Author Isittolatenow Posted May 23, 2016 Author Share Posted May 23, 2016 Yes. Perfect job, amazing career prospects, perfect location (for the kids, it's by the ocean, better area than where we are now.) it's $20k more a year, plus take off 3 years off my long term plan. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted May 23, 2016 Share Posted May 23, 2016 OK so the "distance" issue was about to be resolved and he is still out on a date... Sounds a great job if you get it take it anyway, you don't need to ever see him again, even if you do live in his State. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Isittolatenow Posted May 23, 2016 Author Share Posted May 23, 2016 (edited) OK so the "distance" issue was about to be resolved and he is still out on a date... Sounds a great job if you get it take it anyway, you don't need to ever see him again, even if you do live in his State. Yep, the text messages yesterday went from me saying that I would like to see him if I ended up there, but I wouldn't be moving FOR him, I'd be moving because it was the best thing for my career and my children. He said 'that's the only reason for you to move, but if you do end up here we would definitely see where it went'. Then I get the text about him being asked on a date, that's what made me feel worse. Why mention us being together at all if he was planning on dating others?! Edited May 23, 2016 by Isittolatenow Spelling! Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted May 23, 2016 Share Posted May 23, 2016 I am guessing that the "distance" was just an excuse to break up and now there may be no "distance" involved, he needs to put another spoke in your wheel. After 4 years it had to go somewhere and I guess he wasn't prepared to take the next big step with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Isittolatenow Posted May 23, 2016 Author Share Posted May 23, 2016 The distance was an issue as his marriage ended because he was given a job 6 hours away from his ex wife and kids. It was for a full 6 months, and they only got to see each other once in that time. He said he couldn't go through it again. We also had an issue with trust, as he ended up messaging another woman, who turned out to be someone with severe MH issues, who decided to post it all over his Facebook page! She set up 2 fake accounts to chat to him on, as well as her own. He knew I was having doubts (this woman was dropping messages every so often to me about him cheating) and being a 4/5 hour drive apart and only seeing each other once every 3 weeks did put a huge wedge between us. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Isittolatenow Posted May 26, 2016 Author Share Posted May 26, 2016 Right. Without repeating myself me & my LD ex split up 6/7 weeks ago, I went NC for 17 days and then found out his mom was ill again, contacted him, his bro & mom to send my regards. He broke up with me using the distance as an excuse, even though he was the one who had been messaging another woman on social media! We got back in touch and spent the last 3 weeks texting again. He lead me to believe that something could happen again, ended up meeting him 2 days ago, stayed overnight with him, had the greatest night, he admitted he still loved me, and was glad I went to see him. He also found out id been out on a date with someone, and completely lost the plot. Was really upset, annoyed and spent an hour texting me asking about it, why I went when I told him I loved him. Why would you date someone if you were still in love with someone else etc. When I was with him I got a text & he said 'is it your date checking up on you', trying to be 'funny', but genuinely annoyed by the fact it could be him. Today I text to find out how his journey home had been yesterday (14 hour drive ish) then said to him- 'do you think we should still be talking?' Him 'why would you even say that? You know I love talking to you?' 'Because I don't know whether we should be. You said yourself the other night that seeing you would make you feel like sh*t, but never elaborated. I don't know what you want anymore!' 'You know exactly what I want. It just doesn't seem doable. I can't lead you on knowing how things are'. So I ended it with 'this is what I don't get. You tell me you love me, you hate that I went out on a date, now you step back again? It makes zero sense!' He's read the message and not replied. I hate that I sent that last message. Why am I such a fool?! Just needed to rant or I would cry!! Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted May 26, 2016 Share Posted May 26, 2016 The relationship is over. Now you need to BLOCK him and NC him so you can move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
deadparrot Posted May 26, 2016 Share Posted May 26, 2016 I won't say we've all been there, but a lot of us have been there. Love makes you vulnerable and, quite frankly, dumb. You believe lines that you'd never in a millions years believe in your "right" mind, and you let yourself being treated shabbily out of a belief that maybe this time he/she really means it. My best advice is to reestablish (and stick to) NC and work on healing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
privategal Posted May 26, 2016 Share Posted May 26, 2016 I think you should look at it differently, you just called him out on his BS. Hes saying the situation wont change, the distance, there being others in the picture. Now that you've reconnected and found some peace, Id just consider that your closure. You are DEFINATELY going to get hurt again. This contact is giving you false hope and he is stringing you along. You've gotta reject the rejecter. It truly is over, now block him 100 percent ZERO contact and so you don't continue to pick this scab and delay your healing. If he wanted you back he would have said so after the great time together. He didn't. that's just one example right there, and it hurts. I love you but I don't want you. It hurts. Hes going to KEEP doing that. Its an ego stroke to have your ex in your life especially when you know they still love you, that's why he is doing this. You being in his life makes it easier for HIM. Let go. NC 1 Link to post Share on other sites
keiji Posted May 26, 2016 Share Posted May 26, 2016 I don't think you made a fool of yourself at all. Your message is perfectly logical. His actions are not. Don't let him string you along anymore. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Isittolatenow Posted May 26, 2016 Author Share Posted May 26, 2016 I think you should look at it differently, you just called him out on his BS. Hes saying the situation wont change, the distance, there being others in the picture. Now that you've reconnected and found some peace, Id just consider that your closure. You are DEFINATELY going to get hurt again. This contact is giving you false hope and he is stringing you along. You've gotta reject the rejecter. It truly is over, now block him 100 percent ZERO contact and so you don't continue to pick this scab and delay your healing. If he wanted you back he would have said so after the great time together. He didn't. that's just one example right there, and it hurts. I love you but I don't want you. It hurts. Hes going to KEEP doing that. Its an ego stroke to have your ex in your life especially when you know they still love you, that's why he is doing this. You being in his life makes it easier for HIM. Let go. NC The annoying thing is that I've just arrived in his state, about 30 minute drive from him for a 2nd job interview tomorrow. This job is 100% perfect, it's just 4 states away from my family & my children from their dad. (Who is fine with the move if I chose to go). He knows I'm here, even offered me a bed tomorrow night. There would be no distance! I'm just so confused by it al! Link to post Share on other sites
tempurabits Posted May 26, 2016 Share Posted May 26, 2016 The annoying thing is that I've just arrived in his state, about 30 minute drive from him for a 2nd job interview tomorrow. This job is 100% perfect, it's just 4 states away from my family & my children from their dad. (Who is fine with the move if I chose to go). He knows I'm here, even offered me a bed tomorrow night. There would be no distance! I'm just so confused by it al! If it's possible to fix the distance, then it's just an excuse. My ex keeps giving me bs excuses and I keep trying to justify it cause obviously love makes you blind. Our problems are fixable, he just gave up on the relationship and wanting to try. I think moving on is the best strategy and don't take anything they say as anything. I thin if he wanted to fix the relationship, he would say it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Isittolatenow Posted May 26, 2016 Author Share Posted May 26, 2016 If it's possible to fix the distance, then it's just an excuse. My ex keeps giving me bs excuses and I keep trying to justify it cause obviously love makes you blind. Our problems are fixable, he just gave up on the relationship and wanting to try. I think moving on is the best strategy and don't take anything they say as anything. I thin if he wanted to fix the relationship, he would say it. This is the other thing, he said and I quote 'if you end up here, I would love to get us sorted. I know for a fact id be 100% with you as my girl again'. I'm so angry I could cry! Link to post Share on other sites
privategal Posted May 26, 2016 Share Posted May 26, 2016 This is the other thing, he said and I quote 'if you end up here, I would love to get us sorted. I know for a fact id be 100% with you as my girl again'. I'm so angry I could cry! I hope you arent making a major life change for him. Either way...let him PROVE it. Let him chase, do the planning, connecting, effort. Words are nothing without action. He better be WORTH it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Isittolatenow Posted May 26, 2016 Author Share Posted May 26, 2016 I hope you arent making a major life change for him. Either way...let him PROVE it. Let him chase, do the planning, connecting, effort. Words are nothing without action. He better be WORTH it. No!! Absolutely not! I applied for a job at this firm in my local town, they said we've a better position suited to you there. At the time i agreed to do the interview as I knew it would take me closer to him, but it's about the career prospects and the better standard of living for my children. If I got the job, I'd go, but not for him Link to post Share on other sites
Author Isittolatenow Posted May 27, 2016 Author Share Posted May 27, 2016 Well I've decided I'm going NC starting about 4 hours ago!! I need to do this again for me. He's not who I thought he was and I guess I'm going to need the support to not get back in touch with him. I go on vacation in a week and going to avoid taking my cell so even if I wanted to message him I can't! Hoping that will give me time to reflect and make me realise I'm better off without him Link to post Share on other sites
Author Isittolatenow Posted June 1, 2016 Author Share Posted June 1, 2016 Me & my LD ex split up about 2 months ago, I went NC for 17 days, then got back in touch as I found out his mom was terminal. I sent the same text to him, his mom & bro. We then spent a few weeks texting, pretty much back to normal. I'm letting him do all the running, if he wants to text me he knows where I am. Anyway, I posted about getting offered a job in his state (4 states away from me) so I'm in 2 minds as to whether to take it even though it would be amazing for my career. Anyway! I ended up seeing him last week, we spent the whole evening together & I left the next morning thinking it was a great way to end things. Yes, I still have feelings, but how he treated me I was happy it was a good end to it. He's since text a mutual friend saying that although he (& I quote!) 'Has massive feelings for me, fancies me rotten, gets on so well with me, and is insanely happy with me' he doesn't want me 'like that' anymore?! So I think fine, move on. Back to NC. Yesterday he texts me out the blue saying 'hi, how's things?' I ignored it. An hour later 'I just want to wish you a good trip' (I go away tomorrow for a week, arrive back the day before his birthday when we were going to meet) so I replied with 'thanks. Catch you around'. (Polite, but I'm not going to teply anymore!) he then put 'I think it's for the best that we don't see each other when I'm in xxxx (my town)' so I replied with 'your choice!' And he put '??' Obviously didn't reply! Today he's text again and said 'just wanted to wish you a safe trip and an amazing vacation. No one deserves it more!' Obviously once I'm away, the phone is, so I'm going to be NC for a week. Although once I'm home he's about 5 mins from my house. Confused is an understatement, what's with all the messages all of a sudden, why say that about me, when he knew I was going to hear about it and mostly why the 2 sad face emojis when I said it was his choice?! Link to post Share on other sites
hippychick3 Posted June 1, 2016 Share Posted June 1, 2016 He's just being polite because he likes you as a person. However, he doesn't like you enough for you to spend a second more of your energy analyzing his texts. Just continue not replying to him and move on. He's clearly not interested in resuming any type of relationship with you at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted June 1, 2016 Share Posted June 1, 2016 Nothing odd. Dumpers like attention. Even when they don't want to be with you, it's gives them an ego boost that the dumpee is still around to give them whatever it is they need. Or he's just being polite -- he's not emotionally invested in you therefore contact means nothing more but contact. You on the other hand - still emotionally invested and reading into every little thing. I believe he told you point blank that he's dating or going to start dating. Don't be the transition girl. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Isittolatenow Posted June 1, 2016 Author Share Posted June 1, 2016 Nothing odd. Dumpers like attention. Even when they don't want to be with you, it's gives them an ego boost that the dumpee is still around to give them whatever it is they need. Or he's just being polite -- he's not emotionally invested in you therefore contact means nothing more but contact. You on the other hand - still emotionally invested and reading into every little thing. I believe he told you point blank that he's dating or going to start dating. Don't be the transition girl. Oh that's a whole different story. He decided not to date because he couldn't bear the thought of being out with someone that wasn't me! Then he freaked out massively when he found out I'D been on a date!! Told me he'd never been so heartbroken, basically spent an hour texting firing questions at me, to no reply from me! He then rang, left 4 messages asking about it, was I seeing him again etc! Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted June 1, 2016 Share Posted June 1, 2016 Oh that's a whole different story. He decided not to date because he couldn't bear the thought of being out with someone that wasn't me! Then he freaked out massively when he found out I'D been on a date!! Told me he'd never been so heartbroken, basically spent an hour texting firing questions at me, to no reply from me! He then rang, left 4 messages asking about it, was I seeing him again etc! Bold = BS. Just words. Actions indicate otherwise. That's just control. He doesn't want you but doesn't want anyone else to have you either. Again, don't become the transition girl. NC. You need to block him. A person that loves you will let you go because they can't keep on hurting you anymore. Leaving someone in limbo is selfish. They don't care about the confusion you're going through -- as long as they get to keep you sitting on the fence for their benefit. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
hippychick3 Posted June 1, 2016 Share Posted June 1, 2016 If he were that heartbroken, he'd want you back. Most guys are naturally territorial. They will not like the idea of their exes being wanted by another guy. This does NOT mean he wants you. And that is all that really matters. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Isittolatenow Posted June 1, 2016 Author Share Posted June 1, 2016 I thought that to myself at the time! The he doesn't want me bit! When I saw him last week I got a message, I picked my phone up and smiled (my friend had text with a joke.) he looked at me and said 'your new bf wondering what you're up to?' I smiled and put my phone down on the table. He said 'seriously, was it the dude you went on a date with?' I ignored the question. He's bringing it up constantly, only with the 'I only want you to be happy, you know that don't you. If he makes you happy, go again'. Link to post Share on other sites
hippychick3 Posted June 1, 2016 Share Posted June 1, 2016 I thought that to myself at the time! The he doesn't want me bit! When I saw him last week I got a message, I picked my phone up and smiled (my friend had text with a joke.) he looked at me and said 'your new bf wondering what you're up to?' I smiled and put my phone down on the table. He said 'seriously, was it the dude you went on a date with?' I ignored the question. He's bringing it up constantly, only with the 'I only want you to be happy, you know that don't you. If he makes you happy, go again'. You analyzing everything he says and does and denying the fact that he doesn't want you is preventing you from truly moving forward. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted June 1, 2016 Share Posted June 1, 2016 I thought that to myself at the time! The he doesn't want me bit! When I saw him last week I got a message, I picked my phone up and smiled (my friend had text with a joke.) he looked at me and said 'your new bf wondering what you're up to?' I smiled and put my phone down on the table. He said 'seriously, was it the dude you went on a date with?' I ignored the question. He's bringing it up constantly, only with the 'I only want you to be happy, you know that don't you. If he makes you happy, go again'. All that means nothing. I read your other thread. At the end of the day he's still choosing to stay single. Actions, not words. You made your stance clear on your other thread about wanting him and nothing changed. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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