Girlfriend going on holiday with another man

[talldeepthinker]

OP, i just went back and re-read your posts. A couple questions:

 

When this guy calls her while she's with you, does she answer?

 

How often do they see each other? (that you know of)

 

Has she ever offered to introduce you to him?

 

The more I think about it, the more I seriously wonder if she's actually dating this other man. It rather sounds like it.

 

I was there once and he sent over 60 WhatsApp messages to her. He has phoned while I've been with her but she hasn't answered.

 

I have no idea how often they meet, other than when she tells me. I went there once and he'd been there the evening/night before. He bought tuna for her cat and left a mess (You couldn't write this stuff)

 

I said I want to meet him once and she dismissed it and said I wouldn't like him because he's "Hard work" I was really tempted to wait round the corner the other week when she virtually kicked me out on a Sunday afternoon so she could go to the cinema with her mum. I'm certain she went with him, because her mum lives a fair distance away.

 

Why keep me hanging in here? I've never been so confused in my life.

[elaine567]

Could she be a sugar baby?

[talldeepthinker]

Could she be a sugar baby?

 

She does have "daddy" issues and he is 9 years older than her.....

[aliveagain]

Friend, in the last 3 months I have stayed at the Marriott in San Diego, Carlsbad, and Vancouver. I use their hotels frequently and am on their rewards program. I was alone and not once did they send me two sets of cutlery or napkins, the bottled water is always free. The fact that she doesn't want you to meet him screams, your not her only boyfriend. She doesn't want you to see how she acts with him because she doesn't treat him like a friend. I think you know what's really going on, too many red flags.

[talldeepthinker]

Friend, in the last 3 months I have stayed at the Marriott in San Diego, Carlsbad, and Vancouver. I use their hotels frequently and am on their rewards program. I was alone and not once did they send me two sets of cutlery or napkins, the bottled water is always free. The fact that she doesn't want you to meet him screams, your not her only boyfriend. She doesn't want you to see how she acts with him because she doesn't treat him like a friend. I think you know what's really going on, too many red flags.

 

http://i67.tinypic.com/2a8eutw.jpg

 

The tray in question....

[ExpatInItaly]

A lot of dishonest people keep a couple prospects/partners going at the same time, in case one option doesn't work out. In this case, she's also getting trips out of him.

 

If this guy were really as difficult as she says, she wouldn't be giving him the time of day. He's not that impossible to deal with if they're vacationing alone together, with this level of frequency.

 

I don't believe this man is just a needy, lonely friend. She's keeping him around but away from you for a reason. OP, I hate to say it, but I think there's a lot more to the story. These trips together, in my opinion, indicate their relationship runs deeper than friendship.

 

Who knows what she has told him about you. For all you know, she could be telling him that you're just some lonely, needy guy who she befriended.

 

Wish her a buon viaggio and go No Contact.

 

PS: If it's Milan she's heading to, she will be disappointed. I live in Italy and can promise you it's not very romantic or exciting; it's grey and industrial. She will be bored after the first day. He has crappy taste. Karma is a bugger.

[jen1447]

FWIW, assuming you trust her account of this guy being needy, it's a virtual certainty she's not sleeping w/him. (The two things just don't match up. Like ever.) If you don't trust her account, then that's a core issue that comes before details like whether she should go on these trips.

[talldeepthinker]

FWIW, assuming you trust her account of this guy being needy, it's a virtual certainty she's not sleeping w/him. (The two things just don't match up. Like ever.) If you don't trust her account, then that's a core issue that comes before details like whether she should go on these trips.

 

It's difficult to form an opinion on someone you haven't met.

[aliveagain]

If that's your girlfriends hand, who took the picture? The person that took the picture is on the same bed and to her right. Why are they both sitting on the same bed when they photographed the tray and not on a chair facing the bed with the fruit? When they leave me fruit it's usually on a table, beds are unstable.

[Space Ritual]

TDT,

 

This is a textbook example of being taken for a ride.

 

 

If you have anything of hers at your place, pack it up in trash bags and leave it for her to pick up when she gets back.

[SunnyWeather]

A lot of dishonest people keep a couple prospects/partners going at the same time, in case one option doesn't work out. In this case, she's also getting trips out of him.

 

If this guy were really as difficult as she says, she wouldn't be giving him the time of day. He's not that impossible to deal with if they're vacationing alone together, with this level of frequency.

 

I don't believe this man is just a needy, lonely friend. She's keeping him around but away from you for a reason. OP, I hate to say it, but I think there's a lot more to the story. These trips together, in my opinion, indicate their relationship runs deeper than friendship.

 

Who knows what she has told him about you. For all you know, she could be telling him that you're just some lonely, needy guy who she befriended.

 

Wish her a buon viaggio and go No Contact.

 

PS: If it's Milan she's heading to, she will be disappointed. I live in Italy and can promise you it's not very romantic or exciting; it's grey and industrial. She will be bored after the first day. He has crappy taste. Karma is a bugger.

 

agreed for the most part, however, there are loads of fabulous shopping choices to be had

[aliveagain]

TDT, look at the photo, bottom right hand corner, you can see that the sheet is pulled back towards the end of the bed. If that is her right hand, the picture couldn't be taken with her left hand, it's impossible, no one can twist their body that way and she doesn't have two right hands. Someone was on the bed with her and the sheets on the bed were pulled back. They are not in separate rooms, from all you have showed us via her picture, two people were in this photo. The person who that right hand belongs to and the person that took the picture. Who ever it was she was comfortable enough to get into bed with them when they arrived. You don't have all the truth from her, sorry.

[Poutrew]

TDT, look at the photo, bottom right hand corner, you can see that the sheet is pulled back towards the end of the bed. If that is her right hand, the picture couldn't be taken with her left hand, it's impossible, no one can twist their body that way and she doesn't have two right hands. Someone was on the bed with her and the sheets on the bed were pulled back. They are not in separate rooms, from all you have showed us via her picture, two people were in this photo. The person who that right hand belongs to and the person that took the picture. Who ever it was she was comfortable enough to get into bed with them when they arrived. You don't have all the truth from her, sorry.

 

Not only that, but there is only one glass in the picture, but the bottle has been opened. So someone is holding a glass of liquid whilst the other is holding the camera. This tells me that they just arrived, and one of them was thirsty. They put the platter on the bed so they could be sitting comfortably on the mattress, then one had a glass of refreshment and was holding it when the other took the picture.

 

"Nothing to see here, OP", said the cop on the scene. "Just a loving couple checking into their room. Move along, move along..." Seeing how dishonest and unethical this woman is, before I send her to the curb, I'd call the other guy up and let him know what game she is playing. Like some other posters have said, I'd bet he doesn't even know about you ... no one pisses on my back and calls it rain.

[Leigh 87]

I wasn't invited on either trip, or any of their day outings to places. I've told her time and time again that it's a weird situation but she brushes it off. I'm half tempted to contact him and see if he actually knows I exist. But I think I'll just walk away instead.

 

Whilst I'm not 100% sure he's paying for it I know that she's pretty much broke. She has to move out her flat and share with her friend soon because she can't afford to keep it on. People that can't afford rent, do not stay for four nights in the Marriott hotel in Paris.

 

But I can't understand if she is using him for trips/money because she won't take a penny off me, or let me pay for things. Unless this is one big smoke screen?

 

She's messing with my mind too much. You guys have given me the wake up call I needed.

 

wtf....

 

I think it is really shameful to let a "friend" shell out that kind of money on them.... UNLESS they were childhood best friends, hadn't met off a dating site:sick: and he struck rich and always promised her that he would treat her to a trip overseas if he made it ----- EVEN THEN they should have at least invited you!

 

This situation is so sad and pathetic! Your gf has MASSIVE issues that she thinks rooming with a male "friend" overseas, all expenses paid for by him, is NORMAL.

 

She has no idea about healthy boundaries. The fact she even THINKS her behaviour is appropriate is alarming!

 

get rid!

 

yuck.

[No_Go]

I had a friend that used to go to trips with a male friend (read orbiter). They were going together with another friend couple of them.

 

She met then her now-husband and CONTINUED going with her friend to trips. She insisted they split rooms by gender (i.e. she shares room with the woman from their friends couple)... No idea if it was true. Her now-husband didn't seem to be too worried.

 

I can imagine culture plays part into this - she is Asian, her orbiter as well, her husband - Dutch. In NL I feel like people are much more open to that kind of opposite gender friendships, in the US - not so much...

 

Regarding your GF: I don't think she's f*cking with the guy, since he sounds needy and desparate (ultimate turn-off). BUT I do believe that's his end game and he's waiting her to get free - i he even knows she has a BF...

 

How is your relationship otherwise? Do you spend a lot of time together? Do you know each others friends?

[talldeepthinker]

Well we discussed this in great detail last night.

 

She's adamant that she's doing nothing wrong and there is nothing between them. I told her how it makes me feel that they go away together and it got turned around on to me being selfish and trying to control her and stop her from living her life. Which I kind of knew would happen. She also called me possessive and from the 19th century...

 

I mentioned that if he had a girlfriend then it's more than likely you wouldn't be going away on these trips and that his girlfriend would most likely want to kill her. But she pretty much ignored that fact. I don't think I'll ever get her to change her mind that going away with another man is inappropriate, and damaging to our relationship. She said it's no different to going away with one of her girl friends. I think it is personally? But how do you make someone that's so stubborn and narrow minded see that?

 

We have a really good time together and we have a lot in common. We both agree on that. I'm not sure why she feels the need to risk our relationship over holidays that I already said we can do together at a later date.

 

The man (I use the term loosely) is still active on that dating site..... I've only seen pictures on his dating profile and she's shown me one message that he sent, which was emotional with pretty appalling grammar and "big" words used in the wrong context.

[GorillaTheater]

So, what's your plan TDT?

[italianjob]

I don't know where you're from, maybe in the NL they find this acceptable, but her behavior is NOT normal in most parts of the western world.

 

So it's up to you. U can accept it (and she will go away with whoever she wants at any moment she wants) or not accept it and leave the relationship.

 

Personally I would dump her without even thinking about it, but that's me...

[elaine567]

She does have "daddy" issues and he is 9 years older than her.....

 

I meant in the context he is actually paying for her attention and companionship, they have an "arrangement".

[aliveagain]

Well your a better man then me if you allow this man to take your broke girlfriend on a holiday. I would have a hard time with the knowledge that my girlfriend is sharing a room with another man while making great memories that don't include me. It won't be as exciting the second time when she goes there with you. This guy is definitely trying to take your girlfriend away from you.

[talldeepthinker]

I meant in the context he is actually paying for her attention and companionship, they have an "arrangement".

 

I'm really not sure anymore. It's a weird and strange situation I find myself in. I wouldn't normally pass comment on someone's appearance but he's polar opposite to me. But I guess attraction ultimately comes down to how the other person makes you feel. If I was to judge on appearance then I wouldn't be worried of him stealing my girlfriend.

 

I'll never understand why she even wants to go on holiday with him because I personally wouldn't go away with another woman if I was in a relationship.

 

I expect if she goes then it will be the end. If it isn't already. I've said everything to her, even about creating memories and it's not the same the second time round. I think she'll look back at her behaviour and she will cringe. She was in a controlling relationship prior to me, but I think I'm being reasonable.

 

I'm as loyal as they come and a decent guy. It'll be her loss, not mine.

Edited May 24, 2016 by talldeepthinker

[elaine567]

 

I'm as loyal as they come and a decent guy. It'll be her loss, not mine.

 

YOU deserve so much better than this, get out of this relationship.

This is doing you, your self esteem and your psyche no good whatsoever.

[Darren Steez]

I wouldn't be worried of him stealing my girlfriend.

 

And yet he's managed to take your girl away on holiday..

 

They could rent two rooms but you don't know where she's sleeping..

 

None the less despite your moaning and complaining she continually back hands you away to spend time with him..

 

You haven't met him..

 

And again he's taken your chick and you freaking KNOW!

 

So what where you talking about looks again?

 

Nothing confusing about this..

 

You're being taken for a chump..and this is your lady?

[aliveagain]

Then it's time to have the "your free to go on this trip, just not as my girlfriend" talk. Seriously friend, who goes on holidays with another man/woman when they are in a serious relationship with someone they really care about? We see enough sh*t on here about how affairs get started, too much wine, one scotch too many, best sh*t I ever smoked, we went to the most amazing club in Milan and I don't know how it happened but I'm pregnant. Why would you even want to test fate? Inhibitions have a way of disappearing when your in a great city and all your problems are back home.

[GunslingerRoland]

I'm wondering if it would be blissful to go through life this naïve. At best your gf isn't sleeping with him, but is leading him on to the point where he keeps spending money on her in the hopes that he will. At worst, she is sleeping with him. Either way she does this without any consideration of your feelings. If your feelings (and her integrity) aren't worth more than a 4 day vacation in her estimation then what is the point.