ExpatInItaly Posted May 24, 2016 Share Posted May 24, 2016 Despite her good qualities, you're learning she has very shaky boundaries on what is considered acceptable in a relationship. She doesn't see anything wrong with this so expect more of the same. Personally, I could not continue with someone whose boundaries conflicted so sharply with me own and someone who didn't seem to take my feelings into consideration whatsoever. Proceed at your own risk, OP. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JoeSmith357-1 Posted May 24, 2016 Share Posted May 24, 2016 I can't envision any scenario where I would be ok with my girlfriend going on vacation with another single guy who she met off a dating site 2 Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted May 24, 2016 Share Posted May 24, 2016 (edited) Op, you're missing the point here. I think that the issue is no longer "Is it approproate to go to holiday with another man" or "Will she cheat", or "What are the other guy's motives"... The issue is how much this girl really cares about you. How much your feelings are important to her. Your consent about the first time she went with him, proves that you care about her feelings. The minimum she could have done if she is so adamant to go, is to invite you to come with them, or to offer some kind of a compromise that you can live with. After she has proven that she doesn't really care, and add to that her previous lies about how they met, her lies about sharing the same room with him, her refusal to let you meeting him, her never answering to his phone calls when she's with you, I don't think you have a reason to stay, even if she cancels this trip. I strongly advice you to calm down, prepare yourself to check out from your relationship, make the proper arrangment and then, when you are calm and ready, just tell her that it is over and wish her good luck. Don't blame her, don't be angry... No, it's not about this trip, have fun... It's about the big differences between how we both think of "what is a relationship". She is adamant to travel, great. You're adamant to find a girl that fits your demands, and apparently she isn't the one. Edited May 24, 2016 by lolablue17 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Clay Posted May 24, 2016 Share Posted May 24, 2016 All she did is turn it around on you. If you look at most posts on these sites when it comes to infidelity cheaters do the same thing. You now just have to make a choice. You can stay with her and just shut up about it or you can leave her. Personally I am old fashioned so the moment she would have called me controlling would have been the moment I hung up and walked away. Your not controlling. Your her Boyfriend and she clearly doesn't have enough respect for you to hear you out. She then just turned it on you as if your the problem. Dump her and block her. You deserve better and its not your fault she just isn't good enough to meet that mark. Your girlfriend is right about one thing. It is not the 50s. We don't have to put up with the same BS people did back then. C Link to post Share on other sites
drifter777 Posted May 24, 2016 Share Posted May 24, 2016 Well we discussed this in great detail last night. She's adamant that she's doing nothing wrong and there is nothing between them. I told her how it makes me feel that they go away together and it got turned around on to me being selfish and trying to control her and stop her from living her life. Which I kind of knew would happen. She also called me possessive and from the 19th century... I mentioned that if he had a girlfriend then it's more than likely you wouldn't be going away on these trips and that his girlfriend would most likely want to kill her. But she pretty much ignored that fact. I don't think I'll ever get her to change her mind that going away with another man is inappropriate, and damaging to our relationship. She said it's no different to going away with one of her girl friends. I think it is personally? But how do you make someone that's so stubborn and narrow minded see that? We have a really good time together and we have a lot in common. We both agree on that. I'm not sure why she feels the need to risk our relationship over holidays that I already said we can do together at a later date. The man (I use the term loosely) is still active on that dating site..... I've only seen pictures on his dating profile and she's shown me one message that he sent, which was emotional with pretty appalling grammar and "big" words used in the wrong context. It's difficult to comprehend a thread and post like this. Pretty much EVERY MAN WALKING THE PLANET would dump this chick whether she went with the other guy or not. The level of narcissism she's showing is off the charts. End all contact with her and go have a life dating healthy woman. PS: You mean nothing to her other than the current dude she's seeing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author talldeepthinker Posted May 25, 2016 Author Share Posted May 25, 2016 Rightly or wrongly I got a distant friend to contact him via POF dating site and after a few messages he was boasting about travelling and apparently he's going to Budapest with her in June too I'm going to wish her luck and walk away immediately with little or no explanation. My biggest mistake was letting this continue for far too long. Lessons have been learnt. Time to find someone with the same values as myself. Thanks for the advice everyone 8 Link to post Share on other sites
Clay Posted May 25, 2016 Share Posted May 25, 2016 Rightly or wrongly I got a distant friend to contact him via POF dating site and after a few messages he was boasting about travelling and apparently he's going to Budapest with her in June too I'm going to wish her luck and walk away immediately with little or no explanation. My biggest mistake was letting this continue for far too long. Lessons have been learnt. Time to find someone with the same values as myself. Thanks for the advice everyone Good for you. Never allow anyone to walk all over you like this. You deserve better and your the only one that is going to look out for yourself. C Link to post Share on other sites
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