thefooloftheyear Posted May 29, 2016 Share Posted May 29, 2016 Here is how the dynamic plays out... When women are young and have many options, the nice guy looks weak and unattractive when measured against the cocky and confident guy who may be a bit of a douche... As women age, and their options may dwindle, they look to the nice guy as an option or a haven.......But by then most of those nice guys have turned sour and cynical from the shyt treatment they got in the past..... ' ..........And the wheels on the bus go round and round...... TFY 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted May 29, 2016 Share Posted May 29, 2016 I am nice and fiercely loyal to those I care about. I would take a bullet for those I love but people have to earn that position and it's not easy and it they can lose it if they abuse my kindness or take it for a weakness. If a woman views being treated well as some kind of weakness or sees some ulterior motive behind it then she is not good relationship material and you shouldn't want her in your life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jay1983 Posted May 29, 2016 Share Posted May 29, 2016 I'm afraid it is more than enough criteria for a woman to lose interest. The first thing I learned about dating when I was younger, which still holds true for me today, is that the best way to get or keep a woman interested is to act aloof. Being too nice, doing her favors, being too complimentary, all bad things in most cases. Here is some evidence to back up my case. A guy trying to be nice and give someone furniture makes a woman think these things of him. :lmao: Link to post Share on other sites
LookAtThisPOst Posted May 29, 2016 Share Posted May 29, 2016 I am nice and fiercely loyal to those I care about. I would take a bullet for those I love but people have to earn that position and it's not easy and it they can lose it if they abuse my kindness or take it for a weakness. If a woman views being treated well as some kind of weakness or sees some ulterior motive behind it then she is not good relationship material and you shouldn't want her in your life. Exactly. This explains why the divorce rate is so high and relationships short lived. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted May 30, 2016 Share Posted May 30, 2016 We pulled out the old classic "Pretty in Pink" last night and it gave a perfect summary of how the average woman thinks. Andie (Molly Ringwald) - cute 'girl next door' type Duckie (John Cryer) - average looks, slightly nutty 'nice guy' who loves Andie (Andie even says he is a nice guy) Blane (Andrew McCarthy) - slightly above average looks, also interested in Andie. Wealthy, but doesn't show it off and has good social skills. Steff (James Spader) - also interested in Andie. He's sauve, really good looking, show off rich, total douche. I will give no spoilers, but the ending of the movie really does reflect how the average girl thinks. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PrettyEmily77 Posted May 30, 2016 Share Posted May 30, 2016 (edited) I'm afraid it is more than enough criteria for a woman to lose interest. The first thing I learned about dating when I was younger, which still holds true for me today, is that the best way to get or keep a woman interested is to act aloof. Being too nice, doing her favors, being too complimentary, all bad things in most cases. Here is some evidence to back up my case. A guy trying to be nice and give someone furniture makes a woman think these things of him. Well yeah, if he's trying to be 'nice' to get in her pants, that's not going to work, is it... I don't know if I'm really lucky but SO is really, really, really 'nice' (without trying, you know, just naturally genuinely 'nice') on top of another million qualities that made me fall for him. Do you see the difference? That is the case for more or less ALL the successful guys I know - yes, I also do know the occasional very above-average looking guys with the good career and stuff who can't do no wrong at the beginning but 1. one of them is incapable of sustaining a long-term relationship on the basis that, you know, he's not 'nice' and 2. the other one is actually 'nice'... If 'trying to be nice' is all the guy has, you have an issue. 'Acting aloof' might get you a certain type of girl in bed for a certain period of time, but even she is going to go once she discovers that your aloofness is an act. Point not proven, I'm afraid (a random quote does not evidence make ) Edited May 30, 2016 by PrettyEmily77 Link to post Share on other sites
jay1983 Posted May 30, 2016 Share Posted May 30, 2016 Well yeah, if he's trying to be 'nice' to get in her pants, that's not going to work, is it... I don't know if I'm really lucky but SO is really, really, really 'nice' (without trying, you know, just naturally genuinely 'nice') on top of another million qualities that made me fall for him. Do you see the difference? That is the case for more or less ALL the successful guys I know - yes, I also do know the occasional very above-average looking guys with the good career and stuff who can't do no wrong at the beginning but 1. one of them is incapable of sustaining a long-term relationship on the basis that, you know, he's not 'nice' and 2. the other one is actually 'nice'... If 'trying to be nice' is all the guy has, you have an issue. 'Acting aloof' might get you a certain type of girl in bed for a certain period of time, but even she is going to go once she discovers that your aloofness is an act. Point not proven, I'm afraid (a random quote does not evidence make ) Not all you girls have great detective skills, even some of the brighter gals I know talk a big game, but when it comes down are easily manipulated. I even just spoke with a buddy on the very subject 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PrettyEmily77 Posted May 30, 2016 Share Posted May 30, 2016 We pulled out the old classic "Pretty in Pink" last night and it gave a perfect summary of how the average woman thinks. Andie (Molly Ringwald) - cute 'girl next door' type Duckie (John Cryer) - average looks, slightly nutty 'nice guy' who loves Andie (Andie even says he is a nice guy) Blane (Andrew McCarthy) - slightly above average looks, also interested in Andie. Wealthy, but doesn't show it off and has good social skills. Steff (James Spader) - also interested in Andie. He's sauve, really good looking, show off rich, total douche. I will give no spoilers, but the ending of the movie really does reflect how the average girl thinks. Not having seen the film, I think it would be so unfair / a total travesty of justice / so unfair / typical of every woman / so unfair if she didn't go for the Duckie character - she HAS to go for him because, you know, otherwise it's just not fair... 4 Link to post Share on other sites
PrettyEmily77 Posted May 30, 2016 Share Posted May 30, 2016 Not all you girls have great detective skills, even some of the brighter gals I know talk a big game, but when it comes down are easily manipulated. I even just spoke with a buddy on the very subject Easily manipulated by whom? For how long? I don't know Jay, but I really don't think that the world of men can be so neatly divided into poor unsuccessful 'nice' guys and manipulative jerks. I've had my fair share of drama in past relationships, none of them involving the fact the guys were 'too nice'. Link to post Share on other sites
jay1983 Posted May 30, 2016 Share Posted May 30, 2016 Easily manipulated by whom? For how long? I don't know Jay, but I really don't think that the world of men can be so neatly divided into poor unsuccessful 'nice' guys and manipulative jerks. I've had my fair share of drama in past relationships, none of them involving the fact the guys were 'too nice'. Yeah yeah, I understand what you're saying, I even wrote something similar a few pages ago, I was just talking about that particular thing. Link to post Share on other sites
fands Posted May 30, 2016 Share Posted May 30, 2016 I always thought that nice guys finish last referred to their insistence on letting the female climax first. So basically the honourable thing is to keep going until she's begging you to stop. And the begging thing basically tips the nice guys over the edge and they finish. Last, that is. Link to post Share on other sites
jay1983 Posted May 30, 2016 Share Posted May 30, 2016 I always found that nice guys don't finish last..... they finish in the shower. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
PrettyEmily77 Posted May 30, 2016 Share Posted May 30, 2016 My experience has not been the same as yours. My dating experience has shown me that the hardest part is the initial period where you have to get a girl's attention. The rest kinda falls into place. Getting her attention by doing her favors, being nice, giving out too many compliments, doesn't seem to work. That just lands a guy in the "he's so nice" zone. Just where zero men want to be. Being myself, eliminating all of the things I just mentioned, and acting aloof, which isn't really an act for me, that leads to getting a date. Getting that first date is a big step, because at least a guy has a shot. What would you rather a guy do to get into a woman's pants? I can assure you, when men see an attractive woman, having sex with her is pretty high on our priority list, nice guy or no. Me, I find it very telling that many women prefer a guy not seduce her by being nice, handing her compliments, or doing her favors. So your experience has taught you that being yourself is better than acting nice, which is exactly what most of the women I know find most attractive - a man who can be himself with zero expectations or game-playing, because acting 'nice' is also playing a game that is totally unsustainable long-term. 'Being nice' shouldn't be a seduction technique - if it's who you are naturally, it'll eventually shine through and be one of the things your lady will like about you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
LookAtThisPOst Posted May 31, 2016 Share Posted May 31, 2016 Ever noticed on pretty much any message board that discusses "nice guys", they can go on for pages and PAGES?! Wonder why that is? Link to post Share on other sites
scorpiogirl Posted May 31, 2016 Share Posted May 31, 2016 We pulled out the old classic "Pretty in Pink" last night and it gave a perfect summary of how the average woman thinks. Andie (Molly Ringwald) - cute 'girl next door' type Duckie (John Cryer) - average looks, slightly nutty 'nice guy' who loves Andie (Andie even says he is a nice guy) Blane (Andrew McCarthy) - slightly above average looks, also interested in Andie. Wealthy, but doesn't show it off and has good social skills. Steff (James Spader) - also interested in Andie. He's sauve, really good looking, show off rich, total douche. I will give no spoilers, but the ending of the movie really does reflect how the average girl thinks. My sister and I love this movie Link to post Share on other sites
scorpiogirl Posted May 31, 2016 Share Posted May 31, 2016 My sister's husband is a genuinely nice guy. He's thoughtful, he's kind, he respects her opinion, there isn't a hint of A-hole in him. They have a very equal relationship. He's a high ranking naval office, but you'd never know it to look at him. He's down-to-earth. My mother is going through chemotherapy right now and he checks on her without my sister even knowing so it's not done out of obligation. I recently lost a parent, and I'm in another country. He called me because it was 3 am here and he knew I was alone. My sister was making travel arrangements in the next room. I couldn't do anything till morning. He stayed on the phone with me till he knew I'd be relatively ok. This is a nice guy. And this nice guy didn't finish last. He does things without the expectation of something in return. He's one of the best men I know. And I'm thankful my sister found him- a truly, genuine nice guy. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ZA Dater Posted May 31, 2016 Share Posted May 31, 2016 My sister's husband is a genuinely nice guy. He's thoughtful, he's kind, he respects her opinion, there isn't a hint of A-hole in him. They have a very equal relationship. He's a high ranking naval office, but you'd never know it to look at him. He's down-to-earth. My mother is going through chemotherapy right now and he checks on her without my sister even knowing so it's not done out of obligation. I recently lost a parent, and I'm in another country. He called me because it was 3 am here and he knew I was alone. My sister was making travel arrangements in the next room. I couldn't do anything till morning. He stayed on the phone with me till he knew I'd be relatively ok. This is a nice guy. And this nice guy didn't finish last. He does things without the expectation of something in return. He's one of the best men I know. And I'm thankful my sister found him- a truly, genuine nice guy. Sorry to hear of your loss. The bold part is for me the vital part in this discussion, genuinely nice guys do things without expecting anything. That's the key, anyone can be nice but a genuinely nice person just does things because they want to without expectation. I live my life this way, sure you get used sometimes but at the end of the day like the above you are just being the best person you can be and being there for others. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
deep_night Posted May 31, 2016 Share Posted May 31, 2016 My sister's husband is a genuinely nice guy. He's thoughtful, he's kind, he respects her opinion, there isn't a hint of A-hole in him. They have a very equal relationship. He's a high ranking naval office, but you'd never know it to look at him. He's down-to-earth. My mother is going through chemotherapy right now and he checks on her without my sister even knowing so it's not done out of obligation. I recently lost a parent, and I'm in another country. He called me because it was 3 am here and he knew I was alone. My sister was making travel arrangements in the next room. I couldn't do anything till morning. He stayed on the phone with me till he knew I'd be relatively ok. This is a nice guy. And this nice guy didn't finish last. He does things without the expectation of something in return. He's one of the best men I know. And I'm thankful my sister found him- a truly, genuine nice guy. im also so sorry for your loss, and i agree so much with your post! does he have a brother?? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
scorpiogirl Posted May 31, 2016 Share Posted May 31, 2016 im also so sorry for your loss, and i agree so much with your post! does he have a brother?? Ha that was the first thing I asked! And so do all her friends He really is a gem. We irritate each other sometimes but that's all surface now. Link to post Share on other sites
scorpiogirl Posted May 31, 2016 Share Posted May 31, 2016 Sorry to hear of your loss. The bold part is for me the vital part in this discussion, genuinely nice guys do things without expecting anything. That's the key, anyone can be nice but a genuinely nice person just does things because they want to without expectation. I live my life this way, sure you get used sometimes but at the end of the day like the above you are just being the best person you can be and being there for others. Yes, we should all do things without expectation. However, I'd like to point something out and maybe this is key to this "I'm a nice guy" thing. You have the mindset of " well sometimes you get used". Being a decent person doesn't mean you get used. Saying no doesn't make you a bad person. I think you may have stumbled across a vital piece of the puzzle. Do you ever say no? Do you ever speak up when something is not working for you? Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted June 1, 2016 Share Posted June 1, 2016 The bold part is for me the vital part in this discussion, genuinely nice guys do things without expecting anything. That's the key, anyone can be nice but a genuinely nice person just does things because they want to without expectation. I don't think it's as clear cut as doing nice things without getting anything in return. A genuinely good guy who's not a doormat won't do nice stuff for people who try to take advantage or disrespect him. For example, my nice guy hubby fixes friend's computers - but his boundary is that people make the effort to bring the computer to him. And if they ignore his advice and keep breaking it, he will stop fixing it. Now, I'd wager a large sum of money that both Scorpiogirl and her sister treat her brother in law really well. I bet he feels loved and appreciated. And this is the key. He'd be a fool to do these thoughtful things if he was disrespected by them. That said, doing thoughtful things for strangers is also excellent. It's just about having boundaries so that you're not doing nice things for people who disrespect you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
scorpiogirl Posted June 1, 2016 Share Posted June 1, 2016 I don't think it's as clear cut as doing nice things without getting anything in return. A genuinely good guy who's not a doormat won't do nice stuff for people who try to take advantage or disrespect him. For example, my nice guy hubby fixes friend's computers - but his boundary is that people make the effort to bring the computer to him. And if they ignore his advice and keep breaking it, he will stop fixing it. Now, I'd wager a large sum of money that both Scorpiogirl and her sister treat her brother in law really well. I bet he feels loved and appreciated. And this is the key. He'd be a fool to do these thoughtful things if he was disrespected by them. That said, doing thoughtful things for strangers is also excellent. It's just about having boundaries so that you're not doing nice things for people who disrespect you. Exactly! He's no doormat. If my sister is being unreasonable, he'll say it. They have a relationship based on mutual respect. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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