Comment on GF's eating habits gone wrong

[stillafool]

OP I don't think it is your responsibility to help her lose weight. She gained it and she can lose it if she wants to lose weight. Even if you do help her there is no guarantee that she won't cheat on her diet because you aren't with her 24 hours a day. This is something she has to want for herself. You continue to work out and take care of yourself. I definitely don't think the two of you should move in together. You will be sorry.

[Toodaloo]

OP you are lucky to still have your testicles in tact...

 

If my beau sent that via text... well... patio fodder springs to mind.

 

Yes you have concerns but get this. Women do change shape. We get a bit fatter, we get a bit skinnier, we go wrinkly and we grow old.

 

Tell me if your (what I suspect will soon be ex) girlfriend had a car accident and lost her legs would you then dump her? If she had cancer and had to have a breast removed is that ground to say you have had enough?

 

You are right it is time to **** or get off the pot. Buck up and get more tact. A better way of dealing with this is to suggest activities that would help with the weight loss and go along with her.

 

Sometimes it really is better to just act and not say anything at all. This is one of those times.

 

Good luck with getting her back.

 

Oh did I read that she wanted booze first thing in the morning? You know that is not a good sign don't you...

[Emilia]

I totally disagree.

 

I'm not telling her anything except how I feel, which is concerned. I highly doubt you'd have the same reaction if it was about excessive drinking or smoking. In a relationship I believe you should be able to levy criticisms (albeit in a caring manner) if they affect both parties. All this "accept me who I am" at all cost is actually very unhealthy, IMO, and I've dealt with it from entitled SO's before who feel they should be above all reproach.

 

I don't need a "slim" woman at all costs or I wouldn't be with her in the first place. I do think it stems more from a fear of commitment on my side and I may be fixating on the potential weight issues as a possible escape hatch.

Maybe.....

 

I think it's perfectly acceptable to be concerned when you see the girl you might be moving in with steadily putting on weight and graze all day. It's not different from any other kind of addiction.

 

People lose weight while they are single because they need to attract a mate and those same people let things go once they are safely in a relationship. They forget or don't realise that they have to maintain attraction.

 

An ex of mine told me that he used to be fat and that ran alarm bells in my head but since I had known him for years, I knew he had been in a reasonable shape for probably around 5+ years

 

I wouldn't want to tie myself to someone who will likely balloon in a few years for us to result in not having sex anymore, especially when they are under 35 or so. Above that, it's more likely that it's a permanent lifestyle choice to be fit.

 

Also grazing all day is kinda gross.

[anna121]

I'm well aware and I don't think I've claimed in any of my posts that I was 100% in the right. I came here essentially asking for advice on how to fix my missteps.

 

I think my initial feelings were ok but the way I handled them was not.

 

I agree and did not mean to imply that you were at all resistant to hearing some criticism.

[Standard-Fare]

Some clear expression of "I'm sorry I was an a*shole, I didn't handle that correctly, I love you dearly" would be appropriate.

 

People's suggestions of a box of candy are so off-base - when you two are fighting over FOOD, that's bound to be sensitive. Flowers might be a nice touch however.

 

And just some thoughts on your GF's eating habits:

 

I'm a normal weight but I have my days or even full weekends where I let go of everything and pig out. Fast food, donuts, whatever. It's kinda gross but it's just something I do because ... food is fun, and sometimes you want to be indulgent with it.

 

It would be difficult ... and hurtful ... to have someone judging my every calorie during these lapses and silently finding me disgusting.

 

However, if these periods of indulgence became my regular lifestyle, and weren't counterbalanced with healthy eating and exercise - that would certainly be cause for concern. So OP, I'd say you should only be harping on this if you find the behavior you described happening on a steady basis. Cut her some slack if it's an irregular lapse.

[katiegrl]

OP wrote:

 

>>I do think it stems more from a fear of commitment on my side and I may be fixating on the potential weight issues as a possible escape hatch.

 

----

I missed this earlier^^, but wow that is quite an insightful thing to recognize about yourself.

 

Which I think bears some further introspection and exploring on your part.

 

It's quite rare when a man (or woman) recognizes that a fear of commitment is what is causing issues in their RL. So when they do recognize it as a possibility, it usually has some merit to it.

 

And while you have been dating over a year and things have been great thus far, often times these fears pop up just as they are about to embark on taking the next step, going to the next level -- which in your case OP, is living together.

 

Please explore this further.... I can almost guarantee you this is part of the reason you are nitpicking about her eating habits now, or even the entire reason.

[Gloria25]

OP you are lucky to still have your testicles in tact...

 

If my beau sent that via text... well... patio fodder springs to mind.

 

Yes you have concerns but get this. Women do change shape. We get a bit fatter, we get a bit skinnier, we go wrinkly and we grow old.

 

Tell me if your (what I suspect will soon be ex) girlfriend had a car accident and lost her legs would you then dump her? If she had cancer and had to have a breast removed is that ground to say you have had enough?

 

You are right it is time to **** or get off the pot. Buck up and get more tact. A better way of dealing with this is to suggest activities that would help with the weight loss and go along with her.

 

Sometimes it really is better to just act and not say anything at all. This is one of those times.

 

Good luck with getting her back.

 

Oh did I read that she wanted booze first thing in the morning? You know that is not a good sign don't you...

 

Her not taking the OP back will be a blesssing in disguise.

 

BTW, his "attack" on her about the weight may not be a fear of commitment cuz she's wanting to shack-up with him, but more of an evaluation of her and whether he wants her ..cuz if he shacks up with her and her weight is an issue to him, that means he's giving her the green light that her sloth is ok, cuz sure enough she and other women see shacking up as a path toward commitment and/or marriage. Hence, her response to him bringing up her weight...cuz now she's in panic mode that he doesn't wanna move forward in the RL.

Edited May 24, 2016 by Gloria25

[Buddhist]

But that's already not the case- he said that she's gained weight and it's already turning him off.

 

Then he's free to walk, at any time.