Wife had 3 affairs... so broken now

[NTV]

I meant logistical not political sorry

[persia]

Cupcake: She usually dates older men, not younger. I was very shocked when I found out it was a kid and not an older guy to be honest. This kid was extremely manipulative and cunning. He even befriended me at our gym, had a 'fake mom' pretend to be his wife to meet my older kid, say his dad was CIA and put blocks on my facebook accounts. The guy is a nut job and was full of more lies then I ever know one person could exist. The other 2 were mid to late 30s. And for your other question, we were both single when we met. We ended up having unprotected sex and having a baby early on in our relationship. We moved in together quickly and after 4 or so years, we wanted another kid but I wanted to get married first. I thought she did too, but just went along with it to have another kid. When we first met, I was still in grad school and she was the one supporting us financially.

[malvern99]

I am sorry you needed to find this community Persia. However, you will get a lot of good advice from people who have walked in your shoes. It may seem harsh but in situations like yours, only strong decisive action will get you where you want to get.

 

Firstly, you are not responsible for your wife's affairs. She is a grown woman who made a series of decisions and she must own that. Secondly, you need to stand up for yourself right now. Stop trying to pursue your wife. She just interprets that as pathetic and weak, and that gives her license to continue disrespecting you. Look at it from her perspective. She has cheated on you with 3 different men in the most despicable of ways, and instead of consequences, she is met by a husband trying to pursue her. In that situation, why would she stop?

 

As others have said, visit an attorney asap. Learn your rights and responsibilities. Forewarned is forearmed. In your shoes I would file for divorce right away. Don't worry about pushing her away. You lost her a long time brother... You were just the last to know. Then you need to get rid of that bed and get her out of your bedroom. Better yet, tell her to get out of the house since she so desperately wants a separation.

 

Got to run but I will finish this up later. Just wanted to remind you though that people only treat you how we allow them to treat you. For too long now you have allowed your wife to treat you like dirt. Put an end to that right away.

[CupCakess]

Cupcake: She usually dates older men, not younger. I was very shocked when I found out it was a kid and not an older guy to be honest. This kid was extremely manipulative and cunning. He even befriended me at our gym, had a 'fake mom' pretend to be his wife to meet my older kid, say his dad was CIA and put blocks on my facebook accounts. The guy is a nut job and was full of more lies then I ever know one person could exist. The other 2 were mid to late 30s. And for your other question, we were both single when we met. We ended up having unprotected sex and having a baby early on in our relationship. We moved in together quickly and after 4 or so years, we wanted another kid but I wanted to get married first. I thought she did too, but just went along with it to have another kid. When we first met, I was still in grad school and she was the one supporting us financially.

 

Oh well, then the answer is just much more simple. She is simply f***'d up.

 

Leave and don't look back. I know its hard, and a pain. But its the best for you.

[Conclude]

My other major issue is what if the affairs are truly over? Do people really learn there lessons and move forward from them? Is it even possible for us to move forward and be stronger? She always says I am stuck on the past, to move forward, to stop dwelling on things, etc. I just can't seem to take a step forward without taking 2 steps back. Everything triggers these negative thoughts and crazy images in my head. I have nightmares of them together most nights. How can I tell if she is ever going to be honest and really move forward? To me, not having the desire for sex with me is a major indication. But she says she is 'almost ready' and that I find a reason to fight about and it pushes us further apart everytime we get close.

 

 

I am pretty convinced through circumstantial evidence that my wife has had an affair, but she refuses to tell me.

 

That said, I have been moving forward and trying to think of the positive outcomes if I did have a divorce. My wife initially loved all the things I did, but as the years came on, she eventually started hating all the things I loved. Almost like she was putting on a front for so long. I've been exploring the options of going through with the divorce myself, and there are things you can do to help you come to a conclusion.

 

What I have found that has made divorce look positive, is considering a positive future without my wife as an exercise. I want to paint a picture for you...

 

Look at yourself 5-10 years from now. You dealt with the divorce, you grieved the loss of the woman you thought your wife was. You dated around for a bit, met a few different women. Now, you have met someone new, someone special. You built a relationship with a good foundation with her. She may or may not be as attractive as your wife when it comes to shallow appearances, but she IS more beautiful than your wife when you add up everything about her. You find that as time goes on between the two of you, there is a mutual desire to be with each other. You two enjoy going on the same kind of vacations. You both enjoy spending time together with similar and different hobbies. She enjoys the company you keep, and you enjoy hers as well. You can rely on her, and she can rely on you. You found that you can trust again, and found that she can be an excellent role model for your children! There is no question whether the two of you are committing to each other or not, you've discussed it with her to great ends, and the two of you are on the same page. Both of you have also agreed on what is appropriate and inappropriate for your relationship should you choose to move forward into something serious. You know she is a good woman for you. You learned from your past mistakes, and in retrospect saw what the red flags from your previous marriage. Eventually, you will be able to confide some of these issues with her, but honestly she has respected your past and desire not to talk about it. At the end of the day though, you have been with her long enough to know that she is genuinely into you, and you didn't rush into things. Being with her just feels right.

 

This woman exists, and is walking on this planet right now.

 

You can get out of your situation. Your wife revealed her true nature, and you pretty much got a get-out-of-jail-free card.. It wasn't free though, it will cost your peace of mind, a lot of time, and the loss of a way of life, but you have been given the truth, which a lot of us won't get. You can make a choice based on hard evidence, and you can make a choice eventually quelling the what-ifs. Marriage is a union that is supposed to be about committing yourself to one other person for life in all aspects. It's a relationship between two people. When any more than two people are brought into the relationship, the vows are broken. Grieve your relationship man. It's ok to have the thoughts you are having. But at the end of the day, don't forget the level of disrespect and utter lack of compassion that this woman has had for you.

 

If you guys had simple issues that could be addressed, I would be all for advocating fixing things. But she slept with three different men. Like others have said, she endangered your life and sexual health. You know what you have to do. Just don't give up on life or your children.

Edited May 16, 2016 by Conclude

[makemyday]

I'm sorry you're going through this. It sounds like a nightmare.

 

 

You are getting a lot of good advice here.

 

 

Please-see a lawyer. It doesn't mean you have to file anything right away. You need to protect yourself, and, most importantly, your children. Do not leave your house unless you absolutely must. Let HER leave.

 

 

Please-get IC. You will be no good to yourself or your children if you don't take care of yourself. Get yourself on the right path before you consider MC.

 

 

This is blunt, and I don't mean to offend you, but she sounds VERY messed up. Okay, maybe you could forgive one affair. But she's had three (that you're aware of) and brought this into your home. This has affected your children! Is this salvageable? Is it even worth salvaging?

 

 

I wish you the best.

[LostOnes05]

I'm pissed off for you man. I've been cheated on twice. Trust that you can never look at her the same again. Don't defend her or listen to her excuses. Did she defend your marriage? Did she defend her love for you? Did she defend the bond that was holding your family together? Or did she lie, cheat, and now rob you of your happiness?

 

I had to learn the hard way, but being kind to this type of woman gets you nowhere. Men who treat her like crap, use her for sex, and/or walk away from her antics will always be her top priority. Walk away from this woman as if you never met her. It will help you heal and kill her on the inside. Don't cry about it, it's already done. If you go to counseling, go for yourself...not to make amends with her. Her betrayal will hurt for a long time, but take your time to heal and lay off the drugs...just another problem you don't need.

 

Don't leave your house, so she can bring men in again. It's time you stopped catering to her needs. Like I said, take the photos, conversations, etc. to a divorce attorney. When you walk away...walk away and mean it. Don't let her use sex to keep you around when she realizes you're actually filing for divorce. Do not interact with her outside of the needs of the children. When she gets tired of the young guy with no future, she'll want to come back. She had plenty time to change, NEVER let her get close to you again.

[kgcolonel]

This is tough to swallow. I feel like defending her from you all but at the same time I am just stating the truth and facts and she brought this on herself. It is tearing me apart. I did tell #1's wife last week finally and he came out calling her a home wrecker, etc. I went off on him defending her, saying she just made a mistake while in a confused state in her life. Sometimes I feel like I am such a gullible puppy who is abused and keeps running back to the person who abuses it.

 

As for the STDs, I did make her get full test. She has a STD from 20 years ago (I do not have it) and she gave it to #3.

 

She said she wants a separation to reflect and do soul searching not to be with anyone during that time. I told her that I feel like she would go running back into #3's arms during that time but she says that would never happen. I don't know what to believe anymore. I use to trust everything with her, it took years to do as I am not an open or trusting person, but with her I finally trusted fully. She was the first (and probably last) person that I will ever have given that to

 

You should tell her "fine we'll separate" then you file for divorce and begin to work on your own healing.

Edited May 21, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
edited quote~T

[kgcolonel]

We've gone back and forth on the separation, it is usually I who has brought it up. She wants me to live with my parents for a few weeks or with a friend. She claims it will let her do self reflecting and might have her miss me? Why didn't she miss me when she would leave me at home and make up every excuse in the book to go be with someone else? I think I would be more willing to do the trial separation thing if not for Valentines day. On V-day, she said she was so stressed out from the kids and needed a few days away with her family or friends. I offered to buy her a ticket from California to WI to stay with her family, she said it was too far from the kids. So she wanted just 2 nights alone to self reflect and distress, I bought the nicest room I could find and on Valentines day her and #3 spent the night together there. I even facetime talked her that night and he was hiding in another room. So the self reflecting time away from eachother just is triggering another bad event.

 

I truly think that she is not in contact with anyone else right now, but I am worried for how long? She said she never wanted to get married, just did it so we could have another kid. So if she wasn't happy with us 5 years ago, wasn't happy for the last 18 months when she was cheating, what has changed now? That is what I don't get. She says she feels closer to ever to me now then ever before and is more in love with me now then ever before, but at the same time, I feel more distant from her then ever. We argue all the time now and it is always about the affairs while before we rarely would argue and seemed to be best friends. So I have a really hard time understanding how she feels so close to me now and how she wouldn't stray again? I really don't want a divorce and it would be the very last option. But at the same time, my heart is so broken that I do not know how I could take another major disappointment

 

What ever you do, DO NOT LEAVE THE HOUSE...SHE NEEDS THE SEPARATION, LET HER LEAVE, YOU STAY HOME WITH THE KIDS.

[Raena]

I know exactly what it's like to be in a relationship with someone you love so fiercely that you are willing to do anything to make it work. You'll make every excuse in the book for why you stay and try to fight to make this a healthy relationship. The problem is, this isn't a healthy relationship and it never will be. It's toxic. She has you spinning in circles blaming yourself for her behavior. It's not your fault she cheated. You can't fix this.

 

I'm telling you from the other side of all of this that you can and will survive but you have to end this now.

 

The things she has done go beyond just "oops, I made a mistake and I'll never do it again". She blatantly disregarded you as a human let alone her husband. The stuff you wrote about her on here make me cringe and trust me... my ex did some pretty crappy stuff to me so I don't cringe easily.

 

I know for myself that I couldn't walk away until I had finally had enough. What is going to be "enough" for you? After she gets pregnant again? After she gives you an STD? After she makes you nuts trying to figure it all out? What are you going to do... watch her every move? Monitor her digital access? Lock her up and throw away the key so no other man can ever get to her? Think about this realistically. Don't listen to her sob stories and excuses. She needs mental health help and you need to get away from her before she drags you down with her.

[Raena]

And I repeat again, I can not stress this enough... if you leave the house while she is unemployed with the kids to go stay somewhere else then you open the door to a world of hurt should she file for divorce before you do. It will appear that you abandoned her and your children. Do not do that!!! If she feels so strongly that she needs time alone to think then SHE needs to leave. Not you.

 

Seriously, go talk to a divorce lawyer and ask them about it. They will tell you the same thing. If you leave, you will lose full-time custody of your children, your house and possibly have to pay alimony to her plus child support. Make her leave. That way you have a fighting chance for 50-50 custody at the very least, maybe even full custody.

[Marc878]

Your biggest problem is you. Reread your posts and pretend it's a friend.

 

What would advice would you give him?

[persia]

From Persia's wife- I just read through my husbands posts and all the comments and I feel that it must sound as though I am this evil vicious person that has no respect or regard for my husband or his feelings, only my own. And I cant say I would feel any differently reading that from an outsiders point of view. Let me be very clear, I am in no way making excuses or validating any of my behaviors just wanting to give my perspective and maybe where I'm coming from.

 

What I've done is disgusting and to most unforgivable. I know cheating is wrong and never the right answer. I have questioned my happiness and in the back of my mind always wondered if I was truly in love with my husband or just loved him because he is such a wonderful man and father to our children and whether I was simply going through the motions to keep my family together because I am in love with our two children and could never imagine not seeing them every day and reading and singing to them every night.

 

My husband and I met and got pregnant with our first child 3 months after dating. He was a lot younger then me and not like the typical older men I was accustomed to dating and our personalities were polar opposites. I never felt he truly opened up to me and always had a wall up and never let me in all the way, he has always been very serious, private and withholding and I am very warm, passionate about life, and open up to people quickly and wear my heart on my sleeve. I wasn't thinking it was going to be a long term relationship. We had our beautiful baby and I immediately fell in love with our child and decided to stay together and make it work for the sake of being a true family. My parents are still married after 40 years and so are my hubs so that is the only life I know and that is what I wanted. I always questioned if we were only together for the sake of the baby. So the years went by and I suppressed those feelings and doubts and we had another baby and continued to go through the motions of life. I became obsessed with being the best mother I could be and showered my kids with all my love and affection and lost site of being a wife. Through time I felt more and more disconnected emotionally from my hubs and the void I felt in our relationship grew deeper and deeper. I was envious when I would see other couples who looked so happy and truly in love with each other. I wanted to feel this and instead of doing the right thing and talking to my husband about it, I looked externally and once I felt that connection with someone else, it was like wildfire and just spread quickly and I felt alive again and it was almost this 'high' I would get when I knew I would see my affair partner. I thought maybe I could keep my family together and just fill this 'void' on the side with no one knowing. I do love my husband and no matter how strong my void was, I could not imagine actually leaving him. That's why I never actually took it to the next level of filling for divorce.

 

After my affairs came out, my husband has opened up like I have never seen from him before and I am seeing true raw emotion from him which is why for the first time I feel closer to him now then ever. And although I don't deserve it, I see how much he does love me and stands by my side at my lowest point in life which makes me truly fall in love with him. I am trying to find God and am currently in therapy to help address my own self worth issues that have snowballed out of control over years of suppressing so that I can hopefully repair the damage I have caused and heal our marriage. And I don't know if we will work it out or if we are even good for each other but I feel it's a fight we at least need to fight for our sake and our families sake and if it ends in divorce it's not going to be this ugly ' take all the evidence and proof to a lawyer and fight for custody'. We will put aside any selfish feelings or hurt and do what is in the best interest for our children. I may have been a crappy wife but I am a damned good mother and anyone that knows me will attest to that.

 

Everyone is entitled to their opinion but I am a good person with a huge heart that made some horrible mistakes and am trying to be a better person. I do not believe the saying 'once a cheater always a cheater'. Yes in some situations there are malicious toxic people who have no regard to others feelings but this is the only relationship I have ever strayed in and it is my biggest regret in life. Gosh I have really rambled on here but just wanted my voice heard to and let everyone know that I love my husband and my family more than life itself.

[MrBojangles]

I'm all for second chances, even in SOME cases of infidelity. However, this is not one of those cases. You have become her 'DOORMAT' and she has zero respect left for you. You can attend all of the therapy sessions you'd like, but you're only postponing what needs to be done, and that's finding a good divorce attorney! Nothing you have written indicates she has one bit of remorse for her actions.

 

You're still a young man, relative to my age, and if you cut your losses now, you can pick up the pieces and find someone else that loves and respects you. Look, despite what your wife has done, at least she gave birth to your children. Your family unit as you've known it will definitely be destroyed by divorce, but are you willing to continue living with a woman that does not love, nor respect you? From what you've stated, she can't be trusted, are you willing to live with mistrust and suspicions for the next 20 to 30 years? Life is too short, and happiness is too fleeting to have to live like this.

 

Ask HER to move out while she figures things out, and then file for divorce immediately! I can promise you that she WILL resume her affair(s) once separated.

[MrBojangles]

Gosh I have really rambled on here but just wanted my voice heard to and let everyone know that I love my husband and my family more than life itself.

 

If the above is true, then where is the remorse for the extramarital affairs? Why are you seeking a separation if you love your husband as much as you're claiming?

 

You had sex with other men in your marital bed, is this your way of showing your husband respect? You've allowed your children to meet your affair partner(s), does this mean you love and respect your husband too??

 

Frankly, your statement above sounds like damage control....

[persia]

And one thing I want to clarify that I left out is that this stems from lack of respect for myself, not my husband. My husband is the strongest, most incredible, honest person I have ever met and that is why I adore him and could never walk away from him. I hold the highest respect for him. I have struggled my whole life with self worth and esteem issues and that's why I'm finally getting the therapy I need so that I can be a stronger person and so I wont need self validation from other men.

 

Again, not trying to justify my actions because there is no justification just shedding a little light and personal information about my struggles. I believe people can learn from life mistakes and change with the right help and if they are truly remorseful, which I am. No one is perfect in this world, and I am certainly far from it but its what we learn and how we can grow from those mistakes that make us a better more compassionate human being.

[bathtub-row]

I know you're hurting like crazy and that's totally understandable but I could personally never forgive this behavior nor trust this person ever again.

 

If I were you, I'd sleep in a separate bedroom, never touch her again, and when you feel ready, get a really good lawyer who's an advocate of dads. There is no excuse for what she has done to you. Let her figure out how it feels to live without your great salary and support. And if you can sell house out from under her, do that too.

 

Btw, you're likely to feel wounded by this for a long time. Don't think there's anything wrong with you for still feeling hurt. I'm just so sorry you've been put through this.

Edited May 17, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Deleted name calling ~ V

[persia]

If the above is true, then where is the remorse for the extramarital affairs? Why are you seeking a separation if you love your husband as much as you're claiming?

 

You had sex with other men in your marital bed, is this your way of showing your husband respect? You've allowed your children to meet your affair partner(s), does this mean you love and respect your husband too??

 

Frankly, your statement above sounds like damage control....

 

I am not seeking a separation, in fact he has been the one to bring up the separation topic each time and I insist that this will only drive us further apart emotionally and physically. I mentioned him staying with a friend for a week or two just because we seem to be getting nowhere and maybe we can both clear our heads for a few days and get a chance to really miss each other. We are together 24/7 as he works from home and I am a stay at home mom so I want us to have a chance to actually miss each other as I think that will give a whole new appreciation for each other and another reason is I do not want our children picking up on any tension between us and they have recently.

And to address your question of my AP meeting my children, our relationship started strictly platonic as he has a daughter same age as my youngest (4) and it started as innocent play dates at the park and our kids got along so well and I won't like, I did enjoy his company and should have ended it because of that, but it escalated to more and more play dates. So he met my child before anything ever happened.

And regarding the marital bed, yes it still makes me cringe to think I did that to this day. It is simply disgusting and there was no rational behind it only that I completely trusted this person and it was the only way to be together.

[stillafool]

I

I do not want my kids raised in a broken house.

 

 

Your kids are already being raised in a broken home. Leave her and give your kids the chance to live in a happy home. Your wife will cheat again because she does not respect you or love you. You deserve love and respect. Stop the crying in front of her whatever you do. You can't make someone love you.

[persia]

Your kids are already being raised in a broken home. Leave her and give your kids the chance to live in a happy home. Your wife will cheat again because she does not respect you or love you. You deserve love and respect. Stop the crying in front of her whatever you do. You can't make someone love you.

 

From Persia's wife-

Our home is not broken, just bent but full of more love and life then most homes and we are such a strong family that we can get through anything together. An affair does not equate to a broken home rather its how you resolve it and move forward. And if you read my previous comment, you will see that him opening up emotionally to me is the one thing he has never done in 9 years and has actually made me feel more respect for him and connect with him on a more 'real' level since he can be vulnerable and show his softer side.

Edited May 17, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Edited for quote ~ V

[NewlySingleGuy]

Hi,

 

She was sneaky and hurt you, and you know she plans to hurt you more. Do not be a victim any longer. It is a choice.

 

Under no circumstances should you leave you house! That will be a huge win for her in court. It is a sign of abandonment, and her owning the home more. I'm not a lawyer, but don't do it. And if something happens where you have to leave, make sure there is a police record of it. Do not voluntarily leave your home or your children.

 

Do not tell her anything about your plans for a divorce (which you should get). Just as she was secretive to you about her affairs, and kept them a secret, you need to do the same. Be as secretive as you can. You need to start lying to her in order to protect yourself and the kids. If you went to a lawyer secretly, which you should do, and she thinks you did, just lie about it. Come up with possible excuses before you go. Liars like her are good at detecting other liars. So you need to prepare.

 

I'm very sorry. I also cried when I came to the realization in my heart that my ex also didn't give one **** about me, and was only using me for resources. It hurts, it really does. We also had kids, and she chose to have affairs knowing full well that getting caught meant destroying our family, the futures of our kids, and even her future. But she still did it. People are like that.

 

Meet a lawyer. Bring all the pictures, emails and documents that you can. See a councillor by yourself and have them provide documentation of how wounded you are from her affairs. Provide all of that to the lawyer. You need to also look at your joint assets like credit cards and loans and make sure she can't screw you over in the last weeks before she learns of the impending divorce. You may also need to get a credit report and see if she has any loans or credit cards involving you that you are not aware of. Maybe she is even helping out the 21-year-old using your money.

 

If you are making $120k, you should be able to afford a lawyer, and private investigator. Have the private investigator gather as much information on your wife and her lovers as he can so that you can use that in court. If she is such a sex addict and liar, then your children should not be around her. If you can prove that she is unfit to get custody, then you should. Protect your children at all costs. Money can be earned again, but not the lives of your children.

 

She is not your friend. The woman you want and loved never existed. You loved the mask she wore for you, you never loved the disgusting creature living under it. It hurts, but anyone can get fooled. It is not a matter of being smart, knowledgeable, etc. Anyone can get fooled like a magician does to anyone. Bad people take advantage of good people.

 

Don't kill yourself because she hid her true self behind the mask she wore for you. She is the one having all of the fun, doing the evil acts, and she is DEFINITELY not thinking of suicide! You are not less of a man because she ****ed a man in your home. You could have done that to your wife, and it wouldn't have made her less of a woman. All of this has nothing to do with you.

 

If you think she will get better, you are deluding yourself and only setting yourself up for a bigger trap for her to lay. You put up with enough. You seem like a truly empathetic and true man, and the world needs more people like that. Your kids need you.

Edited May 17, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Edited out personal reflection ~ V

[malvern99]

To Mrs Persia... It may be best for you to sign up under your own account.

 

I just wanted to say it takes courage to own up to your choices (affairs are not mistakes). I see you are talking the talk. My question for you is are you walking the walk? What are you doing to help heal your husband? Are you in IC? I suggest you pick up a copy of "How to Help Your Spouse Heal" by L. McDonald. In fact, there are copies available for free online. It is very short, but reading it can be eye opening.

 

From what your Husband described, you are a long way from remorse. Understanding the true depths of your betrayal is paramount to begin healing. If that is what you want to do, it will take hard work. Reconciling marriages after infidelity (especially infidelity with extra helpings of disrespect) is difficult under the best of circumstances. You have a dug a deep hole for yourself and your family, but with some good old fashioned elbow grease, empathy and a desire to find out why you did what you did, nothing is impossible.

 

Your opening paragraphs sound a lot like justification even though you say they aren't. Let me ask you this. Do you think Mr. Persia was 100% happy 100% of the time? If he wasn't, then you have to ask yourself why he did not stray from the M. Good luck.

[malvern99]

And regarding the marital bed, yes it still makes me cringe to think I did that to this day. It is simply disgusting and there was no rational behind it only that I completely trusted this person and it was the only way to be together.

 

If it makes you cringe, why is it still in the house? Why have you not taken the lead in getting rid of it?

 

ETA: Also, if it makes you cringe, can you begin to imagine what it does to your H? This is where empathy comes in. Everything the other man touched in your house must go. Any "special" clothes you wore for any of your other men must go. Any mementos or reminders of your affairs must go if you are to have any chance to heal, because yeah, those things make you cringe, but they literally destroy your husband. Empathy.

Edited May 17, 2016 by malvern99
Added

[whichwayisup]

Your wife is broken and she's not the woman you once married years ago.

 

Sorry to say this but since she's not learning any lessons, she's making bad choices, she's selfish and hurting you and the family continuously it's time to kick her OUT of the house and file for divorce.

 

You are the stable parent, she's not. 3 affairs and not suffering any major consequences, she's not changing her ways. Her actions show you this.

 

Sorry you're hurting.

[aliveagain]

I am not seeking a separation, in fact he has been the one to bring up the separation topic each time and I insist that this will only drive us further apart emotionally and physically. I mentioned him staying with a friend for a week or two just because we seem to be getting nowhere and maybe we can both clear our heads for a few days and get a chance to really miss each other. We are together 24/7 as he works from home and I am a stay at home mom so I want us to have a chance to actually miss each other as I think that will give a whole new appreciation for each other and another reason is I do not want our children picking up on any tension between us and they have recently.

And to address your question of my AP meeting my children, our relationship started strictly platonic as he has a daughter same age as my youngest (4) and it started as innocent play dates at the park and our kids got along so well and I won't like, I did enjoy his company and should have ended it because of that, but it escalated to more and more play dates. So he met my child before anything ever happened.

And regarding the marital bed, yes it still makes me cringe to think I did that to this day. It is simply disgusting and there was no rational behind it only that I completely trusted this person and it was the only way to be together.

 

 

Explain how you thought it was OK to have unprotected sex with these men, you gave one of them an STD did you not? What kind of wife takes a man into her marital bed with her children less then 20 feet away? You sound like a keeper now that you explained that your sorry. I guess the trust you had for your affair partner was greater then the respect you had for your husband. Persia, expose the affair to the other betrayed spouses, they deserve to know the truth about the men their married to. If your STBXW asks you not to, that means she's choosing to protect her affair partners over you and your pain. Any wife that chooses her affair partners pain over her husbands doesn't deserve to be married to you.

 

Remember Persia, she had affairs because she wanted to and for no other reason. She and her affair partners planned and plotted against you for years. She put your life at risk, not with just one affair partner but with at least 3 that you know of for sure. Why do you believe her now, what is different now then a few weeks ago when she was wrapped around some stranger with your children in the next room? Good mothers don't do things like that. Good fathers take their children away from women that bring strangers into her home with her children present. Run, there is nothing to save. She still thinks her affair partner is a nice guy.

Edited May 17, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Edited for language ~ V