Chemistry questions

[JustGettingBy]

From what I've read, (at least, the consensus) if you're confident, positive, genuine and can create chemistry with people, you'll find someone. You'll still get rejected at points, but you'll eventually find someone. Correct me if I'm wrong That said:

 

How exactly do you 'create' chemistry with someone else?

 

How can you tell if you have chemistry with someone else?

 

Are there points where only one person feels chemistry? Or is it always mutual?

 

Can you still gauge your chemistry with each individual in a group environment?

 

Can chemistry with one person change from minute to minute, convo to convo, day to day? etc

[Wave Rider]

My favorite model of chemistry is the Imago relationship model. We were wounded at various stages in childhood, and we are looking to heal those wounds. We feel chemistry when we meet someone who 1) was wounded at the same stages of development as we were, but had the opposite reaction, 2) expresses the positive and negative traits of our caretakers, especially the negative ones, and 3) expresses the traits of our own Missing Self, which are the traits that we have have lost, hidden, or denied.

 

We seek out a person who has the same positive and negative qualities of our caretakers (the people who wounded us) so that we can get our new partner to love us in the ways that our caretakers never did.

 

I've found it to be a pretty good explanation for why I am attracted to the women I am attracted to.

[Gloria25]

From what I've read, (at least, the consensus) if you're confident, positive, genuine and can create chemistry with people, you'll find someone. You'll still get rejected at points, but you'll eventually find someone. Correct me if I'm wrong That said:

 

How exactly do you 'create' chemistry with someone else?

 

How can you tell if you have chemistry with someone else?

 

Are there points where only one person feels chemistry? Or is it always mutual?

 

Can you still gauge your chemistry with each individual in a group environment?

 

Can chemistry with one person change from minute to minute, convo to convo, day to day? etc

 

I don't think you can "create" chemistry - it's either there or not. It helps for one that you're attracted to the person. Next, if the person and you both have qualities each other like, it's like mixing a potion - and "poof" you have chemistry.

 

It does help to be open and interested in that person. In other words, on a date, don't just sit there waiting for the person to give you a narrative. Ask questions, be interested, share things about you, be positive and send out good vibes, show enthusiasm.

 

Yes, I believe chemistry can be one sided. You may be into someone, but they just aren't feeling it for you.

 

Umm, yes, I believe you will get a different chemistry between different people in a group. Like at a party, you work the room and when you meet someone you "click" with (chemistry) you may spend most of the time chatting them up.

 

If chemistry is changing one day to the other with the same person - then maybe you are simply getting to know them and maybe they were putting on a front when you first met. I mean yea, a lot of people are on their best behavior when you first meet/date and the more time you spend with them, the layers of the onion begin to peel and either they were who you "thought" they were or you find out that there's stuff about them that you're not liking (which tears into the chemistry you "thought" you had). You may also have been confusing "chemistry" with "lust", "hornies", "newness". So while before you had sex with them, all their jokes were funny - now you can't stand their jokes. When you just met them you were excited to meet just "someone" and then with time and the newness wears off you realize you weren't really that into them.

[katiegrl]

Not sure I agree with WR's theory because there is no way to know if someone shares the same positive/negative traits as your dysfunctional parent right off the bat, it takes time getting to know them before discovering that.

 

But yet chemistry and attraction are felt immediately.

 

Chemistry is energy. Just like in science.

 

It's your energy connecting with their energy ...... and since energy is not tangible .... it is impossible to know why we feel chemistry with some and not others.

 

But energy is all around us and within us.

 

Both positive energy and negative.

 

So when we meet someone with whom we feel that click, it is our respective energies bouncing off each other in a positive way......

 

That is chemistry. It has nothing to do with looks, what job they have, how much money they make, etc. Those things are superficial and there is nothing superficial about genuine chemistry.

 

And for me genuine chemistry has always been mutual. Every single time.

 

It it's not than it is not genuine chemistry.... because again it is about our mutual energies connecting, and energy doesn't deceive.

Edited May 17, 2016 by katiegrl

[fands]

Chemistry is mysterious. Mix two people together and sometimes nothing happens, sometimes there is a change of colour, sometimes there are bubbles and heat, and other times a violent explosion occurs. The most important consideration is a comfortable, well-fitting set of safety glasses.

 

Chemistry is also complex. Reactions sometimes only happen under certain conditions. Sometimes you need a catalyst, and things fall flat when the catalyst is no longer around. Also, chemistry is sometimes not reversible. That's why the same magic doesn't necessarily repeat. Timing is everything, unless you're timeless, in which case you pretty much get fireworks with anyone and everyone.

 

So I've pretty much explained everything there is to know about chemistry. And if you believe that, you weren't wearing your safety glasses.

[basil67]

You can't create chemistry - it just happens if the ingredients are right.

 

If I have chemistry, I feel an unspoken physical pull towards them. And it always turns out that they feel the same towards me. Beer goggles can also have this effect, so it's only guaranteed true if you're sober.

 

One person chemistry? See beer goggles. But it's more a feeling of unrequited attraction if they aren't into us.

 

In a group environment? Yes it can happen.

 

Can chemistry change? I guess so.

[2.50 a gallon]

If you understand how love chemicals, such as oxytocin work, yes you can definitely create chemistry.

A good example is a comedian, whether we realize it or not, the comedian has our brains trained. We like to laugh, in the past he or she has been able to make us laugh, so whenever we see them our brains, start producing chemicals for our brain, with the signal "Get ready to laugh"

Most of LS members unfortunately probably do not remember a comedian Jack Benny, the man was so great he could get you to laugh by not saying anything.

Laughter is one of the ways to get chemistry flowing. Every time you make a woman laugh, her body begins to feed her brain with love chemicals.

If you can get her to laugh, the next move is to just talk with her. Ask her about herself. Then learn to listen. If you listen a woman will tell you how to seduce her. It does not always work, but it works most of the time.

[katiegrl]

If you understand how love chemicals, such as oxytocin work, yes you can definitely create chemistry.

A good example is a comedian, whether we realize it or not, the comedian has our brains trained. We like to laugh, in the past he or she has been able to make us laugh, so whenever we see them our brains, start producing chemicals for our brain, with the signal "Get ready to laugh"

Most of LS members unfortunately probably do not remember a comedian Jack Benny, the man was so great he could get you to laugh by not saying anything.

Laughter is one of the ways to get chemistry flowing. Every time you make a woman laugh, her body begins to feed her brain with love chemicals.

If you can get her to laugh, the next move is to just talk with her. Ask her about herself. Then learn to listen. If you listen a woman will tell you how to seduce her. It does not always work, but it works most of the time.

 

I agree with this, and believe if someone possesses an abundance of positive energy, they have the ability to attract many people to them.

 

On the other hand, people who are always negative, possess negative energy, will repel people.

 

Sadly, I see this happening with many men even on this board.

 

No matter what they do, they are simply unable to attract women.

 

This results in more negative energy generating within them, making it even more difficult for them to attract women.

 

People can feel/sense your energy that is why it is so important to maintain a positive outlook on life and people no matter how many hard knocks you experience.

 

The power of positive thinking!

 

Positive energy attracts.

 

Negative energy repels..

[carhill]

From what I've read, (at least, the consensus) if you're confident, positive, genuine and can create chemistry with people, you'll find someone. You'll still get rejected at points, but you'll eventually find someone. Correct me if I'm wrong That said:

 

How exactly do you 'create' chemistry with someone else?

 

I've been selling a ton of stuff lately so am meeting a lot of strangers and I find a couple things which immediately develop rapport and chemistry...

1. Self-effacing humor. Life is too serious to take seriously, sometimes anyway

2. Making clear eye contact and with open and friendly body language

3. Listening

4. Honesty, in this case about what I'm selling. In romance, it would be about oneself.

 

How can you tell if you have chemistry with someone else?

They pay my asking price then won't leave, preferring to stay and talk or inquire about other stuff. One guy who bought a set of micrometers ended up staying for hours and I discovered he was a long-retired Olympic archer (yeah, he's on Google). Again, I know you're talking about specific romantic and sexual chemistry but I'm addressing more general chemistry with people, which is at the base of romantic/sexual chemistry. Voluntary interactions over time can lend clues that the initial feeling was accurate or not. In my current realm, that would be some folks buying and disappearing and others calling back later. Heh, the guy who bought my saw ended up offering to take us fishing on his offshore boat, which I did check out (my trust and verify thing) when I was up in Trinidad. That's how strangers can become friends, or in your case, women can become lovers and partners.

 

Are there points where only one person feels chemistry? Or is it always mutual?

We're always individuals until we die and we have the autonomy to feel as we feel and we can feel, and perceive, interactions completely uniquely and differently from other individuals. Time and experience fortify and clarify our perceptions.

 

Can you still gauge your chemistry with each individual in a group environment?

If, for the both of you, the group melts away and each exhibits no desire to mingle with the group, that's one sign. In the old days, it would be 'let's go outside for some fresh air', separating yourselves from the group and interacting on a more individual basis.

 

Can chemistry with one person change from minute to minute, convo to convo, day to day? etc

IMO, yes it can, for any reason or no reason at all. Humans may be biological machines but we're not computers and we're constantly rewriting our programming. Does it? Sure, sometimes and, OTOH, it also exists with some for life. Sometimes those interactions are lifelong spouses, friends, or lovers. Enjoy the ride. It's brief.

[RedPurpleOrange]

Chemistry is not a technical, quantifiable thing.

 

 

Chemistry is beautiful, unpredictable chaos that hits ultimately and deeply.

 

 

Chemistry is obvious. But only obvious when chemistry is there.

 

 

True chemistry is a thing that will always be there between two people, no matter where their paths eventually lead.

 

 

Chemistry is the 'bomb-diggy'. You'll know it when it happens but you usually can't make it happen. When you stop trying to make it happen, you usually find it. And maybe not where you thought you would.

[xxoo]

Chemistry is multifold, some controllable and some not. For example, I believe that we are chemically attracted, through smell, to those who have differing immune systems helping to ensure healthy babies (and discourage incest). That isn't changeable.

 

But chemistry is also that rush of love hormones that you feel when around someone, and that rush can be brought on by behaviors that are highly rewarding (a psychological rush). For example, I feel a rush in response to protective behaviors from men--and women Others might feel a rush in response to other behaviors all over the spectrum, from fighting to push pull to whatever it is that triggers their psychological attraction. And in this way, I do think that chemistry can be "created" with deliberate behaviors.

[yellowhibiscus]

You can't create chemistry- it is there or not. There have been men who, on paper, would be everything that I thought I would want, but there are no feelings of chemistry when I am around them. It's a very strange phenomenon and when it happens, it's amazing. You just have to wait for the person who will share the mutual feelings of chemistry with you.

[katiegrl]

You can't create chemistry- it is there or not. There have been men who, on paper, would be everything that I thought I would want, but there are no feelings of chemistry when I am around them. It's a very strange phenomenon and when it happens, it's amazing. You just have to wait for the person who will share the mutual feelings of chemistry with you.

 

Genuine chemistry between two people is always mutual. One cannot feel it without the other feeling it because it's our two respective energies coming together, and bouncing off each other in a positive way.

 

Or sometimes in a negative way, which makes for a very volatile toxic RL, albeit still lots of chemistry though.... which keeps these toxic RLs going for years.

 

Has nothing to do with looks, job, status, money, etc. When a man I meet tells me he feels "chemistry" with me, but I DON'T feel it, then what he's feeling is an attraction based on the superficial. It's not genuine chemistry/energy.

 

I recall when I met my ex, with whom we felt an immediate chemistry from literally across a crowded room. No joke.

 

We never even spoke one word to each other (until he moseyed over), but that energy was powerful from even across that crowded room.

 

My heart was literally a flutter, knees shaking, etc..... BEFORE I was ever even introduced to him or spoke one word to him or knew anything about him! And vice versa. That's chemistry/ENERGY.

 

We all possess energy, both positive and negative and we can attract people OR repel people depending on our energy.

 

Anyway, he made his way over, we got introduced by a mutual friend, looked into each other eyes and that was IT, for the next six years.

 

I will never forget it.

[RedPurpleOrange]

I saw mine opening her front door about ten metres away as I got out of a taxi. We just looked at each other. BINGO. Like loving lasers beaming between us, knitting and webbing us instantly together. Supernaturally powerful.

[MissBee]

Chemistry in my experience is not something you can create. It's about clicking with people, whether romantically or the chemistry that makes you become fast friends with folks.

 

One person cannot feel chemistry, by definition it needs to be mutual. One person can feel an attraction but you need two people to feel it and to also be able to click and connect in order for it to be considered chemistry.

 

You can't think or plot your way into chemistry though.