jacg89 Posted May 15, 2016 Share Posted May 15, 2016 (edited) My husband and I are so good. We love each other dearly. In July, we will be married 2 years. He is in the process of getting his visa, and he has no drivers license to get another job right now, so he's been "stuck" working at a diner 2 blocks away from our house for the past 13 years, along with his brother & uncle who is the dishwasher. It's a small place so if one of the cooks (my husband or brother in law) takes the day off, the other has to work from open-close which is 7am-10pm. no break. they each have 1 day off per week. my husband works 84 hours/week and he is so depressed, feels unproductive in life right now, and just DRAINED. He will only be there for about 1 more year. After he gets his visa, when we come back from Costa Rica, he will be starting his own business. His brother has the same problem. Yet my husband says he is getting "sick". his brother has only worked there for about 9 years (versus my husband 13 years) and its true that he is drained as well. he is also a hypocondriact and has lost his voice, and basically goes to therapy and is learning how to talk again (only half of his words come out while talking). So my husband feels very sorry for him and wants him out of the diner. On his days off, he has been working as a landscaper for the past 3 months, so he has no day off right now. Yesterday, he decided he is going to quit his job to start landscaping full time and leave my husband to work even more hours (probably closer to 90-100 hours per week). My husband told me this when he came home from work & I got so emotional. I care about him so much. He has the same problems as his brother, but he says that he can handle to stay 1 more year. He told me to cancel our trip to Atlantic City for two weeks from now because he won't have a day off anymore. & the thing that really got me sick to my stomach, is the fact that he said "you don't care about my brother or my uncle, you just care about me.. too much. my brother is sick. i have been wanting him to quit for a long time!" He said that when I tell his uncle, (the dishwasher) about taking his day off once a week my husband will have to work open-close again, as a joke... my husband thinks that I am serious and that I don't like his uncle. (i love his uncle!) His uncle is an emotional old man and even a little slow in the head. What do I think? What do I do? Do I really have no say in this ? I feel like I am losing my husband to his job as a cook! Edited May 15, 2016 by jacg89 Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted May 15, 2016 Share Posted May 15, 2016 Is the diner profitable enough to hire another cook? Who owns it? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jacg89 Posted May 15, 2016 Author Share Posted May 15, 2016 Is the diner profitable enough to hire another cook? Who owns it? An old man owns it who really is more in the way than productive when he is around. He's usually in the office doing paperwork and orders. When my husbands brother quits, yes, they are going to hire another cook. But who else are you going to find out there that would be willing to work 80+ hours per week? Also, my husband won't be able to take a day off for a few months because if he did take off, the new person would be all alone and they wouldn't leave a new cook in there by themselves. though its a small place, they make fancy sautees. the uncle/dishwasher.. he doesn't know how to cook or speak or read english. Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted May 15, 2016 Share Posted May 15, 2016 When my husbands brother quits, yes, they are going to hire another cook. But who else are you going to find out there that would be willing to work 80+ hours per week? Also, my husband won't be able to take a day off for a few months because if he did take off, the new person would be all alone and they wouldn't leave a new cook in there by themselves. though its a small place, they make fancy sautees. That's the owner's problem, not your husband's problem. He (the owner) may need to adjust the menu and/or hours until he is adequately staffed. He can't treat your husband like a slave--unless your husband allows him. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted May 15, 2016 Share Posted May 15, 2016 I sympathize and I hope your husband and his uncle stand up for themselves and threaten to quit if another person isn't hired to fill in the gap. Aren't there any workers' rights unions there that can help them? Also, what visa is he currently on, is it tied to his job (ergo he isn't allowed to work any other job until he gets his spouse visa)? That being said, you asked: What do I think? What do I do? Do I really have no say in this ? I feel like I am losing my husband to his job as a cook! I don't know if there's anything you can do or say if both of you are in a situation where he absolutely HAS to stay in this job. On the other hand, if your income is enough to support both of you until your H has his spouse visa, then perhaps you could suggest that he quit and you will support him until the spouse visa comes in. Barring that, I think pressuring him about this is rather pointless. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NTV Posted May 15, 2016 Share Posted May 15, 2016 Will your emotional intensity help your husband right now? He needs to hear something like 'baby you do what you need to do for us I am here for you' etc etc. He wants you to show faith in him... worrying about it doesn't show faith in him. Build him up! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredLady Posted May 15, 2016 Share Posted May 15, 2016 I'm sorry & I'm sorry that I don't really understand. So...if your H could drive he could get a different job. Is that correct? But...he can do the other part-time landscaping? Why can't he quit & do just the 2nd job or catch a bus somewhere else? Is his current employer sponsoring his visa in any way? Is this more of a situation where your H feels like it's a 'family business' of sorts & he can't leave because of loyalty? He's going to leave anyway when you return to the USA. In my experience, being English getting a USA visa was dependent on my H NOT my employer. I'm a bit confused so it's hard to give any advice. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted May 15, 2016 Share Posted May 15, 2016 I guess I don't understand what's holding him back from starting his business now. Aren't there a ton of businesses that are foreign owned? If he does have to wait, why not put the company in your name? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jacg89 Posted May 15, 2016 Author Share Posted May 15, 2016 (edited) I'm sorry & I'm sorry that I don't really understand. So...if your H could drive he could get a different job. Is that correct? But...he can do the other part-time landscaping? Why can't he quit & do just the 2nd job or catch a bus somewhere else? Is his current employer sponsoring his visa in any way? Is this more of a situation where your H feels like it's a 'family business' of sorts & he can't leave because of loyalty? He's going to leave anyway when you return to the USA. In my experience, being English getting a USA visa was dependent on my H NOT my employer. I'm a bit confused so it's hard to give any advice. Hi there My husband is not the one doing the landscaping, that's his brother. Brother decided to quit his job at the diner and leave my husband there. My husband would never do that to his brother. Now my husband tells me we have to cancel our getaway because he isn't going to have another day off. This is his brothers last week at the diner, so I told my husband to take off 2 days this coming week so we can go away this week and he said "no, my brother is tired".. I was like "WHAT?! YOUR NOT GOING TO HAVE A DAY OFF AT ALL ANYMORE AND YOU'RE STILL WORRIED ABOUT YOUR BROTHER?!" He feels that I am being selfish... His current employer is not sponsoring his visa. He is applying for one right now. He is there right now for loyalty. He is very close with the family. In fact, the old man who owns the diner... told my husbands brother when he told him he was quitting, that when we come back from Costa Rica next year, he is just going to give him the diner so he can retire in Greece. Another reason why my husband isn't going to quit right now, is because his uncle (the dishwasher). His uncle as I mentioned before is a helpless old man.. he doesn't know how to cook, speak english, do anything... When we go to Costa Rica, his uncle also be coming with us to Costa Rica, but he will not be returning to America.. he's going to stay there. My husband feels that he can't quit his job and leave his uncle alone there because no one will take care of/help him. Edited May 15, 2016 by jacg89 Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredLady Posted May 15, 2016 Share Posted May 15, 2016 I grew-up in a family business that had to be open even Christmas Day! Ugh! I know. Is there a day that's pretty quiet? Could they simply not open one day? What would they do if your H was taken very sick? I don't know what the business is like. Could they afford another member of staff? Trainee chef? Part time? I understand the family loyalty, I really do but I'd be so worried about my H (& I'd be getting annoyed to be honest!! We all need free time TOGETHER as a family to relax & bond. Link to post Share on other sites
66Charger Posted May 15, 2016 Share Posted May 15, 2016 If the husband is illegal, then there are no options. After all these years, if the H doesn't have a work visa, then he is illegal. Thats why he is a cook. Without the papers, his pay will be low and hours high. This is exploitation, but that is the life of the undocumented. In my business, I expect a certain amount of turnover in January. When employer taxes are filed and the social security number comes up questionable, the workers get the call to come to HR. That great employee disappears. Nothing can be done here. The OP has to support her H as he is supporting the family the only way he can. The only thing she needs to do is insure he gets documented. Focus on that, not your vacation plans. Link to post Share on other sites
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