trolloperative Posted June 2, 2016 Share Posted June 2, 2016 Why are you acting so weak? You're the one wronged here! File for divorce ASAP.. you can be held liable for child support if she gives birth while still married to you! 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Bufo Posted June 2, 2016 Share Posted June 2, 2016 Could it be stated any more clearly than NYCHAG has said it? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Andrew42 Posted June 3, 2016 Author Share Posted June 3, 2016 Could it be stated any more clearly than NYCHAG has said it? I just don't have the money for a divorce, mentally I'm getting there Link to post Share on other sites
tinkerbell16 Posted June 3, 2016 Share Posted June 3, 2016 I just don't have the money for a divorce, mentally I'm getting there Guys try to be a bit more patient with Andrew. He is going through HELL. He has kept his cool and has shown to be seeking legal advice and setting himself in the right direction. His world just got turned upside down. He is in shock and things this messy don't fix themselves overnight. Telling him he is weak is only adding to the negative feelings he is going through. He is far from weak if he has gone through this so far and kept his cool. On the contrary, I think he is extremely strong and will do what needs to be done... when he can... as soon as he can. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Andrew42 Posted June 3, 2016 Author Share Posted June 3, 2016 Thank you, all this then the confirmation that she is indeed pregnant has just totally put me back. I know the 180 is there to help me thru this 1 Link to post Share on other sites
tinkerbell16 Posted June 3, 2016 Share Posted June 3, 2016 Thank you, all this then the confirmation that she is indeed pregnant has just totally put me back. I know the 180 is there to help me thru this Hang in there. You and your boy are priority. Her and their baby are not your problem. She made her bed, let her lie in it. Link to post Share on other sites
KBarletta Posted June 3, 2016 Share Posted June 3, 2016 While I agree with tinkerbell that we need to be gentle with Andrew during such a difficult time (which most of us have experienced ourselves, so we know how hard it is, especially at the beginning), I also agree with the sentiment that, given her pregnancy, and her unwillingness to leave the home, that proceeding with the D as quickly as possible is important. I would think that the last thing you want is to be left legally responsible for a child who is not yours who is a constant reminder of your wife's infidelity. I know you said you can't afford a divorce, but affording it is not the issue anymore. Like a funeral when someone dies, it's something that simply has to be done, and the sooner the better. I wish you luck Andrew. I am sorry you are going through this, and to me you sound like you are doing OK so far given the circumstances. Best to you. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Andrew42 Posted June 4, 2016 Author Share Posted June 4, 2016 I've never felt hurt like it, although I'm getting back to work and not crying in front of my lad, inside I'm hurting like hell 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Kwacker39 Posted June 4, 2016 Share Posted June 4, 2016 Yes it's the worst I've ever felt too Andrew . It's almost physical in its intensity - sometimes feels like I'm getting repeatedly punched in the stomach . Then other times like a black fog descends upon me and I just want to curl up somewhere out of the way where no one else is . But then I am finding more and more moments of relief where I feel there is a positive future waiting for me . Battle through it and I'm sure you will find a rosy future for you too - we have just got to wade through this s...t to get there . Stay as strong as you can and keep on going friend . 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Andrew42 Posted June 4, 2016 Author Share Posted June 4, 2016 Thank you -kwacker39 we will get through this somehow Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted June 4, 2016 Share Posted June 4, 2016 I just don't have the money for a divorce, mentally I'm getting there You can't afford not to. The OM's baby will cost you thousands of times more money than a divorce ever will. That is just silly. And if you aren't mentally ready for a divorce after she gets knocked up by some other dude, what will it take? How can it possibly be any worse???? Link to post Share on other sites
Mittens Posted June 4, 2016 Share Posted June 4, 2016 You can't afford not to. The OM's baby will cost you thousands of times more money than a divorce ever will. That is just silly. And if you aren't mentally ready for a divorce after she gets knocked up by some other dude, what will it take? How can it possibly be any worse???? In the UK both parents have to be present to register a child's birth, if they want the father's name on the birth certificate. Andrew42 can refuse and the section for father's details will be left blank - unless the OM decides to step up. His wife will have a great deal of difficulty in getting child support for this child if Andrew42 is not on the birth certificate. And by the time it gets to that stage, Andrew42 will be able to ask the court for a DNA test to prove the child is not his anyway. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Andrew42 Posted June 4, 2016 Author Share Posted June 4, 2016 once she's gone out the house this is gonna be a whole lot easier, in my mind the relationship has gone, it's just whilst she's still here it's a constant reminder. The only way to get her out quickly is to put the house up for sale, but then that puts me and Ben out too Link to post Share on other sites
trolloperative Posted June 4, 2016 Share Posted June 4, 2016 In the UK both parents have to be present to register a child's birth, if they want the father's name on the birth certificate. Andrew42 can refuse and the section for father's details will be left blank - unless the OM decides to step up. His wife will have a great deal of difficulty in getting child support for this child if Andrew42 is not on the birth certificate. And by the time it gets to that stage, Andrew42 will be able to ask the court for a DNA test to prove the child is not his anyway. Really? I've heard otherwise if they're married, it's certainly is where I live. You need to ask an attorney about this ASAP. Can't you file yourself, even a separation at the very least? My post wasn't meant to make you feel bad, just that there are more pressing issues than your emotions at the moment. Link to post Share on other sites
trolloperative Posted June 4, 2016 Share Posted June 4, 2016 once she's gone out the house this is gonna be a whole lot easier, in my mind the relationship has gone, it's just whilst she's still here it's a constant reminder. The only way to get her out quickly is to put the house up for sale, but then that puts me and Ben out too NO NO NO This is not a relationship, it's a MARRIAGE.. the law will come down on you if you don't act. You said she's seen an attorney, her intentions are not good. While you're sobbing she's planning! Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted June 6, 2016 Share Posted June 6, 2016 Hey Andrew just checking in. I have read the latest and am so sorry. I hope you are going out and surrounding yourself with friends. If she isn't leaving I would live your life as if you were divorced and single. Please let us know how you are doing :-) 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Andrew42 Posted June 6, 2016 Author Share Posted June 6, 2016 Hi there, first day back at work today, it's been really hard to keep things together but I'm trying. She's still in the house, there's zero communication now between us. The atmosphere is terrible. I've made enquiries to sell the house but as I'm sure your aware it's a slow process. No, I haven't filed for divorce, my attorney has suggested I wait and let her have the expense Link to post Share on other sites
tinkerbell16 Posted June 7, 2016 Share Posted June 7, 2016 Hi there, first day back at work today, it's been really hard to keep things together but I'm trying. She's still in the house, there's zero communication now between us. The atmosphere is terrible. I've made enquiries to sell the house but as I'm sure your aware it's a slow process. No, I haven't filed for divorce, my attorney has suggested I wait and let her have the expense She doesn't sound like she is in a financial place to do so. Add to it she is pregnant and likely her AP has left the "scene of the accident". She has NO incentive to file. She is likely sorting how she can play on your emotions to take her back and raise another man's child. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Andrew42 Posted June 7, 2016 Author Share Posted June 7, 2016 She doesn't sound like she is in a financial place to do so. Add to it she is pregnant and likely her AP has left the "scene of the accident". She has NO incentive to file. She is likely sorting how she can play on your emotions to take her back and raise another man's child. I think that's the last thing on her mind the way she is acting Link to post Share on other sites
Justanaverageguy Posted June 7, 2016 Share Posted June 7, 2016 Hey OP - terrible situation really feel for you. I'm sure at the moment you are thinking WTF just happened? How did the women I married who seemed so normal for 20 years suddenly go bat **** crazy. Would recommend a good book that will give you some good insight if you want to understand how this all unfolded. Women's Infidelity | Why Women Cheat And Have Affairs Worth the 40 odd dollars it will cost you. Also no Im not a salemen just will help you make sense of the current madness you are experiencing. Link to post Share on other sites
tinkerbell16 Posted June 7, 2016 Share Posted June 7, 2016 I think that's the last thing on her mind the way she is acting How is she acting? Can you tell if she is still communicating with the other man? Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted June 7, 2016 Share Posted June 7, 2016 I think that's the last thing on her mind the way she is acting Your STBXWW has never had remorse for what she has done. This is not surprising. I do understand the whole "Who is this person I married." Keep plowing forward Andrew one day your heart will catch up with your head and you won't care one way or another what the hell your WW thinks or does. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Andrew42 Posted June 7, 2016 Author Share Posted June 7, 2016 Your STBXWW has never had remorse for what she has done. This is not surprising. I do understand the whole "Who is this person I married." Keep plowing forward Andrew one day your heart will catch up with your head and you won't care one way or another what the hell your WW thinks or does. Today has been really hard, work sent me home because my head is in the wrong place right now, I've a meeting with a counsellor tomorrow. I've decided that I've got to take the lead here before I loose everything. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Andrew42 Posted June 7, 2016 Author Share Posted June 7, 2016 How is she acting? Can you tell if she is still communicating with the other man? Oh get this, when I said I didn't want her communicating with him while she's still here, her response was 'I'm being unreasonable' Link to post Share on other sites
Author Andrew42 Posted June 7, 2016 Author Share Posted June 7, 2016 My suggestion is to file. That way at the minimum YOU feel as though you are taking control of YOUR future. Doing something is better than doing nothing. Especially since your wife continues to be disrespectful toward you. I agree with you there, she has no respect for the last 20 years we've been together Link to post Share on other sites
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