Cocoaflavareena Posted May 17, 2016 Share Posted May 17, 2016 Heyyyyy y'all I'm new call me cocoa well I'm currently in a 3 year relationship . First guy I ever fell in love with , we been through so so so much right now it's to many negative energy around me . I've always loved him hard , even tried my hardest to get he's family to like me offered to take them to movies & etc . They were always phony ! And loved he's baby mother ( he's highschool sweetheart of 7 years ) but anyways my question is . Do men need space is it important to give them that ? And they say majority of men cheat do y'all agree ? Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted May 17, 2016 Share Posted May 17, 2016 Is there any chance you could actually communicate in English....? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cocoaflavareena Posted May 17, 2016 Author Share Posted May 17, 2016 How u doing today ? Good I hope . Have a wonderful positive day . Link to post Share on other sites
NTV Posted May 17, 2016 Share Posted May 17, 2016 Most men don't cheat. The one's that do just get talked about so much it becomes an assumption. As a man, I know need space in a particular way. There will be an isolated thing the each man will pick...like watching sports, reading, playing video games, etc. That time is used to process things mentally. Or to escape worry for a few minutes. Sometimes both. My wife tends to process stuff by talking it out. So if you are like that, understand there is a difference there and give him space to process. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cocoaflavareena Posted May 17, 2016 Author Share Posted May 17, 2016 It's sad because I've been studying monogamy . And nowadays it's like a free pass actually an ok pass to go cheat , my thing is why not spice things up ? And if a guy or girl does do something behind there partner back have enough respect to not show them or ever do it again !!!( not saying it's okay) but yes my man definitely like he's space I'm super super affectionate , he wasn't brought up like me . He's dad barely hugged him and said I love you same with mother . Sometimes I have to respect he's wishes but again my first time being in love , so all I want to do is text call . But I have to learn to give people there space ... Space is definitely needed in an relationship . Link to post Share on other sites
NTV Posted May 17, 2016 Share Posted May 17, 2016 Not believing in monogamy isn't a free pass to cheat. That's why swingers exist. If you don't believe in monogamy, then you should either agree with your partner to both do it together or let them know you will so they can find someone else. If this guy is your first time being in love, then you still don't know yet. 'Falling in love' is a biological reaction that lasts like... 2? 3? years. While it might feel magical, it's not. It's animal. Love, real love, is something built brick by brick over a lifetime. Confusing the two only leads to pain. But really, it all boils down to who you want to be. Really, the only thing in this life we can control is ourselves...our thoughts, our perceptions, our words and our actions. We get to decide who we want to be. Who kind of person do you want to be? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cocoaflavareena Posted May 17, 2016 Author Share Posted May 17, 2016 Yea I love him tho I really want to build together be successful , encourage each other , grow old and get married have kids . I do I don't want anyone or have no desires with anyone but him !!! And yes people use cheating as an excuse all the time a women can be everything to a man , cook , clean , be sexually beast in the bedroom . And I've seen women like this get ran over and cheated But yes maybe I don't know the meaning falling in love since it's my first time , but it's definitely love on my end . I just have to learn to relax and control my anger , I can be a little to passionate . And I overreact on a lot of things ... Guess what ? I get it from my mom , I'm starting to become a lot like her . She's bi polar I think and every time we hang or anything it's an episode with her , she needs therapy . And I don't want to be like that , cause that can push a man away . Sorry I'm writing a lot But wow . Have u ever cheated on your wife or been tempted to ? Link to post Share on other sites
coolheadal Posted May 17, 2016 Share Posted May 17, 2016 Heyyyyy y'all I'm new call me cocoa well I'm currently in a 3 year relationship . First guy I ever fell in love with , we been through so so so much right now it's to many negative energy around me . I've always loved him hard , even tried my hardest to get he's family to like me offered to take them to movies & etc . They were always phony ! And loved he's baby mother ( he's highschool sweetheart of 7 years ) but anyways my question is . Do men need space is it important to give them that ? And they say majority of men cheat do y'all agree ? I understand what your saying here. Just be careful and don't get hurt. Your trying to hard and the end result might not be what you like it to be. You can't please his family because your not going after them, they're just his side of the story. If he's asking for space he wants you to back off him and let him be. Time for you to take notice of that and find someone else to be with. He doesn't want you no more because he doesn't like what your doing. He wants his freedom and you want his love and devotion. He can't do that, sounds like he's a player. Don't be played by his actions or moves. Watch out and say cool! You'll hurt at first and be crush this guy but in the long run you have to consider if things didn't turn out right and you had his kids you would be stuck holding the bottle on your own. Just go to open your mind and see what's happening, don't closed it okay.. Do the right thing! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cocoaflavareena Posted May 17, 2016 Author Share Posted May 17, 2016 He only wants space when we get into arguments a lot cause we spend every other day together our arguments are never "oh I caught you cheating " . And etc , it's always something small that turns into something big . Fire and fire sometimes . But I honestly really don't want to lose him , I admit my anger can push people away ! Link to post Share on other sites
coolheadal Posted May 17, 2016 Share Posted May 17, 2016 Yea I love him tho I really want to build together be successful , encourage each other , grow old and get married have kids . I do I don't want anyone or have no desires with anyone but him !!! And yes people use cheating as an excuse all the time a women can be everything to a man , cook , clean , be sexually beast in the bedroom . And I've seen women like this get ran over and cheated But yes maybe I don't know the meaning falling in love since it's my first time , but it's definitely love on my end . I just have to learn to relax and control my anger , I can be a little to passionate . And I overreact on a lot of things ... Guess what ? I get it from my mom , I'm starting to become a lot like her . She's bi polar I think and every time we hang or anything it's an episode with her , she needs therapy . And I don't want to be like that , cause that can push a man away . Sorry I'm writing a lot But wow . Have u ever cheated on your wife or been tempted to ? No every cheats, they cheat because that's the fun and they can get away with that fun if they don't get caught by their lover. I don't cheat and I won't stay with any women that plays that nonsense on me again. Out they go, I'll get them a bus ticket and drive to the bus depot. LOL Your young and learning and your deepest love is showing but if this guy not into you 100% then you need to back off. Space means space and it also means "get away from me woman" that's harsh but it's true need to learn all about these things. No your not writing a lot we all here can read what you say. I enjoy sharing my knowledge on relationships I've been through worst and I am still around to share. Take care of yourself and I wish you the very best! Women like are rare.. Link to post Share on other sites
coolheadal Posted May 17, 2016 Share Posted May 17, 2016 He only wants space when we get into arguments a lot cause we spend every other day together our arguments are never "oh I caught you cheating " . And etc , it's always something small that turns into something big . Fire and fire sometimes . But I honestly really don't want to lose him , I admit my anger can push people away ! I hear that you don't want to loose him but you can't over look things he'll do to hurt and crush you don't make the mistake that other girls like you do. Never accept a cheater because once they cheat they always cheat. If he treats you bad do not stay in there. Leave. It's okay to smother him with love I would love that myself since I do that too. LOL But most men and women can't handle that deep smothering they want you to back off. That's the hurt part of it all no one wants that. If you fight a lot that's another sign. You need to back down and walk out of the room. Do not let that get to negative you want a positive relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cocoaflavareena Posted May 17, 2016 Author Share Posted May 17, 2016 He's into me but trust me I have anger problems and I think my mom ways passed down to me . I overact on a lot , every family member every friend I got into huge arguments with . I'm very dramatic and have a anger problem and I do agree I NEEED counseling , been through a lot . And never got help to get over it I bottled it down . My childhood and teenage hood Link to post Share on other sites
coolheadal Posted May 17, 2016 Share Posted May 17, 2016 (edited) He's into me but trust me I have anger problems and I think my mom ways passed down to me . I overact on a lot , every family member every friend I got into huge arguments with . I'm very dramatic and have a anger problem and I do agree I NEEED counseling , been through a lot . And never got help to get over it I bottled it down . My childhood and teenage hood Then you need to walk out of the situation if you think your going to get upset and get into a rage. You do not want that. I use have a woman like you who had the rages. I would leave the room. Can't deal with it so I leave. If I stay well not pretty. I will never hit woman, but like I say I don't want to get hit or have things thrown at me. So I leave the room or just jump into the SUV and drive off until she cools down. Get the ring on the cell saying "baby come back home I am sorry" that's the clue to return. LOL Counseling might not help you depends on the situation. She told the guy who we had seen that she doesn't agree and left for good. So that ends that counseling session. Might make you more upset. Just have to relax and try to deal with your karma. Edited May 17, 2016 by coolheadal 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cocoaflavareena Posted May 17, 2016 Author Share Posted May 17, 2016 Then you need to walk out of the situation if you think your going to get upset and get into a rage. You do not want that. I use have a woman like you who had the rages. I would live the room. Can't deal with it so I leave. If I stay well not pretty. I will never hit woman, but like I say I don't want to get hit or have things thrown at me. So I leave the room or just jump into the SUV and drive off until she cools down. Get the ring on the cell saying "baby come back home I am sorry" that's the clue to return. LOL Thank you !!!! I'm about to really make changes. I love him , I love myself also friends family and I don't and hate when I push people away with overreaction rage of emotions . That's unstable and I really am a good person believe me I make impulsive decisions . Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted May 17, 2016 Share Posted May 17, 2016 Honestly, it's up to the man or the woman not to cheat. You can't force him to or not to. I mean, definitely be an awesome girlfriend and make it your goal to make him the happiest guy alive! But it's up to him to appreciate that and be faithful. Does he appreciate it? And yes, control your temper. Walk away, count to ten, whisper when you feel like yelling...just take a time out. Think, then act. A lot of that is maturity; I had a terrible temper when I was young, too. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted May 17, 2016 Share Posted May 17, 2016 How u doing today ? Good I hope . Have a wonderful positive day . Thank you, that's very kind of you. I'm just British, and honestly, I really didn't understand a whole lot of that. I am truly not familiar with what you meant, or the way you 'said' it. No offence. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cocoaflavareena Posted May 17, 2016 Author Share Posted May 17, 2016 Yes he does !!!!! But I swear every time we good it's always something small that caused this big argument . I definitely got to work on myself I know he's tired of hearing that from me by now. I want to do something special for him this weekend. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cocoaflavareena Posted May 17, 2016 Author Share Posted May 17, 2016 Thank you, that's very kind of you. I'm just British, and honestly, I really didn't understand a whole lot of that. I am truly not familiar with what you meant, or the way you 'said' it. No offence. It's ok Hun . I was saying do men need space in relationships , I'm experiencing love for the first time so I can be over the top with him . Link to post Share on other sites
coolheadal Posted May 17, 2016 Share Posted May 17, 2016 Thank you !!!! I'm about to really make changes. I love him , I love myself also friends family and I don't and hate when I push people away with overreaction rage of emotions . That's unstable and I really am a good person believe me I make impulsive decisions . Not suppose to hate! Suppose to love everyone around you. Don't push them away either. I am just saying you don't make it worst and get in rage that can be negative. You sound relax and good person.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cocoaflavareena Posted May 17, 2016 Author Share Posted May 17, 2016 Not suppose to hate! Suppose to love everyone around you. Don't push them away either. I am just saying you don't make it worst and get in rage that can be negative. You sound relax and good person.. Lol yes SOUND ???but thank you . I know that can push a dude away but I'm going to back off from him . Let him call and txt more u know Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted May 17, 2016 Share Posted May 17, 2016 As a general rule, I haven't found that men need space. I mean, sure they want time to go play sport or other hobbies - but not space from their partner. I'm going to go out on a limb here - I suspect he's got one foot out the door because of your anger issues. This space is him getting a break from you and your behaviour. You mentioned that he's probably tired of hearing that you need to work on yourself - this means that he's moving towards stopping accepting your false apologies. (I say they are false because you repeat the behaviour after saying that you will address it). If you want to save the relationship, you need to stop your angry outburts NOW. No more outburts. Ever. It's highly unlikely he's going to stick around while you 'work on it'. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted May 17, 2016 Share Posted May 17, 2016 Guys I date need space because they are like me! I also need space! I've met some VERY needy guys who want to spend 24/7 together, though. It really all depends...you would know your guy better than us, it's not a one size fits all thing. Regarding arguments, I am like you and I have a temper and resort to yelling to get my point across....I've found that I have to make a CONSCIOUS effort in the situation to remove myself or speak more respectfully, I mean I literally have to breathe and tell myself (in my head) to stop it - yelling NEVER helps a situation, only makes it worse. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
coolheadal Posted May 17, 2016 Share Posted May 17, 2016 Guys I date need space because they are like me! I also need space! I've met some VERY needy guys who want to spend 24/7 together, though. It really all depends...you would know your guy better than us, it's not a one size fits all thing. Regarding arguments, I am like you and I have a temper and resort to yelling to get my point across....I've found that I have to make a CONSCIOUS effort in the situation to remove myself or speak more respectfully, I mean I literally have to breathe and tell myself (in my head) to stop it - yelling NEVER helps a situation, only makes it worse. Nothing wrong with that 24/7 if your truly in love. Depends how you are both. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted May 17, 2016 Share Posted May 17, 2016 Guys I date need space because they are like me! I also need space! I've met some VERY needy guys who want to spend 24/7 together, though. I see your point. I think there's space and there's SPACE. This guy wants space when they get into arguments. I see this as quite a different thing to "I need a few nights each week to myself because I have to do X Y and Z" His need for space is because of a toxic environment - not a need for independence. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted May 18, 2016 Share Posted May 18, 2016 Yeah, my partner and I don't generally need space from each other. I do need some space when I'm mad, and so does he. But that was more of an issue when we were younger and fought more In general, I don't think it's a good sign if one partner is trying to get away from the other. How are his friends? Are they cheaters? Birds of a feather do flock together. Link to post Share on other sites
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