20 years and gone

[elaine567]

That is some messes up laws in England? If it basically forces two people to coexist in the same house under such toxic circumstance. It is actually promoting violence. Ridiculous.

 

How else can you manage a situation where both have equal claims to the property?

 

What rights do joint owners have?

In a relationship breakdown situation, you and your spouse or civil partner:

 

• both have a right to stay in the family home
  
• both have the right to return if you move out
  
• cannot make the other person leave or change the locks
  
• cannot sell the property without the consent and signature of the other
  
• cannot raise a mortgage or loan against the home without the consent and signature of the other.
  

She may be applying for tan occupation order as we speak.

It was bad move to throw her out...

 

If you feel at risk

 

If there's domestic violence or abuse and you need to exclude your partner from the home, you can apply for a court order, called an occupation order.

An occupation order temporarily excludes one partner from the home, but you'll need to show the court that it's appropriate for your partner to be excluded. For example, you may have to show that there's a risk of harm to yourself or your children. If you do get an occupation order, you could change the locks while the order is ongoing.

[Andrew42]

Nothing physical no, I'd been thinking about this all night so I was in the right frame of mind to do it but also keeping calm.

I told her to bring a court order if she wants to come back in the house

[Andrew42]

By the sounds of it the uk law is against me then

[Poutrew]

The faster you can sell the house and split up things, the better off you'll be. At least you have taken steps to keep her from using your money to buy stuff for her boy toy. Just make sure the court sees the bills, so they can deduct that portion of the money from her judgement.

[Andrew42]

Yes, she doesn't have access to my money now but God knows how much she's already took and spent on him

[tinkerbell16]

How else can you manage a situation where both have equal claims to the property?

 

She may be applying for tan occupation order as we spea bad move to throw her out...

 

The courts will establish equal status living arrangements child support Arrangements on a temporary basis until the divorce goes through the court system.

[Andrew42]

I've today been interviewed by the police for common assault, I never even touched her

[Mittens]

I've today been interviewed by the police for common assault, I never even touched her

 

So I take it your ex wife went straight to her solicitor and/or the police after you caused her to leave the house...that's why you doing that was a very bad move.

 

She now has grounds to apply for an occupation order to get you to move out, as she believes she's at risk of harm...being pregnant, there's a good chance she will get it granted. I believe you had already found somewhere to rent. I would move into it as soon as possible.

[tinkerbell16]

I've today been interviewed by the police for common assault, I never even touched her

 

My goodness... She is special that one. What did the police say you should do moving forward? Did the believe you?

[Steen719]

Andrew,

Record her on your phone or a recorder or SOMETHING! each and every time you see her. There are some posters on here who can address this in better detail than me, as to what recorders, etc. I didn't use them. She is a nasty piece of work and is going to try to railroad you in this situation so that she will get what she wants. God, what nerve after what she has done.

 

Get mad as hell. It helps.

[66Charger]

Do not get mad.

 

Get smart.

 

Expedite, expedite expedite.

 

Document and file as many cases you can against her. She is no longer your wife. She is the enemy. She is about to treat you that way. Immediately file for 100% custody.

 

Picture you and your son being forced out. She moves in with the boyfreind and you paying the bill. If this happens, she will slow the sale down. This is her plan.

 

Talk to your realtor. Let ther realtor know you will entertain all offers. If a offer comes in slightly below the asking price, consider giving her the fair share at market value, to get this done. If there is a pending sale, moving out may be a moot point

 

If you must be ruthless, do it with intelligence.

 

This is a bad one. Your wife no longer exist. Shut it all down. Get primary custody ASAP

 

Be smart now.

[Toodaloo]

Andrew

 

For Gods sake protect yourself and your son.

 

Record every conversation, keep every text, email everything.

 

If need be put "security" cameras up in your home.

 

This one is going to get messy. You have to keep calm and record everything. E V E R Y T H I N G.

 

If at all possible do not respond to any texts, emails etc from her. Speak to a lawyer that specialises in family law asap. Do it today and cover your backside.

 

Stay as far away from her as possible. Do not engage in conflict with her. She will likely hurl abuse at you and do all sorts to hurt and upset you. All you have to do is NOT engage her and keep your lawyer fully informed and aware. They can then advise you better than we can.

[Steen719]

I don't mean mad, as in do something stupid. I mean mad as in angry that this happened instead of sad and crying.

 

I don't know. When I quit crying, I was mad as hell that he could do that to me and it certainly took the edge off of caring so much about him.

[Toodaloo]

I don't mean mad, as in do something stupid. I mean mad as in angry that this happened instead of sad and crying.

 

I don't know. When I quit crying, I was mad as hell that he could do that to me and it certainly took the edge off of caring so much about him.

 

Thats all part of the 5/7 stages

 

1. Shock

2. Denial

3. Anger

4. Bargaining

5. Depression

6. Testing

7. Acceptance

 

If you google 5 shock and testing will be omitted from the list.

[Steen719]

Thats all part of the 5/7 stages

 

1. Shock

2. Denial

3. Anger

4. Bargaining

5. Depression

6. Testing

7. Acceptance

 

If you google 5 shock and testing will be omitted from the list.

 

Yep, it sure is.

[ladydesigner]

I've today been interviewed by the police for common assault, I never even touched her

 

OMG (((Andrew))) I hate your STBXWW! Do as the others have said. Just play smart until this b*tch is looooong gone. You will be okay eventually and you will never forget this.

 

My hope for you is to meet someone so much more wonderful than your STBX then rub it in her damn face!

[Andrew42]

She's wanting to sell the house because she's realised she can't claim state housing benefit because she owns a house, so I've got the slight upper hand on that one

[KBarletta]

She's wanting to sell the house because she's realised she can't claim state housing benefit because she owns a house, so I've got the slight upper hand on that one

 

If nothing else Andrew, these recent events should solidify in your mind that the woman you thought you knew is gone. And all you have in front of you now is going to be better than your recent past. You should proceed with the knowledge that she is only out for herself now, and your priority should be building a better future for yourself and your son.

 

There will be stumbles along the way, to be sure, but keep reminding yourself, every time you feel yourself weakening toward her (because you will), remind yourself what she has done and how it has made you feel.

 

Forward progress, my friend. Keep it up!

 

KTB

[ladydesigner]

Andrew you should read some of aliveagain's posts on LS. His xww had an A child and tried to pass the baby off as his. His xww's AP dumped her after she became available... I'm sure this will be the case with your stbxww. She will suffer greatly for her mistakes... not your problem though.

 

Well wishes to you Andrew!

[tinkerbell16]

Andrew you should read some of aliveagain's posts on LS. His xww had an A child and tried to pass the baby off as his. His xww's AP dumped her after she became available... I'm sure this will be the case with your stbxww. She will suffer greatly for her mistakes... not your problem though.

 

Well wishes to you Andrew!

 

I feel terrible for this child. What a horrible way to be brought into the world. 99.9 chance their "relationship" (hers and AP) wont survive and this child will be a reminder of the biggest mistake of her life.

[Toodaloo]

She's wanting to sell the house because she's realised she can't claim state housing benefit because she owns a house, so I've got the slight upper hand on that one

 

You are in the UK right?

 

She also can't claim housing benefit if she has assets or savings over X amount... its about £30k if I remember rightly so even f she does sell the house to get what she can she will still be up the proverbial creak with out a paddle.

 

Leave her to it.

 

Concentrate on yourself and your child. Concentrate on getting yourselves sorted and safe both financially and emotionally.

 

The rest will all follow.

[Andrew42]

You are in the UK right?

 

She also can't claim housing benefit if she has assets or savings over X amount... its about £30k if I remember rightly so even f she does sell the house to get what she can she will still be up the proverbial creak with out a paddle.

 

Leave her to it.

 

Concentrate on yourself and your child. Concentrate on getting yourselves sorted and safe both financially and emotionally.

 

The rest will all follow.

 

Yes I'm in the uk, 16k your allowed in the bank

[Toodaloo]

Less than I thought then.

 

Look you have some really rough times ahead of you. I am not going to lie to you it is going to be physically and emotionally draining.

 

But you will get through this.

 

One thing you absolutely MUST do is protect yourself and your son as far as you possibly can. Protect the roof over your head, protect your finances, protect your heart. Nasty exes will try to rip all of the basics that enable you stability out from under your feet and they will do it just to hurt you.

 

Get legal advice

Get your finances completely separated (if not already)

Keep yourself financially secure

Keep and plan for a roof over your heads.

 

After that make sure you leave yourself time to cry or let out all the built up emotions from all of this. You will go through it all from feeling smug to feeling devastated and lost.

 

You will get through it though. But please for the love of God protect yourself first and foremost.

 

Your ex will screw her life up all by herself. You do not need to be a part of that.

[Andrew42]

I'm at rock bottom right now, I just want to put and end to it all, I feel I have no fight left

[peonyrose]

No Andrew you are wrong, you do have fight left, you have to have fight left, for if not you then your SON, your 15 year old son, who's been through enough and needs his strong dad, to stay strong. Come on you can do this, I know its hard I really do. I've had a terrible time of things lately, anything that could go wrong has, trust me! I quite literally have been dragging myself to keep going, keep fixing the crap I have to sort. I have a 15 year old daughter and she is my reason for moving, even if I am only dragging myself. Do not let yourself fall, it will be too hard to get back up, you don't need that now. Its so sad it really is but please your son needs you.