Trinity_84 Posted May 22, 2016 Share Posted May 22, 2016 About 8 years ago I hit rock bottom. Drunkenly tried to cut my wrists and now I have these crazy scars. I have tattoos over them but if you look at my wrists for more than 3 seconds you will see the scars. My question is, how do I talk about them with people who ask (not many have, some just shake their heads in disbelief). How about with someone I may be romantically involved with? My ex never even mentioned them (we were together for over a year) which is one of the reasons I realized they didn't really pay too much attention to who I Am (either that or they just never saw them, but come on, you'd have to be blind not to). I never had enough self confidence or trust to open up about it. Does anyone relate? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted May 23, 2016 Share Posted May 23, 2016 That's a difficult thing for you to deal with. Are you aware that these days you can use non-invasive, relatively inexpensive cosmetic surgery to reduce scars to the point where you can hardly see them? I can understand your worry about it, I have a big scar on one wrist which is from a melanoma being removed, and even though it's on the top of the wrist, sometimes, (before it faded to almost nothing), I used to catch people checking it out and looking at me weird. Occasionally if someone would ask me about it I would tell them the truth, but sometimes the asker would get a look on their face which told me that they thought I was lying to cover up the real reason I had a scar on my wrist, (people are strange like that, if their hysterical imaginings are a juicier story than the truth they will often stick with their hysterical imaginings). That's something to remember too, it's actually no ones business but yours, and it's something which happened years ago, you do have a right to move on from that part of your life. Feel free to make up a story about getting your arms caught in barbed wire, again, it's no one's business but yours until you feel OK talking to someone about it. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
acrosstheuniverse Posted May 25, 2016 Share Posted May 25, 2016 About 8 years ago I hit rock bottom. Drunkenly tried to cut my wrists and now I have these crazy scars. I have tattoos over them but if you look at my wrists for more than 3 seconds you will see the scars. My question is, how do I talk about them with people who ask (not many have, some just shake their heads in disbelief). How about with someone I may be romantically involved with? My ex never even mentioned them (we were together for over a year) which is one of the reasons I realized they didn't really pay too much attention to who I Am (either that or they just never saw them, but come on, you'd have to be blind not to). I never had enough self confidence or trust to open up about it. Does anyone relate? I relate. I self harmed from 13-17 and my left arm is covered in scars. I'm now 28 and luckily they've faded so much you'd only notice them if you were specifically staring at my arm (they're white and I'm pale) or if I get a tan and the scars stay white or go pink. I'm a professional, working in mental health now. Thing is, this is YOUR history, you don't owe anyone information about it. You went through a rough time as many of us do, but have physical evidence leftover where most people's is mental. I personally have never been ashamed of my scars, though as I say I'm fortunate they're not hugely obvious. If anyone in my past ever asked me what happened and I didn't want to disclose I simply said I stuck my arm through a window as a child and got cut. Fell through the glass or something. Sure, lots of people might not believe you, but that's hardly the point to be honest. Anyone rude enough to ask (unless they're a partner or a close friend who's genuinely curious but you trust and know well) deserves a stock response like that, not your personal history and details of something that's been and gone and you survived. Only a true jackass would openly tell you they don't believe you, proving that you were right to keep it to yourself! How to respond? Simply 'wow... I can't believe you'd be so rude' and walk away. Most people who don't believe you will understand there's a reason you don't want to talk about it and leave it there. Either the scars are so obvious that someone asking already knows it's self harm, or they're ambiguous so you have nothing to worry about lying. Never feel bad for 'lying' by the way. You wouldn't expect someone who'd survived what you have to stand there and open up about it on demand, your story is no different just because you have the scars. I kinda like mine. They are evidence of the fact I went through such a hard time it got so bad I did that to cope. I am past it now, but they actually remind me how strong I am. Do people really shake their head at your scars? Jackasses. Are you at peace with it yourself? If so, I can't see how their responses would bother you... If someone did that to me I think I'd think so little of them that their opinion would cease to matter. If you're not at peace with it maybe try some therapy around acceptance. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted May 25, 2016 Share Posted May 25, 2016 Daily massage of the area with a good quality oil like olive oil, or flaxseed oil, can markedly reduce the appearance of scars. 4-5 minutes a day is enough. The effect is noticeable after a few weeks, and very noticeable after a few months. Worked for me. Take care. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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