Have hope or move on?

[j21bird]

Met my girlfriend of 9 years in Las Vegas on spring break. We started to talk; it turned out we both lived in the same town where we were attending college. We both fell head over heals for one another. About a year into the relationship she told me I was the love of her life and things were great. Long story short she felt I was spending too much time with the boys watching sports and so on- she then dumped me and a day latter I saw her making out with another guy. She saw that I saw. I was crushed. The next day she called crying saying she did not have feelings for him and that she just wanted to feel wanted. I did not contact her for weeks, she contacted me several times and I ignored. . . then we started talking again an email here a text there. I was on my way to graduate school in another state. We hooked up a couple of times before I left- she really had not won me back from the original damage. She wrote me in school about once a week saying to not give up on us and that she would wait for me and how much she loved me and so on. This approach worked on me. We did end up dating when I moved back- some great times. From time to time she would say I was the love of her life and I believed her. We had a couple of rough patches where we did not speak for a few weeks, but would always resume contact and the relationship not too long after. About 4 years ago she began showing me pictures of wedding rings and started talking about how she wanted her wedding to look. I did want to marry her, but thought we were too young- 25 at the time and I wanted to get my career going. At that time I was having difficulty moving up form an entry level position. Her frustration grew that I was not proposing and I was frustrated my career was not taking off- I wanted more career stability before I proposed. I did move in with her a couple years back. We argued all the time about big things and little things- I think a lot of it steamed from no ring on her finger, but she did say to never give up on us. I loved her and she loved me, but the pressure and the arguing became too much so I moved out. I missed her like crazy. We started talking again and dating for about a year, but not living together- she still wanted that ring though and one day she wrote me a letter saying she loved me but wanted to move on for good. During five months of no contact I missed her but was focusing on me-exercise diet meditation, growing my career. I went out for drinks with a couple of women and it just made me miss her more. Last week I made a major mistake and texted her and said that I agreed with her letter that we should move on and that we had caused each other enough heart ache for one lifetime. She responded saying she did not want any kind of relationship with me and that she was seeing someone else. A half hour later I was extremely upset with myself for sending something so dumb. It was not how i felt at all. I have not attempted to contact her since- but I did notice that I have been blocked from all her social media since I texted her. I have been broken hearted this week- thought of going out and buying a ring and proposing . Did I just let the love of my life slip through my hands? I feel like I messed up by not proposing to her in the past, I truly wanted to do it right, wanted to propose when I had a good job and could begin building a family with her. Should I just do nothing and move on? Should I do something bold and romantic? I want to keep my dignity and not dig a deeper hole.

[privategal]

She wrote a letter she was moving on for good...

She said she wanted no type of relationship with you...

She blocked you on social media..

She is seeing someone else...

I think its pretty clear its over.

If she couldnt wait until the proposal was right for BOTH of you...thats on HER.

If she was willing to walk away instead od addressing things like two people who care do...thats on HER.

You argued constantly while together.

Theres alot of nice girls single and wishing they could have a nice boyfriend.

Stop looking back...you didnt lose her...she lost you.

Let her go, start looking forward and reading other posts here to help you.

Its for the best shes out of your life but it will take time to see it.

Either way your living with regret and false hope now.

[j21bird]

That seems like sound advice. As time progresses (over the last week), it is becoming more and more clear that moving on is exactly what I need to do. Trying to not get stuck just focusing on the good times, but trying to remember some of the arguments as well. I mean there are reasons conscious and subconscious as to why I never proposed to her.