Mittens Posted June 11, 2016 Share Posted June 11, 2016 Has your wife agreed to that arrangement? I guess your wife will want it sold outright at full market value, not on a rent back scheme, as you will get a lot less money for the house that way. It's highly unlikely your wife solicitor will agree to this arrangement. If she's on the mortgage/deeds, she's entitled to half the equity in the house. Unless you can afford to buy her out, that means the house will have to be sold. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted June 11, 2016 Share Posted June 11, 2016 I know your dream is to have you and your son staying in your existing house and your wife just disappears, but that isn't going to happen. The only way you can stay there, is if you and your wife decide to reconcile, otherwise the house will have to go on the market (as I guess you cannot afford to buy her out.) You have to be realistic here and start making plans to move. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Andrew42 Posted June 11, 2016 Author Share Posted June 11, 2016 I didn't realise I would need her agreement as long as she got the 50% of the market value Link to post Share on other sites
66Charger Posted June 11, 2016 Share Posted June 11, 2016 (edited) You dont need her agreement if you file for divorce. The house wil be sold. You can get full market value from a investor. As long as you both agree on what the market value is, and you become a renter, there should not be a problem. Instead of speculating, file, discuss the market value with you stbx and realtor. Its not rocket science and if she gets her full share, why wouls she be opposed to where you live? If she does, that spiteful. Work it out. The renting idea seems sound. Edited June 11, 2016 by 66Charger Link to post Share on other sites
Mittens Posted June 11, 2016 Share Posted June 11, 2016 I didn't realise I would need her agreement as long as she got the 50% of the market value The only possible problem is that the companies that offer the buy and rent back schemes rarely give full market value. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Andrew42 Posted June 12, 2016 Author Share Posted June 12, 2016 Caught them together this morning, so all this she was saying about not seeing him was all a load of lies Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted June 12, 2016 Share Posted June 12, 2016 "Check the price you're being offered Sale and rent back firms usually buy homes below the market rate so you could end up losing money. You might be better off selling your home on the open market and finding somewhere else to rent. This would mean you could make more out of the sale and could use this to pay off any other debts you might owe. You should also be aware that if the price you're being offered to sell your property is less than what you owe on your mortgage, your mortgage lender can refuse to let you sell it at that price." https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/debt-and-money/mortgage-problems/how-to-sort-out-your-mortgage-problems/sale-and-rent-back-schemes/Seems you can expect to get 60-85% of the current market price in such a scheme. Link to post Share on other sites
tinkerbell16 Posted June 12, 2016 Share Posted June 12, 2016 Caught them together this morning, so all this she was saying about not seeing him was all a load of lies Expect that most everything she tells you will be a lie. Except that your marriage is over. That is true. It is the harsh reality. She will manipulate you and use your feelings towards her for her own good. You must remember your wife is no longer the woman you love. Put "that one" in a neat little memory box and shut it tight and push through this divorce. Only after the divorce can you afford to remember the good times. Right now look out for your own and your boy. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Andrew42 Posted June 12, 2016 Author Share Posted June 12, 2016 I'm learning to expect the unexpected 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Bufo Posted June 12, 2016 Share Posted June 12, 2016 Which is why you should heed some of the advice you are getting here from those who have been through this. With the possible exception of the pregnancy most of the veterans here have been telling you what she will do. They aren't psychic or in secret communication with WW. They have already lived the nightmare. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Andrew42 Posted June 12, 2016 Author Share Posted June 12, 2016 Yes virtually everything posters have said is coming true Link to post Share on other sites
tinkerbell16 Posted June 12, 2016 Share Posted June 12, 2016 Yes virtually everything posters have said is coming true I wish I had this resource when I was going through my bomb drop. I hope you are doing ok emotionally and was able to get back to work this week. I will tell you for me, working helped. It kept some normalcy in the crazy that they bring. Try to keep whatever routines going as best you can. Have you any good friends who you can lean on for support? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Andrew42 Posted June 12, 2016 Author Share Posted June 12, 2016 I was at work two days then they sent me home, I couldn't concentrate at all Link to post Share on other sites
Author Andrew42 Posted June 12, 2016 Author Share Posted June 12, 2016 What I can't get my head round is why she won't bigger off, while she's still here it's a constant reminder Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted June 12, 2016 Share Posted June 12, 2016 What I can't get my head round is why she won't bigger off, while she's still here it's a constant reminder She doesn't want to, my guess is that she will leave once the house is sold and she has got her money and the divorce is settled, OR she may decide to play nice at some point and attempt to reconcile. Who knows? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Andrew42 Posted June 13, 2016 Author Share Posted June 13, 2016 She def isn't playing nice at the moment, her sights are set on getting as much as she can by the looks of things Link to post Share on other sites
Author Andrew42 Posted June 13, 2016 Author Share Posted June 13, 2016 She doesn't want to, my guess is that she will leave once the house is sold and she has got her money and the divorce is settled, OR she may decide to play nice at some point and attempt to reconcile. Who knows? I'm trying my hardest not to have to sell the house with me having my lad, but it may have to happen I think Link to post Share on other sites
KBarletta Posted June 13, 2016 Share Posted June 13, 2016 Caught them together this morning, so all this she was saying about not seeing him was all a load of lies Just as when you hear her saying she's hiding valuables, you now must assume everything she tells you is false. I would allow your attorney to handle all communication from now on unless it is related to the care of your child. You need to be done with her, push through with the divorce and build a new life for yourself and your child. I wish you luck. It sucks to be going through this - believe me, I know - but the realizations you are coming to now are the first step toward creating a new and better life. It will take time, and there will be bumps in the road, but you will get there. Hang in there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Andrew42 Posted June 13, 2016 Author Share Posted June 13, 2016 Had a meeting with my accountant today to lift the draw bridge and secure what I can 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Andrew42 Posted June 14, 2016 Author Share Posted June 14, 2016 Feeling really really low the past couple of days Link to post Share on other sites
not-so-sure Posted June 14, 2016 Share Posted June 14, 2016 Feeling really really low the past couple of days Hey Andrew, It's hardly surprising. It's not exactly England winning the World Cup is it? The sooner you can resolve work through this the better. The sooner you can start to heal. Choose your path and be resolute with it. Having a plan might help. Write down the steps and tick them off as you go. Get task focused. It might provide at least a temporary distraction, but at the same time get you making progress and taking control. Just remember that you are responsible for your happiness and while there doesn't seem to be much light at the end of the tunnel right now, trust that it gets better. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Andrew42 Posted June 15, 2016 Author Share Posted June 15, 2016 Now she's received a letter from my solicitor she's turned really nasty trying to blame me for all this, apparently I should of seen the signs she wasn't happy, I remained calm and simply said 'all I ask for is honesty' to which she gave the standard reply of 'don't talk to me, leave me alone' Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted June 15, 2016 Share Posted June 15, 2016 Now she's received a letter from my solicitor she's turned really nasty trying to blame me for all this, apparently I should of seen the signs she wasn't happy, I remained calm and simply said 'all I ask for is honesty' to which she gave the standard reply of 'don't talk to me, leave me alone' Practice saying this whenever she tries to unload on you: "I'm sorry you feel that way." That's it; don't say anything else about it other than repeating this phrase as necessary. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Steen719 Posted June 15, 2016 Share Posted June 15, 2016 Now she's received a letter from my solicitor she's turned really nasty trying to blame me for all this, apparently I should of seen the signs she wasn't happy, I remained calm and simply said 'all I ask for is honesty' to which she gave the standard reply of 'don't talk to me, leave me alone' It is fairly typical for a wayward spouse to blame their betrayed spouse for the affair and anything that came before or after. They are major deflectors - it can't be their fault, who is left? Sometimes, they throw their affair partner under the bus as well. My XH did. It was everyone's fault except for his. Ignore her. She cant justify her affair and subsequent behavior, no matter how hard she tries and she is scrambling to try. You will see this so clearly later. Stay calm and know that in the future, you will feel better. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
KBarletta Posted June 15, 2016 Share Posted June 15, 2016 Now she's received a letter from my solicitor she's turned really nasty trying to blame me for all this, apparently I should of seen the signs she wasn't happy, I remained calm and simply said 'all I ask for is honesty' to which she gave the standard reply of 'don't talk to me, leave me alone' I would expect this to continue. And if I were you I would take her up on her offer - Don't talk to her, don't engage. Leave her alone. Unless you have to discuss the D or child care, you should maintain strict NC. Let her live with her decision, and by her own words. My ex eventually came to blame everything on me, even though our D was not something I ever wanted or did anything to precipitate. Now, she actively hates me and has said she "doesn't trust me" even though she was the one who cheated. It's pretty common for cheaters to project their own untrustworthy traits onto the betrayed spouse to relieve their own guilt. I know it's hard, but I'd give her exactly what she wants - leave her alone. Hang in there. You are going to come out of this a better person, more compassionate, more in touch with who you are, and someday you will be a better partner for someone who actually values you and is honest with you. Best of luck. KTB 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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