducated men

[shoplocal]

I have had zero success in dating and relationships. I've gotten the 'it's not you, it's them' from well meaning friends and therapists...but clearly, it *is* me. One issue I definitely have is pining for attractive, educated men -- who doesn't? But I think my league is several tiers below theirs. However, I don't know how to spot or find men that I'd be equal with.

 

I feel that my locality (Boston) is working against me. I love my home, but I simply do not measure up against the slew of highly educated, attractive women available to the attractive, educated men I so fancy. Because my interests are 'above my station', it's hard for me to meet lower tier men in this area. I have to move in about 3-4 months, anyway, and I'm open to moving away from here.

 

So my question is: are there any US cities you know of with a large or easy to find population of uneducated, unattractive men? Alternatively, what are some hobbies such men have, that I might find them here? Or how might I learn to spot them in my environment? They still have to be good, honest people, interested in real partnership. They just don't have to look great or be very formally educated.

[mrldii]

Stockton, CA

 

 

Best of luck to you, OP.

[SammySammy]

Almost any southern or midwest US city or town.

 

Lots of hardworking, blue collar, salt of the earth type people out there.

 

You'll most likely find that demographic in smaller cities, towns or rural areas that are not seats of government or college towns.

[scorpiogirl]

If I were a man that you ended up dating and somehow came across this post, I'd be very VERY insulted.

 

This is like when the men on here say, " I can't get a girlfriend. Where I can find fat girls or single mothers."

[d0nnivain]

If you want to stay in the Boston area take up bowling & find a bar that caters to construction jobs (tend not to have college educations but they can be gorgeous). Try getting involved with groups like the Elks, the Moose, the Kiwanis etc. They do have professional members but they are probably not Ivy League elite.

 

 

Also check out the smaller bedroom towns in New England rather than Boston proper. Boston is one of the highest cost of living cities in America so migrate outwards to the small towns.

[elaine567]

I have had zero success in dating and relationships. I've gotten the 'it's not you, it's them' from well meaning friends and therapists...but clearly, it *is* me. One issue I definitely have is pining for attractive, educated men -- who doesn't? But I think my league is several tiers below theirs. However, I don't know how to spot or find men that I'd be equal with.

 

The old adage is that "If you want to marry a millionaire you have to look like and act like a millionaire's wife."

YOU sound like you would be "settling" and that is never a good idea.

How about trying to improve yourself to make yourself a better match for the guys you truly want?

I doubt coming from the big city and having aspirations, you are going to be happy in some sleepy little town with Mr Bluecollar.

[shoplocal]

If I were a man that you ended up dating and somehow came across this post, I'd be very VERY insulted.

 

This is like when the men on here say, " I can't get a girlfriend. Where I can find fat girls or single mothers."

 

Thanks for the tips on bowling & the midwest! I did join a social bowling league last year, but perhaps that wasn't the right type of league to meet men who'd be more my speed...because there were none. :-p Also, I love bowling!

 

Interestingly, I did look into Stockton awhile back, but felt it was a little too dangerous for my liking. Thanks for the tip, anyway.

 

Scorpiogirl, I knew someone would take it this way! I'm not saying unattractive, uneducated men have no options and would be slam dunks -- I'm saying that *I* am unattractive (one of those 'fat girls' you mention) and uneducated, so perhaps I should focus on men who are like me and see what happens.

 

Thanks for the tips, please keep them coming if you have any!

[d0nnivain]

I'm saying that *I* am unattractive (one of those 'fat girls' you mention) and uneducated, so perhaps I should focus on men who are like me and see what happens.

 

 

Perhaps work on your own self esteem. You have to love you before anybody else can.

 

 

Having a realistic view is fine. Very few of us will ever be Miss America or a supermodel. I just want you to like what you see when you look in the mirror. Dress for your body type. Have something to say. Get a flattering hair style.

[brothers343]

I was once an uneducated man......but then I knew that life was going to be hard with out the skills needed to survive in this world. I have always been good looking but I know that this also fades in time. If you take away the fact that your looking for a mate and you concentrate more on the education part, everything else will come. I rather be blessed on education than be blessed in finding a mate. Lovers come and go.....education stays for the rest of your life. Good luck.

[d0nnivain]

shoplocal

 

 

Also try hanging around down at the docks. Commercial fisherman might fit your bill.

[xxoo]

I could list a bunch of stereotypes for where uneducated people hang out (types of bars, types of concerts, types of political rallies....)

 

But why not take some classes instead? There, you may meet and attract the men you are truly interested in.

[scorpiogirl]

Thanks for the tips on bowling & the midwest! I did join a social bowling league last year, but perhaps that wasn't the right type of league to meet men who'd be more my speed...because there were none. :-p Also, I love bowling!

 

Interestingly, I did look into Stockton awhile back, but felt it was a little too dangerous for my liking. Thanks for the tip, anyway.

 

Scorpiogirl, I knew someone would take it this way! I'm not saying unattractive, uneducated men have no options and would be slam dunks -- I'm saying that *I* am unattractive (one of those 'fat girls' you mention) and uneducated, so perhaps I should focus on men who are like me and see what happens.

 

Thanks for the tips, please keep them coming if you have any!

 

I'm overweight. I've dated average looking men and I've dated men with the finest sculpted bodies I've ever seen. The difference between you and me, is that I learn from those men and they helped me work out and become fit.

If you don't think much of yourself, how do you expect someone else to think more of you? Don't aim low. Aim high and improve yourself so you pull yourself up. Don't stay at the bottom and look for partners at the bottom with you.

 

I don't care what men look like, but I will never date a man who's a couch potato. He can have a pooch and be soft and cuddly, but he can't be someone who's going to make me comfortable spending the day on the sofa.

[Emilia]

Why not just lose weight and become fit rather than uproot your life and try to find somewhere different (probably unsuitable)? Why not just get educated (if that's an issue)?

 

Surely the idea is to become a best version of yourself rather than settle for what you perceive as the bottom of a barrel?

[Arieswoman]

shoplocal,

I really have trouble understanding your post/problem.

 

You say that you have problems dating attractive, educated men because there is so much competition in your area, and you feel you don't match up to what you think they want.

 

I can sense a theme of low self-esteem running through your post, and I think you need to address this before we go any further.

 

It's up to you to be the best person you can be, the best you that there is.

 

So if you feel you are overweight then lose it. Go to the gym, eat healthy whatever.

It's not rocket science.

Less calories in + more calories out = weight loss.

 

If you don't think you're smart or educated enough to snag these brainy guys then do something about it. Take night-school courses - whatever - get a qualification.

 

Read more books ( not chick-lit BTW ) watch the news, take an interest in current events, join an interest group.

So when you go on a date you can chat about/have a viewpoint on different topics.

 

Skill up. What can you do? Bake plum loaf, flower arrange, shorthand/typing (stenographer) who cares. Develop a skill and be proud of it.

 

Please don't downscale because you think you aren't good enough for what you are aiming for. Set your stall out well and you'll be sucessful. (And that applies to all areas of life, not just dating)

 

You don't say how old you are or what you do for a living. Would you be prepared to share that?

 

Good luck x

[RecentChange]

What is stopping you from raising YOURSELF up op?

 

Picking up and moving cities, changing jobs, meeting new friends, establishing new social circles etc is a big endeavour.

 

Imagine how you would feel if you improved your health, increased your education, and met someone at your level. Wouldn't that be fulfilling? Wouldn't you feel better about yourself?

 

Do you think seeking someone you are not attracted to, in a lesser city, in an undesirable part of the country is going to be your path to happiness?

 

How do you picture your future with this uneducated, ugly man, in a less sophisticated part of the country?

 

Let me tell you, if you are from Boston, you will be in for a BIG cultural shock if you decide to head south etc. What are your polictal leanings? Religion?

[preraph]

You don't need unattractive uneducated men. You just need a place with less pretty women. And seriously, I doubt the women's education is what's getting them the men. It's their looks, like everywhere else.

 

Look in the statistics for cities with way more men than women. I am in Texas and we have really pretty women and frankly, the good looking men or even any who know how to dress are few and far between. It's all overgrown boys who only like sports.

 

From my perch here, and from what I see on TV, there are not that many great looking women in NYC. I see couples on tv all the time that I'm thinking "How did she get THAT guy?" Of course, there's models and actresses there, but they're not in your dating pool, so don't worry about them.

 

Alaska is said to have a real woman shortage, and it's mainly big hardy men, I guess, working in the oil business or whatever. I think the key is really to find a town that supports your favorite interests, your passions. That's how I ended up in Dallas. My passion was music and it was the closest place to where I came from to get on a higher level of music activities. And even though there's gobs of gorgeous women here, I found my niche in that music crowd and became popular.

[elaine567]

Where There Are More Single Men Than Women

[ChocolateRain]

I have had zero success in dating and relationships. I've gotten the 'it's not you, it's them' from well meaning friends and therapists...but clearly, it *is* me. One issue I definitely have is pining for attractive, educated men -- who doesn't? But I think my league is several tiers below theirs. However, I don't know how to spot or find men that I'd be equal with.

 

I feel that my locality (Boston) is working against me. I love my home, but I simply do not measure up against the slew of highly educated, attractive women available to the attractive, educated men I so fancy. Because my interests are 'above my station', it's hard for me to meet lower tier men in this area. I have to move in about 3-4 months, anyway, and I'm open to moving away from here.

 

So my question is: are there any US cities you know of with a large or easy to find population of uneducated, unattractive men? Alternatively, what are some hobbies such men have, that I might find them here? Or how might I learn to spot them in my environment? They still have to be good, honest people, interested in real partnership. They just don't have to look great or be very formally educated.

 

Come to where i live ( not where i am from ) ppl here don't care about someone being Big Boned ... unfortunately we some marriage scammers here . But most women find a man here young and good looking but it has a price :laugh:

 

no seriously ... you need to accept who you are or have a change . By the Way there are many attractive big women it is all about confidence .

There is someone for everyone , just takes a little luck to find one ...

 

when i go to europe Men tend to call me fat ( 5'9 and 153 lbs ) i guess there Men tend to prefer stick women but doesnt bother me ...when i come to the country i live i get called underweight hhh

but it is how you carry yourself really ... get your hair done slap on some make up buy a pretty dress and most of all wear a smile... that can attract

[hasaquestion]

I hate to trivialize your problem, but I think its in your head.

 

You're putting the people around you on a pedestal. I live in Boston. Where is this master race of beautiful smart people you speak of? Sure as hell not on the orange line. Quincy? Charlestown? East Boston? Randolph? Brockton?

 

The earth is absolutely TEEMING with people, male and female, who are no more charmed than you claim to be. Boston is no exception. Now they might have better self-esteem than you. But they ain't special. And men aren't going to pass you up because they don't think you're educated enough, as long as you're laughing at our jokes we don't notice.

 

I'm just giving you the tough love here. You don't have to go hundreds of miles to find a construction worker. What happens when you go to Alaska and it's cold enough to kill Sam McGee and you're still unhappy with the way you look and insecure around everyone?

[HopeForTomorrow]

This thread bothers me and I've been trying to put my finger on why. If I were a man I would be offended reading this thread.

 

Why is level of education so important? I personally am way more interested in intelligence than how many years of education men have. I've met MDs and PhDs who were dumber than a bag of rocks, and people with a GED and no further education who were extremely brilliant.

 

I have more post-high school education than probably over 99% of the population (no, that does not make me smart), so all of my exes have had less education than me. But I don't date anyone who isn't extremely intelligent because that is important to me (so is being business-savvy). You have to get to know the person to evaluate those qualities. And just because someone bowls or belongs to the Kiwanis or is a construction worker or lives in the midwest or the south (ouch! Those are the two places I've lived for most of my life), that does not make them a different "tier" or "less than" or "less intelligent than" anyone else. That's just..... smh.

 

As for looks, that is in the eye of the beholder. When you are attracted to someone's personality, they become more attractive all around - including physically.

 

Having said all that, OP: If you want to lose weight or become more educated or whatever, then great. But do it for you, not to attract a partner. And please stop thinking that you need to lower your own standards for men that appeal to you; rather, I would consider re-defining those standards. Best to you.

[shoplocal]

Holy wow!!!!!

 

Thanks for the feedback!! You all have given me a lot to think about.

 

I'm considering moving away because I have to move in a few months, anyway, and I'm not sure whether I want to stay here or try somewhere new.

 

Many of you have suggested I better myself educationally, and lose weight; I'll save the excuses for another day and say that I'm very very self conscious about both of these 'shortcomings' of mine in the context of attracting partners. (Not any other context.) So perhaps my perspective of myself could use some work.

 

Someone asked what my age/political leanings are; I'm almost 34 and quite laissez faire. :-p I already know from personal experience the south is not for me (also, I'm afraid of the humidity). I honestly love my home. Boston is a great, stupidly expensive city I want to live in indefinitely...sometimes, though, I get really bummed out about never meeting anyone here.

 

Anyway...thanks again to all of you who responded! I'm going to re-read this thread in the morning and do some thinking.

[elaine567]

Why is level of education so important?

I have more post-high school education than probably over 99% of the population..

 

It is always easy coming from a place where the education box is ticked and where "education" or lack of it is never going to be an issue, to say education is irrelevant.

We all know education does not necessarily equal intelligence, but when the education box is NOT ticked, assumptions are made and the assumptions made by those who have an education about those who don't, are often fairly negative.

Of course some educated people will target and seek out the "uneducated" when looking for spouses, especially if it makes themselves look better in comparison, but others just want that education box ticked, as it usually makes for a better match - shared life experiences, like minded friends, similar goals, etc. etc.

[brothers343]

I understand that education doesn't equal intelligence....but this is not the 80s or early 90s where you can probably find a decent job with a GED or a just a high school diploma. I remember I started my career as a fireman with just a highchool degree, but then I wanted to prosper in my career so I had to go and get a bachelor's degree so I can move up on the ladder. This days you need it.....but If your satisfied where you at then thats great too.

[SwordofFlame]

Most men and women in the major cities tend to couple up with relatively similar levels of physical attractiveness and education.

[HopeForTomorrow]

It is always easy coming from a place where the education box is ticked and where "education" or lack of it is never going to be an issue, to say education is irrelevant.

We all know education does not necessarily equal intelligence, but when the education box is NOT ticked, assumptions are made and the assumptions made by those who have an education about those who don't, are often fairly negative.

Of course some educated people will target and seek out the "uneducated" when looking for spouses, especially if it makes themselves look better in comparison, but others just want that education box ticked, as it usually makes for a better match - shared life experiences, like minded friends, similar goals, etc. etc.

 

So if I'm understanding you correctly you are saying that education isn't an issue unless you don't have it.

 

That is a good point. I just don't feel that way myself, so I assumed that most other people didn't either. But perhaps you are correct.

 

My ex of several years ago (the one that brought me to this forum) had a GED and was one of the most intelligent, well-read, and worldly people I have ever known. He also was a world champion chess player and a fantastic artist and writer (so there you go, OP.... find your niche and become the best at it!). He cheated on his wife, though....

 

The cardiologist I dated in 2014 had an ex-wife (one of four) with a HS diploma. She worked as a psychic. We broke up mostly because he still believed in the psychic thing and he had a zen room where he practiced transcendental meditation. That kind of thing really doesn't float my boat. If I can't see it or hear it, it ain't real. Plus he talked to me like I was his patient.

 

Anyway, the point is that I haven't personally experienced that in my own life, but I can see where it might be an issue. Thanks.