SNOOGLEWITHHIM Posted May 21, 2016 Share Posted May 21, 2016 I have been in a long distance relationship for 2 1/2 years. My love's spouse passed away about 3 yrs ago. His spouse passed of cancer. We knew each other socially (he and his spouse) and we have become a "couple" yet we are apart in distance. We speak to each other by phone at least once to twice a day. We see each other maybe every 4 mos or so. We love each other and enjoy one another. He is a socialite and retired. I am still working with no chance of retirement for several years. We are committed to one another and love each other. We did part ways last year and after dating another woman he came to realize how much he loved me and wanted me back. We both were in dating relationships that were not working for us. I have a question and need some advice from other women. Maybe I am being unrealistic in this lifetime. He and are on the same page, think alike (most of the time) and enjoy each others companionship. He is 72 and I am 60. He was very much the "lover" when he was young. He and his wife had a very satisfying sexual relationship and even had a "lifestyle" that they enjoyed for many years. I want to get other womens opinions of what they think ... as when he and his buddies get together or he is with family and they go to a bar and he wants to take pictures of other women that he finds sexy and send to his buddy. Or he wants to take his married best friend to the singles bar in an uptown area to oggle the women. I know this is harmless but when I am in a relationship I can appreciate good looking men but I am not interested in them or even desire them. I am not saying he desires them but he did go to some clubs with a younger man and said they went to just chat with the women. I sound jealous and maybe I am but to be honest that is his personality to be outgoing. But I just wonder why he has the desire to be there if he is in love with me. He does socialize with all ages at some in home parties of groups that get together frequently and he tells me how hot some woman and her daughter are. i really don't want to hear. So am I just ridiculous to think like I do. Do other women mind their husbands are boyfriends going out with other men to oogle the women and flirt? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 21, 2016 Share Posted May 21, 2016 I don't mind if my guy looks. Ogling is a different story; that is just rude to me & the other woman. Last year DH & I were in a club. At last call this very drunk woman kept falling out of her shirt. It was hard not to look but I made a comment to my husband about wiping the drool from his chin. He had the good grace to stop staring. The picture thing is creepy. Like a high tech voyeur. OK fine he's a virile guy & you two are in an LDR so he's horney without an outlet but here's a thought -- since you are working & he's not, what exactly is stopping him from coming to you more often then 3x per year? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lois_Griffin Posted May 21, 2016 Share Posted May 21, 2016 Boy is he a walking cliche. The term "dirty old man' never fit better than in this situation. Seriously, WTF is so wrong with this old fool that he takes pictures of strange women in bars and sends them to another dirty old fool to drool over? Sadly, some of them never evolve - and he's one who never will. I've seen sad old guys like this in bars, trying to hit on women 30 and 40 years younger than them. It's pitiful to watch. Quite honestly, I think your 'boyfriend' is doing a lot more than just picture taking. Someone like this is always looking for an opportunity even though most women wouldn't spit on him if he were on fire. I do think there's a little more to this nonsense than you know. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lazcas Posted May 21, 2016 Share Posted May 21, 2016 If he is in a relationship he shouldn't be doing that, and even if he wasn't in a relationship he is acting like a teenager, that's very telling coming from a 70+ year old man. The man is quite creepy and is being disrespectful to you. I doubt any woman would find it normal that their man did those things. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TMichaels Posted May 21, 2016 Share Posted May 21, 2016 (edited) You don't say how far apart you two are in distance, but I find it odd that if he's retired and a socialite, which I assume means he's not wanting for money, that the two of you only see each other every four months. I also think it's interesting, but not surprising, that his attempts at dating other women haven't worked out. Why? Scoping out/photographing "hot women" for his and his buddies' enjoyment isn't just a lark -- it's a fetish -- a life-long compulsion that he can't ignore, won't outgrow, and you or any other woman can't cure or dissuade him from pursuing. Given that, if you're harboring the fantasy that if you two were to become a serious and/or permanent couple he'll no longer have the desire or need to get his jollies "oogling" women, you're barking up the wrong tree. What he needs (and don't we all), is someone who will accept him the way he is. Apparently, his wife did, but my guess is that these other women he's dated didn't, which is why the relationship/s ended. In a way, you've been giving him what he wants/needs. You put up with/tolerate his behavior because you haven't made it an issue. Not only that, you're available anytime he likes via phone, and he's only required to invest in the relationship in person three times a year when no doubt he could afford in terms of time and money much more frequent trips. Nice "job," if you can get it. No wonder he comes back for more. You asked what other women think. NEWSFLASH: It doesn't matter what others think. What matters is whether you are comfortable with this guy's behavior, realize it's non-negotiable, and are certain you can deal with it. Bottom line, no matter how much you may "enjoy" his company, you need to understand he's always been and always will be the way he is and that's not going to change "no matter how much he loves you" or "how upset/inconsequential/inferior/jealous" his behavior makes you feel. Personally, that doesn't sound like a whole lot of fun. But, YOU need to determine how little you are willing to settle for. Oh, and yes... All of this is assuming that this guy is interesting in getting hitched to you. He may not see the need or have the desire, as I have a feeling he's pretty satisfied with how things are right now. So, secondarily, how long are you willing to wait around to learn your fate? Again, only you know your limits. HTH, TMichaels Edited May 21, 2016 by TMichaels 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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