Why can't we express feelings?

[ashteller]

Why can't we express our feelings for someone? Like explain myself? People say it's creepy or obsessive or stalkerish.

 

If I have feelings and thoughts and I want to share and express them why can't I? I don't see them as creepy, it's how I feel. But I am advised to not say how I feel. I got to keep it "cool". What gives? If every guy keeps it "cool" that's what woman will see and know, why would it hurt so much if I was different and spilled my heart and mind out?

[basil67]

What type pf 'feelings' are we talking about here?

 

Telling someone that you really like them and would like to see more of them is OK.

 

But telling a person who's not a partner that you love them is creepy. You can't know them well enough to call it love. Infatuation? Sure. But not love. If a friend or acquaintance confessed love for me, I'd get wary because of them jumping the gun.

[ashteller]

What type pf 'feelings' are we talking about here?

 

Telling someone that you really like them and would like to see more of them is OK.

 

But telling a person who's not a partner that you love them is creepy. You can't know them well enough to call it love. Infatuation? Sure. But not love. If a friend or acquaintance confessed love for me, I'd get wary because of them jumping the gun.

 

I know not love, I'd like to say something like this.....

 

 

I feel like I am in high school again, I have butterflies in my stomach and everything. I want to spend time with her so bad and to see her face and smile and hear her voice. I don't need to date her I just want to spend time with her.

[preraph]

Hearing that from someone you don't have a relationship with is creepy. Sorry. It's obsessive, it's a bit delusional, and anyone with any maturity is going to know you are in love with the ideal girl in your head (that doesn't exist) because you don't know them well enough to be in love with them.

 

Women generally do not find it tempting or attractive to hear this from a mere acquaintance.

 

Let's flip it around on you. Let's say there's this chubby girl you are not at all attracted to who keeps looking at you at work or in class and who you see lurking around you sometimes out of the corner of your eye and who has maybe let some other classmate or workmate know that she has a crush on you. Would you like to receive what you wrote from her? And even if you were flattered, would you then take her on a date and live happily ever after?

Edited May 18, 2016 by preraph

[ashteller]

Hearing that from someone you don't have a relationship with is creepy. Sorry. It's obsessive, it's a bit delusional, and anyone with any maturity is going to know you are in love with the ideal girl in your head (that doesn't exist) because you don't know them well enough to be in love with them.

 

Even if you went to college with them?

 

What's all these stories I hear where two people know each other either through mutual friends or work or school and at least one of the persons involved likes the other but the other never knew until sometime later the person eventually confesses and they fall madly in love because one person was very open with there feelings.

[katiegrl]

I know not love, I'd like to say something like this.....

 

 

I feel like I am in high school again, I have butterflies in my stomach and everything. I want to spend time with her so bad and to see her face and smile and hear her voice. I don't need to date her I just want to spend time with her.

 

 

How about just saying "I like you and would like to spend some time getting to know you."

 

Keep the feeling like I'm in HS, butterflies, see her face, hear her voice crap to yourself.

 

It's too over the top... and frankly would creep me out. I mean telling a woman you barely know you have "butterflies in your stomach"? Seriously?

 

Expressing feelings is fine, but tone it down, you don't (and shouldn't) be expressing every single emotion that you're experiencing at any given time.

[ashteller]

How about just saying "I like you and would like to spend some time getting to know you."

 

Keep the feeling like I'm in HS, butterflies, see her face, hear her voice crap to yourself.

 

It's too over the top... and frankly would creep me out. I mean telling a woman you barely know you have "butterflies in your stomach"? Seriously?

 

Expressing feelings is fine, but tone it down, you don't (and shouldn't) be expressing every single emotion that you're experiencing at any given time.

Even if it's some one you have known for several months and you have shared some pretty personal stuff?

[todreaminblue]

Even if it's some one you have known for several months and you have shared some pretty personal stuff?

 

 

if you have shared personal stuff with her...has she shared it back with you/

 

i would just go with a I like you as more than a friend I would liek to take you out on a date.....

 

leave the butterflies....

 

but you know her better than anyone on here...what is she like in regards to sharing her feelings...if she is reserved then you should hold back a little as to not overwhelm her.....deb

[MuddyFootprints]

It's all about timing. And, when it's not the right time, the most appropriate thing to do is chew your cheek.

[katiegrl]

Even if it's some one you have known for several months and you have shared some pretty personal stuff?

 

I dunno, just me but I am not into all that flowery type of language no matter how long I've known him or been dating him.

 

I couldn't imagine my my bf (now ex) of six years telling me he felt "butterflies in his stomach."

 

Even in the beginning.... it sounds very beta (for lack of a better way to describe it). It's something girls say to each other about how they feel about some new guy they met. Again JMO.

 

Pouring out every little emotion you're feeling would get very draining IMO.

 

A little self-containment (at least until you are in an established exclusive RL) is best.

 

Again JMO. Every women is different and some women really go for all that flowery Hallmark card type of stuff.

 

I would advise erring on the side of caution though, until you know her better and how she would respond to it.

 

If she's anything like me.... it will turn her off. It's too much information.

Edited May 19, 2016 by katiegrl

[preraph]

Even if you went to college with them?

 

What's all these stories I hear where two people know each other either through mutual friends or work or school and at least one of the persons involved likes the other but the other never knew until sometime later the person eventually confesses and they fall madly in love because one person was very open with there feelings.

 

That's what an acquaintance is. Unless, of course, you have taken her out on actual dates, just you and her. In which case, I eat my words but still caution you not to do confessions but to instead remain calm, slow down, and just have a good time.

[ashteller]

Thank you all. Makes sense when I think about it. I just try to rationalize it in my head by being different and thinking she might take it as a breath of fresh air for a guy being vulnerable like that.

[preraph]

I see where you say you've been friends for months. If she had an attraction to you, don't you think you'd know it by now. I think a common misconception for a lot of young men is for some reason they think that knowing a guy likes them a lot will make a woman like them more, but ironically, it doesn't. They don't need to know you like them to like you. And if she did like you that way, pretty sure you'd know it by now. Once you'be been "just friends," it's usually unwelcome to try to cross that over into romance because it's not there, and then there's the factor of finding out the guy has been pretending to be just friends but is actually using that as an excuse because he's secretly all excited about you and doing God knows what thinking about you. Women usually don't like that once they find that out.

 

If you just need to unburden yourself, by all means, but don't expect a good outcome. It might be the best thing because then things will come to a head and you'll be forced to accept whatever the verdict is. Good luck.

[basil67]

Thank you all. Makes sense when I think about it. I just try to rationalize it in my head by being different and thinking she might take it as a breath of fresh air for a guy being vulnerable like that.

 

If someone did that to me, I wouldn't see it as a show of vulnerability. I'd see it as pushing romance where it's not wanted.

 

To me, being vulnerable is about trusting that someone will still care for you even when they know the bad bits.

[Gloria25]

In my case, expressing/allowing feelings makes one vulnerable...so, until I feel like I can trust you/it, I'm very guarded.

 

I'm like a candy sucker...get past the hard shell and I got a gooy center that's worth breaking through the shell.

[Got it]

Eh, I think it can go either way. If she feels the same way, and is a romantic soul, then she will probably like it. If she doesn't feel the same way, or more pragmatic, it may be too much too soon and make her question whether or not you are projecting too much on the limited interactions.

 

I think it is a nice thing to confess once you start dating the person, a pillow talk item. Then it would be endearing to me.

 

But if it was said I didn't think we had talk enough to even really know me then I would get skeeved out.

 

So put a pin in it, wait, and just say what the one poster wrote.

[preraph]

Just now, in my head, I imagined the guy I was most in love with at the time we were most romantic and couldn't get enough of each other, and I imagined lying in bed with him and him saything those words. And then I heard myself thinking, Whoa, reel it back in, this sounds like a boy, not a man.

[NTV]

What happened to 'hey you wanna go get a bite to eat sometime?'

[Got it]

Just now, in my head, I imagined the guy I was most in love with at the time we were most romantic and couldn't get enough of each other, and I imagined lying in bed with him and him saything those words. And then I heard myself thinking, Whoa, reel it back in, this sounds like a boy, not a man.

 

I think it is a very subjective thing. Both men I have married were very expressive with their feelings and I took such comments as compliments. I wasn't threatened by their emotions and felt they needed to fill some role that made them deaf, dumb and mute to fit some ideal male make up.

 

A man who, in a relationship, can be open and honest about how he feels, can be expressive and emotional is a wonderful thing to behold.

 

But hearing my husband say, when we first started dating, how I made him crazy inside, that he thought of me constantly, and he couldn't stop thinking of me was a very heady thing.

 

Having a man grunt, "yeah your cool" just really falls flat.

[Got it]

What happened to 'hey you wanna go get a bite to eat sometime?'

 

Great first line.

 

As well as "hey will I see you at x tonight?". That is what my husband said.

[NTV]

hey will I see you at x tonight?

 

 

I'll think about it, but I really wanna get some sleep. Maybe this weekend?

[Jabron1]

I know not love, I'd like to say something like this.....

 

 

I feel like I am in high school again, I have butterflies in my stomach and everything. I want to spend time with her so bad and to see her face and smile and hear her voice. I don't need to date her I just want to spend time with her.

 

What would possess you to say something like that?

 

I don't understand your motivation here at all.

 

"You don't need to date her; you just want to spend time with her". What's that all about?

 

Do you actually want to have sex with her or not? If so, why are you literally telling her you'll settle for less than what you really want?

 

I am actually scratching my head reading this.

[katiegrl]

What would possess you to say something like that?

 

I don't understand your motivation here at all.

 

"You don't need to date her; you just want to spend time with her". What's that all about?

 

Do you actually want to have sex with her or not? If so, why are you literally telling her you'll settle for less than what you really want?

 

I am actually scratching my head reading this.

 

Jabron, he thinks it will impress her. Show her how vulnerable he is, as if vulnerability somehow creates attraction. He said as much in one of his posts.

 

It doesn't... this early on it's creepy... which I think he gets now. Hope so anyway.

[Imajerk17]

Lemme get this straight: We have the OP of this thread wondering why he "can't express feelings" to a girl who REJECTED him (read the OP's other threads), and we have another guy well past adolescence who feels let down because Disney didn't teach him the ways of the world.

 

This is all just so wrong. It's pathetic actually. Am I the only one who reads threads like these and wonders what is wrong with the next generation?

Edited May 19, 2016 by Imajerk17

[katiegrl]

Lemme get this straight: We have the OP of this thread wondering why he "can't express feelings" to a girl who REJECTED him (read the OP's other threads), and we have another guy well past adolescence who feels let down because Disney didn't teach him the ways of the world.

 

This is all just so wrong. It's pathetic actually. Am I the only one who reads threads like these and wonders what is wrong with the next generation?

 

OMG no.... boggles my mind as well.... in fact there is a thread floating around here somewhere (maybe in the rants section), or maybe in the general section (created by preraph) or both.... which discusses it.

 

Many theories as to why.... for the young men... one theory is lack of male role models due to divorce, the high rate of single moms and women choosing to raise their kids with no dad.

 

Our young men have become de-masculinzed as a result.

 

Yes very sad.