I was so wrong....now I am so confused

[Miss Mojo]

hi guys,

 

i posted a message the other day in relation to an easter card that i received (the unsigned one, the one with my first, second and last name on the envelope). the card read:

 

"####, Have a happy easter. I hope you are truly happy, regards".

 

for those who read my post, i was 99% sure it was from a friend of mine i fell out with (because of the wrong postcode etc). well, it's not. it is from my ex and now i don't know what the hell to think (i fell out with my friend around a month before my ex and i split up).

 

now, i have not contacted my ex since november, nor has he contacted me....then i receive this easter card. the writing wasn't disguised as i thought - it was my ex's running writing, which i didn't recognise at first because he used to always print.

 

we were both really hurt when we split up. we were both afraid that being friends would not work, and i told him i could never be friends with him because i would always want him (not sexually, btw). he knows full-well i could not handle being friends.

 

i don't know what to think now. i am sooo confused. it's as though he wanted me to realise it was from him by writing my full name on the front, by putting a question mark on the back, yet he didn't sign it. was he afraid to actually write his name because he thought i would get the s***s? i'm just really confused as to why he would send me a card. while i think it's a nice gesture, i'm also really pissed off, because i am not over him.

 

by the way, this guy was never the kind of guy to play head games with me. he was always so thoughtful and considerate and very much in love with me.

 

@$*#$%!!!!! i'm frustrated because i don't know why on earth he sent me this. i don't particularly want to figure it out either, but honestly, i am perplexed.

 

now i really don't know what to do now that i know who it is from.

 

thanks guys for listening to my long rambling...and help!!!

[Tony T]

Obviously he still cares about you. A break-up does not end feelings. If it is a difficult break up, that means the feelings were very intense...at least on the part of one.

 

As time moves on, even when a break up is nasty and hurtful, people look back and see the great times and forget he crap. It's just like when somebody dies. We never think of how much of a turkey they were, we just think of the great stuff about them (usually).

 

So he has been thinking about you and you are even more wonderful in your absense.

 

If you don't want to go back there, just ignore what he sends you but try not to be pissed. The communication is a genuine gesture on his part to talk to you in some way. He probably already knows you won't respond.

 

Just forget everything about this and move on. If you really don't want to hear from his for a good while, writing him or calling him will only encourage further dispatches from him.

 

There is no reason to be perplexed. If you honestly don't care that he sent this to you, just drop it. Find something else to be perplexed about.

 

Now, if you really want to get him good, send him a card back written by a male friend of yours and have your male friend sign it...Jack, Miss Mojo's new boyfriend and spokesman. That may just stop any further cards or letters. LOL

 

So ignore his card...but absolutely do what he said and HAVE A HAPPY EASTER!!!

[annie]

My opinion on this letter: Me thinks you protest too much. You said you this guy didn't play games with you, was conscientious, and really loved you. You also admitted that you weren't over him, and I would gesture to say that he isn't over you yet either. The card was his way of saying he was thinking about you, and that he probably still has feelings for you as well.

 

I think it was his attempt to open that door a little crack to see if there was any hope of reconciliation with you, since neither of you have contacted the other since November.

 

Why you are angry, I don't know. But, I think deep down that you are also happy, because people don't send cards normally to someone they don't care about. You also said that you didn't particularly want to figure this out, but, I think you do, or you wouldn't have posted this letter on Loveshack.

 

You also didn't state the reasons for the breakup, but, if it were me, and you still love him, as I think he obviously does you - why not respond with a thank you? It would be the polite thing to do, and who knows what will happen? Sometimes it's better the second time around.

 

I also think he was testing the waters by sending the card.If you still have feelings for him, why not stick your big toe in too?

 

Like I said, this is only my opinion on the situation, and like Tony said - do have a nice Easter!!!

hi guys, i posted a message the other day in relation to an easter card that i received (the unsigned one, the one with my first, second and last name on the envelope). the card read: "####, Have a happy easter. I hope you are truly happy, regards". for those who read my post, i was 99% sure it was from a friend of mine i fell out with (because of the wrong postcode etc). well, it's not. it is from my ex and now i don't know what the hell to think (i fell out with my friend around a month before my ex and i split up). now, i have not contacted my ex since november, nor has he contacted me....then i receive this easter card. the writing wasn't disguised as i thought - it was my ex's running writing, which i didn't recognise at first because he used to always print. we were both really hurt when we split up. we were both afraid that being friends would not work, and i told him i could never be friends with him because i would always want him (not sexually, btw). he knows full-well i could not handle being friends. i don't know what to think now. i am sooo confused. it's as though he wanted me to realise it was from him by writing my full name on the front, by putting a question mark on the back, yet he didn't sign it. was he afraid to actually write his name because he thought i would get the s***s? i'm just really confused as to why he would send me a card. while i think it's a nice gesture, i'm also really pissed off, because i am not over him. by the way, this guy was never the kind of guy to play head games with me. he was always so thoughtful and considerate and very much in love with me. @$*#$%!!!!! i'm frustrated because i don't know why on earth he sent me this. i don't particularly want to figure it out either, but honestly, i am perplexed. now i really don't know what to do now that i know who it is from. thanks guys for listening to my long rambling...and help!!!

[Miss Mojo]

hi annie,

 

thanks for your reply. well, i guess what i was really getting at in my post (but didn't state - sorry!), was i didn't know if i should reply or not. i was in shock when i realised who it was from.

 

i think what had me confused is on one hand i thought, "maybe he's over me and wants to be friends, and the card is his way of saying that". that would make me angry because he knows i couldn't handle that. but then i thought, "if he was over me, he wouldn't exactly have the urge to send a card would he?".

 

then on the other hand i thought him sending the card was his way of wanting to get in contact with me again. he made it short and sweet because he wouldn't have a clue if i was with another guy or not (which, i'm not) and is waiting to see if i respond.

 

now, not long after we split, he rebounded to someone else. i have no idea if he is still with her, but common sense tells me that if he was, he wouldn't exactly send a card to me, his ex-girlfriend. i know he was torn when we split and this girl was a way for him to try and get over me. i have no idea about that situation now.

 

i really want to reply to him, because he is a sweety and i don't want to ignore him. i guess i'm just a bit scared because i still love him *sigh*. this card was *soooo* unexpected. i basically thought he had written me off.

 

i hope i make some more sense now, annie. what do you think? reply and take the risk?? oh, the confusion. i've been trying to think what i would say to someone else in this situation, but i honestly don't know.

 

thanks annie

[Tony T]

Yes, your first post sort of indicated you wanted to get over him and move on...but your latest post implies you still have a flame for him.

 

Obviously you're wanting someone to support you in a response. You should by all means respond. You won't be able to sleep until you do so. Just make your response short and nice and not too personal.

 

If you are really wanting to see him again, tell him to give you a call sometime. That's all. If he wants, he'll do that.

 

I get the strong feeling that you want something to happen here. Why didn't you say that in the first place. That's exactly why things don't happen in love sometimes. No need to be coy.

[Miss Mojo]

Yes, your first post sort of indicated you wanted to get over him and move on...but your latest post implies you still have a flame for him.

 

oh yes, i still hold a flame for him in a big way. i think what has been confusing me the most is i didn't anticipate *any* sort of contact from him and then he does contact me. i'd convinced myself he'd written me off, and in turn, i convinced myself that if that is the case, then i am going to try my hardest to get over him (and i'm still not!).

 

part of the reason i was peed that i received this card is because i didn't understand why he sent it. it doesn't really matter why now. it was a nice thought. i've been going a bit nuts wondering whether i should respond or not.

 

Obviously you're wanting someone to support you in a response. You should by all means respond. You won't be able to sleep until you do so. Just make your response short and nice and not too personal.

 

true. i believe i should respond because it was a genuine gesture on his behalf, because it is polite and because i still care a lot for him. i have thought that if i write back (which i will tomorrow), short and sweet is definitely the way to go and *nothing* personal is going in it at all.

 

If you are really wanting to see him again, tell him to give you a call sometime. That's all. If he wants, he'll do that.

 

i really don't want to initiate anything here. i'd prefer to leave it up to him. i'm not even getting my hopes up about him contacting me after i send him a card back. it was a really nice gesture, and it does mean a lot to me that he thought of me, no matter how unexpected it was. it just temporarily stirred a lot of emotions in me, hence the "what the hell do i do..i'm so confused and frustrated" gist of my posts.

 

I get the strong feeling that you want something to happen here. Why didn't you say that in the first place. That's exactly why things don't happen in love sometimes. No need to be coy.

 

i honestly don't know what i want to happen.

 

i'm just a scaredy-cat at this point in time, and no matter how much i still love him, i'm afraid of getting hurt again, which is why i'm leaning towards him initiating further contact, assuming he wants to of course.

 

if he wants to contact me, he will. he knows i'm not a bitch and i'm not about to blow him up over it. he hasn't done anything wrong. i've just let myself feel a bit confused over what to do, mainly because i do have feelings for him still.

 

i will write back thanking him and wishing him well (and telling him he got the postcode wrong ) and leave it up to him if he wants to initiate any more contact. you're right...i will lose sleep if i don't do it.

 

phew!!.....that was long....you can wake up now tony, my post is almost finished

 

anyhow, thanks for your response i just really needed to know if responding to him was the right way to go, but i guess if it's eating me up so much, then i have my answer.

 

p.s. i have actually had a really good easter! i hope the easter bunny brought you lots of yummies too!

[Tony T]

I really do think you should invite him to call you when you write him. He is obviously as scared as you are and not quite knowing what to do. His card was an olive branch of sorts and he needs some encouragement. He is surely just as afraid of being hurt as you are.

 

So if you are wanting this to happen, be proactive. He made the first move and I'm sure he's hoping you will respond in kind. Go for it and make it happen. And don't worry about how it turns out. Things may not be in any way like they used to but you won't know unless you take positive action.

 

This could be a major step to romance or just another part of your closure. Obviously you will get neither if you don't take action. Encourage him!!!

[Miss Mojo]

thanks for your encouragement tony!!!.....i am really nervous....i"m so nervous i canbot typwe.

 

i went and bought a card this morning. on the front is a little cartoon of a cat waving and above it, it says, "hi". i figured this isn't too forward, it's kind of neutral. i don't want to come on strong or anything or be too personal.

 

but you're right tony...it's a step forward or it's closure, and i can't help but feel he might be a bit hurt if i didn't reply, and i would never do that to him.

 

sheez, the nerves!!! i've never had to do anything like this before. why do i feel like i am back in high school?!!

[annie]

thanks for your encouragement tony!!!.....i am really nervous....i"m so nervous i canbot typwe. i went and bought a card this morning. on the front is a little cartoon of a cat waving and above it, it says, "hi". i figured this isn't too forward, it's kind of neutral. i don't want to come on strong or anything or be too personal. but you're right tony...it's a step forward or it's closure, and i can't help but feel he might be a bit hurt if i didn't reply, and i would never do that to him. sheez, the nerves!!! i've never had to do anything like this before. why do i feel like i am back in high school?!!

[annie]

Sorry, I hit the button before I could type my message.

 

Tony's advice was great to encourage him, but I would like to add one more thing to that. Put a little message inside, something from the Joan River's vocabulary. Such as "can we talk?" Let him know that you want to talk, and either get closure, or move on.

 

I read a book once, and can't remember the title right now.

 

But, something in it comes to mind - the 8 week rule. If they come back or make contact within 8 weeks of a breakup - that means they want to work things out.

 

Don't know if this helps, but good luck!!

[Tony T]

I always thought the eight week rule was that if she called in eight weeks, she had to be pregnant. But I guess it's different when a guy has to do the contacting...OK.