20 years and gone

[oldshirt]

IMO I would do full exposure to all his and her family, friends, etc. no warning!!!

 

Let them deal with it.

 

 

 

Do that AFTER you have acquired an attorney and have done everything the attorney says.

 

 

In fact if she doesn't know that you know about the affair, that is all the better...keep it that way.

 

 

Don't confront her and don't disclose that you have the VAR.

 

 

From now on you want her to know as little as humanly possible about what you know or what you are doing.

 

 

Turn ghost on her until you and your attorney have enacted your divorce plan.

[Andrew42]

I've just emailed a family law attorney to get an appointment asap

[Andrew42]

Do that AFTER you have acquired an attorney and have done everything the attorney says.

 

 

In fact if she doesn't know that you know about the affair, that is all the better...keep it that way.

 

 

Don't confront her and don't disclose that you have the VAR.

 

 

From now on you want her to know as little as humanly possible about what you know or what you are doing.

 

 

Turn ghost on her until you and your attorney have enacted your divorce plan.

 

Too late, I listened to the recording and then walked in and asked her outright who the other man is, she kept saying there isn't one over and over again so I stood there and pressed play.... Her face dropped.

I was fair and not angry I simply said 'go, get out' unfortunately my lad heard the back end of all this and there were tears but she's gone.

[kgcolonel]

Be prepared for her to attempt to tell you she wants to come back "for the family". This is very typical of cheaters when they aren't fully prepared for the discovery. After you calm down, decide how you need to handle this....it is very likely to happen.

 

There is a strong possibility that once she's perceived as being free and clear, the excitement will subside for him and then she'll be SOL....

 

Be prepared for this. Know your stance. If R is even a consideration, do not show your hand. Be strong and now is the time to begin to focus on yourself and your son.

 

Do not answer her calls but allow them to go to VM and respond by text.

[Andrew42]

Be prepared for her to attempt to tell you she wants to come back "for the family". This is very typical of cheaters when they aren't fully prepared for the discovery. After you calm down, decide how you need to handle this....it is very likely to happen.

 

There is a strong possibility that once she's perceived as being free and clear, the excitement will subside for him and then she'll be SOL....

 

Be prepared for this. Know your stance. If R is even a consideration, do not show your hand. Be strong and now is the time to begin to focus on yourself and your son.

 

Do not answer her calls but allow them to go to VM and respond by text.

 

From my first posts you could see my feelings were lost and I so so wanted her back but this in some way has given me a direction and right now at the moment I feel sick thinking about them together, my lad is my thoughts at the mo, he is def struggling but as a dad I've got to be there for him firstly and think about me second.

I'm hoping to get to see the attorney asap to secure the house, the savings I suppose are insignificant at this stage

[oldshirt]

Too late, I listened to the recording and then walked in and asked her outright who the other man is, she kept saying there isn't one over and over again so I stood there and pressed play.... Her face dropped.

I was fair and not angry I simply said 'go, get out' unfortunately my lad heard the back end of all this and there were tears but she's gone.

 

 

 

I can't say that any of us wouldn't have done the same.

 

 

That doesn't change what I said though. do not show any more cards or make any threats or do any pleading or negotiating or compromising.

 

 

Go radio silent and act fast. she is now in contact with him and they are scrambling to take action of her/their own.

 

 

$h!t be get'n real now.

 

 

This could go one of a thousand different directions. She and the BF may try to take off to parts unknown. she may try to take your son with her.

 

 

She may panic and try to come back and sweep everything under the rug and say it was all a big misunderstanding.

 

 

He may throw her under the bus and dump her. He may try to take her away to be with him and try to get her to liguidate all her assets and shelter them in his accounts.

 

 

The list can go on and on.

 

 

This is why you need to get an attorney as soon as humanly possible and protect yourself.

 

 

The cat is out of the bag now and the balloon is going up (a cold war era term for nuclear war)

 

 

You have to be prepared for anything and you need to have your wagons circled.

 

 

Even if she comes crawling back on her knees tonight bawling and pleading for forgiveness, she could still stab you in the back tomorrow so you absolutely must protect yourself and be prepared to fight tooth and nail for your assets, home and son.

 

 

This is just the opening salvo. It is far from over. The battle has just begun.

[Andrew42]

I can't say that any of us wouldn't have done the same.

 

 

That doesn't change what I said though. do not show any more cards or make any threats or do any pleading or negotiating or compromising.

 

 

Go radio silent and act fast. she is now in contact with him and they are scrambling to take action of her/their own.

 

 

$h!t be get'n real now.

 

 

This could go one of a thousand different directions. She and the BF may try to take off to parts unknown. she may try to take your son with her.

 

 

She may panic and try to come back and sweep everything under the rug and say it was all a big misunderstanding.

 

 

He may throw her under the bus and dump her. He may try to take her away to be with him and try to get her to liguidate all her assets and shelter them in his accounts.

 

 

The list can go on and on.

 

 

This is why you need to get an attorney as soon as humanly possible and protect yourself.

 

 

The cat is out of the bag now and the balloon is going up (a cold war era term for nuclear war)

 

 

You have to be prepared for anything and you need to have your wagons circled.

 

 

Even if she comes crawling back on her knees tonight bawling and pleading for forgiveness, she could still stab you in the back tomorrow so you absolutely must protect yourself and be prepared to fight tooth and nail for your assets, home and son.

 

 

This is just the opening salvo. It is far from over. The battle has just begun.

 

By the sounds of the recording he's prob 20 years younger than her, so the appeal may soon dwindle once she hasn't got money to splash out

[oldshirt]

This is very important -- if she does come crawling back pleading for forgiveness and promising the world and offering reconciliation and marital counseling etc, still hire an attorney and do what he/she says to protect yourself anyway.

 

 

Even if you want to attempt reconciliation, be prepared to walk out and divorce at a moments notice.

 

 

Be prepared for her to walk out and head off into the sunset with her BF at any moment.

 

 

Never let your guard down and don't let yourself get caught with your pants down.

 

 

Hope for peace but be prepared for total war and be prepared and determined to win that war.

 

 

Weakness and mercy will be worst enemies here. And strength, a solid game plan and quick decisiveness will be your greatest allies.

[Andrew42]

I can show the attorney that I've not we have always paid the mortgage with my wages, she never worked until the last year but there was still not contribution to the mortgage

[oldshirt]

By the sounds of the recording he's prob 20 years younger than her, so the appeal may soon dwindle once she hasn't got money to splash out

 

Unless she is actually wealthy, this isn't about money, it's about free and easy poon.

 

 

In my 20s, was a serial OM and entertained many married women in my bed.

 

 

I never talked to them about getting a love nest of our own or anything, but I know some of them were fantasizing in La La Land about that.

 

 

Married women that are bored or lonely or frustrated at home are the easiest and least labor intensive women on the planet to get into bed. And once they are in bed it is nothing but fireworks and porno scenes and the real beauty of it is there are no dates, no wining and dining, no walks on the beach, no candlelight dinners and there is especially no changing flat tires, unclogging toilets, no dishes, no laundry, do dirty diapers etc etc That is all the betrayed husband's jobs.

 

 

As an OM you don't have to deal with her periods or her PMS or her mood swings or her problems with her boss or her coworkers or her goofy relatives. You don't have to pick up her feminine hygiene products or Midol from the store and you don't have to rub her feet and listen to her bitch about how lazy everyone else is at work at the end of a hard day. That is all her husband's job.

 

 

As an OM your only job is to make her feel sexy and appreciate and then wrap her legs up over your shoulders and slam her hard until she can't cum any more.

 

 

.....and then you send her home to her husband to rub her feet and listen to her problems.

 

 

This is why it is important for you to toss her to the curb. Once she is in distress and destabilized and now has all these real world problems. Her OM isn't going to want $h!t to do with her anymore.

 

 

All he wants is hot porno sex and once she shows up all freaked out and destabilized, he ain't gonna want noth'n to do with that.

 

 

And once she is all freaked out and destabilized and needs a rock to lean against to support her and tell her she is great but all he wants is to bang her a few more times, she is also going to get disillusioned with him real fast.

 

 

Their hot and heavy affair of secret meetings and hot porno sex and all these future plans while cuddling in bed, are all going to go implode and go out the window in a matter of days one the $h1^ hits the fan.

 

 

This is why you need to be prepared for what to do if she comes crawling back.

 

 

She may also be so embarrassed and humiliated, she may just try to cash out everything and simply vanish.

 

 

This is why you need to be prepared for anything.

[oldshirt]

I can show the attorney that I've not we have always paid the mortgage with my wages, she never worked until the last year but there was still not contribution to the mortgage

 

 

 

That may or may not matter in your jurisdiction. Most places consider equity in the marital home to be joint property and subject to equal distribution.

 

 

This is why you need an attorney and need to do what he/she says.

 

 

Unless you yourself are a practicing divorce attorney in your jurisdiction (which is obvious that you are not) you don't know all the laws and legal practices of divorce. But your attorney does.

 

 

So get one and do as he/she says as fast as humanly possible.

[Andrew42]

Thank you, I can't do this without the advice and support from here, thank you again

[oldshirt]

Thank you, I can't do this without the advice and support from here, thank you again

 

 

 

Correction - you can't do it without the advice and legal support of a good divorce attorney.

[Marc878]

Take some time and think about what you want. Can you live with this long term?

 

Most will jump into reconciliation without thinking. It can take 2-5 years for that IF both are working together. If there's no remourse on her part it's not even an option. You can waste years on a false R.

 

Affairs can only thrive in secret and in the dark. Exposure will probably end it.

 

You should read this for your future. One of the best out there.

 

[No More Mr. Nice Guy - by Robert Glover]

Edited May 25, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Andrew42]

True. I thought we we were for ever I really did

[Andrew42]

I've just woke up and the feeling physically sick is there big style, anger, hurt, please tell me it goes away

[2.50 a gallon]

Welcome to the roller coaster. Sorry to say, there is no magic pill, it is something you will have to learn to endure.

I was once in your shoes. In fact I found myself at the bottom of a black hole, wondering not whether I might find love again, but whether I might be able to laugh again.

Oh yeah!

Trust me someday in the future you will find someone new.

Rule of thumb, cheaters cheat down.

And those who were cheated on, with time, move up.

I sure did.

We broke up over three decades ago. A few years back I Googled the Ex and found some photos. Boy did I get lucky. The years have not been kind to her. She is easily pushing the double century mark in the weight department. And sort of looking like the dogs she raises.

While for the past 20 years of my life I have shared my life with a gal who is totally out of my league in the looks department. A grandmother of a 20 year old, who still has an hour glass figure.

And she is the most giving, caring loving person I have ever met.

[2.50 a gallon]

Sounds 20 years younger, that would be about 20. Probably still lives with his mommy. Maybe planning on using her money to get him out of the house.

Could she be on drugs?

Your wife is in for a rude awakening in the future. She will always be the villain who broke your sons family.

A good percentage of the time, the kids are unforgiving.

Twenty five years later my nieces still have not forgiven their dad. When his grandkids were born, he went to their christening. The youngest niece finally married about five years back, I had to introduce him to his grandkids. By that time his grandson had already graduated from high school. My Ex BIL had been big into sports in high school. He never got to see his only grandson play football.

[tinkerbell16]

Step #1. Get a good divorce attorney yesterday.

 

Step #2. Do exactly what attorney says to the letter and do not do anything without attorney's knowledge and blessing.

 

You are not in a marriage anymore, you are in a battle for your property, finances, assets and relationship with your son.

 

Circle your wagons and protect your assets, property and resources first.

 

Then you can cry to counselors and therapists and stuff.

 

She is no longer your wife, lover or even friend.

 

This...and be prepared if you threw her out it may cause her new relationship some problems and she may come back begging... don't buy her crap and stay strong. She is a cheater. If she doesn't come back begging she will be very angry and will project it onto you. Rewriting history of your marriage and making you the cause and the bad guy. You "the her out"... yeah... my ex told our kids the same... I didn't tell my kids why (he was cheating) so I bit that bullet to save his ass in our kids eyes. Not so sure I would do that again... they still see him as a victim. He is good playing that role and my experience is mist cheaters will take that role... it helps alleviate their guilt.

[Andrew42]

I've bagged her clothes up and dumped them all outside her boyfriends house.

[Andrew42]

I'm also at the attorney at 4.30pm

[Andrew42]

Sounds 20 years younger, that would be about 20. Probably still lives with his mommy. Maybe planning on using her money to get him out of the house.

Could she be on drugs?

Your wife is in for a rude awakening in the future. She will always be the villain who broke your sons family.

A good percentage of the time, the kids are unforgiving.

Twenty five years later my nieces still have not forgiven their dad. When his grandkids were born, he went to their christening. The youngest niece finally married about five years back, I had to introduce him to his grandkids. By that time his grandson had already graduated from high school. My Ex BIL had been big into sports in high school. He never got to see his only grandson play football.

 

He has a rented house, when I went round and dumped her things looking thru the window was like a scene from houses from hell, the kitchen is absolutely filthy, rubbish everywhere, it must stink to high heaven and do you know what as I'm writing this I'm realising that the last few months as soon as my wife came in from work she has been immediately going straight into the shower, it all clicks now, she was getting rid of his filthy smell.

[GorillaTheater]

I've bagged her clothes up and dumped them all outside her boyfriends house.

 

I'm also at the attorney at 4.30pm

 

 

*Standing applause*

 

 

Very well done on both counts.

[2.50 a gallon]

I correct myself, it sounds like he is in need of a mommy

For sure with the attorney.

There is still a chance, that she could find a way to force you out and move the stink in, leaving you to pay all the bills.

I have seen if happen

[Andrew42]

Just going in attorneys now, I'll post what she says