elaine567 Posted July 3, 2016 Posted July 3, 2016 The problem is if I stay I'm paying for everything, she isn't contributing at all. Is it a joint mortgage?
Author Andrew42 Posted July 3, 2016 Author Posted July 3, 2016 Is it a joint mortgage? Yes it's joint mortgage
Author Andrew42 Posted July 3, 2016 Author Posted July 3, 2016 I know I'm liable for it if she doesn't pay but she's not willing to make any contribution at all
elaine567 Posted July 3, 2016 Posted July 3, 2016 I know I'm liable for it if she doesn't pay but she's not willing to make any contribution at all That sounds like a job for a solicitor, are you still seeing him on Monday?
Author Andrew42 Posted July 3, 2016 Author Posted July 3, 2016 I'm hoping that they can give me some positive advice and get things moving 1
Author Andrew42 Posted July 3, 2016 Author Posted July 3, 2016 You said previously that she earns the same as you, so would she not be renting just like you? She actually earns slightly more than me, her intention is to pack in work and go on state benefits.
elaine567 Posted July 3, 2016 Posted July 3, 2016 She actually earns slightly more than me, her intention is to pack in work and go on state benefits. Really???? smh
Author Andrew42 Posted July 3, 2016 Author Posted July 3, 2016 Oh yes, great ain't it !!! I'm honestly sure she's having some sort of breakdown, I know she is telling lie after lie to this new guy, it will all come crashing down, and even though she's done what she's done I wouldn't want to see her get hurt
Author Andrew42 Posted July 4, 2016 Author Posted July 4, 2016 Do I say anything to her about the situation she's in or do I just let her keep digging the great big hole she's got herself in
Mittens Posted July 4, 2016 Posted July 4, 2016 You leave her well alone - she's now your ex wife, so any of her personal problems are solely her problems only. She has the OM to turn to, and if she's lying to him, once again it's not your problem. Keep your distance from her as much as humanly possible - only discuss things to do with the house sale or the divorce. You are less likely to run into further problems and it will stop a already bad atmosphere from getting worse.
Author Andrew42 Posted July 4, 2016 Author Posted July 4, 2016 He's ok, very clingy and won't really go out anywhere without me or her
tinkerbell16 Posted July 4, 2016 Posted July 4, 2016 Do I say anything to her about the situation she's in or do I just let her keep digging the great big hole she's got herself in I know it's tempting to be her hero and rescue her. It is natural to eant to prove you are valuable to the person who rejected you. The reality is their rejection of you has nothing to do with you. It is all about them. The most "loving" thing you can do for her is to let her learn her lessons. She will grow as a person through this journey she has chosen. Your only job now is to take care of you and your son. You also have a journey ahead, not tied to her and the drama she brings. My daughter visited her dad this morning and came home and told me about an interaction she had with him. It was so drama filled I had to smile and think... Thank God I don't HAVE to have his circus in my life anymore! 1
Author Andrew42 Posted July 4, 2016 Author Posted July 4, 2016 Your right tinkerbell, I need to stop caring about her 2
tinkerbell16 Posted July 4, 2016 Posted July 4, 2016 (edited) Your right tinkerbell, I need to stop caring about her You will probably never stop. That is some thing we have little control over. The goal is to limit your desire to be involved, and as a man I inagine you must fight the urge to protect and take care of her. You were a team for so long... It is retraining of your brain. All your energy re direct to yourself and your son. What helped me was setting personal goals. I have done more in the last 2 years than in the prior 30 socially and personally. As a result, I have an amazing and diverse set of new friends (and still have my old friends - got them on the divorce lol), my company has exploded and I have already surpassed my last years income AND for some unexplained reason I get told I look about 10 years younger than when I was married. Wonderful things can happen when toxic people leave your life. And yes, it wasnt that long ago I was sobbing on my shower floor wondering how I would survive losing the love of my life. And yes, I have loved again. You will too:-) Edited July 4, 2016 by tinkerbell16
Author Andrew42 Posted July 4, 2016 Author Posted July 4, 2016 Thank you, I too have a business but that's gone on the back burner to a certain extent at the moment. Yes my natural instinct is to want to protect her but I need stop that.
Author Andrew42 Posted July 4, 2016 Author Posted July 4, 2016 The solicitors advice today was to start the divorce process. So earlier I made the first call 4
CarrieT Posted July 4, 2016 Posted July 4, 2016 Good for you, Andrew. Please trust us that have been through it - there will come a point where you will love again and all this pain will be a distant memory... 1
Author Andrew42 Posted July 4, 2016 Author Posted July 4, 2016 Good for you, Andrew. Please trust us that have been through it - there will come a point where you will love again and all this pain will be a distant memory... I do hope your right, it doesn't feel like it right now 1
CarrieT Posted July 4, 2016 Posted July 4, 2016 I do hope your right, it doesn't feel like it right now And it may not for a long time. Some say that it takes half-as-much time as the relationship existed to fully heal, so you may have a full decade before you are ready to love again. Others get over it more quickly. I was in a 2 1/2 year relationship that took a full two years for me to get through, while there was an ending of an 11-year relationship that only took me about six months to move on from. I am just hoping that the idea of healing, moving on, and loving again will help you gather the strength to persevere. 2
Author Andrew42 Posted July 5, 2016 Author Posted July 5, 2016 Woke up this morning thinking about her, why do the mornings seem the worse
bummer Posted July 5, 2016 Posted July 5, 2016 Woke up this morning thinking about her, why do the mornings seem the worse You have some obsessive trigger in your morning routine. Try the other side of the bed. another room? Try different cereal or coffee. Try a different order of operations. Try a different tv or radio station. Build a new routine, exercise first thing, meditate, think of your kid for five minutes. Change the triggers. 1
Author Andrew42 Posted July 5, 2016 Author Posted July 5, 2016 I'm trying to make the morning routine as normal as possible for Ben before school 1
bummer Posted July 5, 2016 Posted July 5, 2016 good. Try to find a new normal for you as well. Whatever triggers you can reasonably remove the better.
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