Satu Posted May 20, 2016 Share Posted May 20, 2016 Give him time to think. A lifetime should be enough. While he's thinking, you can pass the time by being happy, maybe with somebody else, who doesn't need time to think. Fixed. 10 Link to post Share on other sites
Itspointless Posted May 20, 2016 Share Posted May 20, 2016 He thinks therapy is stupid. Personally I find it a red flag when someone thinks therapy is stupid. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted May 20, 2016 Share Posted May 20, 2016 Yeah I agree with you. I tried suggest sex therapy and he won't go. He thinks therapy is stupid. To be honest I'm with him on this because you are only a year in. If you were long-term marrieds that would be different. This is incompatibility showing its head, he is right not wanting to drag it out. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jpiccolo6 Posted May 20, 2016 Author Share Posted May 20, 2016 I never thought we'd be in this position. ? I appreciate everyone's advice. Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted May 20, 2016 Share Posted May 20, 2016 I never thought we'd be in this position. I appreciate everyone's advice. I think living together within a year and being together every day from day 1 is too much too soon. Partly because you need to work out whether you are compatible long term and partly because there is such a thing as 'too much of a good thing'. A little bit of distance and independence are much healthier IMO. I wouldn't really live together with someone unless I wanted to marry them. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted May 20, 2016 Share Posted May 20, 2016 Yeah I agree with you. I tried suggest sex therapy and he won't go. He thinks therapy is stupid. OK so what does he say is actually wrong with the sex? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jpiccolo6 Posted May 20, 2016 Author Share Posted May 20, 2016 I totally agree with you. He was the one that moved really fast. I was afraid this would happen when he wouldn't leave my side from day 1. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jpiccolo6 Posted May 20, 2016 Author Share Posted May 20, 2016 He Just says it's not the same as it used to be. I said it's never going to be the same as the beginning. Says it got too routine. Link to post Share on other sites
Itspointless Posted May 20, 2016 Share Posted May 20, 2016 He Just says it's not the same as it used to be. I said it's never going to be the same as the beginning. Says it got too routine. I just wonder, does he care about you being satisfied, or is it all about him? Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted May 20, 2016 Share Posted May 20, 2016 He Just says it's not the same as it used to be. I said it's never going to be the same as the beginning. Says it got too routine. Were you happy with your sex life such as it was? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jpiccolo6 Posted May 20, 2016 Author Share Posted May 20, 2016 I don't have a very high sex drive. I think it's the pills I'm in so I don't have a problem not having sex all the time. No it's not all about him. He says it's all about me in the bedroom and wants to do diff things. I said ok that's fine. We tried his way the day he came back and it was awesome! Then the next time we tried he said he was worried the whole time and took him long to cum. The next day he left Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jpiccolo6 Posted May 20, 2016 Author Share Posted May 20, 2016 I don't think the sex is amazing and I see where he says it go routine. Not something I'm not willing to work on. Love is more important to me than sex. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted May 20, 2016 Share Posted May 20, 2016 You can't dissuade someone from doing something they've already decided to do. He has decided that he doesn't want to try. Once someone says that, that is the time for you to end it. For a start off, tip the balance. Let him know he doesn't have the option any more because you won't put up with his messing you around like this. Trying to please him won't work, he needs to respect you and be concerned with pleasing you. He won't do that while you are making it so clear you want to please him and make it work. He may want out for good and it's very hard and I know how painful this is, but you can regain your self-respect by taking control here and making that decision to end it yours. You deserve better than this. There will be guys who will feel honoured that you will be their girlfriend. This tail-end of a relationship is awful, I know, but you will come through this and have a chance of meeting someone who can appreciate you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bluefeather Posted May 21, 2016 Share Posted May 21, 2016 I would let him go. He is not willing to try hard enough to get through his issue while with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jpiccolo6 Posted May 21, 2016 Author Share Posted May 21, 2016 What do you think I should say to him when I end it? I was just going to text him saying... "When are you coming to get your stuff from my apt?" Link to post Share on other sites
Zapbasket Posted May 21, 2016 Share Posted May 21, 2016 You're being too nice. Text him and say, "I have bagged up all your belongings from my apartment and will hold them for two days for you to come to pick up. After that, I will assume you don't want them and will give them away." He has to face his decision and it's not fair to leave you hanging like this. Sorry you're going through this. He doesn't sound nearly as good a guy as I think you believed him to be. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ChickiePops Posted May 21, 2016 Share Posted May 21, 2016 I don't think the sex is amazing and I see where he says it go routine. Not something I'm not willing to work on. Love is more important to me than sex. Sex is a very important part of any relationship. If you're not that sexual a person, you should find someone whose sex drive matches yours. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
bluefeather Posted May 21, 2016 Share Posted May 21, 2016 What do you think I should say to him when I end it? That you love him and hope he finds happiness. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jpiccolo6 Posted May 21, 2016 Author Share Posted May 21, 2016 (edited) Ugh this is so hard. He treated me so good up Until now. How did this happen? I know I'm too nice. Maybe I should be [less nice] Edited May 21, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Language Link to post Share on other sites
RedPurpleOrange Posted May 21, 2016 Share Posted May 21, 2016 Reckon he might be cheating? Seems like an excuse to me. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted May 21, 2016 Share Posted May 21, 2016 Why did you start a new thread on the same thing? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted May 21, 2016 Share Posted May 21, 2016 Reckon he might be cheating? Seems like an excuse to me. Exactly, I don't think it's the sex. I think he wants an excuse to end the RL. And if it "is" the sex, then I couldn't help but notice in your post that you didn't say anything about "you". You mention him not wanting to watch porn, do sex therapy, etc...that he has a mentality of a 20 yr old - in other words, "he" is the problem. So, realistically have you looked at your performance in the bedroom? I other words, you believe you're doing everything right when it comes to sex, but something's wrong with "him"? I notice that about a lot of people, we're quick to point out everything that we think the other person needs to do without looking at ourself first. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted May 21, 2016 Share Posted May 21, 2016 Exactly, I don't think it's the sex. I think he wants an excuse to end the RL. And if it "is" the sex, then I couldn't help but notice in your post that you didn't say anything about "you". You mention him not wanting to watch porn, do sex therapy, etc...that he has a mentality of a 20 yr old - in other words, "he" is the problem. So, realistically have you looked at your performance in the bedroom? I other words, you believe you're doing everything right when it comes to sex, but something's wrong with "him"? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/581792-bf-left-cause-bored-bed-needs-time-think Answered here - #36 and #37 Link to post Share on other sites
Buddhist Posted May 21, 2016 Share Posted May 21, 2016 1 week ago he left bc he said he's not happy with our sex life. It's become routine and boring. After 5 days he came back bc he was willing to try and fix things. Then 1 week later he left again. Said he doesn't feel like it's changing and he needs time to really think about things. He just thinks it's too hard to get this back., please help. I don't know what to do. 2 months ago he was talking about "when we get married." What you do is realise he is fabricating reasons to break up with you. He is very clearly staging a break up. He's not interested in trying anything different and just wants to blame you and your 'lousy' sex as the reason why he's exiting. I know it's upsetting but this is really about him and his lack of maturity or desire to be in a relationship. He's planning to go out and chase the new relationship rush. If I were you, I'd stop trying to fix things and instead just prepare for his next hissy fit and leaving. Then once he's gone change the locks and delete his number. Get yourself a more grown-up boyfriend. Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted May 21, 2016 Share Posted May 21, 2016 What you do is realise he is fabricating reasons to break up with you. He is very clearly staging a break up. He's not interested in trying anything different and just wants to blame you and your 'lousy' sex as the reason why he's exiting. I know it's upsetting but this is really about him and his lack of maturity or desire to be in a relationship. He's planning to go out and chase the new relationship rush. If I were you, I'd stop trying to fix things and instead just prepare for his next hissy fit and leaving. Then once he's gone change the locks and delete his number. Get yourself a more grown-up boyfriend. Why prepare for him to leave? SHE should leave or just tell him to leave. Everything you said after that I agree with.... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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