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did NC and he has called. Now what?


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ok so here I landed in Second Chances. As most of you know, my ex(well bf he says since he never ended it) contacted me after I did NC for a month. He needed time and space to figure out his life. Nice of him to tell me, right???? Well, now I know why he dropped off the earth and he is acting like we are fine? HELLO?

 

I agreed to be freinds, but he is talking like we are together. I am inmplementing NC again. He thinks he can just do this to me and come right back and I promised myself (and everyone on LS) I would not let it happen.

 

I love him very much and he loves me too, but the timing is no better now than it was 2 months ago. He says he will chase me when he has taken care of things in his personal life and that this was not myfault, he loves me, and he could not give me what i needed and deserved and it was upsetting us both. His way is to run from problems and that is what he did. I have no problem being friends and if he gets things ok, fine we can see what changes. It is hard not to tell him how I feel. I do love him, but I cannot tell him that now. Do you think it is ok to be friends? Or is he going to view this as us getting back? We are LD and all we did before was talk on the phone, so what would be diff now? Except he says how he wants to visit me now! Funny how this NC works! I guess I am still laying low, but do you think that once he gets his life on track, things could work one day? Do you suggest I still do things for me and not call him?

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Have you ever read the Mars/Venus books? They'll help explain things.

 

A few days ago you really seemed to want him back. Now you almost want to punish him. That's fine if you do, but keep in mind that if you push him away, he might not return again. Only do the "friends" thing if you're sure that's all you want from him.

 

I'm not condoning men acting like asses, but if they have to pull away in order to cope with things, then you have to understand or not, and not half-ass it.

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is that common for people to run when they are overwhelmed? Even when doing that hurts the people you love? Does it mean that they have no concern for other people? I do not want to hurt him, I guess I have to decide if I want to be friends or more than that. Thanks.

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I think it's more common for men, and it doesn't mean they aren't concerned. When you were on the couch, sobbing your eyes out, did it mean you didn't have concern for others? Of course not. But you were focused on your own problems, right?

 

Whatever decision you make, be prepared to stick with it.

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Good point. I guess I have to learn. I think everyone is like my Dad! And people are very differrent. I tend to look or read into things and all it does is work me up. I would have to do some work on myself too before I could be w/ him agian, so this time may help us both.

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ConfusedInOC
Originally posted by beth5201

Good point. I guess I have to learn. I think everyone is like my Dad! And people are very differrent. I tend to look or read into things and all it does is work me up. I would have to do some work on myself too before I could be w/ him agian, so this time may help us both.

 

Read Universe's thread on LOVE IS A STATION, NOT A DESTINATION.

 

You can not (and should not) try and pick up where you left off if you DO decide to go back to him. You have to start over. And if nothing has changed (him, you or the situation) then it is most certianly doomed to fail again.

 

"The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting different results each time."

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Originally posted by ConfusedInOC

Read Universe's thread on LOVE IS A STATION, NOT A DESTINATION.

 

You can not (and should not) try and pick up where you left off if you DO decide to go back to him. You have to start over. And if nothing has changed (him, you or the situation) then it is most certianly doomed to fail again.

 

"The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting different results each time."

 

Hi Beth,

 

I can't help but agree with CIOC. You've gone back and gone back to this man who's done this to you over and over. Please reread his italized quote above.

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MWC_LifeBeginsAt40

Have you two ever physically met before or has this been an online thing all along? I'm not downplaying it. I'm just curious. I had an online lover for a while and he would go months without being online, yet was just as much in love with me as ever (yeah right).

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