Bufo Posted June 12, 2016 Share Posted June 12, 2016 Which is why you should heed some of the advice you are getting here from those who have been through this. With the possible exception of the pregnancy most of the veterans here have been telling you what she will do. They aren't psychic or in secret communication with WW. They have already lived the nightmare. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Andrew42 Posted June 12, 2016 Author Share Posted June 12, 2016 Yes virtually everything posters have said is coming true Link to post Share on other sites
tinkerbell16 Posted June 12, 2016 Share Posted June 12, 2016 Yes virtually everything posters have said is coming true I wish I had this resource when I was going through my bomb drop. I hope you are doing ok emotionally and was able to get back to work this week. I will tell you for me, working helped. It kept some normalcy in the crazy that they bring. Try to keep whatever routines going as best you can. Have you any good friends who you can lean on for support? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Andrew42 Posted June 12, 2016 Author Share Posted June 12, 2016 I was at work two days then they sent me home, I couldn't concentrate at all Link to post Share on other sites
Author Andrew42 Posted June 12, 2016 Author Share Posted June 12, 2016 What I can't get my head round is why she won't bigger off, while she's still here it's a constant reminder Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted June 12, 2016 Share Posted June 12, 2016 What I can't get my head round is why she won't bigger off, while she's still here it's a constant reminder She doesn't want to, my guess is that she will leave once the house is sold and she has got her money and the divorce is settled, OR she may decide to play nice at some point and attempt to reconcile. Who knows? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Andrew42 Posted June 13, 2016 Author Share Posted June 13, 2016 She def isn't playing nice at the moment, her sights are set on getting as much as she can by the looks of things Link to post Share on other sites
Author Andrew42 Posted June 13, 2016 Author Share Posted June 13, 2016 She doesn't want to, my guess is that she will leave once the house is sold and she has got her money and the divorce is settled, OR she may decide to play nice at some point and attempt to reconcile. Who knows? I'm trying my hardest not to have to sell the house with me having my lad, but it may have to happen I think Link to post Share on other sites
KBarletta Posted June 13, 2016 Share Posted June 13, 2016 Caught them together this morning, so all this she was saying about not seeing him was all a load of lies Just as when you hear her saying she's hiding valuables, you now must assume everything she tells you is false. I would allow your attorney to handle all communication from now on unless it is related to the care of your child. You need to be done with her, push through with the divorce and build a new life for yourself and your child. I wish you luck. It sucks to be going through this - believe me, I know - but the realizations you are coming to now are the first step toward creating a new and better life. It will take time, and there will be bumps in the road, but you will get there. Hang in there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Andrew42 Posted June 13, 2016 Author Share Posted June 13, 2016 Had a meeting with my accountant today to lift the draw bridge and secure what I can 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Andrew42 Posted June 14, 2016 Author Share Posted June 14, 2016 Feeling really really low the past couple of days Link to post Share on other sites
not-so-sure Posted June 14, 2016 Share Posted June 14, 2016 Feeling really really low the past couple of days Hey Andrew, It's hardly surprising. It's not exactly England winning the World Cup is it? The sooner you can resolve work through this the better. The sooner you can start to heal. Choose your path and be resolute with it. Having a plan might help. Write down the steps and tick them off as you go. Get task focused. It might provide at least a temporary distraction, but at the same time get you making progress and taking control. Just remember that you are responsible for your happiness and while there doesn't seem to be much light at the end of the tunnel right now, trust that it gets better. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Andrew42 Posted June 15, 2016 Author Share Posted June 15, 2016 Now she's received a letter from my solicitor she's turned really nasty trying to blame me for all this, apparently I should of seen the signs she wasn't happy, I remained calm and simply said 'all I ask for is honesty' to which she gave the standard reply of 'don't talk to me, leave me alone' Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted June 15, 2016 Share Posted June 15, 2016 Now she's received a letter from my solicitor she's turned really nasty trying to blame me for all this, apparently I should of seen the signs she wasn't happy, I remained calm and simply said 'all I ask for is honesty' to which she gave the standard reply of 'don't talk to me, leave me alone' Practice saying this whenever she tries to unload on you: "I'm sorry you feel that way." That's it; don't say anything else about it other than repeating this phrase as necessary. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Steen719 Posted June 15, 2016 Share Posted June 15, 2016 Now she's received a letter from my solicitor she's turned really nasty trying to blame me for all this, apparently I should of seen the signs she wasn't happy, I remained calm and simply said 'all I ask for is honesty' to which she gave the standard reply of 'don't talk to me, leave me alone' It is fairly typical for a wayward spouse to blame their betrayed spouse for the affair and anything that came before or after. They are major deflectors - it can't be their fault, who is left? Sometimes, they throw their affair partner under the bus as well. My XH did. It was everyone's fault except for his. Ignore her. She cant justify her affair and subsequent behavior, no matter how hard she tries and she is scrambling to try. You will see this so clearly later. Stay calm and know that in the future, you will feel better. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
KBarletta Posted June 15, 2016 Share Posted June 15, 2016 Now she's received a letter from my solicitor she's turned really nasty trying to blame me for all this, apparently I should of seen the signs she wasn't happy, I remained calm and simply said 'all I ask for is honesty' to which she gave the standard reply of 'don't talk to me, leave me alone' I would expect this to continue. And if I were you I would take her up on her offer - Don't talk to her, don't engage. Leave her alone. Unless you have to discuss the D or child care, you should maintain strict NC. Let her live with her decision, and by her own words. My ex eventually came to blame everything on me, even though our D was not something I ever wanted or did anything to precipitate. Now, she actively hates me and has said she "doesn't trust me" even though she was the one who cheated. It's pretty common for cheaters to project their own untrustworthy traits onto the betrayed spouse to relieve their own guilt. I know it's hard, but I'd give her exactly what she wants - leave her alone. Hang in there. You are going to come out of this a better person, more compassionate, more in touch with who you are, and someday you will be a better partner for someone who actually values you and is honest with you. Best of luck. KTB 2 Link to post Share on other sites
66Charger Posted June 15, 2016 Share Posted June 15, 2016 The conversations with her young guy probaly didn't turn out to well. Its one thing to text about wanting to have sex with a MW, its a different thing when a baby and responsibilities are now present. Her reality as a single mother, with a newborn and a son, with a guy who may not be financially or emotionally ready for a child, is not a bright one. Expect to receive more backlash as this is your fault too. It will probay get worse. The sooner you depart from this train wreck the better. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Andrew42 Posted June 17, 2016 Author Share Posted June 17, 2016 It's her that is chasing the OM I've found out today Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted June 17, 2016 Share Posted June 17, 2016 It's her that is chasing the OM I've found out today If he shoves her away, be prepared to have her run back to you for a safe harbor. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Bufo Posted June 17, 2016 Share Posted June 17, 2016 And make sure that harbor is fully secured from her invasion. Link to post Share on other sites
Bufo Posted June 17, 2016 Share Posted June 17, 2016 Time for a diction/debate/public speaking lesson WW. I hate you You. Sorry you feel that way. WW. I have never loved you You. Sorry you feel that way. WW I'm going to take you for everything you have You. Sorry you feel that way WW. You'll see our child only when I say you can You. Sorry you feel that way WW. He's a better lover with a bigger package. You. Sorry you feel that way. WW. My mum told me not to marry you since you're no good You. Sorry she feels that way Etc See how this works? If you turn into a computer programmed to respond only one way she will eventually get the idea that attempting to bait you isn't working Keep that VAR on you and armed at all times. M 6 Link to post Share on other sites
tinkerbell16 Posted June 18, 2016 Share Posted June 18, 2016 Time for a diction/debate/public speaking lesson WW. I hate you You. Sorry you feel that way. WW. I have never loved you You. Sorry you feel that way. WW I'm going to take you for everything you have You. Sorry you feel that way WW. You'll see our child only when I say you can You. Sorry you feel that way WW. He's a better lover with a bigger package. You. Sorry you feel that way. WW. My mum told me not to marry you since you're no good You. Sorry she feels that way Etc See how this works? If you turn into a computer programmed to respond only one way she will eventually get the idea that attempting to bait you isn't working Keep that VAR on you and armed at all times. M AND MOST IMPORTANT: WW: I made a huge mistake. I don't love him. I love you. I was just confused. You are the most important thing in my life. I am so sorry for causing you so much pain. Please forgive me. Let's be a family again. I will abort this baby or plan B let's raise this baby as our own and act like nothing ever happened You: Sorry you feel this way... have a nice life 9 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Andrew42 Posted June 18, 2016 Author Share Posted June 18, 2016 She's still lying through her teeth so I can't trust anything she says 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Andrew42 Posted June 20, 2016 Author Share Posted June 20, 2016 House is now up for sale and I've found somewhere to rent 9 Link to post Share on other sites
KBarletta Posted June 20, 2016 Share Posted June 20, 2016 Good for you Andrew. This will be a huge step forward, getting out of the house. Even though ultimately it wasn't something you wanted, it will be a healthy step for you to remove yourself from that day-to-day drama and pain. I wish you luck! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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