My gf is flirting.... should i be worried?

[deeandme]

So for a bit of a background story, my gf is in her early 20' i am late 20s. We've been dating for 3 years now. Our sex life is amazing and we talk a lot too about almost anything. She hides things for me sometimes which is annoying, but also understandable.

Because of the age difference and because my job requires me to travel a bit we have separate group of friends.

Last week she stayed out till 4am with a group of friends. I now found out that she only stayed with one guy talking and drinking till then. I haven't confronted her and she doesnt know thati know, but i have looked into her convos (yes i know, prob. i shouldn't).

Now she is extremely good looking and has a lot of guys hitting on her. We always make fun of that fact....

Her not saying anything is the first red flag.

In convos with this dude she always mentions me and keeps on receiving compliments which she replies back too with "blusj" or other emoticons.

To her best friend she said they stayed last qt the bar till 4 am and talked and drinked.

The next day she mentions that he is super hot but "just wants to **** me" and that "i have a dick at home" (more jokingly than anything)

Now she chats him up everyday... Arranging to meet nex week.

So question is... Should i be worried about her activity?

 

Please give me an advice... not sure i want to discuss this with any of my friends...

[Emilia]

I wouldn't date anyone like that. As soon as I found out that a guy I was sleeping with was drinking and flirting with another woman, doing emoticons and calling me the 'vagina at home', his feet wouldn't touch the ground. No debate just launch.

 

No thanks, I can do better.

 

I'm assuming this thread wouldn't even exist if she wasn't so pretty.

[Jabron1]

Her behaviour is obviously bullsh*t. You don't need me to tell you that.

 

She's putting you in the position where you either need to stop taking her and the relationship seriously (just treat it like entertainment and sex - no attachments), or you need to become the "jealous boyfriend" and tell her to cut it out.

 

It's up to you what you do. But sitting back while some guy takes your girlfriend out alone until 4 AM, and openly wants to bone her would be completely foolish.

 

I'm assuming this thread wouldn't even exist if she wasn't so pretty.

 

Quoted for truth.

[deeandme]

Her choice of words doesn't bother me. In fact it is something I would say too as I have that sense of humour.

That being said she has other qualities too I haven't met before such as caring, smart, outgoing (maybe too outgoing ) and loving . Until now I haven't had many issues to complain about. I am more worried about her curiosity. How much flirting is too much flirting? What is the line one should not cross? Will/has she cross it?

[Emilia]

I think her choice of words SHOULD worry you. While we can all joke about our other half, respect is very important

 

I don't know OP, at what point do you feel that your girlfriend has crossed the line while out with a guy until 4am and texting regularly? When she sleeps with him?

[Emilia]

I suppose the point to add - considering that you are still very young - is that people who cheat tend to be the ones that easily succumb to flattery. This is why younger women tend to be more susceptible to this sort of thing. I do reckon yes that your girlfriend will cheat on you. She has already arranged a date with him. I don't understand what else you need to know. Clearly she highly values external validation.

[ExpatInItaly]

Yes, you should be worried.

 

Take it from a woman who was once a young, immature girl behaving the way she is now. It's not heading in a good direction.

[Jabron1]

What is the line one should not cross? Will/has she cross it?

 

Just looking over your stuff again:

 

- Staying out all night drinking with a guy

- Lying about it, and telling you she was with a group of people

- Not backing away from him when he has shown clear sexual interest

- Keeping regular and flirty text communication

- Telling you that she finds him attractive

- Planning more dates with him

 

"Should you be worried?" 100% yes.

[TaraMaiden2]

She's not 'fully cooked' yet.

 

Expect rampant disrespect and wanton behaviour for at least another 5 years.

After which (if she hasn't done so already) she will ditch you for a more suitable and 'currently-relevant' model.

You'll be too old for her, you see......

[vanhalenfan]

Yes, you should be 100% worried. If I were you, she would have already received her walking papers.

[Jabron1]

She's not 'fully cooked' yet.

 

Expect rampant disrespect and wanton behaviour for at least another 5 years.

After which (if she hasn't done so already) she will ditch you for a more suitable and 'currently-relevant' model.

You'll be too old for her, you see......

 

Eh, women are hypergamous. They care about how a man fits their life at that particular moment.

 

Not worth worrying about that too much. OP should be more concerned with what he wants out of this: which is typically sex with an attractive girl, with as little bullsh*t as possible.

 

She's bringing too much bullsh*t into his life, so he'll have to do something about that.

[TaraMaiden2]

Eh, women are hypergamous. They care about how a man fits their life at that particular moment.

That's not what 'Hypergamous' means.

 

Hypergamy is a term used in social science for the act or practice of a woman marrying a man of higher caste or social status than herself.

 

Not worth worrying about that too much. OP should be more concerned with what he wants out of this: which is typically sex with an attractive girl, with as little bullsh*t as possible.

I think you insult the guy if you imply he's only dating her for no-hassle-sex....

 

She's bringing too much bullsh*t into his life, so he'll have to do something about that.

The best thing to do, is nothing at all. See how long it takes her to notice he's dropped off the radar.....

[jen1447]

So question is... Should i be worried about her activity?

 

Another way to look at it - should you be worried about his activity? I mean, what's this guy trying to do if not take your GF away from you?

[smackie9]

She's young, and young girls love attention. She is just sucking it all up, but keeping this joker at arms length. Spending a lot of time chatting and meeting one on one isn't appropriate and should be addressed. But to expect her to completely abstain from socializing with the opposite sex is unrealistic.

 

All you have to do is discuss boundaries for the both of you, and it must be fair.

[Poutrew]

You need to prepare for the worst case. If you confront her, she will eventually admit that she, in some way, isn't that into you anymore, or that the passion or excitement are just not there. She will want 'a break'. Now at this point you can do one of two things - whine and cry about how much you love her, and tell her how far you will bend over backwards to make her happy, or you can preserve your dignity and just cut her loose with a "hey, no prob. It was good while it lasted. Have a happy life - see ya on the flip side." Then go NC on her. One way will just annoy her and make her disrespect you and the other way will perhaps wake her up to what she is going to loose - wanna bet which way is which?

 

My take on the cheating GF scenario is a bit different than most. This has happened to me in the past (was that so hard to guess?). Recognizing that the relationship had run its course, I didn't say anything. I let her fall for the other man, and eventually we did break up. Until then, I just used her for sexual release and a good time (although she was curious why I suddenly started using condoms ). Meanwhile I was lining up my next GF, and when I was ready, I confronted her and ended it. Then I moved right on to the other girl with a clear conscience. Yeah, I was pretty cold in those days...

[deeandme]

Thank you all for your responses. I appreciate all your feedback.

Let me explain something further:

She was out with a group of friends, they all left at one point and they just stayed there together.

She and i go out... it is not uncommon for us to do that. She and i go out with ppl of opposite sex. I stayed quite a few times with girls from work out. We are social people.

 

Yes, her age is what i worry. My ex cheated on me after 5 years together, so there is a sensitivity there...

 

We live together for the last 2 and a bit. We never had any issues, we get along great. To break up with her or even mention it just because of that is not really feasible. Staying aware is, and if it gets worse than maybe.

 

She is still a student, the guy is too.

 

That all being said, what is the line that i should worry about?

[Space Ritual]

Her being in contact with this guy is pretty telling.

 

Be prepared to hear soon that maybe you two want different things. Or perhaps that you are away too much and she is unsure about her future.

 

Then....

 

around the Fourth of July.... The dreaded "ILYBINILWY" speech.

 

"I love you, but I'm not in love with you".

 

Young man, you've had it. She is enamored with Mr. Super Hot so you are in a pickle.

 

You probably want to sit back and gather evidence if you can. I know that is easier said than done. You'll know something is up if she has her hand glued to the phone, deletes browsing history, has more frequent trips to the same place on GNO or takes the phone with her when she takes a dump.

 

It will probably happen sooner rather than later if it already hasn't.

 

I don't envy you, but I certainly would not put up with it. You already know what it feels like to be cheated on after a long term relationship. Your gut is screaming.

 

If I were you I would reconsider the relationship. I don't care how good looking somebody is or how long I've been with them. If they start acting like this they can do it with somebody else.

 

Good Luck.

[deeandme]

I wonder if you guys are so strict if you have relationships.

First, i honestly am not that desperate. I never clinged on to someone. I have never had problems dating women, especially not god looking ones. The trouble is always finding ones that you can have something more than a physical attraction too. With her i have both, she is amazing.

This guy is not someone i am jealous on.

Yesterday when we went out she told me that there is a guy that likes her. I didnt ask for that info but she shared it. She didn't understand why and i felt like telling her that she is guilty of leading him on too, but prefdred not to say anything. She is also in a career path that requires constant networking, so she cant just shun hjm off.

That means i will keep on monitoring the situation, raised some flags, but from there to unleashing apocalypse is a loooong way!

[TaraMaiden2]

It will be most interesting to see just how this 'thing' develops.

Please keep us posted....

[ExpatInItaly]

I wonder if you guys are so strict if you have relationships.

First, i honestly am not that desperate. I never clinged on to someone. I have never had problems dating women, especially not god looking ones. The trouble is always finding ones that you can have something more than a physical attraction too. With her i have both, she is amazing.

This guy is not someone i am jealous on.

Yesterday when we went out she told me that there is a guy that likes her. I didnt ask for that info but she shared it. She didn't understand why and i felt like telling her that she is guilty of leading him on too, but prefdred not to say anything. She is also in a career path that requires constant networking, so she cant just shun hjm off.

That means i will keep on monitoring the situation, raised some flags, but from there to unleashing apocalypse is a loooong way!

 

It's that she is planning to spend time alone with him after knowing he wants her. And she didn't tell you. And she continues to engage with him. What she's doing with this guy is not networking. Come on, surely you don't actually believe that theory! I don't know about you, but I certainly don't "network" with men who want to sleep with me. That's not what's going on here.

 

You can justify and back-pedal all you want. But you know something's not smelling right here, or you wouldn't have needed to post about it. This flip-flopping suggests you didn't like what you heard here. Fair enough. It happens when your suspicions are validated.

 

But hey - if you're not worried anymore, proceed. Only you can decide if this is something to be worried about. Good luck to you moving forward.

 

EDIT: You mentioned in your first post you travel for work - how often are you gone, and for how long at a time?

Edited May 22, 2016 by ExpatInItaly

[Jabron1]

It never ceases to amaze me how much certain guys can delude themselves when they are getting a hot girl on the regular.

 

She lacks (doesn't care enough to have) the capacity to behave decently.

 

You lack hand in this relationship to do anything about it.

 

You can 'monitor' all you like. It doesn't take Colombo to figure out what's going on.

Edited May 22, 2016 by Jabron1

[Emilia]

Thank you all for your responses. I appreciate all your feedback.

Let me explain something further:

She was out with a group of friends, they all left at one point and they just stayed there together.

She and i go out... it is not uncommon for us to do that. She and i go out with ppl of opposite sex. I stayed quite a few times with girls from work out. We are social people.

People who have been telling you that you will have problems down the line have life experience. We go out and socialise, don't chain our other halves to the bed when we go out to work, don't delude yourself that your relationship is somehow special. I have a lot of male friends because of the interests I have (boxing, rugby, lifting, etc) and I can tell you that your girlfriend isn't behaving the way a woman/girl with good boundaries should. I don't text to my male friends, especially NOT when I'm in relationship. I don't blow their phone up either.

I wonder if you guys are so strict if you have relationships.

First, i honestly am not that desperate. I never clinged on to someone. I have never had problems dating women, especially not god looking ones. The trouble is always finding ones that you can have something more than a physical attraction too. With her i have both, she is amazing.

This guy is not someone i am jealous on.

Yesterday when we went out she told me that there is a guy that likes her. I didnt ask for that info but she shared it. She didn't understand why and i felt like telling her that she is guilty of leading him on too, but prefdred not to say anything. She is also in a career path that requires constant networking, so she cant just shun hjm off.

That means i will keep on monitoring the situation, raised some flags, but from there to unleashing apocalypse is a loooong way!

I think you are blind to what is happening and I hate to tell you but people that are on the sort of career path that require a lot of networking tend to be the more outgoing types and in my experience they also cheat more. I've worked with sales guys for many years, I'd say the proportion of cheaters among them is higher than the average male population and they are full of ****, I'd never date one.

 

So I guess many of us here who are also older than you are more strict when it comes to picking people for relationships. If you go by looks - which appears to be your case - you invite **** into your life. I thought this is something you would have learned by now after having a cheating previous girlfriend?

[jen1447]

As a man, we can't really concern ourselves with what other guys are trying to do. Pretty much any girl we date is going to have guys trying to bone her, no matter what she looks like. Men just have to accept that fact of life. If our woman is worth a crap, she will handle those guys in an appropriate manner. The girl the OP is dating has shown she is not worth much, and is encouraging this other guy to try and hook up with her. Just another undateable person, no biggie.

 

I was making the point that if he can't see clearly and equivocates looking at it from his GF's PoV, it should be unmistakable what's going on looking at it from the guy's.

[deeandme]

Hey guys!

I get it, people tell me to throw her under the bus.

I will wait and see what develops. She hasn't talked to him for 5 days. If she flirted a bit, that is something i can accept. I will not be able to accept more than flirting.

 

I care deeply about her and in 3 years we get along great.

I had relationship with self righteous women, women who don't know how to cook or clean. Have been extremely dirty, women that saw sex as something they had to do rather than what makes a relationship and their man happy.

We have sex 2 times a day on average abd that is after 3 years together. Not a lot of people can say that about theirs.

So yes, she can do all of that which i value a lot more than a feminist who never shaves because she has something to proove. That being said, we all flirt, this is not the problem. The problem is the boundry which she is edging on!

[Space Ritual]

She is also in a career path that requires constant networking, so she cant just shun him off.

 

Yes she can. She can keep it professional but in this case it's far from it.

 

Listen up man, when she TELLS you there is someone that likes her she is sending you a hint.

 

And that hint is you better get your ducks in a row or she will be networking her legs around his neck.

 

You need to shut this little infatuation she has down on her and fast. I still stand by my original advice, even moreso now that she TOLD you there is someone that likes her. Because she likes him too.

 

Have a convo with her and remind her what you expect boundary wise.