What are your thoughts on marriage in general?

[noelle303]

I'm just wondering - how do you feel about the institution of marriage?

 

I actually have a somewhat cynical view of it and don't believe that I ever want to be married myself. I just see it as a relationship between two people, except with a legal piece of paper that makes it hard for you to simply remove yourself from it if and when it's no longer working.

 

Sometime I wonder if it slightly contributed to being an OW when I was younger.

 

What are some of your thoughts on it?

[NTV]

I think marriage is really good for the kids!

[xxoo]

It's not just a relationship; it's family. A child could move into our home and we could love and raise that child, but adoption still has meaning, doesn't it? For me, marriage is the same.

 

My marriage has been an incredible blessing for me, and I know that our kids benefit from the stability of our family.

[PrettyEmily77]

Just as much as religion, marriage is a concept that suits some and not others.

 

Haven't been tempted by either so far but I'm happy for those they make happy. As long as I'm not forced into either, I'm good.

[minimariah]

well... i do believe in marriage. i believe it's a good thing. i'm personally not interested in being unmarried & sharing life with my partner - i want that kind of commitment from my partner; your cynicism is normal. i was (& still kind of am) like you, too - i see so many failed marriages, ugly custody battless... and all from folks i actually LIKE. these aren't bad, unreasonable people. so... logically - you ask yourself... what's the point? i'll just avoid hurt by NOT doing any of that.

 

you'll probably meet a man one day, fall in love & desire to be married to him will be there. you'll feel like it's the right thing to do. i thinkt that's how it goes in MOST cases.

[Methodical]

I'm married and love my husband, but when/if something happens (death/divorce, which isn't foreseeable in the near future), I won't get married again. I don't care for the laws of the land having the authority to dictate what is and isn't fair, nor do I need a piece of paper to make a commitment .

[noelle303]

It's not just a relationship; it's family. A child could move into our home and we could love and raise that child, but adoption still has meaning, doesn't it? For me, marriage is the same.

 

My marriage has been an incredible blessing for me, and I know that our kids benefit from the stability of our family.

 

I understand, but a legal adoption and a legal marriage can't exactly be considered the same. An adopted child is your child, that relationship can never falter or not work out, the unconditional love will always be there.

 

While marriages...well, I just believe that some relationships are not meant to last and I don't want to one day catch myself forcing a relationship just because we are married and that somehow means we should ''stick it out''. If that makes sense?

[central]

I have an exceptionally good marriage (this time). However, if it weren't for some practical, legally available benefits that couldn't be obtained otherwise, we would not have married. We were just as committed before we married as we are now.

 

 

Marriage isn't a guarantee of commitment, but if it does fail, it can make extricating yourself difficult and painful. However, marriage makes clear WHO is going to suffer/benefit!

[Art_Critic]

Marriage is about creating a family, it doesn't have to have kids to be family, pets can be familiy or animals, even extended family in some cultures.

 

Setting ones roots is also bound into the whole marriage getup, buying a house painting the walls, decorating it.. going to each others family gatherings etc etc...

 

So to me marriage is about the nesting process more than anything..

Kids are a nice plus to the family unit, they create more bonding between the parent and give us a reason to not have sex

[wmacbride]

If marriage is not an institution that holds any meaning for you ( general you) then don't get married.

[dichotomy]

"Married and bored, or single and lonely. Ain't no happiness no where"

 

- Chris Rock.

 

 

 

Seriously though - what a few have posted about "family" I see as major benefit to marriage. Also while not I am not that old - I can see (and have seen with my family) that much later in life - having someone with you will be comforting and connecting.

Edited May 19, 2016 by dichotomy

[WasOtherWoman]

I can honestly say I had no interest in marriage, just didn't see a point to it (I didn't want kids). It was important to my H though, he wanted to make sure that I had all of the rights, perks and privileges that being his wife would give me.

 

It became important to me, because it was important to him.

[Michelle ma Belle]

My views on marriage have changed quite a bit over the years. Having been married for 20 years and divorced 7 years ago, that might have something to do with why I see marriage through a different lens.

 

As I've said on here many times, marriage guarantees absolutely nothing.

 

Some people argue that being married makes you work harder at keeping your marriage. If that were true then why do 50% of marriages end in divorce? If that isn't enough to make you question things, just check out the countless threads on here alone about all the unhappy, unfulfilled and unfaithful marriages taking place right now.

 

Marriage alone doesn't make a relationship.

 

It takes two people, in love, committed to each other and each other's happiness, on the same page about all the important things in life, working at it continuously, for better or worse. You don't require a piece paper or a blessing from God to make that possible.

 

Despite how it looks, I'm not entirely opposed to marriage or even marrying again myself IF it felt right for the both of us. Love is love and you either want to be faithful and loving and supportive or you don't. Marriage has nothing to do with any of it.

 

I just really dislike when people act like marriage has some superpower that you just can't duplicate unless you marry.

 

:/

[carhill]

I'm just wondering - how do you feel about the institution of marriage?

 

Easy to get into - hard to get out of

 

Cheap legal rights and tax breaks

 

Social cred.

 

Wedding ring was a powerful chick magnet, something I didn't realize until getting married. Took it off and they went away.

 

Overall, OK. Unlike my exW, I wouldn't go back for repeat performances, knowing what I know now.

[xxoo]

Adding: I genuinely enjoy being married.

[minimariah]

Wedding ring was a powerful chick magnet, something I didn't realize until getting married. Took it off and they went away.

 

that's interesting!

 

i noticed it, too - married men get hit on a lot more than single ones. never understood it.

[noelle303]

Easy to get into - hard to get out of

 

Cheap legal rights and tax breaks

 

Social cred.

 

Wedding ring was a powerful chick magnet, something I didn't realize until getting married. Took it off and they went away.

 

Overall, OK. Unlike my exW, I wouldn't go back for repeat performances, knowing what I know now.

 

Lol, never knew about that either.

 

See, it's the ''hard to get out of'' part that bugs me the most. Honestly, I absolutely hate the notion that Michelle brought up, which that married people should try extra hard to make a relationship work (if it goes south, not all marriages do) and are usually judged if they divorce and give up too quickly, more so than people in a relationship.

 

I can't see myself doing it, staying with someone and trying to fix all these problems just because it's marriage and we took vows and divorce is too difficult and such a huge legal process. Like, I have to involve the whole state in the ending of my relationship and ask for ''permission''.

 

It seems extremely constricting.

[carhill]

IMO, I'd probably focus as comprehensively on a bonded relationship as a marriage, from the standpoint of the relationship itself, rather just avoid the enrichment of the legal system, either at the front end or back end or both ends.

 

I'm not down on marriage at all, rather have a BTDT, OK done attitude about it. Kinda like parents who have kids and have a similar attitude about having more.

 

I'm finding, as I socialize more in my age group, save for my friends who are married many years, this isn't an uncommon perspective on marriage, since nearly everyone has been married at some point. Over-50 remarriages, IME, are fairly rare. Even my exW, who went through 3 before 50, hasn't remarried, though she's been living with a guy since before we were divorced. That'll probably be my path, though I won't live with them. Space is nice.

 

Marriage is a great option for those who choose it. It'll be around for a long time, IMO.

[Lady Hamilton]

It's funny... The first time I got married, the relationship wasn't great but I was fixated on the marriage.

 

The second time around, I was fixated on the relationship but never thought about the marriage. We were together for a long time and "engaged," but we felt no pressure to get married.

 

We finally did because, quite literally, we had a free afternoon and we said "why not?"

 

The first time, the marriage was so important. The second time, I could have been married or not, it didn't matter. The relationship was great and the marriage seemed so secondary.

 

The funny thing is my husband was the opposite. After his divorce he said he never wanted to be married again, but when the divorce came through he really, really wanted to get married. Not like a "we need to get married, why aren't we married?" But a general "I'd like to get married."

[stilltrying16]

We don't have kids and aren't religious. My husband does value it as an institution. For me it's mostly a legal and practical convenience and it made people I love, such as my parents, happy that I married and didn't just move in with him. So why not.

 

I would feel just as committed without the piece of paper though.

 

Incidentally living together without marriage is really frowned on in my culture, and I know it would have painful and embarrassing for my parents and other family if I had. So I was quite happy being married; I don't believe in the institution, but I do see it as mostly harmless. We did want to avoid a religious ceremony and we succeeded.

[stilltrying16]

Easy to get into - hard to get out of

 

Cheap legal rights and tax breaks

 

Social cred.

 

Wedding ring was a powerful chick magnet, something I didn't realize until getting married. Took it off and they went away.

 

Overall, OK. Unlike my exW, I wouldn't go back for repeat performances, knowing what I know now.

 

I agree with all of this.

 

Anyone see that Seinfeld episode where George pretends to be married and becomes suddenly irresistible to women?

 

But the second part of the bolded, carhill- I'm not sure I see it the way you do. Could be coincidence at work- not causality.

[Lady Hamilton]

Wedding rings and men alone with their kids. When women see men alone with their kids doing Dad things, they go nuts.

 

During holiday breaks, my husband takes the kids down to a playground. He gets right in there and plays with the kids, he's not a "stare at your cellphone" kind of guy.

 

He gets so much attention from women for that, it's crazy.

[minimariah]

Anyone see that Seinfeld episode where George pretends to be married and becomes suddenly irresistible to women?

 

YES! i thought of it immediately. there is definitely something very attractive about a deeply committed and dedicated man, husband, father - to most women.

[todreaminblue]

i have previously lived the "i dont need a piece of paper to be committed" for fifteen years with a man who told me that.so i was engaged for eight years..turns out i was the one committed and ready to fight to stay committed for my family and he walked away...straight into an affair relationship and seven years +.onwards... she is getting upset he hasnt married her yet....maybe because we werent married she didnt respect my family and myself( i have often wondered would she have respected the bond i had with him and th ekids we were raising.... more if he was married to me) anyways....she decided having an affair with him was alright..who knows why when she professes to beleive in marriage and fidelity...its over and it doesnt matter anymore what happens there with my ex...he probably will marry her..........

 

 

 

marriage is a necessity to cement families together, to bond I believe something that should be eternally bonded together during life and after it....its for raising kids in a "more" stable environment...not so easy to walk away from as it shouldnt be....there are so many blessings that marriage gives.....its a booming declaration of commitment,fidelity and love of two people to the families and the loved ones and most importantly god above..and it should be that by no man or reason be torn apart..I knwo that divorce happens ......i know in some cases its unavoidable....

but i believe in marriage...hasnt happened for me yet...and i have always believed in marriage..it is more than paper ......its a promise that should be kept.....it is a bond that should be fought for...and worked hard at...its not just a piece of paper ...a commitment phobe will often use that line..its just paper......because if it were just paper ...it wouldnt be such a big deal to go through and marry someone anyway ....in my experience......deb

Edited May 20, 2016 by todreaminblue

[Woggle]

Marriage is a great thing when two people are serious about commitment and love but awful when you have people who don't know the meaning of those words.

 

I can confirm that I get hit on much more when I wear a ring and they rudely rejecting them just makes them try harder. What is wrong with some people?