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[Johnws3]

Ok so here is my issue.i was married to my twins mom for a short time.very short.ugly divorce and a lot of hate from both of us.fast forward a few years and she's remarried I have a long term gf.within the last year or so we have become best friends and are great co-parents.but I've devolved feelings for her again over the last several months and I've always just put them aside the best I could.shot I have a good gf so why even think about it.her marriage has been rocky for awhile.shes called me and talked to me about it many times.he leaves he comes back he leaves he comes back.the last month or so we have grown closer as my gf and I have grown apart to the point sex has stopped we barely speak(we live together).ive found I can't put the feelings off anymore.i want my ex wife back.she has told me she has thought about us being together again many times and the last few weeks her feelings have grown.i wake up every morning and she on my mind I go to work and I talk about her I go to bed she's on my mind.my ex is having a health issue and we have talked about and I've told her if she needs anything to call me and I'll be there.she is the mother of my children and they need her so her health is important.her husband doesn't seem to be an able provider.he and I have never talked as I don't like him as he has touched her once.as he pushed her and she fell during a fight..I pay my child support and when she needs additional help I've always helped her and never ask for any of it back.yesterday made me really not like him.as he spent money she had put up for her oldest daughters bday party.he told her I'll have it back by then.well he said he didn't have it.she calls me crying.i go to the bank and get the money to pay for everything.no I don't want the money back.shes torn for the feelings for me and being married as she's a Christian.she says it's not right and granted its not but when your ex husband takes care of you more than your husband does it says something.im there for anything she needs.not just money.she told me the other night that she told him something has to change in the marriage or she was done.then he pulls the stunt he did yesterday.i want her back.she and I have both changed since way back then.he doesn't deserve her.i do worry about their marriage ending and me not being her choice..so any advice..

[seamos]

I think the feelings you're having for your ex can't possibly do anything but have negative affect on your relationship w/ your girlfriend.

 

Have you just given up on fixing that?

 

Have you forgotten about the "ugly divorce and lots of hate" that you experienced w/ your ex?

 

This doesn't sound like it has much potential for a happy ending.

[LivingWaterPlease]

My advice would be to hold off with your emotions until she's divorced. She could dally around for years considering a divorce with this guy and never get one, meanwhile battering your emotions around.

 

I would also work things out with your gf without considering your exW. Sounds as if things might be over with your gf if she's your plan B.

[Bufo]

Did she become your ex for a reason? Don't gloss over that. Quit polishing your suit of armor for her. Coming to her aid in times of distress may seem noble and self-sacrificing to you, but I suspect your gf has other thoughts on the issue.

 

I've heard of physical affairs and emotional affairs on this board, but this might be the first financial affair I've read about. Why cushion her from her mistake in her choice of husbands? That you pay child support and see the kids regularly is doing enough. You can't rescue her from her current H. Is he the bad boy type? If so, let that marriage die its natural death or she'll pine away for him forever and end up blaming you for ruining that storybook romance whether or not you two reconnect.

 

If you don't love your gf, you owe it to her to let her know so she doesn't waste more of her life as Plan B.

 

And, not to put too fine a point on it, but have you considered that you might be being scammed? As I started with, why are you two divorced in the first place? I read something about hate. Why do you think it would turn out differently this time around?

[NTV]

Wow, that's really nice of you to step into another person's marriage and help their wife through an emotionally tough time. If my ww was talking to her ex like she's talking to you, then heck yeah I'd be in and out and in and out of the relationship.

 

 

And you having feelings for your ex? you ALREADY know feelings change over time. Don't let them drive your decision here.

 

 

I definitely agree with the others, but think I'd like to add a couple of suggestions:

1) I think you should tell your current GF honestly where you are with your ex and what's going on.

 

 

2) Realize that whatever your ex will say and do with you she will say and do TO you if you get back together. This woman is not to be trusted.

 

 

3) If you aren't gonna listen to number 2 and want to still get back with your ex regardless of the common sense then.... Make it clear that you won't be seeing her romantically until her divorce is final. And then when you do see her, play hard-to-get for a while. You can even tell her that's what your plan is. Then she gets to play a game she knows with you. It'd be fun for her and MAYBE avoid a catastrophe that's likely to happen when you get back together and remember all the reasons you broke up in the first place.

[Johnws3]

My gf wasnt ever considered a plan B.her and i grown apart as our goals have changed in life,more mine than hers as ive gotten older and have children i look at a bigger picture not just for me but them.buying a house getting married setting an example for them.do i screw up absolutely i do but i learn.as for the ex yes it was a terrible divorce.we yelled we screamed we did everything but kill one another.financial affair is something i dont see.i see it as i continue to provide for my kiddos.my current gf has supported me helping her in tough situations that she had and has told me to go and helo her.does she know every time?no she doesn't but she knows ill always be there for the ex as long as i need to be.the ex and i have a great friendship and lean on each other for advice ect.our marriage should have never happened as fast as it did and we didnt truly know each other.it end not just bc if her but me as well and ive admitted and shes admitted it.as time has gone on old wounds have healed the apologys were made and we moved on.we grew to be friends and co-parents.does she always run to me for a financial need? No she doesnt.her husband isnt the bad doy type. Hes just yiur average joe.i dont feel hes and able provider.i do believe as time has passed her and i are different ppl and have grown to be better ppl.we have grown to be great friends.when our marriage ended we never gave it a second chance to make it.we just ended it.we maybe just wanting our second chance.as far as a relationship i would want her divorce to be final before anything happened.