66Charger Posted June 15, 2016 Posted June 15, 2016 The conversations with her young guy probaly didn't turn out to well. Its one thing to text about wanting to have sex with a MW, its a different thing when a baby and responsibilities are now present. Her reality as a single mother, with a newborn and a son, with a guy who may not be financially or emotionally ready for a child, is not a bright one. Expect to receive more backlash as this is your fault too. It will probay get worse. The sooner you depart from this train wreck the better. 2
Author Andrew42 Posted June 17, 2016 Author Posted June 17, 2016 It's her that is chasing the OM I've found out today
CarrieT Posted June 17, 2016 Posted June 17, 2016 It's her that is chasing the OM I've found out today If he shoves her away, be prepared to have her run back to you for a safe harbor. 2
Bufo Posted June 17, 2016 Posted June 17, 2016 And make sure that harbor is fully secured from her invasion.
Bufo Posted June 17, 2016 Posted June 17, 2016 Time for a diction/debate/public speaking lesson WW. I hate you You. Sorry you feel that way. WW. I have never loved you You. Sorry you feel that way. WW I'm going to take you for everything you have You. Sorry you feel that way WW. You'll see our child only when I say you can You. Sorry you feel that way WW. He's a better lover with a bigger package. You. Sorry you feel that way. WW. My mum told me not to marry you since you're no good You. Sorry she feels that way Etc See how this works? If you turn into a computer programmed to respond only one way she will eventually get the idea that attempting to bait you isn't working Keep that VAR on you and armed at all times. M 6
tinkerbell16 Posted June 18, 2016 Posted June 18, 2016 Time for a diction/debate/public speaking lesson WW. I hate you You. Sorry you feel that way. WW. I have never loved you You. Sorry you feel that way. WW I'm going to take you for everything you have You. Sorry you feel that way WW. You'll see our child only when I say you can You. Sorry you feel that way WW. He's a better lover with a bigger package. You. Sorry you feel that way. WW. My mum told me not to marry you since you're no good You. Sorry she feels that way Etc See how this works? If you turn into a computer programmed to respond only one way she will eventually get the idea that attempting to bait you isn't working Keep that VAR on you and armed at all times. M AND MOST IMPORTANT: WW: I made a huge mistake. I don't love him. I love you. I was just confused. You are the most important thing in my life. I am so sorry for causing you so much pain. Please forgive me. Let's be a family again. I will abort this baby or plan B let's raise this baby as our own and act like nothing ever happened You: Sorry you feel this way... have a nice life 9
Author Andrew42 Posted June 18, 2016 Author Posted June 18, 2016 She's still lying through her teeth so I can't trust anything she says 1
Author Andrew42 Posted June 20, 2016 Author Posted June 20, 2016 House is now up for sale and I've found somewhere to rent 9
KBarletta Posted June 20, 2016 Posted June 20, 2016 Good for you Andrew. This will be a huge step forward, getting out of the house. Even though ultimately it wasn't something you wanted, it will be a healthy step for you to remove yourself from that day-to-day drama and pain. I wish you luck! 2
ladydesigner Posted June 20, 2016 Posted June 20, 2016 It's her that is chasing the OM I've found out today Andrew you are doing good keep plowing forward with your life and get healthy. One day you will probably be hearing from her talking about how she got dumped (while pregnant) by her AP. If that is not popcorn worthy I don't know what is. One day you will be able to look back on this and be thankful you dodged such a bullet. Many well wishes to you!!! 1
tinkerbell16 Posted June 20, 2016 Posted June 20, 2016 House is now up for sale and I've found somewhere to rent Chapter One of your new and amazing life!
Bufo Posted June 21, 2016 Posted June 21, 2016 A local politician here had as an election slogan these words: Relentless Positive Action I don't normally confuse election slogans for wisdom but this one is different. You are showing relentless positive action in your dealings with WW. A huge improvement from your initial posts. The train is leaving the station and she's not boarding. I think you understand that's her problem, not yours. Keep moving forward.
Jersey born raised Posted June 21, 2016 Posted June 21, 2016 Hi Andrew, You should read post #36 on this thread http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/marriage-life-partnerships/infidelity/584891-do-many-affair-partners-encourage-married-person-stay-married-3.html This is who she wants. From his PIV he is thinking how the hell did I let this happen. Andrew, this is her mess, not yours or your son. Accept that this was an exit affair and a complete rejection of your life together. She wants something different, but so do you. A wife that wants what you want and your WS will never be that woman. At best a future with her will include "if only I chosen differently but now I am stuck and cannot do better". Never accept these terms with anyone no matter what. 1
Author Andrew42 Posted June 21, 2016 Author Posted June 21, 2016 I still cry most days and inside I'm hurting like hell but I've got to look forward, I've spent the last few weeks looking at the past too much. She is still here and has a terrible attitude towards me, I try and speak only when it's about Ben, I still find it very hard to understand how she can be so cruel and cold
not-so-sure Posted June 21, 2016 Posted June 21, 2016 I still cry most days and inside I'm hurting like hell but I've got to look forward, I've spent the last few weeks looking at the past too much. She is still here and has a terrible attitude towards me, I try and speak only when it's about Ben, I still find it very hard to understand how she can be so cruel and cold Something my wife sent to me the other day. "don't dwell & end up living in the past. Think on the positive - actions you can do, thoughts, motivations, activities that are happy, considerate ... Positive. It is harder & more challenging to choose to be positive rather than take the easy route of negativity, blame & cynicism." The past is gone. Only you get to shape what is yet to be. Resolve to move on. Accept that these negative feelings will come... They will come and they will feel overwhelming but like a wave it will crest and if you hold out it will pass and you will feel better. Accept that the negative feelings while real, will pass and will lessen in intensity over time.
tinkerbell16 Posted June 21, 2016 Posted June 21, 2016 I still cry most days and inside I'm hurting like hell but I've got to look forward, I've spent the last few weeks looking at the past too much. She is still here and has a terrible attitude towards me, I try and speak only when it's about Ben, I still find it very hard to understand how she can be so cruel and cold I cried the other day for my marriage lost. My mom had cleaned out a photo album and removed photos of my ex. It was her own way of healing. They were such beautiful family photos. We looked happy, he looked happy. There is no denying we WHERE happy. Was I not beautiful enough? Is this my fault? Should I have waited to file for divorce? All those questions started ruminating in my head. Reality set in. I was beautiful enough, it was not my fault and I had no choice BUT to divorce a man who had turned on me, on our family. His sudden mid life crises made no sense. Our kids are perminantly damaged from the abrupt ending of our family. I cried because looking at their smiles in these photo they were still so innocent not knowing of the destruction that lie ahead. I got that regret speech from him a few weeks ago... which included how "he will never love anyone as much as me". I wonder if his girlfriend knows. 2
Steen719 Posted June 21, 2016 Posted June 21, 2016 I still cry most days and inside I'm hurting like hell but I've got to look forward, I've spent the last few weeks looking at the past too much. She is still here and has a terrible attitude towards me, I try and speak only when it's about Ben, I still find it very hard to understand how she can be so cruel and cold Andrew, It has only been a little while and your life has been turned upside down. Of course, you are still upset. That is natural. You will endure it and are doing so for you and your son. When I was gone from the house, I went back to get photos. I had bags of them. I was separating them, some for my XH and some for me. I sobbed the entire time I was going through them. He sat and watched me and he could have been watching a movie for all of the emotion he showed. He was so cold, emotionless, cruel - even, in his attitude towards me. Married 22 years and had a son together and I was no more important than an acquaintance. He even blamed me for leaving and saying it was my fault that I left. This, while he was happy as a clam with his girlfriend. I was shocked by his callous attitude toward me through the entire process. Then... His girlfriend and he stopped doing so well. The perfect life he thought he had was far from perfect. He and she went around and around and finally ended their lovely relationship. He cried for himself. Time and life went on and FINALLY, he started to have some idea of what he had done to his family and, Andrew, by this time, it wasn't enough to make me change my mind. The damage was done and I had no use for someone who could cast me away like yesterday's garbage and treat his son like a stranger. I only felt sorry for him. My point - sorry, it took so long to say, is that you have to go through this mess to get to the other side. I wish it were not true, but it is. You will come out of this with some scars, but you and your son will have a good bond, as you will be there for him. Your stbxw does not, in likelihood, have a rosy future ahead of her. Her younger man will feel stuck with her, she will have another child and her son will harbor some bad feelings towards her. She will see what she gave up and why. You, Andrew, will be further along by that time and see that for what it is. Endure this, do your best to take care of you and your son, move as soon as you can and know that you will feel better in increments. You WILL feel better in time. Really. 4
Author Andrew42 Posted June 21, 2016 Author Posted June 21, 2016 I've been decorating today, she hasn't offered to help in any way, even though she will be getting half
Author Andrew42 Posted June 21, 2016 Author Posted June 21, 2016 A local politician here had as an election slogan these words: Relentless Positive Action I don't normally confuse election slogans for wisdom but this one is different. You are showing relentless positive action in your dealings with WW. A huge improvement from your initial posts. The train is leaving the station and she's not boarding. I think you understand that's her problem, not yours. Keep moving forward. I do understand but I can't help feeling also that she should be jumping on that train with me
ladydesigner Posted June 21, 2016 Posted June 21, 2016 I've been decorating today, she hasn't offered to help in any way, even though she will be getting half I hope you are re-decorating it in your style F**k her! I do understand but I can't help feeling also that she should be jumping on that train with me It takes time to get to a point where you will see that your WW detached far before you even started detaching (I hope you are detaching for YOU). One day you will wonder why you never threw her from the train I know all this is painful. The pain does end and the advantage you will have is that you will get to start over again. Your WW went from being M to being pregnant with someone else's child who may not stay with her. She is about to find herself at rock bottom. All you can do is pity her... or not. 1
tinkerbell16 Posted June 22, 2016 Posted June 22, 2016 I do understand but I can't help feeling also that she should be jumping on that train with me You were together a long time. It is a feeling that is automatic. You are programmed to be a team. You will need time to reprogram and reconcile what your heart feels and what your head knows. Like other posters have said. She had already started detaching LONG before you found out about the affair. I am not sure about policies here but I highly recommend a site I think its called chumplady lady. Do not be hesitant to look at it because the title has "lady" in it lol. It is for you and those like you blind sided by a cheating spouse. It is a uniquely dreadful experience and this site is phenomenal in helping deal with the trauma. 1
Jersey born raised Posted June 22, 2016 Posted June 22, 2016 Is your son helping you decorate? Father/son doing these types of things is the glue that bonds.
Author Andrew42 Posted June 22, 2016 Author Posted June 22, 2016 Is your son helping you decorate? Father/son doing these types of things is the glue that bonds. I've been trying to do it while he's at school, he's took it really hard that we are having to move, this has been his home since birth
tinkerbell16 Posted June 22, 2016 Posted June 22, 2016 I've been trying to do it while he's at school, he's took it really hard that we are having to move, this has been his Is the new place close to any of his friends?
Author Andrew42 Posted June 22, 2016 Author Posted June 22, 2016 Is the new place close to any of his friends? Yes it's not far from where we are now
Recommended Posts