Husband is getting fat while I'm still fit :(

[RecentChange]

Joking aside - while sex may get your heart pounding, it's not really "exercise".

 

No one is going to get fit from F'ing, unless maybe you are doing it hours a day, and I wouldn't expect that from someone who isn't already fit!

 

Being healthy and physically fit makes sex so much more enjoyable.

 

More exercise = more sex for many people.

[xxoo]

Joking aside - while sex may get your heart pounding, it's not really "exercise".

 

No one is going to get fit from F'ing, unless maybe you are doing it hours a day, and I wouldn't expect that from someone who isn't already fit!

 

Being healthy and physically fit makes sex so much more enjoyable.

 

More exercise = more sex for many people.

 

Plus, joking aside, if you're getting all red and sweaty and breathing hard and looking like you might die on top of her....that's a turn off. Get in shape :/

[NTV]

I thought studies showed sex = .5 X calories lost during a jog... so 1 hr minutes of it is equal to 30 min of jogging.

[TaraMaiden2]

I thought studies showed sex = .5 X calories lost during a jog... so 1 hr minutes of it is equal to 30 min of jogging.

 

You do realise that some guys can only keep going for 30 seconds....?

[RecentChange]

Perhaps if you are just thrusting away for one hour straight, without ever taking a breather or sitting back and enjoying a bj.... then maybe it's exercise.

 

Generally sex is not cardio..... I have had some straight up sex marathons, yet never worked up the soaked / dripping with sweat level that running a few miles will get me into.

 

Fit is just better for sex. Like xxoo says, there just really isn't anything sexy about panting and losing steam in the heat of the moment.

 

Plus strength and stamina opens up all kinds od possibilities for fun positions and exploration.

[NTV]

But isn't some exercise better than no exercise?

[xxoo]

But isn't some exercise better than no exercise?

 

 

Yes.

 

But we're talking about being attracted to our partners and wanting sex with them. If sex is your only exercise, that's not attractive. You're likely going to be huffing and puffing like others are during a hard work out (and not huffing and puffing during sex).

[TrustedthenBusted]

You know what silly thing helped me? I got one of those scales like you see in the doctor's office. The kind where you step on it and slide the weights around?

 

I put it right in the main living area too. You'd be amazed at how many guests see it, and get right on it, if only to play with it. It actually makes weighing yourself kind of fun!

 

You can pick up a good one for like 150 bucks, and they never break or need batteries.

 

Now snobunni...I wouldn't surprise him with this for Father's Day or anything..nut just a thought as something you can add to your home that is pretty cool, and useful. We've had ours for years and still use it all the time.

[RecentChange]

But isn't some exercise better than no exercise?

 

Mmmm occasional light exercise is marginally better than no exercise.

 

Regular exercise is best

 

After I got serious about daily exercise (I run 20+ miles a week) I was SHOCKED by how much more enjoyable sex became. I can do all sorts of things without ever feeling a burn in my legs, or winded, or tired in the least.

 

Plus studies have shown that exercise can increase libido, make males erections harder, all sorts of benefits.

 

I couldn't imagine having sex with someone 75 pounds over weight and totally out of shape cardio wise.

[Buddhist]

This is all very true. But if the roles were reversed and a man said this about a woman... I think it would start WWIII.. haha

 

Not true actually. There is a thread where a guy is saying he's lost attraction to his GF for the exact same reason. The responses? Pretty much the same. He won't be able to change her, she has to change herself. His choices are stay or leave.

 

The only difference on this thread is a bunch of women telling her to try and work with him and encourage him etc. But I think the situation is the same. If someone is turning to food for comfort, no amount of external pressure will have any result except to push that person further into seeking more food for comfort. She's in a no-win situation here, just as that guy is with his GF.

 

I'm sorry OP, but people always have to live the consequences of their own actions. Your husband has declared it's unlikely he's going to do anything about this on his own except reach for some more fried chicken and mash. He will continue this until he meets with a crisis that gives him some other choice. That is just the nature of people, male or female doesn't matter. It is what it is.

[stillyoung]

I would guess depression could play a part. I know plenty of people who went through depression and gained weight, then when they either took medication or went into therapy and turned themselves around, often weight loss and exercise followed. They just didn't feel like sitting on the couch all day, they were up and about and back to their old selves, and had the strength to say I don't like myself like this, I want to change.

 

 

I'm guessing although weight was what prompted you to write, it isn't the core issue in the marriage. Something is behind it, maybe you (or he, really) needs therapy to find out what. If that can be dealt with, he may be up to losing the weight. It's clear there's nothing you can do, directly, about the weight (cooking and gym were nixed). Trying to get him to talking to someone might be the best bet. If you go as a couple and "blame" it on marriage issues, it may get him to realize he has his own personal issues to deal with.

[Lois_Griffin]

But isn't some exercise better than no exercise?

Then let Fatty McFatty find a knothole in a fence and go at it. She ain't interested.

 

Something tells me he was always a fat guy screaming to get out. He stayed in shape to win the 'hot' wife and then after he married her he felt he didn't have to do the work anymore.

 

And the result of that is wedged into the recliner chair in her living room.

[elaine567]

Then let Fatty McFatty find a knothole in a fence and go at it. She ain't interested.

 

Something tells me he was always a fat guy screaming to get out. He stayed in shape to win the 'hot' wife and then after he married her he felt he didn't have to do the work anymore.

 

And the result of that is wedged into the recliner chair in her living room.

 

That was my thought too that he is someone who always struggled, thin people can put on a bit of weight of course they can, but not usually to that extent.

Some recliners have a 224lb max weight limit...

[UnbreakMyHeart]

I haven't posted in here for a long long time but I lurk regularly.

 

I piled on a fair amount of weight through emotional eating after my marriage broke down. I knew it was happening but did absolutely nothing about it because my mind wasn't in the right place. My family were worried about me and it still didn't stop me.... and one day it just clicked. I still have a bit left to go but I am currently 30 lbs down and want about the same off again. There was no miraculous method - I just use more calories than I eat - and I eat A LOT! I just make sure I don't eat any refined carbs and get plenty of protein and good fats. I don't have a gym membership - I take the 6 flights of stairs several times a day when I'm at work, and I don't go to bed unless I have racked up at least 15,000 steps on my pedometer. I am never going to be a gym bunny but I've found something that works for me

 

Thing is - only I could make the changes. If your hubby has gotten to 270lbs and is content with how he is, no amount of withholding sex is going to work, because he obviously isn't that bothered. I haven't read all of the replies and I am the first person to shout the whole 'it should be the inside that counts' BUT he isn't showing any respect for you or your marriage by teetering on the edge of an early grave. Time for some love as, as his wife, I would be terrified for his health more than anything. You need to tell him how you feel and come up with positive solutions as to how he can make the change

 

... and ya know, he won't be some sex God after losing a few lbs, but him even putting the effort in for your future life together has got to make him more attractive than he is at present

 

Good Luck - I hope it all works out for you

[UnbreakMyHeart]

I talked to him. I said in the nicest way possible that we should start exercising together and that I would come up with a whole bunch of yummy healthy meals and that he could pick out any one of those meals for me to make for him every night.

 

 

He literally laughed in my face and said that unless I make fried chicken tenders and mashed potatoes he would have to go to fast food places late at night. He also said no to exercise

 

So be a bit creative. Make chicken tenders and mashed potatoes. Dip chicken strips in eggwash and then use panko instead of breadcrumbs and oven bake them. Make mashed potatoes using half potatoes, half sweet potatoes and don't use cream or butter in it. I have a great recipe book called 'Fakeaways' which basically has a health alternative recipe for all types of fast food

[whatcanitellyou]

He just told you that his fat snd laziness is more important than you.

 

It's time to be blunt; tell him he's unattractive and he won't be getting any more sex until he shows you some respect and puts some effort into his appearance.

 

If he finds someone else who wants a lazy, disgusting fatty let her have him.

[DaisyLeigh1967]

So, some think that because he laughed, he cannot be depressed? People seriously need to educate themselves.

 

OP, you are just a perfect hottie huh? Well then, I say turn him loose and find a shallow, looks obsessed guy like you and pray that you never get sick or disabled and gain weight or become disfigured.

[Mr. Lucky]

Well then, I say turn him loose and find a shallow, looks obsessed guy like you and pray that you never get sick or disabled and gain weight or become disfigured.

 

If he finds someone else who wants a lazy, disgusting fatty let her have him.

 

OP, I'd guess your answer lies somewhere between these two viewpoints...

 

Mr. Lucky

[JS84]

Honestly I'd just tell him the truth. You're not attracted to him because of his weight and you're not into fat guys. Hell nothing motivates me to lose weight faster than friends and family pointing out when I gain too much. Not to mention having to look at myself in the mirror when it does happen. Plus I would not want to be one of those slobs with a fit woman by his side.

 

I don't think there's anything wrong with you not being attracted to fat or overweight men. I'm not attracted to fat or overweight women in the slightest myself and have a hard time seeing myself in a relationship with an individual who is or becomes that way (never say never though I guess?).

 

But back to what I was saying, you pussyfooting around the issue when you know exactly what the problem is while hiding it from him is not doing either one of you any favors. You're just both going to wind up frustrated and resentful of each other because you're so worried about trying to not be mean and manipulate him out of fatness. That pretty much never works. When an ex girlfriend told me I was getting fat and it was not appealing, I got the message loud and clear and lost 30 lbs.

 

I'm not saying you have to fat shame him but tell it like it is. He's not attractive to you and you're not into fat guys and never have been, and that's why you have no interest in sex with him. Unless he has some severe medical condition he should be capable of losing weight or at least being motivated enough to put forth the effort. Right now he most likely has no motivation to lose weight and you really don't seem to be giving him any. He'll either get on board or he won't and then you'll have to decide whether you want to take it from there. Because from what I've seen most people who put on weight, tend to keep it.

Edited May 29, 2016 by JS84

[Emilia]

So, some think that because he laughed, he cannot be depressed? People seriously need to educate themselves.

 

OP, you are just a perfect hottie huh? Well then, I say turn him loose and find a shallow, looks obsessed guy like you and pray that you never get sick or disabled and gain weight or become disfigured.

Wow what a nasty post. I don't think it's justified to post something so nasty just because the OP chooses not to become obese, bitter much?

 

If he has depression, he has to sort it out and seek treatment. When was the last time a wife was supposed to be therapist?

[Jabron1]

There is absolutely no excuse for being fat.

 

None.

 

There are people in the world starving to death for goodness sake.

 

Being fat, greedy and lazy is not an 'illness'. It's not being a 'victim'.

 

Being fat, greedy and lazy is just being fat, greedy and lazy. That's that.

 

You need to start seeing some improvement from this guy, or you need to move on from him. That's all there is to it.

[RedPurpleOrange]

Well, I like fat/curvy chicks. So I don't mind that. If someone appreciates the way you are, it's all good.

 

 

But if it's a turn off and he's going all bloaty, then it's time to hit that treadmill, porky!

[thecharade]

I encountered this problem, as well. My H gained 50 lbs. in the first 18 months we were married. I was not happy with his diminished looks, but I felt shallow for caring. So I soldiered on.

 

And what happened over time? I no longer wanted sex. I did not realize it, but resentment grew inside of me. There were many other small issues reflecting a lack of motivation on his part. The more stress between us, the more we gravitated toward our over functioning (me) and under functioning (him) roles. I became the perfect one, the mother, the nag, and he became the victim, the child, the underappreciated. The marital issues grew.

 

Cheating, divorce, counseling, possible reconciliation have all gone on as a result--and how do I see it now? FOO issues (family of origin). My H had been raised by a controlling mother and was NOT going to be controlled. I was raised by an absent mother and HAD TO create order out of chaos.

 

You two seem to be engaged in a bit of a power struggle, since he is not caring about his weight while you pride yourself on being fit. Those are not merely weight classes, those are personally held identities. This issue may end up much bigger than you think and not at all about weight. Good luck to you.

[ShatteredLady]

When I read posts like this I can't help myself, I have to offer a little warning.

 

I've supported people with chronic pain (constant 24/7 pain) for many years. Anyone who doesn't have a strong core should NEVER dive straight in to any jarring exercise. No jogging, running or 'those' kinds of exercise machines. The spine is very fragile. Discs do not have a blood supply (after a certain age) & are incredibly difficult to heal.

 

Your stomach protects your spine. If you don't have stomach muscles your spine is in danger everyday. Exercise adds more risk.

 

The LAST THING anyone wants from exercise is permanent damage & it can happen so easily.

 

Good healthy diet, gentle walking & weight exercises with PROPER form guys.

 

PLEASE be careful.

 

Nag over

[Robert]

We'll close this up, as the thread starter has not been back in awhile. If they wish for more feedback, they can request this thread be reopened via the 'Alert Us' button on this post. Thanks. ~6