JohnH Posted June 27, 2005 Share Posted June 27, 2005 i guess its all down to the surroundin circumstances you where cheated on thats understandable the way you feel but not all relationships end this way mine didnt infact we where to similar is one of the reasons it didnt work out im not claiming to be a robot and say ive totally turned of any feelings i had but i am able to keep therm where they belong in this friendship at this time and i know they will fade as the friendship progresses Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ruth75 Posted June 27, 2005 Author Share Posted June 27, 2005 Originally posted by greenhorn I can never have any sort of contact with someone whom I loved and who dumped me, so friendship is too far to think of. For me relationships can be promoted and not demoted, a friendship becomes love and not vice versa. People accept friendship in a desperate attempt to hang on the thin string of hope and thinking of getting back and thereby prolonging the period of hurt and creating obstacles in the path of recovery. It is too cruel and sadist on part of someone to offer friendship after dumping. I dont agree either - things didnt work out with me and ex, not because either of us cheated or treated the other badly - it just didnt work out Link to post Share on other sites
greenhorn Posted June 27, 2005 Share Posted June 27, 2005 Originally posted by ReluctantRomeo I've done it. I got over her, it's as simple as that. Times change. Hmm, I think I can never get so much over her as to see her again. Even the thought of her refreshes the hurt and pain. Link to post Share on other sites
ReluctantRomeo Posted June 27, 2005 Share Posted June 27, 2005 Originally posted by greenhorn Hmm, I think I can never get so much over her as to see her again. Even the thought of her refreshes the hurt and pain. Friendship with exes is not for everyone. I think too that, as Ruth says, it also depends on how it ended. Sometimes it just ends. It's sad, but you move on. Link to post Share on other sites
JohnH Posted June 27, 2005 Share Posted June 27, 2005 at the end of the day me and ex did fall in love we had a lot in common and we know each other very well we know things about each other we have never told anyone in our lives i think that is a good base for a lasting friendship even after being in love the point is for the friendship to work you cant be looking for anything but friendship Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedInOC Posted June 27, 2005 Share Posted June 27, 2005 Friendship often ends in love; but love in friendship - never. Charles Caleb Colton Link to post Share on other sites
scared shy Posted June 27, 2005 Share Posted June 27, 2005 If two past lovers remain friends, they are either still in love or never were... Link to post Share on other sites
greenhorn Posted June 27, 2005 Share Posted June 27, 2005 Originally posted by scared*shy If two past lovers remain friends, they are either still in love or never were... Link to post Share on other sites
JohnH Posted June 27, 2005 Share Posted June 27, 2005 Not true you can still love someone but not be in love with them! Link to post Share on other sites
scared shy Posted June 27, 2005 Share Posted June 27, 2005 JohnH Not true you can still love someone but not be in love with them! Maybe you were never "in love" in the first place... I think this statement rings completely true, at least for me and for the people I know and have discussed this with. It hurts to think that all those past broken relationships maybe never were what you thought they were... but $hit happens, and you at least learn something from everyone of them. Link to post Share on other sites
greenhorn Posted June 27, 2005 Share Posted June 27, 2005 Originally posted by JohnH Not true you can still love someone but not be in love with them! This statement is and will always remain the greatest mystery of my life. This statment is such which can have infinite subjective interpretations to suit the ocassion and the need. Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedInOC Posted June 27, 2005 Share Posted June 27, 2005 Originally posted by greenhorn This statement is and will always remain the greatest mystery of my life. This statment is such which can have infinite subjective interpretations to suit the ocassion and the need. It's what the Ex told me when she left. "I love you deeply, I am just not "in" love with you." At least now I know why. But I stick to the quote I posted by Charles Caleb Colton. Link to post Share on other sites
ChuckDee33 Posted June 28, 2005 Share Posted June 28, 2005 My ex broke up with me 10 months ago. I tried being around her and concealing my true feelings, both emotionally and physically...which was a bad idea. She was my first love and it we were together for over a year and a half. She impacted my life in so many ways. I still love her deeply. I honestly don't think we could ever be ''just friends''. As long as their is even a shred of romantic feeling left then it is a pointless proposal. I know she still has some feelings for me too. After a period of NC and me moving an hour away, we have begun to talk on the phone again. But we both understand we cannot see each other the way things are right now. At least we understand each other. That counts for something. So either we will try again with a romantic relationship sometime down the road or we will have to go our seperate ways. It's kinda sh*tty but it is what it is. Sometimes a person can be one thing and one thing only to you and your life. That is one important thing I have accepted to be utterly true. It was the right love at the wrong time. I'm sure this goes for many others out there. Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedInOC Posted June 28, 2005 Share Posted June 28, 2005 Originally posted by ChuckDee33 It was the right love at the wrong time. I'm sure this goes for many others out there. I agree. Link to post Share on other sites
Craig Posted June 28, 2005 Share Posted June 28, 2005 Some people speak about love and friendship as separate and distinct. I have never known a friendship where there was not an element of love present nor have I experienced love in the absence of friendship. True love, loves the truth and at times the truth is that two people are better as friends than lovers. This is the bittersweet aspect of love where being your loves greatest advocate sometimes means not being with them. Letting go of romantic love for the best interests of the couple is incredibly mature. It doesn't mean you love your SO any less but that you love them so much more. Some people find it far easier to try to hold on to the one they love without regard for him/her and in so doing make him/her into an enemy. With love as a guide, it is not only possible but normal to become friends (if warranted) with the one you once loved romantically. Link to post Share on other sites
ChuckDee33 Posted June 28, 2005 Share Posted June 28, 2005 It's not as cut and dry and friend or enemy. You can be neither one of those too. If I stopped talking altogether to my ex I wouldn't be her friend but I wouldn't be her enemy either. We'd just be something great that happened in the past and we'd just be memories to each other, nothing more and nothing less. I don't want that to happen though. I'd rather have her in my life than out of it. That's the hard part...figuring out how you can have that person in your life while still staying true to yourself and your feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
canadiandream15 Posted June 28, 2005 Share Posted June 28, 2005 Hey guys...ok - I am reading this and the similar situation happened to me - my ex and I - first, he deletes me from MSN...then he adds me back on....then...he calls me...we sleep together, he breaks up with me again...really weird. It really hurt, I mean we were all "I love you etc" and the next day he goes "don't expect anything from me, we are not back together". This stung. Anyway - two weeks have gone by...no communication. I go on the MSN - he added me on again and now there is a picture of him and a playbunny or whatever those party girls are...with bunnie shirts etc...that PIC is on MSN. Did he put it for me to see? To make me jealous? Then, I get a text message "I wish we could talk...I think about you..but not right now" All I can say is - men are seriosly screwed up. Is he making me jealous? Is he trying to? Link to post Share on other sites
not_myself Posted June 28, 2005 Share Posted June 28, 2005 My Ex was the same way when we tried to be friends...I still had feelings, but kept them at bay for the most part. I knew he needed to work on some things personally and was trying to do the right thing by ending our very dysfunctional relationship. Then we start to spend a bit more time together, a few nights and plan a trip together, but still with no expectations of a relationship. A few weeks before I go away for the weekend with a man and he gets angry like we were in the middle of a reconciliation or something...but when I say I actually do want to try again...he pushes me away and says he cant. But it sounds like your ex is just trying to keep you around - probably b/c he has feelings. But keeps you in a 'friend' position becuase it gives him more control - it is a messed up thing to do to someone... Link to post Share on other sites
ReluctantRomeo Posted June 29, 2005 Share Posted June 29, 2005 Originally posted by canadiandream15 I go on the MSN - he added me on again and now there is a picture of him and a playbunny or whatever those party girls are...with bunnie shirts etc...that PIC is on MSN. Did he put it for me to see? To make me jealous? Then, I get a text message "I wish we could talk...I think about you..but not right now" Is he making me jealous? Is he trying to? Probably. Although he could just be going off the deep end in having a good time. Whichever, it's f**ked up. All I can say is - men are seriosly screwed up. Not all of us, sweetie. And are you saying that girls are the model of rationality and balance? Link to post Share on other sites
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