My gf is flirting.... should i be worried?

[deeandme]

Yes she can. She can keep it professional but in this case it's far from it.

 

Listen up man, when she TELLS you there is someone that likes her she is sending you a hint.

 

And that hint is you better get your ducks in a row or she will be networking her legs around his neck.

 

You need to shut this little infatuation she has down on her and fast. I still stand by my original advice, even moreso now that she TOLD you there is someone that likes her. Because she likes him too.

 

Have a convo with her and remind her what you expect boundary wise.

 

Thanks for what has been the best piece of advice so far. So you are aaying i ahould find a way to confront her....

I was thinking that if i influence her in any way i A)give her hints i am monitoring her and B)influence her and she might not do it now, but in the future she might do something with another guy...

Isn't it best t leave it the way it is and see what develops?

If she goes forward than i show her the door.... if she finds excuses not to go out with him, then all it was was just some innocent flirting (which i do sometimes too)

[Space Ritual]

I had relationship with self righteous women, women who don't know how to cook or clean.

 

:eek::eek::eek::eek::eek:

 

Oh hell. I sure hope you have a positive spin for this when the ladies read this.

[TaraMaiden2]

In my opinion you're 'pussyfooting' too gingerly.

 

You need to bring up the kind of conversation that leads to you declaring you find flirting fun, but cheating unacceptable.

 

It's all very well batting your eye lashes, but there are limits. And you don't take kindly to anyone breaking them.

[TaraMaiden2]

:eek::eek::eek::eek::eek:

 

Oh hell. I sure hope you have a positive spin for this when the ladies read this.

 

You'll be very glad to know I chose to ignore this comment, because had I not, I wouldn't be posting now.

It's the kind of crass and sexist comment mostly made by those who don't know any better, and are actually less experienced with dating 'the modern woman' than they'd have you believe....

 

Hence his apparent reticence to deal with a situation he's unsure of, but we can see is as plain as the nose on his face will lead to 'tears before bed time'....

[Space Ritual]

Thanks for what has been the best piece of advice so far. So you are aaying i ahould find a way to confront her....

I was thinking that if i influence her in any way i A)give her hints i am monitoring her and B)influence her and she might not do it now, but in the future she might do something with another guy...

Isn't it best t leave it the way it is and see what develops?

If she goes forward than i show her the door.... if she finds excuses not to go out with him, then all it was was just some innocent flirting (which i do sometimes too)

 

Be honest with her. Tell her that this situation makes you uncomfortable. Then her actions afterwards will tell you all you need to know.

 

Remember, words are cheap. Actions will speak louder. If you let her know what is acceptable to you and she does totally discounts your feelings through actions, you know where your relationship stands.

[Art.at.Heart]

Hey guys!

I get it, people tell me to throw her under the bus.

I will wait and see what develops. She hasn't talked to him for 5 days. If she flirted a bit, that is something i can accept. I will not be able to accept more than flirting.

 

I care deeply about her and in 3 years we get along great.

I had relationship with self righteous women, women who don't know how to cook or clean. Have been extremely dirty, women that saw sex as something they had to do rather than what makes a relationship and their man happy.

We have sex 2 times a day on average abd that is after 3 years together. Not a lot of people can say that about theirs.

So yes, she can do all of that which i value a lot more than a feminist who never shaves because she has something to proove. That being said, we all flirt, this is not the problem. The problem is the boundry which she is edging on!

I think you have another problem on your hands. You're afraid. All that stuff you've listed about her in this thread kind of exposes that. You have someone that you've latched onto throughout these past 3 years and you're afraid of letting that go. So, you move the goal posts a little but. You started out saying:

I am more worried about her curiosity. How much flirting is too much flirting? What is the line one should not cross? Will/has she cross it?

to now saying:

That being said, we all flirt, this is not the problem.

See what I'm saying here?

 

I'm not attacking you because I've been there. Dated a girl who was a serial flirt and did things that, looking back on it, I can't believe didn't result in me walking away. At the time, I did the same thing you did. "We all flirt", "we all like attention", "sometimes it's hard to tell if someone wants more than a friendship", etc. I did this because, like you, I was afraid I couldn't find someone else like her. Well, months later, I've found someone better. You will too. Unfortunately, this may be one of those situations where you're not going to entertain advice that revolves around you breaking up with her. I get that. It seems like something more and more guys are going through lately.

[Poutrew]

At the very least, there is a serious lack of communication in this relationship. Let me tell you a story: My dad was in the commercial radio broadcasting industry : Mainly sales and promotion in radio stations. Before he married my mom, they had a serious talk concerning boundaries. He explained that due to the nature of his business, there will be pretty girls all around him and there will be pictures taken of him with sexy famous women. But, that it was only for show. (I have a pic of my dad massaging Ann Francis' bare ankle because she sprained it while walking on uneven ground). My dad and another sales rep were having lunch at the MGM commissary with a talent agent one day (this was the early 1960's) and ogling the various stars that would come in for lunch because they were still working and dressed in costume - my dad commented on how freckled Marilyn Monroe's chest really was in real life under the makeup. Back at the guy's office, he offered my dad and his associate a large book and it was filed with the names of various actors & actresses both famous and not. Monroe's name was in there. He told the two men that they could pick any name in that book and he would see that the actress would be at their hotel room tonight...That's right. It was the famous "Black Book". My dad turned down the offer ( never did find out if the other guy did as well).

 

When my dad got home, he promptly told my mom the ENTIRE story and they both had a good laugh over it. It became part of the family canon, along with the corollary: just about every star you see in a 1950's - 1960's movie was a prostitute. They were all high class whores who got to the top by sleeping their way there...

 

See the difference between your situation and my dads? There was open honest communication between my parents - they could tell each other anything and each implicitly trusted the other. There is neither honest communication nor trust in what you have described your relationship to be - only 'hot sex' with a bombshell... your woman is untrustworthy and you will eventually come to that realization, probably after some heartache...

Edited May 22, 2016 by Poutrew

[deeandme]

You'll be very glad to know I chose to ignore this comment, because had I not, I wouldn't be posting now.

It's the kind of crass and sexist comment mostly made by those who don't know any better, and are actually less experienced with dating 'the modern woman' than they'd have you believe....

 

Hence his apparent reticence to deal with a situation he's unsure of, but we can see is as plain as the nose on his face will lead to 'tears before bed time'....

 

Sorry, I did not mean it as a sexist manly comment. I cook and clean myself. I am a neat person and expect the same from my partner. That being said I despise women that cannot do that or men that don't know what an allen key is. If you feel offended by it, so be it. There is a place for everyone in this world and men that value other things as well!

[deeandme]

You'll be very glad to know I chose to ignore this comment, because had I not, I wouldn't be posting now.

It's the kind of crass and sexist comment mostly made by those who don't know any better, and are actually less experienced with dating 'the modern woman' than they'd have you believe....

 

Hence his apparent reticence to deal with a situation he's unsure of, but we can see is as plain as the nose on his face will lead to 'tears before bed time'....

 

I think you have another problem on your hands. You're afraid. All that stuff you've listed about her in this thread kind of exposes that. You have someone that you've latched onto throughout these past 3 years and you're afraid of letting that go. So, you move the goal posts a little but. You started out saying:

 

to now saying:

 

See what I'm saying here?

 

I'm not attacking you because I've been there. Dated a girl who was a serial flirt and did things that, looking back on it, I can't believe didn't result in me walking away. At the time, I did the same thing you did. "We all flirt", "we all like attention", "sometimes it's hard to tell if someone wants more than a friendship", etc. I did this because, like you, I was afraid I couldn't find someone else like her. Well, months later, I've found someone better. You will too. Unfortunately, this may be one of those situations where you're not going to entertain advice that revolves around you breaking up with her. I get that. It seems like something more and more guys are going through lately.

Don't mean to defend anything and I appreciate your comment. My initial opinion still stands. How much flirting is too much (hence more than flirting). Flirting is ok... too much (crossing the boundry) is too much.

Seems to me ppl here are quick to draw conclusions. I guess that is normal when all you have to go with is a few posts.

I am learning that people in this forum must be living in an ideal world where everything is textbook.

Life is complicated, people too. I am satisfied with the end result as long as it was still just that.

We communicate a lot.

We have sex a lot.

We get along great.

We both are good looking

 

If she does more with this guy then the above changes. Till then I believe too be ok

[Art.at.Heart]

Don't mean to defend anything and I appreciate your comment. My initial opinion still stands. How much flirting is too much (hence more than flirting). Flirting is ok... too much (crossing the boundry) is too much.

Seems to me ppl here are quick to draw conclusions. I guess that is normal when all you have to go with is a few posts.

I am learning that people in this forum must be living in an ideal world where everything is textbook.

Life is complicated, people too. I am satisfied with the end result as long as it was still just that.

We communicate a lot.

We have sex a lot.

We get along great.

We both are good looking

 

If she does more with this guy then the above changes. Till then I believe too be ok

No offense but then why ask "how much flirting is too much" as if there were a textbook answer?

 

The point where it becomes too much is determined by yourself, your partner, and the relationship boundaries the two of you set.

[Emilia]

Till then I believe too be ok

Ok then we will see your threads on Loveshack in a couple of years when you post about how all women are b**ches because they all cheat and people explaining to you that you don't know how to pick them.

 

Until then, good luck.

[deeandme]

No offense but then why ask "how much flirting is too much" as if there were a textbook answer?

 

The point where it becomes too much is determined by yourself, your partner, and the relationship boundaries the two of you set.

 

Well that is exactly why I ask?

I wanted others opinion on the matter.

Seems to me that people on this forum do not tolerate any type of flirting.

And if that is true you are either the most antisocial person ever or so ugly that people question the sex you where born with.

 

Dissapointed a bit in the answers. But to each their own!

[jen1447]

Well that is exactly why I ask?

I wanted others opinion on the matter.

Seems to me that people on this forum do not tolerate any type of flirting.

And if that is true you are either the most antisocial person ever or so ugly that people question the sex you where born with.

 

Dissapointed a bit in the answers. But to each their own!

 

Did you come here to get honest feedback or to argue some preconceived notion? I don't think anyone begrudges you your own opinion - obvs you're gonna do what you want no matter what we say - but it's a bit puzzling why you asked for other opinions if you don't want them.

 

Usually when ppl post advice or question threads, they take all the answers into account appreciatively, even if they disagree with them, not immediately get defensive.

 

If you came here to argue a point under the guise of asking a question, that tells me you're not convinced yourself yet of the point you're arguing.

[Zahara]

Well that is exactly why I ask?

I wanted others opinion on the matter.

Seems to me that people on this forum do not tolerate any type of flirting.

And if that is true you are either the most antisocial person ever or so ugly that people question the sex you where born with.

 

Dissapointed a bit in the answers. But to each their own!

 

This isn't innocent flirting. There are plans to meet up with this guy. A guy she finds attractive, a guy she loves flirting with and a guy that she enjoys hanging out with.

 

You came here wanting to hear what you wanted to hear and when you received unanimously opposing opinions, you are now disappointed. If something wasn't eating at your gut, you would have never posted on LS. Deep down you know there's something wrong.

 

You'll probably learn the hard way. Good luck.

[ExpatInItaly]

This isn't innocent flirting. There are plans to meet up with this guy. A guy she finds attractive, a guy she loves flirting with and a guy that she enjoys hanging out with.

You came here wanting to hear what you wanted to hear and when you received unanimously opposing opinions, you are now disappointed. If something wasn't eating at your gut, you would have never posted on LS. Deep down you know there's something wrong.

 

You'll probably learn the hard way. Good luck.

 

Exactly this.

 

Flirty banter is one thing. She is taking it a step further, which could be a very slippery slope. It's not just flirting at that point.

 

None of us can tell you where to draw the line, OP. I can only tell you it smells bad, and I'm speaking from experience of having done something similar to her in my younger and immature years.

 

I know you don't want to hear it, but you obviously aren't fine with what she's doing or you wouldn't have come here at all. Being defensive won't help your relationship.

[deeandme]

You guys are right. I have left for the week for work and will see what she says/does.

[ExpatInItaly]

You guys are right. I have left for the week for work and will see what she says/does.

 

Do you travel frequently for work, OP?

 

(sorry if I missed your answer to that question previously)

[deeandme]

Do you travel frequently for work, OP?

 

(sorry if I missed your answer to that question previously)

 

I do, a week a month, sometimea even 2.

[TaraMaiden2]

I do, a week a month, sometimea even 2.

 

Whoop whoop! When the Cat's away.....!

[ExpatInItaly]

I do, a week a month, sometimea even 2.

 

Was she planning to meet him again while you are gone?

[deeandme]

Was she planning to meet him again while you are gone?

 

She didn't plana specific date. But when he asked her if they can meet again she said whenever you are free

[Emilia]

She didn't plana specific date. But when he asked her if they can meet again she said whenever you are free

That's very keen. You are being very foolish OP by tolerating this. Very.

[deeandme]

That's very keen. You are being very foolish OP by tolerating this. Very.

 

Well i am not, i have posted on here and i am monitoring her conversations without her knowing. If it escalates than i wont tolerate of course, if she backs down then we might as well delete this thread.

[Cherryz]

You know its not right thats why you open this topic.

 

She is all over the place. And enjoy inappropriate conversations with men.

 

You need to adress this and tell her that its disrespectful to you.

 

The reason you shouldn't be like this with others is because this is what open doors to

much more.

Flirting is for singles that try to have a partner.

You cant have a gf/bf and flirt for fun.

 

Beside what she is doing is beyond flirting its just so messy!

[Art.at.Heart]

Well i am not, i have posted on here and i am monitoring her conversations without her knowing. If it escalates than i wont tolerate of course, if she backs down then we might as well delete this thread.

But why? Why keep quiet about something you have a problem with and instead choose to wait for her to do something you'd have an even bigger problem with? That's like a prison monitoring an inmates mail and reading how he's planning to kill the warded and the prison decides to wait to see if he'll actually do it instead of stopping it at that moment.

 

I'm not telling you to end the relationship (even though I think you should) but you should communicate with her about an issue you already feel uncomfortable about enough to monitor her conversations.