They Always Come Back..

[erklat]

That is a bold move OP because namely Simon was the one of those

who helped me the most when I was heartbroken. However I know

better than to bash you because you are more or less correct. That

moment when your results start speaking for themselves you will start

drawing all kinds of success.

[ExpatInItaly]

Every situation is different. But when it's GIGS related (I posted a few pages back the 6 factors that comprise GIGS), most come back. I've seen it time and time and time again. In real life and on forums. You know what attracted all these girls back into my life: success, my kind heart, and my gentle spirit. Before they had no feelings, but now they are trying to spark something. Girls are all a game and are opportunistic beings. Trust me.

 

OP, if those are the type of girls you've been surrounding yourself with, your girl-picker is broken. Why do you keep going for the same type of girl if it has happened more than once? Your use of the word "girl" and not "woman" suggest you are still quite young, which is fine - but you cannot ignore the fact that you're also probably dating young and less mature girls, too. You should be more adept by now at spotting the red flags of game-players, no?

 

You simply cannot contradict my experience as a woman to fit your theory. It's a nice idea and I know you will ignore those of us who don't line up with your binary thinking, but life is an excellent teacher. When you have more years and experience under your belt, you will see. There are some important flaws in your argument, some misogyny and a lack of critical thinking but hey - it's no skin off my back if that's the way you're choosing to live your life. I fear you will miss out on some quality partners that way, unfortunately.

 

Focus your efforts on attracting higher-quality girls and you will start to notice a dramatic change in your dating experience. Trust me.

[Chen12]

/U]GIGS

 

1. They cheat on you/leave you for someone else / have someone waiting for them on the sidelines.

2. They are 20 - 25 years old in a long term relationship more than 2 years.

3. They start partying a lot / never had the college experience.

4. They made new "friends" (not quality, just a bunch of party people).

5. They magically out of no where start to feel "unhappy" in the relationship.

6. A personality change/extremely selfish/standoffish/attention lover, they start resenting you out of no where.

 

 

My ex had every single point above! Down to a T! GIGS for sure! He said to me that hes too young to settle down, he hasn't experienced life yet, He wished he had met me later in life and etc. We have crazy chemistry and I know that if we met up right now he would be all over me. I also feel like he might try to contact me years down the line but its over on my end... Over for good. I know its over because I no longer feel anything if I think about him. I am simply indifferent to him and feel like he doesn't deserve me and later on he will be crying about it. I am also talking to this new guy that I really like a lot lol

 

This is how I feel that most dumpees should feel. Whenever I read a topic on here about a poster lingering onto an ex I think "Just move on". I know its not easy because my ex and I were on and off or months because I couldn't move on. But just know its the greatest feeling in the world when you realized that you are no longer emotionally chained to someone who has caused you so much pain. When that person dumped you they decided that they no longer needed you in their life and they should live with the consequences of that decision.

[positivemale]

My ex had every single point above! Down to a T! GIGS for sure! He said to me that hes too young to settle down, he hasn't experienced life yet, He wished he had met me later in life and etc. We have crazy chemistry and I know that if we met up right now he would be all over me. I also feel like he might try to contact me years down the line but its over on my end... Over for good. I know its over because I no longer feel anything if I think about him. I am simply indifferent to him and feel like he doesn't deserve me and later on he will be crying about it. I am also talking to this new guy that I really like a lot lol

 

This is how I feel that most dumpees should feel. Whenever I read a topic on here about a poster lingering onto an ex I think "Just move on". I know its not easy because my ex and I were on and off or months because I couldn't move on. But just know its the greatest feeling in the world when you realized that you are no longer emotionally chained to someone who has caused you so much pain. When that person dumped you they decided that they no longer needed you in their life and they should live with the consequences of that decision.

 

Nothing hurts an ex more when they realize they have zero power over you.

Yup, that's why reconciliation don't work. Because the dumpee has moved on by the time the dumper tries to come back and they don't get over all the hurt they put you through. Especially a GIGS dumper, they put you though months of pain with their personality change, the cocky and arrogant attitude. The quickest way to heal is no contact because it will lead you to the indifference stage.

 

I wouldn't be surprised if he popped up in your life 2 - 5 years from now. (Warning: guys go through GIGS slower. For a female, it's around 1 - 2 years, for guys its at least 3 - 5 years).

[Chen12]

Nothing hurts an ex more when they realize they have zero power over you.

Yup, that's why reconciliation don't work. Because the dumpee has moved on by the time the dumper tries to come back and they don't get over all the hurt they put you through. Especially a GIGS dumper, they put you though months of pain with their personality change, the cocky and arrogant attitude. The quickest way to heal is no contact because it will lead you to the indifference stage.

 

I wouldn't be surprised if he popped up in your life 2 - 5 years from now. (Warning: guys go through GIGS slower. For a female, it's around 1 - 2 years, for guys its at least 3 - 5 years).

 

I forgive him for everything he has done to me... yeck I forgave him a week after he broke up with me in the cruelest way possible. But I know that I don't want him back and this feeling will never change. I forgive him. I know hes confused right now but its OVER. It doesn't matter if he pops up in 3 years or never at all. Its OVER for me. Every Dumpee should feel this way. If there was a way I could reach out and hug everyone of you guys suffering I will. I know exactly how it feels. I've cried myself sick the day I realized it was over. I was having anxiety/panic attacks while the relationship was still happening because I could sense something was wrong. But the hardest part of being dumped is mentally moving on but its something that HAS to be done.

[positivemale]

I forgive him for everything he has done to me... yeck I forgave him a week after he broke up with me in the cruelest way possible. But I know that I don't want him back and this feeling will never change. I forgive him. I know hes confused right now but its OVER. It doesn't matter if he pops up in 3 years or never at all. Its OVER for me. Every Dumpee should feel this way. If there was a way I could reach out and hug everyone of you guys suffering I will. I know exactly how it feels. I've cried myself sick the day I realized it was over. I was having anxiety/panic attacks while the relationship was still happening because I could sense something was wrong. But the hardest part of being dumped is mentally moving on but its something that HAS to be done.

 

I know exactly how you feel. You emotions are normal. I was you 8 months ago. Send me a private message and I can send you some links to help you feel better/move on with more peace. I can't share them here because it violates the terms -_- I found a few posters that really helped me.

 

If I can reach out and hug anyone who has gone through a REAL GIGS breakup, I would as well. I have never experience so much pain and betrayal in my life, especially from someone who I never expected it from. But everything happens for a reason and there's always better coming.

 

Just focus on yourself and keep bettering yourself, and you will attract better. I promise. There is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Edited May 24, 2016 by positivemale

[bluefeather]

Send me a private message and I can send you some links to help you feel better/move on with more peace.

 

You are able to exchange PMs? I don't see a PM option on your profile.

[Chen12]

I know exactly how you feel. You emotions are normal. I was you 8 months ago. Send me a private message and I can send you some links to help you feel better/move on with more peace. I can't share them here because it violates the terms -_- I found a few posters that really helped me.

 

If I can reach out and hug anyone who has gone through a REAL GIGS breakup, I would as well. I have never experience so much pain and betrayal in my life, especially from someone who I never expected it from. But everything happens for a reason and there's always better coming.

 

Just focus on yourself and keep bettering yourself, and you will attract better. I promise. There is a light at the end of the tunnel.

 

......Um.... what part of my comment made you believe that I need help moving on? I just say a thread and decided to put my 2 cents in. I am beyond the hurt and the pain. I am actually pretty happy with my life right now.

[positivemale]

You are able to exchange PMs? I don't see a PM option on your profile.

 

I have no idea how to exchange PMs lol

[JLynn88]

Ok so maybe you can tell me if this is GIGS or just rebound maybe? Or totally over.......I was dumped by my boyfriend of a year, thought everything was going great until one day he said he thought we should stop seeing each other 3 weeks after moving in together. He said he needed to work on some things in his life on his own and told me not to lose hope. He also said he wasn't going to be dating anyone else. Days later he told me I should try to move on in case he doesn't come back. We talked about the breakup several times and each time I got a different answer as to why he felt like we couldn't work. Ranging from I don't want to go out enough, I didn't open up enough, and the lovely "I love you, I'm just not in love with you" line. A week after the breakup I overheard him talking to a girl on the phone, typical getting to know each other stuff. After a couple weeks (still living together) he told me he wanted to fall back in love with me and we spent 3 days together before he totally went cold. Realized a week later he was still talking to this other girl. He continued to tell me he didn't want to date anyone and said the door for us wasn't fully closed in the future. A month after the breakup I found out that he was then in a relationship with this other girl, which then I told him to get his stuff and move out. When I asked why we couldn't have worked things out he said 'Maybe there's something better out there for me." My issue in the relationship was that I'm not really an affectionate girl and he's very affection driven. He may have thought I didn't care as much with my lack of affection towards him and I also gained weight and had issues with him seeing and touching my body. Anyway, he's been with this other girl for 3 months now and I believe they're still happy. They were saying I love you on facebook within 3 weeks together, to which I unfollowed him because I didn't want to see it. She's very needy, clingy, and affectionate so he's probably eating it up. Does anyone think this is a GIGS scenario & think maybe he'll come around someday? I'd be open to working it out, but I'm not sitting around waiting either. I'm doing me, fixing myself, improving myself and trying to be better for the next guy or him if he comes back.

 

There's reasons why I think he left that were changes in my behavior. We started out being lovey dovey and then as the relationship progressed I got a desk job and gained about 50lbs and slipped into a depression that I didn't realize I was in. I stopped initiating any affection, stopped letting him see me naked, never wanted to go out anymore. Then he got 2 jobs and we barely saw each other. He asked me to move in thinking it would fix things, but right after we moved my grandfather who raised me was critical in the hospital so I was always there. Boxes weren't even unpacked when he ended things. We have been no contact for about 3 months now, but he does occasionally check my snapchat story & he may view my facebook, idk. When he started dating her they would post and tag each other on facebook nonstop, which he always said he hated couples who do that. We kept ours off of facebook, except our relationship status. Even his family confirmed that he was like that. She posts a lot about how she's needy and clingy. He has quieted down and rarely tags her in stuff or comments on her stuff, just likes it. She keeps posting stuff about her ex since she was trying to get back with him a week before they started dating. I'm just wondering if maybe its fizzling out for him there and he may be regretting his decision. I wish there was a way to tell if he was thinking about me, but there isn't. If he came back things would have to be different because I'm not the same girl I was. I've gotten out of the depression, lost a lot of weight and am still working on it, and I have a lot more confidence and have been going out and doing new things a lot. I have improved myself a lot and we would have to get to know each other before talks of reconciliation can happen

[positivemale]

Ok so maybe you can tell me if this is GIGS or just rebound maybe? Or totally over.......I was dumped by my boyfriend of a year, thought everything was going great until one day he said he thought we should stop seeing each other 3 weeks after moving in together. He said he needed to work on some things in his life on his own and told me not to lose hope. He also said he wasn't going to be dating anyone else. Days later he told me I should try to move on in case he doesn't come back. We talked about the breakup several times and each time I got a different answer as to why he felt like we couldn't work. Ranging from I don't want to go out enough, I didn't open up enough, and the lovely "I love you, I'm just not in love with you" line. A week after the breakup I overheard him talking to a girl on the phone, typical getting to know each other stuff. After a couple weeks (still living together) he told me he wanted to fall back in love with me and we spent 3 days together before he totally went cold. Realized a week later he was still talking to this other girl. He continued to tell me he didn't want to date anyone and said the door for us wasn't fully closed in the future. A month after the breakup I found out that he was then in a relationship with this other girl, which then I told him to get his stuff and move out. When I asked why we couldn't have worked things out he said 'Maybe there's something better out there for me." My issue in the relationship was that I'm not really an affectionate girl and he's very affection driven. He may have thought I didn't care as much with my lack of affection towards him and I also gained weight and had issues with him seeing and touching my body. Anyway, he's been with this other girl for 3 months now and I believe they're still happy. They were saying I love you on facebook within 3 weeks together, to which I unfollowed him because I didn't want to see it. She's very needy, clingy, and affectionate so he's probably eating it up. Does anyone think this is a GIGS scenario & think maybe he'll come around someday? I'd be open to working it out, but I'm not sitting around waiting either. I'm doing me, fixing myself, improving myself and trying to be better for the next guy or him if he comes back.

 

There's reasons why I think he left that were changes in my behavior. We started out being lovey dovey and then as the relationship progressed I got a desk job and gained about 50lbs and slipped into a depression that I didn't realize I was in. I stopped initiating any affection, stopped letting him see me naked, never wanted to go out anymore. Then he got 2 jobs and we barely saw each other. He asked me to move in thinking it would fix things, but right after we moved my grandfather who raised me was critical in the hospital so I was always there. Boxes weren't even unpacked when he ended things. We have been no contact for about 3 months now, but he does occasionally check my snapchat story & he may view my facebook, idk. When he started dating her they would post and tag each other on facebook nonstop, which he always said he hated couples who do that. We kept ours off of facebook, except our relationship status. Even his family confirmed that he was like that. She posts a lot about how she's needy and clingy. He has quieted down and rarely tags her in stuff or comments on her stuff, just likes it. She keeps posting stuff about her ex since she was trying to get back with him a week before they started dating. I'm just wondering if maybe its fizzling out for him there and he may be regretting his decision. I wish there was a way to tell if he was thinking about me, but there isn't. If he came back things would have to be different because I'm not the same girl I was. I've gotten out of the depression, lost a lot of weight and am still working on it, and I have a lot more confidence and have been going out and doing new things a lot. I have improved myself a lot and we would have to get to know each other before talks of reconciliation can happen

 

He has GIGS. He was cheating on you with this new girl and wanted to see if she's better. He just hid the girl from you. Anyone who uses the line "I love you, but I'm not in love with you" is cheating on you. Trust me.

So he basically made you a Plan B. Best thing to do is to break all contact and move on. He's not worth it. Trust me. He's entering GIGS, which means it's going to be one bumpy ride for him. Takes a good 3 years for it to wear off for guys. He's going to start dating, sleeping around, partying, doing the whole nine yards. He's literally going to be unrecognisable. He's going to be mean, arrogant, selfish, cocky, and right now he sees rainbows and stars. He feels relieved that the relationship is over and he thinks this new girl is amazing (takes months for him to realize he's just infatuated with a girl/lifestyle, and not in love). Let him learn the hard way.

Edited May 24, 2016 by positivemale

[JLynn88]

From what I was told he met her during the week he stayed with his buddy after the breakup. I really don't think he cheated, he was always at work and we always talked via snapchat and I could see he was at work when he was supposed to be. I didn't keep tabs on him, but I can say I did recognize his work. He has cheated in the past with other girls and upfront told them when it happened, not sure why he wouldn't have done the same for me if he had. He's 22 so he's at that age where he has no clue what he wants and I'm 28, but I also don't have much of a clue and am far from wanting to settle down. I'm viewing his decreased activity on her facebook and her constant posting about "needing to constantly feel the love or she'll assume its gone" "don't waste a good girl" "if she's clingy and needy she's just showing you her love" etc posts as a sign things might be fizzling out for him with her. I'm sure for a guy who is very affection driven, going from a girl who rarely shows emotion or affection to a girl who gives it by the truckload was the best thing ever at first and may now be getting to be too much. He may be thinking already that he's made the wrong choice. Not saying he'll come back, he may go find a different girl to try. Or maybe he's seeing me be happy again and seeing some of the old me that he originally fell for on my facebook, and is starting to consider coming back. No matter what happens I'm just going to keep doing me and living my life. It took me 27 years to get a guy to ask me out, I'm used to being alone. I won't die

[amaysngrace]

I have no idea how to exchange PMs lol

 

You have to be here for a while and post more often to be able to send and receive PMs but you can get that privilege immediately if you subscribe.

Edited May 24, 2016 by amaysngrace

[positivemale]

From what I was told he met her during the week he stayed with his buddy after the breakup. I really don't think he cheated, he was always at work and we always talked via snapchat and I could see he was at work when he was supposed to be. I didn't keep tabs on him, but I can say I did recognize his work. He has cheated in the past with other girls and upfront told them when it happened, not sure why he wouldn't have done the same for me if he had. He's 22 so he's at that age where he has no clue what he wants and I'm 28, but I also don't have much of a clue and am far from wanting to settle down. I'm viewing his decreased activity on her facebook and her constant posting about "needing to constantly feel the love or she'll assume its gone" "don't waste a good girl" "if she's clingy and needy she's just showing you her love" etc posts as a sign things might be fizzling out for him with her. I'm sure for a guy who is very affection driven, going from a girl who rarely shows emotion or affection to a girl who gives it by the truckload was the best thing ever at first and may now be getting to be too much. He may be thinking already that he's made the wrong choice. Not saying he'll come back, he may go find a different girl to try. Or maybe he's seeing me be happy again and seeing some of the old me that he originally fell for on my facebook, and is starting to consider coming back. No matter what happens I'm just going to keep doing me and living my life. It took me 27 years to get a guy to ask me out, I'm used to being alone. I won't die

 

He's 22. He has GIGS. He's not going to want to settle down until around the ages of 25. He wants to party, date new girls, sleep around, etc. Any girl he pretty much talks to under the age of 25 isn't anything serious. It's just going to be for fun.

 

If you REALLY want to reconcile with him, you have to cut all contact for a good 2 years. It sounds counter productive, but it's your only hope. If you keep contacting him, you'll push him away and you'll just get friendzoned. It's going to take a long time for him to get things out of his system, so I suggest you delete him and block him off all social media to prevent from seeing things. You need to protect your heart right now because GIGS dumpers are ruthless. Trust me on this, you have to believe me. GIGS dumpers literally change into someone you have no idea who they are. When he's over GIGS, he will move mountains to try to reach you/contact you. But by the time he's over GIGS, you'll be moved on and you will probably find someone better. That's the downside.

 

In the mean time, focus on yourself, better yourself FOR YOURSELF and keep working on yourself. Put yourself first and stop putting your energy on your ex. The moment you really start to move on, exes magically seem to pop up.

Edited May 24, 2016 by positivemale

[jonesey0]

To the OP:

 

Been reading your thread, you have some good points and your optimism is rather contagious...

 

But the reality, at least from what ive experienced, its quite different.

 

My girl left me after 14 years. 14 years where we never split, where we grew stronger ever year that passed, where both of us made plans and built a life together that we thought would be forever.

 

And then, in the span of six months, it all went away. She became someone else, i couldnt do anything to change that, and she broke up with me.

 

I took the high road, never begged or anything, we kept LC for 5 months, very friendly, and then i cut contact and moved on with my life.

 

Its been more than a year apart. She never regreted it, never said she missed me, and we havent seen eachother or contacted for 10 months. After 14 years together, living together for the last six. Engaged. Were both early thirties.

 

I became a far better man than i was in all departments. Im doing really well in all aspects of my life.

 

But she never came back. And never will.

 

So...happy endings only happen in movies.

[positivemale]

To the OP:

 

Been reading your thread, you have some good points and your optimism is rather contagious...

 

But the reality, at least from what ive experienced, its quite different.

 

My girl left me after 14 years. 14 years where we never split, where we grew stronger ever year that passed, where both of us made plans and built a life together that we thought would be forever.

 

And then, in the span of six months, it all went away. She became someone else, i couldnt do anything to change that, and she broke up with me.

 

I took the high road, never begged or anything, we kept LC for 5 months, very friendly, and then i cut contact and moved on with my life.

 

Its been more than a year apart. She never regreted it, never said she missed me, and we havent seen eachother or contacted for 10 months. After 14 years together, living together for the last six. Engaged. Were both early thirties.

 

I became a far better man than i was in all departments. Im doing really well in all aspects of my life.

 

But she never came back. And never will.

 

So...happy endings only happen in movies.

 

14 years is WAY too long for an ex to come back. You guys basically spent your entire young adult ages dating each other that she felt like she missed out, didn't party, didn't date, etc. She was basically tied down for so many years that this was bound to happen. She has late GIGS (because of her age). Now, when you guys were younger and maybe if your relationship was only 3 - 5 years long and you guys broke up, then did no contact for about 2 years, you guys would have probably got together and been married. It's just a timing issue.

 

She has GIGS, of course she's not going to regret it. GIGS dumpers chase rainbows and butterflies for a few years and don't think about going back until they get miserable by throwing away a good partner for essentially nothing.

 

If you want any hope in reconciling, just cut all contact. She is going to drive you nuts for a few years. She's going to be cocky, selfish, dating around, etc. THE LESS YOU KNOW, THE BETTER. Don't be a chump please and be available to her. Use this time to focus on yourself. Let her learn from her own mistakes.

Edited May 24, 2016 by positivemale

[Blanco]

Your lone personal experience with this doesn't make you an expert on this. I appreciate the spirit of what you're aiming for here, but I'm sure most people could chime in with either a personal experience or one they experienced in close proxy that contradicts your findings.

 

I haven't seen or spoke to my first serious girlfriend in 10 years. I likely will never hear from her again.

 

My last girlfriend dated a guy for a couple of years. They broke up and haven't spoken in more than 10 years.

 

One of my closest friends had his one girlfriend break up with him four years ago after a two-year relationship. They shared some texts in the aftermath, but they haven't spoken since.

 

Yes, some exes do come back. More than some of those will come back just to check in. A tiny fraction of these people come back with the hopes of rekindling anything in the romantic realm.

[Simon Phoenix]

Your lone personal experience with this doesn't make you an expert on this. I appreciate the spirit of what you're aiming for here, but I'm sure most people could chime in with either a personal experience or one they experienced in close proxy that contradicts your findings.

 

I haven't seen or spoke to my first serious girlfriend in 10 years. I likely will never hear from her again.

 

My last girlfriend dated a guy for a couple of years. They broke up and haven't spoken in more than 10 years.

 

One of my closest friends had his one girlfriend break up with him four years ago after a two-year relationship. They shared some texts in the aftermath, but they haven't spoken since.

 

Yes, some exes do come back. More than some of those will come back just to check in. A tiny fraction of these people come back with the hopes of rekindling anything in the romantic realm.

 

I agree with this. I appreciate that the OP is trying to be positive, but he needs to dial back on the absolutist "if you do a, b will definitely happen" tone and approach. Because it's not that way most of the time.

[positivemale]

Your lone personal experience with this doesn't make you an expert on this. I appreciate the spirit of what you're aiming for here, but I'm sure most people could chime in with either a personal experience or one they experienced in close proxy that contradicts your findings.

 

I haven't seen or spoke to my first serious girlfriend in 10 years. I likely will never hear from her again.

 

My last girlfriend dated a guy for a couple of years. They broke up and haven't spoken in more than 10 years.

 

One of my closest friends had his one girlfriend break up with him four years ago after a two-year relationship. They shared some texts in the aftermath, but they haven't spoken since.

 

Yes, some exes do come back. More than some of those will come back just to check in. A tiny fraction of these people come back with the hopes of rekindling anything in the romantic realm.

 

Listen, if you were not a passionate partner, they will never come back. Reconciliation only happen when you literally impacted their soul with passion. Especially for a GIGS situation. If you were passionless, an ex is never going to come back. I remember reading a forum post about all of his ex's came back for romantic intent. He's 30, so I got great perspective from him. He said the reason why is because his relationships were filled with passion and his ex's felt empty without it.

 

I'm gathering everything i'm saying in these forum posts from people who i've talked to and read about that are over 30. They all give great advice.

[positivemale]

I agree with this. I appreciate that the OP is trying to be positive, but he needs to dial back on the absolutist "if you do a, b will definitely happen" tone and approach. Because it's not that way most of the time.

 

Read my previous reply.

[Simon Phoenix]

Read my previous reply.

 

I'm also above 30 FYI and most of my real-life experiences (with myself and with friends and family) contradict what you're saying. Does what you're saying happen? Of course -- every so often. I've had it happen to me. But usually it does not. And it's not because me, and my friends and family, were abusive, lacked passion, lacked confidence, all of the caveats you've mentioned in an attempt to move the goalposts to make your absolutist point stand up.

 

Your passion is commendable, and it's cool you are trying to be positive. But enough with the absolutes. You can not put absolutes on a process governed by things (feelings) that are illogical. It's completely contradictory. People can do everything right in their post-breakup recovery and never rekindle things with their ex again. People can do everything wrong and see the ex come back around. In fact, the one ex I've had came back after an extremely dysfunctional breakup where both of us of pretty much did everything wrong for a good while.

 

I'm not trying to waste your flavor, but your tone is very know-it-all and absolute. I think you have some good general advice that you should share, but it'd be better if you just chilled on the "get your ex back" type approach. JMO.

[Emaize3]

Passion is huge in a relationship for sure and I believe it can make a difference. However, I had lots of passion in my last relationship and he will not come back because we have different parenting styles with our teens. That's a deal breaker with him. If we're both single in 10 years, then maybe. I moved on because I don't have a choice.

[ExpatInItaly]

I'm also above 30 FYI and most of my real-life experiences (with myself and with friends and family) contradict what you're saying. Does what you're saying happen? Of course -- every so often. I've had it happen to me. But usually it does not. And it's not because me, and my friends and family, were abusive, lacked passion, lacked confidence, all of the caveats you've mentioned in an attempt to move the goalposts to make your absolutist point stand up.

 

Your passion is commendable, and it's cool you are trying to be positive. But enough with the absolutes. You can not put absolutes on a process governed by things (feelings) that are illogical. It's completely contradictory. People can do everything right in their post-breakup recovery and never rekindle things with their ex again. People can do everything wrong and see the ex come back around. In fact, the one ex I've had came back after an extremely dysfunctional breakup where both of us of pretty much did everything wrong for a good while.

 

I'm not trying to waste your flavor, but your tone is very know-it-all and absolute. I think you have some good general advice that you should share, but it'd be better if you just chilled on the "get your ex back" type approach. JMO.

 

Same for me. I am 35 and the "they-always-come-back!" theory simply doesn't line up with my personal experiences.

 

It has nothing to do with not being passionate enough and frankly I find the undertone of that comment rather insulting and condescending.

 

Arguing in absolutes actually demonstrates a lack of concrete experience and knowledge on the topic.

[frigginlost]

I'm also above 30 FYI and most of my real-life experiences (with myself and with friends and family) contradict what you're saying. Does what you're saying happen? Of course -- every so often. I've had it happen to me. But usually it does not. And it's not because me, and my friends and family, were abusive, lacked passion, lacked confidence, all of the caveats you've mentioned in an attempt to move the goalposts to make your absolutist point stand up.

 

Your passion is commendable, and it's cool you are trying to be positive. But enough with the absolutes. You can not put absolutes on a process governed by things (feelings) that are illogical. It's completely contradictory. People can do everything right in their post-breakup recovery and never rekindle things with their ex again. People can do everything wrong and see the ex come back around. In fact, the one ex I've had came back after an extremely dysfunctional breakup where both of us of pretty much did everything wrong for a good while.

 

I'm not trying to waste your flavor, but your tone is very know-it-all and absolute. I think you have some good general advice that you should share, but it'd be better if you just chilled on the "get your ex back" type approach. JMO.

 

I've been on this planet for close to 50 years. I have been through it all since my early teens. I am one of the very, very, few on these boards that believe in Low Contact and only believe in No Contact in situations where the dumper or dumpee is clearly abusive (manipulation, lying, etc).

 

With that said, there is never, and I mean never a guarantee that the ex will "always come back".

 

While I do appreciate what the OP is trying to state, the simple fact of the matter is that they do not always come back, regardless of how the relationship was.

 

I came very close to getting married when I was in my early 20's with a woman who I thought was my truest of soulmates. You could write a book on the amount of passion that was in our relationship. I was with her for 2 years.

 

One afternoon, she told me she wanted to be single. I never heard from her again. You're thinking GIGS, right? Wrong. I found out years later from a mutual friend that she went on a life of celibacy for years...

 

There are no guarantees in life other than someday you will die.

[Blanco]

I'm gathering everything i'm saying in these forum posts from people who i've talked to and read about that are over 30. They all give great advice.

 

I'm over 30. So are several people here who have posted contradictions to your theory. Seems like you're only listening to the people over 30 who can share stories that support your theory.