20 years and gone

[Steen719]

Andrew,

Record her on your phone or a recorder or SOMETHING! each and every time you see her. There are some posters on here who can address this in better detail than me, as to what recorders, etc. I didn't use them. She is a nasty piece of work and is going to try to railroad you in this situation so that she will get what she wants. God, what nerve after what she has done.

 

Get mad as hell. It helps.

[66Charger]

Do not get mad.

 

Get smart.

 

Expedite, expedite expedite.

 

Document and file as many cases you can against her. She is no longer your wife. She is the enemy. She is about to treat you that way. Immediately file for 100% custody.

 

Picture you and your son being forced out. She moves in with the boyfreind and you paying the bill. If this happens, she will slow the sale down. This is her plan.

 

Talk to your realtor. Let ther realtor know you will entertain all offers. If a offer comes in slightly below the asking price, consider giving her the fair share at market value, to get this done. If there is a pending sale, moving out may be a moot point

 

If you must be ruthless, do it with intelligence.

 

This is a bad one. Your wife no longer exist. Shut it all down. Get primary custody ASAP

 

Be smart now.

[S2B]

Yes, she doesn't have access to my money now but God knows how much she's already took and spent on him

 

Take half the money out and put it your name only!

 

If you don't it will be all gone when you check your balance.

 

Close her credit cards that have your name on them.

 

Move anything valuable in the house to a new location she doesn't know about.

[Toodaloo]

Andrew

 

For Gods sake protect yourself and your son.

 

Record every conversation, keep every text, email everything.

 

If need be put "security" cameras up in your home.

 

This one is going to get messy. You have to keep calm and record everything. E V E R Y T H I N G.

 

If at all possible do not respond to any texts, emails etc from her. Speak to a lawyer that specialises in family law asap. Do it today and cover your backside.

 

Stay as far away from her as possible. Do not engage in conflict with her. She will likely hurl abuse at you and do all sorts to hurt and upset you. All you have to do is NOT engage her and keep your lawyer fully informed and aware. They can then advise you better than we can.

[Steen719]

I don't mean mad, as in do something stupid. I mean mad as in angry that this happened instead of sad and crying.

 

I don't know. When I quit crying, I was mad as hell that he could do that to me and it certainly took the edge off of caring so much about him.

[Toodaloo]

I don't mean mad, as in do something stupid. I mean mad as in angry that this happened instead of sad and crying.

 

I don't know. When I quit crying, I was mad as hell that he could do that to me and it certainly took the edge off of caring so much about him.

 

Thats all part of the 5/7 stages

 

1. Shock

2. Denial

3. Anger

4. Bargaining

5. Depression

6. Testing

7. Acceptance

 

If you google 5 shock and testing will be omitted from the list.

[Steen719]

Thats all part of the 5/7 stages

 

1. Shock

2. Denial

3. Anger

4. Bargaining

5. Depression

6. Testing

7. Acceptance

 

If you google 5 shock and testing will be omitted from the list.

 

Yep, it sure is.

[ladydesigner]

I've today been interviewed by the police for common assault, I never even touched her

 

OMG (((Andrew))) I hate your STBXWW! Do as the others have said. Just play smart until this b*tch is looooong gone. You will be okay eventually and you will never forget this.

 

My hope for you is to meet someone so much more wonderful than your STBX then rub it in her damn face!

[Andrew42]

She's wanting to sell the house because she's realised she can't claim state housing benefit because she owns a house, so I've got the slight upper hand on that one

[KBarletta]

She's wanting to sell the house because she's realised she can't claim state housing benefit because she owns a house, so I've got the slight upper hand on that one

 

If nothing else Andrew, these recent events should solidify in your mind that the woman you thought you knew is gone. And all you have in front of you now is going to be better than your recent past. You should proceed with the knowledge that she is only out for herself now, and your priority should be building a better future for yourself and your son.

 

There will be stumbles along the way, to be sure, but keep reminding yourself, every time you feel yourself weakening toward her (because you will), remind yourself what she has done and how it has made you feel.

 

Forward progress, my friend. Keep it up!

 

KTB

[ladydesigner]

Andrew you should read some of aliveagain's posts on LS. His xww had an A child and tried to pass the baby off as his. His xww's AP dumped her after she became available... I'm sure this will be the case with your stbxww. She will suffer greatly for her mistakes... not your problem though.

 

Well wishes to you Andrew!

[tinkerbell16]

Andrew you should read some of aliveagain's posts on LS. His xww had an A child and tried to pass the baby off as his. His xww's AP dumped her after she became available... I'm sure this will be the case with your stbxww. She will suffer greatly for her mistakes... not your problem though.

 

Well wishes to you Andrew!

 

I feel terrible for this child. What a horrible way to be brought into the world. 99.9 chance their "relationship" (hers and AP) wont survive and this child will be a reminder of the biggest mistake of her life.

[Toodaloo]

She's wanting to sell the house because she's realised she can't claim state housing benefit because she owns a house, so I've got the slight upper hand on that one

 

You are in the UK right?

 

She also can't claim housing benefit if she has assets or savings over X amount... its about £30k if I remember rightly so even f she does sell the house to get what she can she will still be up the proverbial creak with out a paddle.

 

Leave her to it.

 

Concentrate on yourself and your child. Concentrate on getting yourselves sorted and safe both financially and emotionally.

 

The rest will all follow.

[Andrew42]

You are in the UK right?

 

She also can't claim housing benefit if she has assets or savings over X amount... its about £30k if I remember rightly so even f she does sell the house to get what she can she will still be up the proverbial creak with out a paddle.

 

Leave her to it.

 

Concentrate on yourself and your child. Concentrate on getting yourselves sorted and safe both financially and emotionally.

 

The rest will all follow.

 

Yes I'm in the uk, 16k your allowed in the bank

[Toodaloo]

Less than I thought then.

 

Look you have some really rough times ahead of you. I am not going to lie to you it is going to be physically and emotionally draining.

 

But you will get through this.

 

One thing you absolutely MUST do is protect yourself and your son as far as you possibly can. Protect the roof over your head, protect your finances, protect your heart. Nasty exes will try to rip all of the basics that enable you stability out from under your feet and they will do it just to hurt you.

 

Get legal advice

Get your finances completely separated (if not already)

Keep yourself financially secure

Keep and plan for a roof over your heads.

 

After that make sure you leave yourself time to cry or let out all the built up emotions from all of this. You will go through it all from feeling smug to feeling devastated and lost.

 

You will get through it though. But please for the love of God protect yourself first and foremost.

 

Your ex will screw her life up all by herself. You do not need to be a part of that.

[Andrew42]

I'm at rock bottom right now, I just want to put and end to it all, I feel I have no fight left

[peonyrose]

No Andrew you are wrong, you do have fight left, you have to have fight left, for if not you then your SON, your 15 year old son, who's been through enough and needs his strong dad, to stay strong. Come on you can do this, I know its hard I really do. I've had a terrible time of things lately, anything that could go wrong has, trust me! I quite literally have been dragging myself to keep going, keep fixing the crap I have to sort. I have a 15 year old daughter and she is my reason for moving, even if I am only dragging myself. Do not let yourself fall, it will be too hard to get back up, you don't need that now. Its so sad it really is but please your son needs you.

[ladydesigner]

I'm at rock bottom right now, I just want to put and end to it all, I feel I have no fight left

 

(((Andrew))) do something nice for you and your son. Go on a vacation or something to get away and get out of your head. Try to distract yourself as much as possible.

 

Are you a part of any divorce support groups?

[tinkerbell16]

I'm at rock bottom right now, I just want to put and end to it all, I feel I have no fight left

 

You have to gain strength to put one foot in front of the other. This is about your son. You brought him into this world and you HAVE to stay strong for him. You are going through hell. I HAVE BEEN THERE. MY EX WAS THE LOVE OF MY LIFE AND TOLD ME HOW MUCH HE LOVED ME DAILY FOR ALMOST 30 YEARS THEN POOF, HE ABANDONED HIS FAMILY. I NEVER SAW IT COMING. We grew up together, he was all I knew. No one even believed me when I told them what had happened. We were the model couple everybody envied. No one would have convinced me that I could have survived then. One and a half years later I'm happier than I've ever been. You will get there. There's no way for you to see the future now but you will get there I promise you. She is NOT the end-all of your world. Her behavior does not define you as a person. The end of your relationship is the beginning of a much better new world for you and your son.

Edited July 1, 2016 by tinkerbell16

[hl1962]

I'm at rock bottom right now, I just want to put and end to it all, I feel I have no fight left

 

Once you have a child/children, your life isn't just yours anymore. You can't be selfish to do whatever you want with your life. You will find someone who's so much better than your soon-to-be-ex. Seek help from others. Stay strong!

[Kwacker39]

I must agree with the above posts Andrew . We all suffer terribly with this sh.t but hav to move forward and keep going for our kids . When I first found out my stbxw was f..cking another man and was ending our 21 year marriage I spent a whole night walking the streets and thinking of throwing myself on some nearby rail lines - but I would never have done it -1, the cheating lying cowards aren't worth it - 2, you are certainly worth more than this and 3, your child needs you now more than any other time in his life . Hang in there - you can do it .

[Andrew42]

I need to move forward, I'm at the solicitor Monday to move things forward, I've realised only I can do this, I can't sit in self pity any more

[tinkerbell16]

I need to move forward, I'm at the solicitor Monday to move things forward, I've realised only I can do this, I can't sit in self pity any more

 

Good. Self pity will handicap you. You have the ability to make your future. No one can take this from you. Choose to be happy again. I mourned my marriage, then chose to move on. I loved again ( something I didn't think possible), laughed again and found true peace and joy. You will too...

 

We can't always choose what happens to us but we have the choice of making the best of our circumstance.

Edited July 2, 2016 by tinkerbell16

[Andrew42]

My problem is I'm too open and honest, I said to her earlier 'look I've found somewhere to rent' all I got back is 'well what am I supposed to do'

[tinkerbell16]

My problem is I'm too open and honest, I said to her earlier 'look I've found somewhere to rent' all I got back is 'well what am I supposed to do'

 

She is a grown woman who will have to soon deal with the consequences of her actions. She is no longer your responsibility unless you want her to be. Do you want her to be?