ladydesigner Posted July 1, 2016 Share Posted July 1, 2016 I'm at rock bottom right now, I just want to put and end to it all, I feel I have no fight left (((Andrew))) do something nice for you and your son. Go on a vacation or something to get away and get out of your head. Try to distract yourself as much as possible. Are you a part of any divorce support groups? Link to post Share on other sites
tinkerbell16 Posted July 1, 2016 Share Posted July 1, 2016 (edited) I'm at rock bottom right now, I just want to put and end to it all, I feel I have no fight left You have to gain strength to put one foot in front of the other. This is about your son. You brought him into this world and you HAVE to stay strong for him. You are going through hell. I HAVE BEEN THERE. MY EX WAS THE LOVE OF MY LIFE AND TOLD ME HOW MUCH HE LOVED ME DAILY FOR ALMOST 30 YEARS THEN POOF, HE ABANDONED HIS FAMILY. I NEVER SAW IT COMING. We grew up together, he was all I knew. No one even believed me when I told them what had happened. We were the model couple everybody envied. No one would have convinced me that I could have survived then. One and a half years later I'm happier than I've ever been. You will get there. There's no way for you to see the future now but you will get there I promise you. She is NOT the end-all of your world. Her behavior does not define you as a person. The end of your relationship is the beginning of a much better new world for you and your son. Edited July 1, 2016 by tinkerbell16 2 Link to post Share on other sites
hl1962 Posted July 1, 2016 Share Posted July 1, 2016 I'm at rock bottom right now, I just want to put and end to it all, I feel I have no fight left Once you have a child/children, your life isn't just yours anymore. You can't be selfish to do whatever you want with your life. You will find someone who's so much better than your soon-to-be-ex. Seek help from others. Stay strong! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Kwacker39 Posted July 1, 2016 Share Posted July 1, 2016 I must agree with the above posts Andrew . We all suffer terribly with this sh.t but hav to move forward and keep going for our kids . When I first found out my stbxw was f..cking another man and was ending our 21 year marriage I spent a whole night walking the streets and thinking of throwing myself on some nearby rail lines - but I would never have done it -1, the cheating lying cowards aren't worth it - 2, you are certainly worth more than this and 3, your child needs you now more than any other time in his life . Hang in there - you can do it . Link to post Share on other sites
Author Andrew42 Posted July 2, 2016 Author Share Posted July 2, 2016 I need to move forward, I'm at the solicitor Monday to move things forward, I've realised only I can do this, I can't sit in self pity any more Link to post Share on other sites
tinkerbell16 Posted July 2, 2016 Share Posted July 2, 2016 (edited) I need to move forward, I'm at the solicitor Monday to move things forward, I've realised only I can do this, I can't sit in self pity any more Good. Self pity will handicap you. You have the ability to make your future. No one can take this from you. Choose to be happy again. I mourned my marriage, then chose to move on. I loved again ( something I didn't think possible), laughed again and found true peace and joy. You will too... We can't always choose what happens to us but we have the choice of making the best of our circumstance. Edited July 2, 2016 by tinkerbell16 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Andrew42 Posted July 2, 2016 Author Share Posted July 2, 2016 My problem is I'm too open and honest, I said to her earlier 'look I've found somewhere to rent' all I got back is 'well what am I supposed to do' Link to post Share on other sites
tinkerbell16 Posted July 2, 2016 Share Posted July 2, 2016 My problem is I'm too open and honest, I said to her earlier 'look I've found somewhere to rent' all I got back is 'well what am I supposed to do' She is a grown woman who will have to soon deal with the consequences of her actions. She is no longer your responsibility unless you want her to be. Do you want her to be? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Andrew42 Posted July 2, 2016 Author Share Posted July 2, 2016 She is a grown woman who will have to soon deal with the consequences of her actions. She is no longer your responsibility unless you want her to be. Do you want her to be? This sounds crazy but if she got rid of the pregnancy and asked to come back then yes I would seriously consider it Link to post Share on other sites
Author Andrew42 Posted July 2, 2016 Author Share Posted July 2, 2016 But is that coming from my heart or head? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Andrew42 Posted July 2, 2016 Author Share Posted July 2, 2016 I would love our family back together but I know things would never ever be the same again, she's destroyed all the trust I had in her, and believe me I trusted her 100% Link to post Share on other sites
tinkerbell16 Posted July 2, 2016 Share Posted July 2, 2016 I would love our family back together but I know things would never ever be the same again, she's destroyed all the trust I had in her, and believe me I trusted her 100% I dont have the answer for you love. Your head will take time to catch up to what your heart already knows. What I can say for sure is ending an innocent human life will not erase the damage she has done but only add to her guilt and your resentment of her. This is not the answer. There is no magic pill. Only time will bring you back to your happiness that you deserve. I've been on this journey just like many here. You will get there as well. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LukeRBetts Posted July 2, 2016 Share Posted July 2, 2016 I would love our family back together but I know things would never ever be the same again, she's destroyed all the trust I had in her, and believe me I trusted her 100% Andrew, i felt exactly the same, my wife cheated on me with serval guys, didnt get pregnant though, but there did come a time when she wanted to come back, and i took her back. All i can tell you if that happens, its 10 times worse than what your going through now. The whole trust thing will eat you up, you will start questioning every action she does, phone calls...who are they.....were is she when shes not home. And lack of trust in the one person in the world your meant to trust the most is horrific.... you will even start questioning yourself. And she wont be trustworthy, shes cheated and you took her back once...what would stop her from doing it twice. It will get better.....i know it doesnt seem possible, but things will get better for you.....time to let her take responsiblities for her actions...she did this she cheated, now she is responsible for her future and you are responsible for yours. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
tinkerbell16 Posted July 2, 2016 Share Posted July 2, 2016 Andrew, i felt exactly the same, my wife cheated on me with serval guys, didnt get pregnant though, but there did come a time when she wanted to come back, and i took her back. All i can tell you if that happens, its 10 times worse than what your going through now. The whole trust thing will eat you up, you will start questioning every action she does, phone calls...who are they.....were is she when shes not home. And lack of trust in the one person in the world your meant to trust the most is horrific.... you will even start questioning yourself. And she wont be trustworthy, shes cheated and you took her back once...what would stop her from doing it twice. It will get better.....i know it doesnt seem possible, but things will get better for you.....time to let her take responsiblities for her actions...she did this she cheated, now she is responsible for her future and you are responsible for yours. Once they know they can cross boundaries with little to no consequences they will do it again, rest assured. Link to post Share on other sites
peonyrose Posted July 3, 2016 Share Posted July 3, 2016 Andrew, your life is precious, you are a dad.. It will all be OK, you will move on from this. It will take time but you will.you will meet someone great and be happy again. This will be only a story, a sad story, but a story, 1 Link to post Share on other sites
hl1962 Posted July 3, 2016 Share Posted July 3, 2016 My problem is I'm too open and honest, I said to her earlier 'look I've found somewhere to rent' all I got back is 'well what am I supposed to do' Please keep the communication to a bare minimum, and let solicitor or other people convey messages if you can. DON'T give her the power to make you feel bad. You can be open and honest, but not too stupid to protect yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Andrew42 Posted July 3, 2016 Author Share Posted July 3, 2016 Communication is definitely to a bare minimum, to the extent that the atmosphere is terrible. August can't come soon enough Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted July 3, 2016 Share Posted July 3, 2016 Communication is definitely to a bare minimum, to the extent that the atmosphere is terrible. August can't come soon enough August? Is that when you move into your rented property? How is the house sale going? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Andrew42 Posted July 3, 2016 Author Share Posted July 3, 2016 The sale isn't going well, no interest as of yet. Yes I can get the rented property from mid August 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Andrew42 Posted July 3, 2016 Author Share Posted July 3, 2016 Yes I can get the place from mid August The house sale has had no interest as of yet Link to post Share on other sites
Author Andrew42 Posted July 3, 2016 Author Share Posted July 3, 2016 My solicitor has advised that I don't move out the house until it's sold but I need that space away from her Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted July 3, 2016 Share Posted July 3, 2016 My solicitor has advised that I don't move out the house until it's sold but I need that space away from her So she will be still staying in the house once you leave it. I take it she returned after the fracas. If your solicitor is advising you to stay maybe you should listen. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Andrew42 Posted July 3, 2016 Author Share Posted July 3, 2016 Well that I don't know, she can't afford the mortgage on her own and I also know she hasn't made any attempts to get her name on the housing list Link to post Share on other sites
Author Andrew42 Posted July 3, 2016 Author Share Posted July 3, 2016 The problem is if I stay I'm paying for everything, she isn't contributing at all. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted July 3, 2016 Share Posted July 3, 2016 You said previously that she earns the same as you, so would she not be renting just like you? Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts